Does Computer Dating Work?
The question that most people have with online dating is: “Does it really work?” In other words, does it result in long-term relationships and marriages? The answer is a complicated “yes” and “no”—just like most answers related to love and marriage. Dating is difficult and weeding out the mismatches is problematic in the real world. It is no different in the cyber world.
I know, from the single people I speak with, that it remains difficult and frustrating trying to meet someone. Basically you have your relatively small, everyday life: your circle of married friends, your work buddies, a few single connections and that’s it. Bars and churches provide some places to meet other singles but even these can become stale after awhile and often set-ups are embarrassing. And while it would be nice to meet someone “organically” where your eyes meet and you fall into magical love—the odds of that happening remain small. The reason I like online dating is because it creates opportunities where previously there were none. It allows you to reach out beyond your geographic grasp of friends and acquaintances to meet people that it would otherwise be nearly impossible for you to meet. It expands your circle by 50 to 100 miles or more and includes people that you would never meet by natural occurrence. Is it perfect—NO. To be sure it is important to work diligently toward side-stepping the obvious flaws—and there are flaws: there are the liars, the bores, the fakes, the crazies, the perverts, the poor spellers and so on. Never the less, it only takes one right person to make this all worthwhile.
According to Mark Penn in his book Microtrends, “17 percent of online daters—or nearly 3 million American adults—have turned online dates into long-term relationships or marriage. That’s exactly the same number of couples in America who say they met in church.” He continues, “Nearly 1 in 4 single Americans who are looking for a romantic partner—or about 16 million people—use the 1,000 or more dating Web sites out there.” That’s a huge pool of potential mates.
Which sites rate best? Do compatibility tests help? When you go to dating website reviews you will often see ratings like 2 out of 5 stars or something like that. Why? Generally it’s because only the dissatisfied people report back to these sites. Those who have met a satisfying match have moved on with their lives and usually don’t report back so don’t let the reviews throw you. Pick a site (or as many as you like) where you feel comfortable and start there.
Compatibility tests are at best only useful as starting points for a relationship, and really should be viewed as such. You’ve got to do the hard work yourself. It is much more important to follow your own instincts and feelings and take your time to evaluate the real individual than to rely too heavily on any test. Only time and more time will reveal the truth about another person.
So don’t be afraid of the technology. Think of it as avenue to many great opportunities. Stay open and take your time.
Be well.
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