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4/27/05 @ 0407


Wednesday - Babysit

The day after I talked to you, I went to visit Mimi @
her sister house because she baby-sit there on Monday
and Wednesdays. When I got there, I had a bad feeling
inside me like I was not suppose to be there and as if
I was betraying you or cheating on you by seeing her.
Like you, I am a sucker for kids/babies and that was
the reason I went. I have been longing to see the baby
ever since Mimi and I broke up. Nothing much happened;
little chitchat and she showed me around the house
because her sister had just moved into a new house. I
only stayed there for about an hour.


Friday – Basketball Game

While riding to the basketball game and stuck in
traffic, I thought how it would be like if it was you
that I was going to the game with. I thought about
that and wanted it to be you. It was one of the many
things I wanted to do with you.


Saturday – My BBQ

I had a BBW today. We had Korean BBQ, oysters, nachos,
and drinks (both kinds) and even ice cream. I had a
good turn out; everything was going great, lot of
food, lots of people, and everyone having fun. Even
though everything was going great, I still was not
satisfied something was missing. I was missing you and
wanted you to be there and even be co-host of the BBQ
for all the friends.


Monday – Tram’s BBQ

Tram had a BBQ before they left for New York for their
Spring Break. Things were going good @ the BBQ and I
should have been happy. When things in my life are
picking up a little, I still feel down and that
something or someone in this case is missing. That
someone of course is you therefore I was down and I
guess it was showing without me knowing when Linh Chi
asked me if I was okay and that I looked sad. (I said
I was fine)


Snowboarding

After reading about your snowboarding experience, I
thought back when you said that you wanted me to teach
you how to snowboard. It seems like you had a fun
learning experience. You cannot even imagine how much
I wanted to go snowboarding with you and teach you. I
know we would have a lovely time snowboarding and
could have spent the whole weekend together.


Clubbing

I saw pictures from your clubbing with you know 
who(s). You look HOTTER than before, as I always knew
you were. Glad Mimi finally notices that, something I
always saw in you.





8/22/05 @ 2129

So Here I Am Again After A Long Time Mainly B/C You Are
Back In My Life, Kinda. For Like Three Days So Far, 
Don't Know About Tomorrow Or After That.

But I Have Been Sitting Here For What I Thought Was A 
Long Time, The Two Hours Or So Seen Way Longer. Seems
Like Time Is Going Half Speed Or Even Slower. 

But Most Of The Time I Have Been Home I Have Been 
Thinking About You, Not In That Way, I Don't Think. I
Have The Wanting Feel To Talk To You Or See You. I Just
Had A Great Time Talking n Seeing You Today That I Just
Want More, Is That Bad? I Guess It's Been A Long Time
Since A Had A Good Conversation With Someone And The 
Only Person I Really Had That With Was YOU. So A Long 
Time Is The Last Time I Talked To You, LoL.

Now That I Said That, I Think You Might Right When You 
Said "Are You Saying You Just Feel Like Being My Friend
Only B/C We Were Only Talking For A Couple Of Days" 
(Well Something Like That You Said)
But I Think I Am Where You Are With Your Feelings (If
You Still Feel That Way). There Are Some Sort Of
Feelings But You Are Not Sure Which Ones They Are,
Friends Or Relationship. So I Wouldn't Be Able To Tell
You At This Moment. If They Do Turn To Be The
Relationship Kind You Can Rest Assure That I Will Not
Act On Them If You Continue To Be My Friend n All. I
WILL NOT Be A Home Wrecker n Take Some One Elses Girl.

Well, All That Is Jumping Way Ahead Of Myself, I Don't
Think It's More Than Friends Feelings. Plus I Did Gave
Up On "Us" B/C
1) I Screwed n Scarred You For Life
2) You Said You Don't Want To Be With Me Anyways
3) I Would Not Get Into A Relationship With Some One
Fresh Out Of One

So I Was Hoping When I Talked To You Today Is Gonna Be
The Last Time For A While So I Can Clear My Mind n 
Think About Stuff. But For Some Reason I Feel That It's
Not Gonna Happen And I'll Be Hearing From You Soon, LoL
We'll See What Happens.





8/26/05 @ 2217

Well, Well, Well. Now I Feel Down And Hurt. WHY?
Because I Thought I Was Prepared For Something Which I
Came To Realize That I Was Not Prepared As I Thought.
That Something Is Being Used. I Thought I Could Handle
It And Something Good Will Come Out Of It For Me In The
End, But As Right Now It Does Not Seem Like It. You
Were Right, I Do Not Wanna Hear That You Still Love
Another Guy And Want To Be With Him Even Though I
Understand That It Is Natural For You To Feel That
Way, But Not When I Want To Be The Guy You Love And
Want To Be With. I Do Not Want To Bash On Another Guy
To Get You. I Do Not Want To Fight Over A Girl Who Has
Her Mind Set On Someone Else. I Do Not Want Go Into A
Battle That I See I Already Lost. I Know What We Did
Was Real, But I Cannot Help Feel It Was Sort Of Fake.
With The Way I Feel I Cannot Help, But Have Some
Regrets Getting Involved With You At This Time. I
Cannot Help But Feel Broken Hearted Because I Got Used.
I Do Not Know How I Will Feel Tomorrow But This Is How
I Feel At The Moment.



8/26/05 @ 2317

Another Reason I Could Be Feeling Down/Hurt/Broken Hearted
Is That I Want You, But I Cannot Have You Even Though
We Had Some Stuff Going On, It Is Not Going To Lead To
Anything More Right Now And IT SUCKS.
It Is Something So Close, Yet So Far Away.
It Is Like A Big Fat Tease That Hurts.
I Really Want To Be With You, But I Cannot And That Hurts



9/29/05 @ 1010

This Song Is How I Imagine If, Well, If You Were Mine
And Kinda Explains The Situation.


Marcos Hernandez - If You Were Mine

If you were mine, 
I be your everything and you be the 
Only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only 
One that I could ever want…

...Everything I dreamed about 
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning brings tears to your eyes...

...I know that there is someone else, but he's only thinking of himself
Doesn't make any sense for you being lonely...

...Let me be the one to share your hopes and dream
You'll never be alone again, cuz' I will hold you in this day
Please don't be afraid to let your broken heart guide you
Into these open arms that long to surround you, baby...



9/29/05 @ 1105

And This Song Too, Kinda Stole It From Roweena's Profile

Usher - Burn

...I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end...
I gotta let it burn...

...I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)...

...Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else...



9/30/05 @ 1626

I Think My Parents Know Something Is Wrong With Me Or
At Least With My Eating Habits. They Know I'm Not
Eating And When I Do Eat, I Don't Eat As Much As I Used
To. So They Are Pressuring To Eat When Ever They Can
And To Eat Before Them While I Still Can. And To
Ensure I Do Eat And As Much As I Can, They Tell Me To
Don't Worry About Anything B/C They'll Take Care Of It
And Just To Eat. Like Today When The PHO My Dad Ordered
Came In, He Told Me To Eat It While It Was Still Hot.
He Kept On Telling Me Over And Over. Telling Me To Just
Stop What I'm Doing, Don't Worry About Anything B/C
He'll Handle It, And Just To Go Eat.

Well, Here's Some Positive Thinking For Ya. I Think I'm
A Positive Person Therefore I Think Positive, Probably
Even For The Worst Case Scenario. This Positive
Thinking Does Good As Having Hope, But Also Bad B/C
This Shouldn't Even Be Happening Or What If It Doesn't
Happen. I'm Taking This Situation As That I'm Letting
You Go For Now Hoping You Will Return Sometime In The
Future And That'll We Cross Paths Once Again In A Place
And Time When Things Are Right, Meant To Be, And
PERFECT.



9/30/05 @ 1728

Just GREAT! As My Dad Was Writing My Paycheck, He Asked
Me (In Vietnamese) What Happen To My Little Friend
(You!) That Comes Here All The Time. And Asked If I
Still Play With Her (That's How It Translates From
Vietnamese To English). I Was Shocked That He Asked And
Hurt At The Same Time That I Didn't Know How To Answer.
I Just Said We Are Just "FRIENDS" Which Is Far From The
Truth, I Think. All Of That Added To, What Song Starts
Playing? "DHT - Listen To Your Heart" Added To Me
Writing The Last Portion Of The Last Entry Made For An
Odd And Hurtful Feeling.



10/2/05 @ 2023

I Do Not Know What Happen With The “Accidental” Texts
Yesterday, But I Hope You Are Ok. I Do Not Know If
Know This Or Not, You Might Or Might Not Know. As Much
As I Am Mad Or Hurt By You, I Am Always Willing To
Help You In A Time Of Need. I Guess That Is The Nice
Part Of Me That I Am Too Nice Of A Person. It Is Hard
For Not To Help People That Need Help Or Is In Need
Especially People That I Know And When I Know I Can
Help. I Draw That Conclusion From My Experience With
Mimi; She Hurt Me Bad And Did Piss Me Off Bad Before.
Yet She Knows I Will Be There For Her When She Needs
Me And That Has Been Holding True So Far. I Do No Know
If That Would Be The Same For Everyone, Probably
Friends At The Very Least, But Especially True For
Mimi And Now For You As Well. I Do Not Know Why, But I
Think That Is The Way It Is. Maybe It Is Bad Of Me To
Do So, But I Hope It Gets Back To Me In Some Way,
Shape, Or Form. I Hope You Find Some Sort Of Comfort
In That And Probably At My Expense A Little, But I
Just Wanted To Let You Know That If You Did Not.



10/05/05 @ 2147

I Could Slightly Relate To Your Quote On Your Profile
About Picking Yourself Up Or Putting Your Self
Together And Something Or Someone Just Knocking You
Back Down. In My Case, It Relates To You. As Good As,
I Think I Am Dealing With You And The Situation When I
Talk To You It Just Knocks Me Off Or Breaks Me Down
And I Get Totally Lost Of What I Am Doing. Why Is It
So Tough? Why Does It Is This Way? Are Questions I Ask
Myself.