Setting Healthy Boundaries
Are you getting what you want out of your relationships? Are you getting less than great treatment from the people in your life? If your life is serving up more of what you don’t want than what you do
then it’s time to reexamine your boundaries. Boundaries may be best described as the line that you won’t let people step over without your permission. It is how far you will let others go in words, actions and/or feelings.
Emotional boundaries are one of the most important aspects of emotional health and well being. Emotional boundaries help us define ourselves and our relationships with others. Poor emotional boundaries allow relationships to be thrust upon us and blur the distinctions between who we really are and others. Codependence is one of the clearest examples of poor emotional boundaries. In a codependent relationship one spends a great deal of time and energy trying to accommodate the other person often at the expense of our own wellness.
Low self esteem, or a poorly defined self, is often the cause of poor emotional boundaries. When we feel badly about ourselves, we are more vulnerable to being manipulated by others. We may be willing to bend our own values or set aside our needs to the dysfunctional demands of others when we see ourselves as not being worthy.
To create healthy boundaries requires that we take a long, hard look at what makes up our real strengths, weaknesses and needs. When we have developed poor boundaries the line that defines where others stop and we begin is full of holes. Healthy boundaries can occur if we are willing to look at where our life is out of sync with our deeper needs.
Celebrating and reinforcing the specific areas of our lives where we feel happy and authentic is a good way to begin building self esteem and strengthen emotional boundaries. Developing assertiveness skills is another good way to improve and maintain boundaries. The better we are able to recognize personal boundary violations and assert ourselves in those situations, the less likely it is that we will be taken advantage of.
It takes time, commitment and honest self-evaluation to develop strong , healthy boundaries, The good news is that we can redefine ourselves and take steps to move in a healthier direction. Clearer boundaries can help us to avoid relationships with unhealthy individuals. Knowing who we are and being able to hold true to our values is what it means to have healthy and strong emotional boundaries.
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