аЯрЁБс > ўџ 8 : ўџџџ 7 џџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџџьЅС G П Ј bjbjйй < ьГ ьГ Ј џџ џџ џџ ] . . . . . . . Ж В В В В В В В В т ф ф ф ф ф ф $ г є Ч j . В В В В В В . . В В В В В В В . В . В т B " d " . . . . В т В 0 В т . . т В І )БеЂР В т Oblivion
And I will awake, your highness Im so high I can not walk
..
~
Im laying distressed. The codeine coated dreams of Jennifer kept me awake at night, the way the twice a week police interrogations kept me awake during the days that seemed much too long. Either way Jennifer never let me sleep. Her unique fingerprinted memories in my brain gave me no other thought but her. She was everlong. Id wake up in a narcoleptic cold sweat with her body laying plain beside mine, her bare back turned towards me as moonlight crept in through my sheer bedroom curtains and much like my pornographic mind shined only on her and the curvature of her spine and the way it made her long blondish chesnut hair glow a miraculous kind of silver. So delicate, so easy to brake that my hand approached her with caution, my bloody calloused fingertips reaching out for her and steadying itself to feel the small of her back and suddenly she was gone. Never there, but the Dr. fed me crimson red codeine pills for the pains that she had caused me and for some reason, I always thought she was.
Straight World
Cops pull out the radars and shoot devious grins, another day begins
.
~
How well did you know Jennifer Emma? The context of this question was always the same. It had been the same question for the past three weeks and just like the man who asked, it was unchanging. He was a middle-aged man, a little over weight with a receeding hairline who casually sipped his fifth cup of black coffee as though it were his first and we were having an everyday conversation as opposed to the interrogation in the thick concrete room which was what we were really having.
Sweat beaded on his forehead and trickled down his round rosy cheeks, dripping off of his chin and onto the collar of his pinstripe button up Oxford shirt long before he took the time to pull from his pocket a royal blue handkerchief and wipe the excess away. I didnt take advantage of the fact that I made him nervous, personally it wasnt me that made him nervous it was the fact that he was interrogating a seventeen-year-old girl in a Catholic school uniform. A family man like him that attended church every week felt as though he were defying god by trying to judge me. He quickly forgot about god and morals everytime he tried to inconspicuiously look up my skirt as I crossed and re-crossed my legs. I didnt understand his nervousness, I was already pretty sure that I had defied god.
Jennifer Emma was what my generation called a kinderwhore. And out of everything that was wrong with my generation the fact that we called people kinderwhores and meant it as a compliment was one of many things to add to our disfunctional list. Every girl wanted to be Jenni and every guy wanted to fuck her. I was confused by the fact that I wanted to do both to her and eventually I did. Her cheap torn thrift store rip off of Marilyn Monroes classic white dress clung loosely to her slender form as she leaned over the bathroom sink staring at herself in the medicine cabinet mirror as she applied firetruck red drugstore lipstick before a Hole concert. Only 54 she looked 57 in her chunky black Mary Janes and I loved every last minute of it, never knowing that it was the last minute of it.
He cleared his throat and sloached back in his chair in such a way that he appeared to be forcing intimidation.
Come on, sweetheart, this will go a lot faster if you just answer the questions. Did you know Jennifer Emma well?
I paused a long awkward pause to further unsettle his already sinful situation, some people put themselves in the stupidiest places.
He loosened his tie that was the same colour as his handkerchief and sighed in a rather irritable way.
How well did you know her?
How well can you really know a person?
Did you do things with her?
What kinds of things?
You tell me.
Well, we had a couple classes together and we ran into each other at certain places like concerts and such but never really anything more than that. Thats all I know.
He stared me down like the liar that I was but I pretended not to notice that he was staring or that I was lying.
Whats your sexual preference Ana?
Excuse me? A cold flash of fear drove through me and for a second I trembled.
Do you like men or do you like women?
Men.
Were you having an affair with Jennifer?
No! I snapped, suddenly I realised that I had done something terribly wrong and obviouly he noticed too.
I think you were.
I dont care what you think. If the answer is so blatiantly obvious to you that I like women then Im not sure I understand the question. What are you trying to ask me? Im afraid youll have to be a little more clear than that.
He exhaled deeply, Are you gay?
Do you think I am?
Answer the god damn questions! He yelled and blushed after taking gods name in vein and then once again he tilted his head as I crossed my legs in the opposite direction.
No, Im not. My sexual preference is men and now Id like to go home. My performance couldve won me an Academy award.
~
Just another body down
Dreams are bad when all they do is leave the truth behind, Dreams are bad when negativity is a state of mind
.
~
Jenni come on this isnt funny anymore! I cried out in the dark my voice being lost into the thick skin of tree barks, spit back out softly and tunneling into my ear canal until finally it harboured itself deep inside of me waiting until it could once again be called out into the last calming breezes of Indian summer.
I spun my body in slow rotations, waiting for her to jump out into the small clearing and I could once again offer myself as a sacrifice up unto her alter and all would be well in the games that she played until another time.
Jennifer ! No joke! Im not playing!
The scurrying and crunching of dried dead leaved cracked beneath weight and I stopped dead without a breath waiting silently to only know that it wasnt me making sound.
Grrr! My body was attacked, snatched up into fragile arms and thrown off balance. Jenni growled playfully. I smiled in a misleading way to tell her that I was alright with her tearing at my emotions. It was a lie.
She fell backwards purposefully and pulled me to the ground with her. Our long full pretty white skirts being tainted by moist dirt and new autumn. My mind ran rampant as we lay there on the forest floor, waiting for a motivation to strike and for a movement to once again make everything calm. Nothing about Jennifer was calming, and thats what soothed me.
Orion is tilted sideways, see there. I pointed through the trees, Jennifer lay silent as I dropped my hand down and tilted my head over to her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was sparse.
Jenni
I reached out for her hand and noticed blood on her fingertips, Oh my god! Jenni where are you bleeding? Jenni? Slowly she retracted her limp hand.
Lets play again, She whispered softly. I was awestruck.
No. I shook my head.
Ill hide again. She insisted, opening her green eyes. She slowly rose to her feet and I sat up.
Jenni, I dont want to play again. She wasnt listening. I focused on her back and watched her walk away from me until eventually, she was gone.
~
Xander
Left selfish and hungry so feed me the pain.
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