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FINALE!

Sinful Barbie
https://www.angelfire.com/ca7/16brandiewineroad/

sinfulbarbie@hotmail.com

https://www.angelfire.com/ca7/16brandiewineroad/
sinfulbarbie@hotmail.com

ERIC

ALL I WANTED!
Oh all I ever really wanted was to be loved and held,
To feel as other lovers do and tell!
But I cannot seem to find one who is so sincere,
That special guy who will always hold me dear!

Now as I write these words to you my dearest love can they be less,
I am reminded of how very much I did wish for happiness!
So now I await your simple words "Be mine!"
I hope and pray all will be just fine!

It's just that I cannot take anymore into my heart,
My lover...my friend I am sorry but can I play less a part!
I wish so much for you my dear...a life filled with joy,
Am I the one to fill your life with love...reach out to me, find that love for which you toil!

Thank you so much for all you have said, wrote and done,
But now I know that it's life I have won!
Oh my darling hold onto my love and please,
Accept my love into your hands and allow me to be!

My dearest prince...I love you so,
If I could find a way I would not go!
Yet I see no way but for this to end,
I simply cannot face...I cannot erase...I cannot send!

....please remember that I have so many rooms filled with love for life, don't forget me! All my love, Brandie

The Death of Brandie

I guess that I am wondering to myself how I can explain myself to those who visit here, those who I know, those who I love and to those individuals who have grown to love me. It isn't that I do not exist...I do. I am Brandie. I am much more then the girl you have seen here on these pages. I am so very much more. Yet somehow I am less than the girl you have found here also. I wish I could explain how I feel right now. Its hard. Because somehow I just know within my soul that I am about to die. I wish I could just see into your heart and inner soul and see if you did care. Is my life of some importance did I perhaps enter yours and make you happy? I do so much wish for that..I do. No I am me. Brandie! I am because I exist for real. I am the essence of myself the girl that I am. Accept my feelings...yet understand that what you have been shown here is but a part of my depth. My heart has many rooms and they hold each of you...those that loved me...inside always. I cannot explain if you do not understand. It is as it will be. I see this night as an evening that will ultimately bring my demise. That is the reason...the purpose of these words. To make you understand that I am and that I will always be Brandie!

Brandie was not her creator. She represented her creator, but was not her. Brandie was a faceless expression of thoughts. Her purpose was anonymity. She existed to make known the story of a real girl's life, without exposing the identity of the girl.

Brandie was loved. She received emails offering advice and support as she went through the trials of daily life. People signed her guestbook. People appreciated her, and waited anxiously to hear what would happen next. These people knew her story, but she did not know their's. It was as though she was in a one-way conversation with the rest of the world. There were countless acquaintances who knew her life story, but who had merely given her their names. She had put herself on display for all of the soap-opera readers to be regarded as a cross between fiction and honest reality.

Reality is not honest when it is written for others. Brandie often found herself writing to please people... throwing in entries simply because she had not written in awhile and people were getting antsy. She had to think through the events in her life, and try to choose things to write about that would spark interest in people. She judged her success on the speed at which her counter rose, the new guestbook entries she received, and the supportive emails that were sent to her.

Brandie was not her creator. Her creator is three-dimensional, with a face, insecurities, masks, contradictions, and a life that cannot be limited to a website of journal entries. She cannot be regarded as fiction. She is real. Brandie's entries did not do her justice.

MY PHOTO TAKEN ON ERIC'S DAD'S BOAT

Often times, the creator would find herself looking at her own life, and thinking about it. The first thought that would come to her head would be "How can Brandie write this? How can I make this fit the website?" This limited free thought.

The original idea behind the writings was to cast away all inhibitions. When the creator would write, she would always be concerned about who might read it and how it might be interpreted. If her face was not attached, she did not have to worry. But Brandie became attached. And Brandie cared about how the web readers felt. Brandie wanted to please them. She wanted to be read and loved. She lost her original purpose because she began to care about how she would be percieved.

The creator could not deal with this. She could not watch this self-conscious concept ruin the original idea. Brandie did much good in the beginning. She gave her creator an outlet, and allowed her to sort through many emotions. But she was no longer doing her job. Something had to be done to preserve the creator's last bit of reality.

I will not relate the gory details of the murder, but in the end, all that matters is that Brandie is no more. She was killed by her tormenter because of her failure to not care. Eric your knife was swift and did it's job so completely! When you took Brandie from us you destroyed all of us!

IS THIS THE END...THE FINALLE!

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