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Now That I Know You Are Reading This, Maybe I Should
Start Writing In It. The Only Reason I Did Not Write
One For Yesterday Was Because I Was Hurt Damn It.
After I Got Home From My Short Painful Day Of
Snowboarding And Showering, I Was Resting In Bed
Trying To Heal But Minh Stopped By To See If I Was
Alive And I Was Obviously, We Headed To Tram’s House
To Chill Until 11pm And I When I Got Home I Just Went
To Bed. But Anyways I Wrote My Thoughts/Feelings From
Yesterday, So I Guess I Do Not Go A Day Without
Thinking About “IT” 



Before You Start Reading I Want To Say Something And
Let To Decide If You Still Want To Keep Reading This 
Or Not. I Know I Told You To Keep This Page Our Little
Secret And I Want To Keep It Like That Definitely And
That Should Be Your Promise To Keep It That Way. I
Expect You To Keep The Promise. As For The Letter, I
Wanted You To Keep The Promise, But Did Not Expect You
To For A Couple Of Reasons. One Being The Letter Was
Suppose To Be Given To You Knowing I Will Not Speak To
You Anymore So Might As Well Let You Know How I Feel.
Second Being That I Know The Letter Affected You In A
Big Way And Knew It Was Going To Come Out Eventually
So I Did Not Care That Much When You Told Me That You
Told Him. I Already Expected You To Tell Him That
Early Wednesday Morning When He Came Over Therefore I
Expected Not To Be Talking To You Anymore And That Is
What I Did (That Is Why I Have Day “X” After The
Dates) Until Today Anyways, But It Continues Today
Again. After Said All Of That, I Want You To Keep This
Promise So You Have To Do One Of The Following To Keep
It. One, NOT TELL HIM NO MATTER WHAT Or Two STOP
READING THIS PAGE. Do Not Get Me Wrong, I Do Want You
To Read It, But I Want Him NOT To Read Or Know About
It Especially Because Of The Nature Of What Is On
Here. I Know You Are Not Supposed To Talk To Me, But I
Think This Is Still A Form Of Communication, So It
Would Contradict Your Agreement With Him If You Think
It Like That. I Do Not Know How What I Have To Say
(Todays Or Any Future One) Is Going To Affect You.
However If You Are Okay With What I Wrote So Far And
It Does Not Affect You Then I Think Future Writings
Will Not Affect You Because What I Wrote So Far Is
Pretty Up There As With Feels And All Unless All Of
Them Together Gets To You. And I Do Not Know How Long
You Can Read This Without Letting Him Know Being The
Good Nature Person You Are Therefore I Do Not Know If
You Can Keep The Promise Or Not. Consequently, Now It
Is Up To You To Continue Reading This Page Or Not, But
At Least Try To Read Today’s Writing, It Talks About
What We Talked About Today. I Do Not Know How You Are
Going To Let Me Know Your Decision, But Like I Said
Before I Will Still Continue To Write On This Page For
My Personal Reasons . . . . .



12/04/04 - Day 4

@1330
On My Way Home From A Lonely Painful Snowboarding
Trip, I Was Thinking That I Needed Someone To Take
Care Of Me Because Of My Injuries And Of Course I
Wanted You To Be The One Taking Care Of Me. I Want To
Know How Your Touch Feels Like And How To Be Under
Your Care. Writing About It Only Makes Me Imagine
About It And Makes Me Even Want It That Bad. I Also
Thought About The Things You Did For Me That Somewhat
Relates To Taking Care Of Me. The One Time That Pops
In My Head Was Last Year When You Went To Oakland And
Went To Your Favorite Chinese Restaurant Then Have
Brought Me Some To My Work, But I Was Not There And
You Got All Sad Because I Was Not There. I Felt So Bad
And I Feel Very Bad Again Now That I Wrote About It.
It Was Very Sweet Of You To Bring Me Some Food And I
Am Terribly Sorry That I Was Not There To Receive Your
Delicious Food, But It Was Nevertheless Sweet And Nice
Of You.

I Do No Know How This Relates To What I Have Just Said
But I Believe I Am A Hopeless Romantic Too, Like You.
I Can Be Romanced Easily; A Simple Can Usually Do The
Job. When I Am Romanced, It Only Gets Me Into That
Mood Even More Which Makes Me Top Them Or Myself Next
Time I Do Something. I Like To Do Little Romantic
Things On A Daily Basis And Big Ones On Special
Occasions. For The Most Part I Like To Do The
Romancing, But It Does Not Hurt To Be Romanced Myself
To Know My Hard Work Is Appreciated. I Have No Idea
Why I Wrote That, But I Guess It Is To Let You Know
That I Am Like That If You Did Not Know.


12/05/04 – Day 5 Or Day 1 Again (Have To Start All Over, Ha-Ha)

@1630
Thank You Very Much For The Polo Jeans Sweater. I Just
Looked At The Whole Sweater Right Now And I Like It
Very Much, I Have Always Wanted A Sweater With A
Zipper. I Do No Have Much Of Those, Just One, It Does
Not Look That Good, And It Does Not Have A Hood. So
Thank For Again So Much For My First Polo Jean Sweater
With A Hood And Zipper That Looks Good. (Sorry For
Saying The Following) Well Not To Take Away From Your
Gift, But The Design On It Looks Somewhat Weird, But
Maybe I Am Not Used To It, I Am More Simple Design
Kind Of Person I Guess And I Think It Might Be Too Big
For Me. I Will Tell You How It Fits Tomorrow When I
Where It To School (That Is If It Fits Well).
Nevertheless, It Is The Thought That Counts And You
Are A Very Thoughtful Person, Thank You Once Again, It
Is More Than I Deserve, Actually I Do Think I Do Not
Deserve Anything From You. Even Though I Said That I
Wished For Something Else For Christmas From You And
It Is Not What You Think At First (If I Think I Know
What You Are Thinking), But It Is Something That Does
Not Cost You A Penny And Is Priceless To Me. I Do Not
Know If You Know What It Is, But You Can Think About
It . . . I Rather Not Tell You Because I Do Not Want
You To Think About It Even Though You Are Probably
Thinking About What It Is, I Do No Want You To Know
Exactly What It Is As You Might Do Something About It.
Something Related To You Getting Be A Christmas
Present. You Probably Are Constantly Asking Yourself
The Same Question, But Why Did You Even Buy Me One,
Why Do You Even Come Visit Me, Why Do You Even Want
(Well, At Least What I Think) To Talk To Me After All
I Have Done To You And Pain I Caused You (Not That I
Am Against It). There Has To Be A Reason For It, You
Probably Do Not Know Yet Because You Are Still Asking
Yourself Those Questions, But If You Do Find Out
Please Let Me Know Because I Am Not So Sure What It Is
(Or Thinking Of The Wrong Reason)


The Following Are Just Random Thoughts And Whatever Else:

1. I Want To Try To Explain Again And Perhaps In A
Better Way Of The “Worth It Thing/Selfish” We Talked
About Today. Well I Do Think You Are Worth It, But If
I Do Stop, It Would Be Only For That One Reason Which
Is That I Do Believe (Sorry To Say It) “FOREVER” And I
Believe It For You Two. That Would Be The Only Reason
Because Other Than That, I Know I Would. However, It
Does Not Mean I Have Stopped And Am Saying If I Did
Stop That Would Probably Be The Only Reason. It Would
Not Be Because I Do Not Believe I Will Not Get Another
Chance Or That I Do Not Think You Will Not Give Me
Another Chance Or Anything Like That. I Would Just
Know There Would Not Be One Because You Will Be Happy
With Him And Would Not Want To Be Wasting My Time.
I Am Not Sure If You Just Got What I Said And Maybe
Even Confused You More Towards The End, But I Hope You
Get The Main Point.

I Am Sure It Is The Real Thing, If It Was To Go Away
Then I Would Have To Try To Make It Go Away, But If I
Do Not Do, Anything Then I Know It Will Still Be There
And Not Fade Away. Now That I Think About It, I Wonder
How It Will Be Since I Will Not Be Talking To You
Anymore. Well, For The Last 4 Days It Has Been Strong.
Even Though You Do Not Count It, It Has Been Strong
For Over Two Years When I Barely Even Talked To Except
During The Last Two Months Of The Year. Now That I
Have Said That, If History Holds True Then It Is
Not “Never”, But Actually See You Next Year, Ha-Ha.
Sorry, For Bringing That Up, But Now It Gives Me Hope
And Something To Look Forward To Next Year (I Know,
Bad Of Me). Oh My God Now That I Think Of It Again, It
Has Been Longer Than Two Years. It Started Since That
One Day (I Think It Was The 12th) In June 2001. When I
First Seen You At Loung’s Graduation, So Three And A
Half Years (I Know What You Are Thinking, Something
About My Actions And What Not) But It Was Funny To
Bring It Up And Let Me Cheat In A Way Not That I Want
To. I Am Ready To Make Today Day 1, But I Am Continue
Counting From The First Of December When It Was
Suppose To Start And Because It Is Easier For Me To
Count For The First Month Due To The Fact That
Whatever Day It Is In December, That Is The Day I Am
On. The Reason I Probably Brought All That Up Is That
I Wanted To Say Since The First Day I Saw You, I Have
Always Wanted You More Than A Friend.

2. Even Though You Read About The Feelings I Have, I
Do Not Act On Them When I See You In Person Or Even
When I Talk To You On Phone Probably Because I Have A
Strong Will Power. The Reason I Mentioned It Is That
Maybe That Could Be A Reason Why You Do Not Believe
What I Say To You Or I Could Be Wrong, But It Was Just
A Thought.

3. I Was Thinking That We Could Keep It Strictly
Friendship If We Talk Indirectly To Each Other. What I
Mean By That Is What You Are Doing Now, Reading My
Page, But You Would Need To Have Your Own Page For Me
To Read Also. We Would Leave Messages Or Updates On
Our Lives To Each Other And We Would Respond To It
Whenever We Get The Chance. Again It Was Just A
Thought, I Would Not Know How Long That Would Last
Especially If We See Each Other Online But Talking To
Each Other Through Web Pages. I Probably Thought Of
That As An Excuse To Talk To You Someway, Somehow. I
Think It Was Because You Talked To Me Today After Four
Days And I Am Addicted To Talking To You. I Will Not
Deny It, I Like Talking To You When It Is About
General Stuff. Man, See What You Did To Me, I Addicted
To You, As If I Was Not Addicted Enough, Ha-Ha.

4. On Another Note, Thank You For My Costco Card. I
Did Not Know How I Was Going To Get It Back From You,
But I Was Planning To Go To Costco Much Especially
Without A Costco Card, But Thanks Again


Well, This Is The Last Thing I Will Write Because It
Is Damn Long Already And I Am Getting Tired. I Do Not
Know How It Got So Long, But It Did. I Hope You
Decided To Keep Reading This From Now On And Will Keep
Your Promise Because It Is Getting Interactive In A
Way With My Writings And Not Just Plain Feelings As
Before, But If You Do Not Then I Understand And You
Know I Will Understand. I Did Not Get To Listen To The
Song And Lyrics To Dido – White Flag, But Might
Tonight When I Go To Bed Or Tomorrow, So Check Back If
You Can.