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12/11/04 – Day Eleven

What Is This? Am I Dreaming Or Something? I Must Not
Be Because I Have Not Slept Today. I Cannot Believe
That I Been Communicating (Texting, IM, In Person) For
The Last Two To Three Days. It Seems Like You Are
Communicating With Me With Ease. You Are Talking To Me
Like Nothing Happen And He Is Okay With Everything.
With That Said, It Ponders In My Head To Ask Why You
Are Talking To Me So Much Lately (I Would Like To
Think That You Miss Me And All, But That Might Or
Might Not Be The Case). What My Assumption Is That You
Do Want To Talking To Me But Strictly “Friendship”
Stuff And If Not You Would Stop Talking To Me, You
Make Reasons To Talk To Me (Tires, Car Stuff And What
Not) Which Are Valid Reasons, But I Feel You Might Be
Pushing It A Little Too Far (Of Course I Do Not Mind),
And If He Does Get Mad Or Something You Can Talking
Your Way Out Of It By Making Everything Okay. I Think
This Time Would Be A Little Different Around Because
He And You Know That I “Like” You And With So Much
Communication Between You And I, That Has Potential To
Do Things. That Does Not Mean I Will Try To Do
Something, But As More And More Communication Certain
Things Can Start Develop And/Or Get Stronger. Oh Man,
Oh Man, Now That I Read What I Said, It Seems Like I
Am Against You Talking To Me, But No Way In Damn Hell
I Am Against That, I’m A Supporter For That. The Only
Time That I Would Be Against It Is When Neither Of Us
Are Benefiting From It (At Least One Of Us Getting
Hurt). The Reason I Said What I Said Is Because Mainly
I Do Not Want To Be Effect Your Relationship With Him
And Be No Kind Of Factor On How You Are In The
Relationship. If You Have A Reason For All This
Talking With Me, Please Let Me Know.


Now The Good Part Why I Think It Is Good Talking To
Me. I Think Talking (When It Is Strictly “Friendship”
Stuff) To Me Helps Your Relationship With Him. I Think
You Have The Need To Talk To Me For Whatever Reason
And When You Do It Makes You Happy And Makes You Do
Happy Things Which Translate To You Doing Nice Things
For HIM Because It Allows(If That Is The Case Or Not) 
You To Talk To Me.
If What I Explained Above Is Right, That Could Not Be
So Great Of A Good Thing. First, What If It Has An
Opposite Effect Too, What If I Piss You Off Or Hurt
You, And It Can Translate On How You Deal With Him,
Which Had Happen Before. Second Is Similar To The
First And Sounds Kind Of Crazy, But What If I Am Not
There To Talk To, Will You Still Carry On Doing Nice
Or As Nice Things For Him (I Know, Stupid Huh). The
Third And Last Is Probably Even Crazier. If Talking To
Me Makes You Happy As I Think It Does, What If You Do
Talk To Me And It Makes You Happy And You Make Him
Happy, But When You Go To Him He Does Not Make You
Happy, Will You Come Back To Me Because I Make You
Happy (Hey, I Can Dream, Cannot I Not, But I Should
Keep Dreaming Huh)

It Bothers Me A Bit That I Tell You And This Stuff And
I Do Not Get A Response Back From You Especially On
Questions I Ask You, But Then Again This Page Is Meant
For Me Writing Down Feelings/Thoughts About You
Whether You Read It Or Not. The Page Obviously Is Not
Like That Anymore, It Is Somewhat Of An Interactive
Page, But I Am Not Getting Any Interaction From You,
But It Is Okay. I Would Like To Still Know Some Of The
Answers To My Questions If It Is Okay With You.

@0730
Another Surprising Early Morning Text From You, It
Felt Like You Were My Girlfriend Checking Up On Me To
See If I Got To Tahoe Ok, But I Know That Was Not That
Case Because You Are Not My Girlfriend And You Were
Not Even Checking Up On My Because You Did Not Even
Remember That I Went To Tahoe. What Was Even More
Surprising Is That You Wanted Me To Go To Gilroy With
You. I Do Not Know How You Took It When I Said “I Will
Come Back Right Now” But I Meant It More Than Half
Jokingly And Wanted Too. If You Asked Me Not To Go
Snowboarding And Go Shopping With You, I Would Have
Went Shopping With You, Does That Show You That I
Wanted Too Or What. And Like What I Said Earlier, It
Ponders In My Head, “Why”.

@1330
What Is Better Than Texting/Iming You? Talking To You
On The Phone For 49 Minutes And 4 Seconds And During
Those 49 Minutes And 4 Seconds I Again Felt Like You
Were My Girlfriend Checking Up On Me To See If I Got
Hurt And Seeing How My Day Was, Which You Did This
Time, But As A “Friend” Though. During The Whole Time
I Talked To You, I Was Practically Smiling The Whole
Time Because I Was Actually Talking To You, But Felt A
Little Bad Because Rowena Was Just There By Herself
Because She Really Did Not Know The Other People That
Came. It Was Okay Though, After She Ate, She Took A
Short Nap. Throughout The Time I Was Talking To You, I
Wanted To You To Be There So I Can Talk To You In
Person. It Would Be Just You And Me Chatting In The
Lodge Over Some Hot Chocolate Or Something And It
Would Be Just A Grand Time, Just Like That Movies
Somewhat.

After Lunch We Got Everything Loaded Up And Hit The
Road @ 1516 And Got Home Around 1900. Everyone Went
Home To Shower And Met At Tram’s So We Can To Go The
Movies. We Went To AMC 20 To Buy Tickets Then Ate The
Yoyo Sushi (Formally Sushi Lovers), That Place Sucks
Like A Mother F-Er. The Place Is Remodeled Like An
Upscale Sushi Place, But It Sucks, The Whole
Atmosphere Sucks, The Sushi Is Expensive, Not A Lot Of
Choices Of Good Sushi, It Is All Quiet, And The Lights
Was Dim. To Me It Was An Expensive And Depressing
Place To Eat; I Fucking Hate It, Never Going Back. So
If You Plan To Eat There, Do Not Unless You Do Not
Believe Me. So After We Eat We Head To Our 1030pm
Showing Of Ocean’s Twelve, But We Got There A Little
Before The Movie Starts And There Are No Good Seats
Left So We Trade In Our Tickets For The 11pm Show.
Then After The Previews And I Knew I Was Going To Fall
Asleep During The Movie And I Did Just That, I Dosed
Off And On Throughout The Movie And So Did Minh, Tram,
And Rowena, But Not As Much As I Did, Due To The Fact
That I Did Not Sleep Before We Went Snowboarding. So
The Movie Was A Waste Of Money Because I Did Not Even
Watch Most Of It And I Did Not Watch Ocean’s Eleven So
Would Have Not Understand It If I Was Awake To Watch
It.




12/12/04 – Day Twelve

@0130
After The Movie I Drove (I Was Driving My Little
Brother’s Car) Everyone To Tram’s House Because
Everyone’s Cars Were There And Went Home. On The Way
Home, A Block Away From My Court On The Other Side On
The Road I See A Car Like HERS Coming Down The Street
And As We Passed I Realized It Was HER Car From The
Back And It Turned Onto The Street Where She Lives. At
The Time I Thought It Could Not Have Been Her Because
She Was Supposed To Be In Tahoe And Her Friend That
She Lives With Is Using Her Car, So I Did Not Think
Much Of It. So I Get Home And Park And Get Out Of The
Car And I See Headlights Like HER Car Coming Down The
Street, So I Stare At It To See What Car It Was And As
It Gets Closer To My House The Car Slows Down And
Pulls Into My Driveway And It Was HER. I Did Not Know
What To Think Besides That She Wanted Something Back,
Give Something Back Or Just To Talk Or Something. I
Just Looked And Went On With My Own Business, So Go
Inside Leaving The Door Open Purposely Thinking That
SHE Wanted To Go Inside And I Went Inside To Unload
Some Stuff And Came Back To The Door And SHE Was
There. SHE Said Hi And I Said “WHAT” In A Mean Ass
Voice Then She Said Was There To Pick Up Something
From My Brother Then I Just Went Inside My Room To Get
Ready For Bed.

Even As I Type This To You I Was Hesitating Because I
Do Not Want To Bring It Up, Talk About, Or Even Think
About It Because It Gives Me Bad Feelings And Brings
Me Down

I Do Not Know What SHE Came To Pick Up From My Brother
Because I Just Went To My Room. I Also Do Not Know Why
SHE Was Not At Tahoe When I Heard From You And Tram
That SHE Was Going To Be. SHE Could Have Gone Today,
But That Would Not Make Any Sense. My Older Brother
Did Leave Around 0600 This Morning Because He Came To
My Room To Get Something He Printed And From What I
Remember He Was Wear Snowboarding Type Clothing. He
Could Have Gone Snowboarding Today And Could Have Gone
With HER, But Those Are Jump Too Far Into Conclusions. 


@0145
After Seeing Her, It Just Brought Me Down; All The Bad
Memories Came Back. That Was All I Was Thinking While
Lying In Bed Trying To Fall Asleep, But Luckily I Was
Very Tired And Did Fall Asleep. What I Was Thinking
Besides The Bad Memories Was That I Did Not Want To
See Her Ever Again And Has Somewhat Of A Hate Towards.
And Then I Only Felt Worst Because I Put Myself In
Your Shoes And What I Felt Towards Her Is Probably The
Same Way You Feel Towards Me. That Just Kills Me
Inside That I Hurt You The Way I Did And That You
Probably Hate Me Too. I Cannot Stand You Having Some
Kind Of Hate Toward Especially You Of All People. You
Mean A Lot To Me And It Is More Than I Am Allowed To
Show. I Do Not Want Any Kind Of Harm To Come Your Way
Especially If It Comes From Me. I Want To Make Up For
It Really Bad And Take It All Away. I Felt Really Bad
Last Night, It Hurt Inside And Made My Body Feel Weak
And Was On The Verge On Breaking Down And Crying.
Maybe I Did Not Probably Because I Was Too Tired To Or
Fell Asleep Before I Could, But It Felt It About To
Come Out.


@1148
Wow, A Phone Call From My “Friend” Sandy. Man, You Are
Calling Me A Lot, Well More Than I Expected. Soon I
Will Be Expecting You To Call Me Or Talk Then Probably
We Will Not Be Able Too And I Will Be Hurt, Well
Maybe, We’ll See. I Will Probably Be Hurt At First But
I Will Understand Why It Had To Happen. Nevertheless
It Is More Talking Than I Think It Supposes To Be, I
Think. I Wonder If You Are Telling Him Every Time We
Talk And I Know He Has To Say Something About It If He
Knows Especially The Situation We Are In Now Unless He
Trusts You A Lot. I Rather Talk To You Every One In A
While For A Long Time/”FOREVER” Than A Lot At One Time
Then Never Again. Again, I Know I Sound Like I Am
Against You Talking To Me So Much, But Like I Said
Earlier I Do Not Want To Interfere With Anything And I
Ruin Possible “Need To Talk” Talks (For You And Me)
While You Are With Him. I Will Trust Your Judgment
When It Comes To Talking To Me A Lot. Of Course I Will
Not Deny Or Back Down From Talking You; I Will Always
Welcome It And Enjoy Every Second Of It.

@1526
Since I Am At Work, I Decided To Check How Much The
Christmas Present You Requested Costs* And It Lands
Within My Budget For Your Present, It Was A Little
Less Than My Maximum, So Maybe I Will Buy You A Little
Something To Make Up For The Difference. Luck You I Do
Not Count My Labor As Part Of It, But That Is Who I
Am, I Do Not Charge My Friends For My Services That I
Can Do For Free. The Labor Would Cost Anywhere From
$50 To $100, Not To Rub It In Or Anything, I Know You
Have No Idea How Much It Would Be And Would Like To
Know. I Was Planning To Get You Something Else But I
Was Not Sure If I Had Enough Time To Go Out And Shop
For It, But Since You Brought Up A Minor Tune-Up And I
Can Order It Within Minutes, I Am All For It. And In
Return I Get To See You When I Work On Your Car To Put
It In And Show You How Too, That Is A Christmas
Present All In Itself For Me. Hence I Will Without A
Doubt Get You A Tune-Up For Your Car As Your Christmas
Present, It Is Too Good Of A Deal For Me To Pass Up
And Get Another Present.

*My Cost For The Parts Lands Within My Budget, But For
Regular Customers It Would Cost Close To $200 If Not
Over, Just To Let You Know, Again Not To Rub It In,
But To Let You Know How Much It Costs, How Much I Am
Hooking You Up, And How Good It Is To Have A “Friend”
(If I Am That To You) Like Me. And You Would Hook Me
Up In Return With Anything You Can If And When You
Have The Chance, Hehe.


Man, I Do Not Know Why I Am Still Counting, It Is
Suppose To Be How Many Days I Have Gone Without
Talking To You, But I Have Been Talking To You Lately
Therefore I Have To Start Over When I Stop Talking To
You (Hope That Does Happen, Fingers Crossed , LOL) So
My Year Will Never Come, LOL



UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE 
@2020

I Just Found Out Why SHE Came Over Last Night/Early
Morning And Where My Brother Went Early This Morning.
Here Is The Conversation, Read It Instead Of Me
Explaining What Happened:
FirePowr (8:20:29 PM): hey
FirePowr (8:20:36 PM): where's Mimi snowboard that she
let me barrow
J mans 1  3  7 (8:20:46 PM): my friend has it
FirePowr (8:20:56 PM): oh ok
J mans 1  3  7 (8:21:01 PM): is that why she came here
last night
FirePowr (8:21:08 PM): yea
FirePowr (8:21:21 PM): how did she get in
J mans 1  3  7 (8:21:44 PM): she came happen to come
by when i just got home
FirePowr (8:21:53 PM): oh
J mans 1  3  7 (8:21:59 PM): did she talk to you
before hand or just came oer
J mans 1  3  7 (8:22:01 PM): over
FirePowr (8:22:21 PM): just tried to call but my phone
was turned off
J mans 1  3  7 (8:22:38 PM): ooo
J mans 1  3  7 (8:22:59 PM): where did you go today?
FirePowr (8:23:31 PM): i had a race in san francisco
J mans 1  3  7 (8:23:38 PM): oo

I Guess SHE Did Go Snowboarding Today And What I Said
Did Not Make Sense, Did. I Guess SHE Needed The
Snowboard For HIM Because It Is A Guy’s Board And SHE
Already Has One Herself. OH WELL

@2039
Man Today Was A Very Tiring Day At Work, Not Because
There Were Many Customers, But I Needed More Sleep,
Then After Work It Was A Sad And Lonely One. Only My
Little Brother Was Home And I Just Stayed In My Room
Ever Since Which Is About 3 ½ Hours Now. I Thought
About Why SHE Came By And How I Did Not Want Her In
The House And Felt Violated That SHE Was Here. I Have
Been Also Thinking You And It Is Making Me Missing You
So Much. I Want You Here So Bad, Now I Am Starting To
Think About How Great I Had It When You Spent Those
Nights Here With Me. Oh Man, I Am Going Crazy, Crazy
Over You And That Is Serious Stuff, LolL Now It Is
Rather Better That I Wrote It Down. That Is It For Now
So Check Back Later.