August 1st

wow, it's been a long ass fucking time. let's see, what's been up...i'm really close with this chick amanda. she's great. amy is homeless. i've been participating in group sex with mike and others. um...police, lots of them. hanging out at the park. camping. just a lot of shit. my dad is an asshole. a complete and total asshole. he makes me soooooooooooooo mad. he doesn't like the direction i'm headed fucking bad. accept me for who i am, not who you want me to be. i have trihawks now. it's pretty kool. um.....anything else? doug and leslie are back together. leslie lives with him. kim hates everyone. i'm gonna shoot myself. May 20, 2001

DAMN! it's been a long fucking time since i've written anything in here! hmmm, let's see, what's been happeneing. well, everything has been fun i guess. spring break was great. i didn't stop partieing from start to finish. i got really close with dallas and deserae. they are really kool. um, i've been grounded for almost 4 weeks now for skipping skool 2 times. that's a long fucking time to be grounded! doug and leslie broke up cuz he cheated on her with 4 different girls. uh.......I GOT A MOHAWK!!!! i love it. yep yep. there's nothing else really going on in my life. it's boring.

FeBrUaRy 12, 2002

well well well, it's been so freakin long since i've writen anything on here. so let's see, what's been going on in my life that i can talk to on here. nothing really. kim and jacob are going out, which is a long long story and those of you that even care already know probably. plus, no one comes here, so oh well. anywho, my birthday is tomorrow. i just got off grounding over the weekend. i spent 2 weeks grounded cuz my parents found out that i smoked. oh well though. and about 2 weeks ago we had this fat ass party at amy's parents house(her parents were outta town...there was like 30 or more people was fun!). we had 2 cases of beer, like 5 32 oz cans of beer, a bottle of schnopps and a bottle of whiskey. it was pretty fucking kool. i got really really fucked up and ended up doing something fun but stupid with some guy i didn't know. oh well, i had a lot of fun :) hehe. and we had a party at my house on new years. that was pretty kool. yep. anyways, yeah. that's about it for my life other than doug and leslie are going out, doug practically lives with me, he is my best friend. i spend most of my time with him...or i used to. things are slowly changing but that's cuz i've been grounded. i've just been hanging out with my friends and all that shit. it's been fun. yep yep. skool sux as usual. oh, kim got kicked out. long story also, i don't feel like publishing my whole life. if you were important, i've already told you all the important stuff. so yeah. otay, i'm gonna go now cuz i'm just babbling. buh bye.

DeCeMbEr 11, 2001

i had fun this weekend. friday night john, doug, and cody came over. then kim, nick, and jacob showed up. so we all went down to the raunt and got high. then on saturday i went to clearlake with leslie, laura, leanna, and kevin. then cody and doug came and picked up me and leslie and we went to jacob's. amy was there and kim showed up later. we got sooooo high! i have never seen leslie that high! so silly. then we went back to robin hill(me, leslie, cody, and doug)and smoked another bowl. leslie spent the night. that was kool. i had so much fun! yesterday was pretty kool. i went over to jacob's after skool. kim cam over too. we got jiggled and i had like 4 drinks of jacob's brandy. we were supposed to get drunk together, but we ended up not. i'm gonna tell him we should tomorrow. that would be so fun! yep yep. i'm at skool right now. hella bored. i take back what i said about amy before, i think it was just in a moment of rage or sumthing... i don't know. i talked to her a lot this weekend. oh, on friday we played truth or dare and i had to make out with kim and jacob. kim had to kiss cody. it was funny. on saturday, amy and kim had to kiss. funny shit i tell you!

DeCeMbEr 7, 2001

dude, it has been almost a month since an update, so i figured one was needed. yep. otay, let's see, what's been happening. um...i don't really know. i've been hanging out with my kim a lot and jacob. oh, jacob's parents went to arizona for a week(during thanksgiving break)so that was kool. on tuesday night, me leslie nick and jacob ditched. it was my first time ditching. i got 3 hours of detention for it, but oh fucking well. i already served it all. um, yeah, that same night, me and kim spent the night at jacob's house. we got really high and kinda drunk(we drank a little tiny bit of brandy and some beer). that was kool. we all slept in his dad's bed. it was silly.

what else has happened...hmmm...i don't know. um, amy's been pissing me off a lot lately. it's so stupid. it's like because she's not happy right now, she feels this need to make other people feel bad. i don't know if that really is the case, it's just what it seems like to me. but it's not like it's all the time, it's just once in awhile. okay, the other night, me, kim, jacob, and doug were all getting high. amy was with us too. i went home at like 10 or sumthing. i don't renember. amy called me at like 11:15 and said something along the lines of: "okay, i'm gonna tell you the same thing i told kim, if you guys wanna get high everyday...that's fine. don't call, don't write, nothing. i don't wanna be around it. call me when you grow up." there was more, but that's the basic shit. and i guess me and kim both reacted the same way, we were just like whatever. you know? i fucking hate it, she wants me to act older than i am. i'm 16 fucking years old!! it's not like i'm gonna stop doing what i like to do and having fun cuz she wants me to grow up, it's not gonna happen. just cuz she had to "grow up" doesn't mean i have to. i still have time left in my teen years. LET ME BE HAPPY! oh well though. i guess everything's fine now. she just doesn't wanna be around us when we're high. whatever though.

leslie is supposed to come over tonight. i don't know if she's gonna spend the night though cuz she has to go to ukiah early tomorrow. so she might just end up spending the night tomorrow night. mhm. i am so bored right now. there's absolutely nothing to do at my house! sex and the city is on in an hour, but that's so far away! ahhhh! i want a cigarette right now. yep, i do. i know i should quit, but oh well.

NoVeMbEr 12, 2001

damn, i am getting so horrible at this whole updating thing...just call me john. anyways, not much has happened. i've just been hanging out with my friends and shit lately. halloween was hella fun. john brought dodi so me, doug, leslie, and jacob took off and went driving around. that was fun. um...anything else...nope i don't think so. i've been hanging out with kim and jacob a lot. leslie too. and doug's been coming into town a lot more cuz he moved back it with his mom so he has hella more freedom now. i've been hanging out at jacob's house a lot, where i make new friends(nick, jim, and some other people). oh, last weekend, jacob got so high that he turned green! he overdosed on weed! then i ended up throwing up. yep. we've just been getting high. i've been hanging out with amy a lot too. like she'll just show up at my house with her mom's car and kidnap me for a few hours. it's fun :) yep yep. that's about it. kim's here right now. she spent the night last night. and the night before. that was fun :) hehe. otay, i'm gonna go now. bye.

OcToBeR 21, 2001

i had an awsome weekend! :) on friday, i spent the night at amy's house with amy, lauren, doug, mello, and mello. that was fun. we just hung out. then on saturday we all hung out, but greg was gone and jacob, kim, and ashley came over. it was kool. ashley and doug are going out now...awwwwww. then there is just a bunch of little things that happened that i don't really feel like talking about. yep. i'm supposed to hang out with ryan today, but i can't get ahold of him. so sad :( this whole weekend, ari was there, but to me it was like she wasn't. oh! yeah, i just renembered...mello started to talk about jacob and ari and how they had sex, it was the first time anyone has ever talked about it with me and him both in the same room. it was so funny, he was like laying on me, and when mello mentioned it, he sat up all fast and gave me this look like "don't be mad..." it was so silly. yep yep. leslie was supposed to come hang out with us, but she went to santa rosa and was supposed to call when she got home..but she never did :( so sad!

OcToBeR 19, 2001

damn! it's been awhile. lol. let's see, what's been happeneing in my life...i've been hanging out with jacob a lot. that's fun. and i hung out with leslie last weekend. that was kool too. we played truth or dare and jacob was dared to make out with me for 5 seconds, only when they counted, it was more like a minute. it was interesting. yep. and kim, leslie, jacob, jennifer, and doug all gave me hickey's on my arm. me, amy, kim, ari, and mello all gave jacob hickey's on his stomach. oh, and ari had sex with jacob. that pissed me off for reasons i do not wish to discuss on here. oh! and doug told jacob something that he shouldn't have. yep. i was grounded for a week cuz i came home late. then i got grounded again for going to jacob's house without asking. i went there on monday and we got high and all that shit. it was fun. yep yep. me and amy have been fighting a lot lately, but everythings kool now, it's just we've been kinda...i don't know. yeah. anyways, i'm bored. i don't know what to write. i have so much shit to say, only i don't know where to start and what all to say. it's crazy i tell you. leslie and patti are supposed to come and see me tonight. yay! i'm excited. i would go hang out, but i have to babysit. john and doug coming up tonight and i can't even see them!!!!! how sad! my friend ashley and doug are going to hook up, it's gonna be so cute! and leslie likes john. how cute! hehe. well, i'm gonna go now cuz i'm in skool and this class is almost out. bye!

SePtEmBeR 26, 2001

this week has been gay. gay i tell you. Jacob hasn't been at skool one day so far, which really sux cuz he's like the only person that i really have anything in common with at skool. oh well. he promised me he'd be at skool today though and the asshole didn't show :( yesterday i went to a volleyball game with kim so she could take pics for her skool's yearbook. Jacob was supposed to come with us, then he ended up not. so we went to his house after the game and picked him up. we came to my house, smoked some jiggly b, didn't really do anything though. then kim left me at jacob's house cuz she didn't want to take me to ari's house. so i hung out with jacob for awhile until amy and mello came and got me. jacob's dad and his dad's friends were there having a bar-b-q, and they like attacked me. they kept talking about my hair and asking to touch it. then they were asking me about peircings and shit. it was odd. then when mello and amy got there, this one guy, i think his name was Brit, had us come into the light so he could look at all of our eyes. he said amy was...i don't renember what he said...oh wait, i never heard cuz i was talking to jacob. duh. he said that mello was trouble, and that i was really kool and down to earth and shit. like he could tell that from looking into our eyes...yeah. anyways, jacob's leaving in a year, which really sux cuz i'll miss him. oh well, i have a year until then. yep.

amy's mom had heart surgery on monday. she's okay though. everything worked out fine. which is good. i was worried cuz as much as amy wouldn't admit it, i could tell that she was really upset by it. she would admit it, but not as much as she says. yep.

SePtEmBeR 23, 2001

ugh, i've gotten soooooo bad at this whole updating thing! okay, let's see, what's happened in, the party last saturday was a lot of fun. there was a lot of drama though. everyone was making out with someone that they shouldn't have been...and got into some sort of trouble. there was a lot of crying. jacob didn't show...and we couldn't get ahold of him, so i couldn't talk to him until monday. when i saw him on monday he told me he got arrested on friday and that's why he didn't come. we hung out after skool monday and tuesday. got high on tuesday, that was fun! it was my first time getting high with him. then he didn't come to skool on wednesday or thursday, so we went to his house to see what was up, and he was gone. his ex-neighbor yelled at us and told us never to come there again. so then he showed up on friday at skool and said he got evicted. it sucked. he didn't really care though. so we hung out with him until 4, then brought him home. we said we would call him and come get him, so at 5 i called him and he said he might be going to cobb, call back in 20 minutes. so i did, but i had just missed him and his dad said he was going to be gone until sunday. then he ended up coming home saturday and coming over from like 4 until 11. it was fun. we got high and drunk and smoked. yep yep. all the people that were there was:john, doug, mello, jeff(this guy who works at taco bell), theresa(i used to work at taco bell with her), jacob, me, amy, kim, ari, lauren, mike, and kevin. yep yep. it was fun...except the fighting and drama that was there...john and mello got into a huge fight. it sucked. yep. all the people that were there last weekend were: me, amy, kim, john, doug, mello, ari, lauren, billy, mike, randi, jennifer, david and jon. it was some crazy ass shit.

john's b-day was on friday, so his mom is throwing him a surprise b-day party at his house right now...only i can't fucking be there cuz my mom's a fucking cunt and is making me stay home to babysit matt. i'm pissed. beyond pissed. oh yeah! i just renembered, jacob told us that he has his dick peirced, and ari was like "can i see it..come it to me..." for like ten minutes. and he was like "i don't show it to people, i show it to clits" or something like that. and she was all "well come inside and we can arrange for that....". ugh, she pissed me off a lot...i just didn't say anything about it. she wanted everyone with a penis that was was annoying. and kim...don't even get me started. she was like hella flirting with jacob...and she has a boyfriend. it's annoying cuz her and jeff are back together now, yet she wants to find someone to fuck around with so she can get over jeff....whom she is still with....i don't know. it just doesn't make sense to me. whatever though, it's her life...she wants to do that, she can.

amy's leaving for job corp in like 3 weeks. that makes me so sad. seriously. what am i going to do without her?? jacob said that he'd replace her, so he's #2(doug is still #1 and always will be!)but it's just not the same. :( i think i'm going to go sleep right now, i'm tired. bye.

SePtEmBeR 13, 2001

hey all! the concert was great! we went and had a riotous time! hehe! i bought a new found glory shirt, i love it! the bands that we saw were new found glory, sum 41, and blink 182. it was so kool. i lost my voice during blink 182, yep yep. i didn't really like them all that much until i saw them live. they kick ass live. they really do. we stayed in a hotel after wards(after we went to denny's of course)and then went home at like 1 or 2 on sunday. it was super kool! hehe. then my week other than that's just kinda been "eh..". let's see. i made a new friend, his name is jacob. he's hella kool! yep yep. he's a freshman, but he's 16. he's got a mohawk and he's gonna let my dye it green, though now he says he wants it yellow. yep yep. it's kool though. and he likes hella kool music. he has his tongue pierced and he used to have his nipples peirced. yep. i want him to meet all my friends and all that cuz i think they'd hella like him. oh, doug lives with john now cuz he got kicked out of his house. so sad :( oh well, i guess he's doing good at john's. yep. there's the whole terrorism thing that's going on, that's kinda eh. it kinda scares me and all that, i really don't want to be at war. it's not kool. yeah. tuesday was boring. wednesday kim came and picked me up from skool, we hung out. that was kool. we went over to ari's new house that she lives in by herself, where i started planning a house warming party for her. hehe. then today was just another day. yep. i talked to my friend jacob and he's coming to the party! someone told him that all my party's are hella crazy and all this shit. silly. yep yep.

SePtEmBeR 6, 2001(2 days until RBS4!!)

hey! i'm grounded :( that's why there's been no updating. yep. i'm in computer class right now. oh, btw, skool started on the 4th. that was a blast...not! i have photography...which i'm so looking forward to...once we get our damn cameras! hah. other than that, skool's been gay. i have tutoring 5th period(i go to the elementary skool and tutor little people in reading)but i think i'm going to transfer out and be an IWE for my little brother's class(just cuz mariesa and clone #3 are in there and i don't want to have to put up with them for the wholre skool year)yeah. hmmm, i went to the fair on saturday and sunday and worked in the big brothers booth. it was boring...but fun. it was me, amy, kim, and mello. yep yep. then afterwards, i went home and got a lecture from my dad and got grounded for reason's i would rather not mention on here....i'm supposed to be grounded until sunday, but i'm going to the concert on saturday so i get off the hook a day early. yay :) anywho, i'm going to go now, the next time i write will probably be sunday so i can tell about the concert(if we do end up going for sure cuz i don't even know if john has gotten the damn tickets yet...amy said he got them last night...he better have!)

SePtEmBeR 1, 2001(3 days until system of a down!!)

last night was sooo fun!! hehe. mello came over and got me and amy. we went to the fair and got john, doug, and pat...well, we actually just met up with them and they met us at the park. they loved our NOG hats, they're gonna get some tonight. yep yep. anyways, we went to the park and hung out until midnight. that was hillarious cuz they were having a jumping contest off the swings and shit. it was silly. then we went to my house, i gave doug all his shit that he left here. he went and stole a "donkey dick" for me and signed it. then we went and did some silly shit with eggs(hehe). then we went to pats to wait for john to come out...which he never did. there was an empty house next door, so doug went in through the window and opened the door for me...then i noticed a light on in the back room. so we ran out. we went and knocked on pats door and hid. then we heard people down at the raunt...which is our place. so we went and got in the mello's van and went down there. it turned out to be darren wells, jenny allen, and some chick names linsey. so we hung out with them and played truth or dare. it was hillarious! hehe. then i got doug to give me his boxers, i'm gonna hang them on my ceiling. haha. i had him sign it and all that. it was sooo fun. then i came home at like 2 and talked to mike for like 30 minutes. that was kool. he was wearing my NOG beanie so i gave him my KoRn one to wear. then when i was in bed, he came in and put his new slipknot cd in my cd player, put it on song 5(my fave song on that cd)and left. that was nice of him :) haha, last night, doug was wearing my beanie, it's sooooo funny! he looked like a hard core thug! hehe. silly shiz i tell you. he's gonna get a beanie too. anyways, i gotta go get ready to go cuz me, amy, and kim are working at the fair tonight. yep yep. everyone's gonna be there and come see us. it should be fun!! otay, L8R!!!

AuGuSt 31, 2001(4 days until system of a down!)

last night was the fair. that was okay. i got to hang out with lotsa people. i saw randi, lauren, mello, kym, cynthia, dodi, christina, krista, erin, richard, and soo many other people i know. i went with kim and amy. we had fun i guess. me and kim puffed a little sumthin sumthin before we went in. it was silly. we got these "super kool" hats(me and kim got beanies, amy got a hat, and mello got a visor)that are black and say "NOG" in red writing. they are hella bad ass. i love them sooo much! i guess i should say what "NOG"'s a cult that doug and john started. it's kool. anyways, so after the fair(at like 12:30)mello came over to my house and got me and amy. we got a cone and drove to clear lake and coned dougie. it was kool. we put it on top of "the doug mobile". i hope he found it. if not, i left a message on his voice mail today telling him aobut it. anyways, so after that, we went back to lakeport(we drove all the way around the was silly). by this time it was about 2. we went to jack in the box and got some stuff, then went on vista and just kicked it. then mello took me and amy home. i love hanging out with mello soooo much! she is soooo much fun! i wish i could explain how fun she is, but it's just too hard! haha. yep, so that was my night last night. the night before...i don't think we did anyting. nope we didn't. and i already wrote about that night anyhow. yep yep. oh! before i forget, yesterday like basically as soon as i woke up, i dyed my hair bright red. it looks hella kool. i just have to make the front more orange now. i think the next time i change my hair color, i'm gonna do it this hella kool ultra violet color with after midnight blue(it's sooo pretty, it's like this hella kool dark blue, it's hard to explain...oh well). yep yep.

skool starts on tuesday...i'm not looking forward to it. i really don't want to go back to skool. i mean, i do cuz i miss everyone, but then again it's skool! ahhh! oh well. i might as well just get it over with, huh? i just don't want to have to see all those pompus assholes that i spent my whole summer avoiding cuz i can't stand their stuck- up "i'm better than you" attitudes. oh well. and i'm kinda afraid of how "the old group" is gonna come together. i mean, i know that courtney, james, me, and some others will still be'll just be different though. i found out that one of my fave people from skool, went on independant study. that makes me sooo sad!!! :( i'm gonna miss christina. oh well. i'll get over it. i lost my emo pin from my sweat shirt one night and so she gave me hers last night. it was nice. and nicole mcmurray is going on independant study too. then there's nathan who will be going on it second semester so that he can graduate with all of us. everyone's leaving...what am i to do?! :( i really wish that i were a senior this year, that way i could graduate with some of my friends(kim, john, doug, randi, mike...i wouldn't litterally be graduating with all of them, but still, you get the point..)and kim and amy wouldn't have to wait around so long for me to graduate so we can move to seattle. oh well, i can't help it that i was born in '85 and not '84. otay, i'm gonna go now. i think i've written enough.

AuGuSt 29, 2001(6 days until system of a down!)

let's see, on friday, we had a slumber party at amy's house, that was fun. it was me, amy, kim, john, and doug(my bestest friend). then the next day, we all went to ari's barbie birfday party at the park, that was silly. then the 5 of us and mello, ari, jennifer, dodi, and lauren all got together and went camping. that was a 2 riots and a half. i got sooooo fucked up! i had some capriski's(capri sun/yukon jack...or however that's spelled), vanilla schnopps mixed with sprite(it tasted like cream soda), and a shit load of hard lemonades. and on top of that, i was really stoned. yep yep. there was some truth or dare both nights. and the dares for john and doug ALWAYS consist of nakedness. so needless to say...i saw a lot more of john and doug than what i wanted to see. yep. the next day we went out to breakfast at denny's. then me kim and amy went swimming at blue was soooooo fun! the rest of time has just kinda been "blah". just hanging out with people. i got really depressed yesterday, it sucked. it was the first time...since june....when me and phil broke up. oh well. today i went to ukiah with kim and my family. i got some rounded spikes, pyramids, and mini pyramids for my sweatshirt at freedom. i also got some really cute boot like shoes and another pair of really cute blue sneaker type things. and i got a red spongebobsquarepants shirt, a blue weezer shirt, and a white batman shirt. and i got this really cute shoulder bag type thing for skool. yep yep. oh, and i got some more red hair dye to dye my hair. yep yep.

AuGuSt 18, 2001

ahhhh, i'm back from camp. i actually got back 2 days ago, just haven't had the time to do anything really. anywho, let's see, how was was a RIOT AND A HALF!!!! i had sooo much fun. yep yep. we(me and amy)made 3 new friends, they are "G", Pimp, and Player. Their real names are Idel("G"), Justin(Pimp), and Josh(Player). at first we hated all 3 of them, then we started to tease "G" about liking britney spears(he doesn't really)and shit and he just kinda became our buddy. Then we hated pimp and player up until wednesday night, then we just kinda sat around and talked about cop experiences and all that and bacame friends. i stayed up until 2 on wednesday night talking to Pimp. It was a fun vacation. yep yep. anyways, that's about all that's been happening. yeah. i would go into more detail about camp, but i don't feel like it right now. maybe one day i will, when i get my film developed and put pics of everyone on here. yep.

i dyed my hair, it looks hella kool. it's bright red, with orange in the front. it was meant to be yellow in the front, but then the red ran into to the bright yellow and turned it orange. it looks hella kool though. yep yep. amy's on the phone with john right now, he sux. him and mello are gonna come and see us. yep. our friend david is here, but he went somewhere temporarily. otay, i'm gonna go now cuz this is getting boring. mhm. byez!

AuGuSt 10, 2001

damn, i'm not that good at the whole updating thing i?? oh well. i'm just too busy, that's all. otay, let's see, i've been hanging out with my friends a lot. just kicking it. getting high. shit like that. amy's parents went out of town, and i spent the whole week here, it was really silly, fun though. i spent the night here last saturday(i think)and so did doug and john. i got grounded for it though cuz my mom and dad didn't know where i was. oh well. i went camping with amy and kim at this hella kool place called middle creek. we were going to a place called deer valley, but then decided not to. it was sooooo much fun though! me and kim both drank 6 hard lemonades and puffed some cheebah, oh my god, we were both sooo fucked up! hehe, it was sooo fun though! and then the next night me and kim took matt camping cuz he wanted to go with us the night before. that was fun too...until matt woke up at 3:30 in the morning and threw up :( so we had to walk him up to my house(we camped like a block away from my house..."the beach")

according to john and doug, i like doug. and that's really funny to me, cuz i didn't even know that one! hah. oh well. they can go ahead and think whatever they want, i don't want doug though. just as a friend. i mean, afterall, he is my best friend. :) yep. it just bothers me that they would think that though. lately it appears that it's not okay for me to just be friends with a guy, everyone either thinks that i want him or that he wants me(which would never happen with anyone cuz i'm just ew). yeah, that's just gay. oh well. i guess i'll just have to forget about it.

this summer has been really good, i can't believe that it's almost over :( there's not even a month left. oh well. i'm gonna be a junior. and on my first weekend of skool, i'm going to a hella kool concert! yay! i can't wait. i'm dying my hair bright red and orange i think. i'm not sure though. i don't really know what color would look good with red. orange sounds okay though. yep yep. otay, i'm off now. bye.

JuLy 19, 2001

i was in the bay area for the past couple of days. oh what a joy that was. i spent 2 days with my family....2 DAYS WITH MY PSYCHO FAMILY!!! AHHH!!! oh well. it had it's fun points. thats about all that's happened. yep. i'm babysitting amy's brothers right now. and waiting for kim to come here so that i can kick it with her. yep. that outta be some fun. otay, i'm off now. bye!

JuLy 16, 2001

i went to me first REAL concert(i'm not talking konocti or local bands)yesterday!!! it was SOOOOOO fun!!! i went to a Godsmack and Deftones concert. the other bands there were: System of a Down, Saliva, Puddle of Mudd, Stereomud, CKY, Luxt, Craving Theo and some other band i can't renember. there's so much i want to say about all the fun and adventure of the day....but i don't have enough time to write it all right now! it was a blast! i can't even begin to explain all the fun i had! i went with amy, john, mello, and doug. The only 2 bad things were that the Deftones had to cancel cuz Chino's voice went to shit and had to rush to the hospital. and the other thing was that me and amy didn't get to sit with doug, john, and amy. my parents think that i went with some chick named jonnie from amy's work. shhh! it's a secret. oh and the kool thing about the deftones is that we get discounts for the next time they come to sac(in october)and guess who they're touring with.....KORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited you don't even know! after the concert we got this guy to strip down completely and mello took pictures of it. it was soo fucking funny! we went to denny's for dinner. that was a riot! doug mooned me and amy afterwards. it was scarey. i love doug, he cracks me up. and to all of you who don't believe me(you know who you are)I DO NOT LIKE DOUG IN THAT WAY! just as a friend. that's all. anyways, fun fun fun. it was all fun.

me and kim went to ukiah the other day to go to freedom...only to get there and see that it was closed already. :( oh well though. then we couldn't seem to get outta ukiah. we kept getting on the the wrong on-ramps and off the wrong off-ramps. it was really funny though. and kim had this huge soda that didn't seem to wanna stay up, it kept flying all over the place. it was crazy! haha. then we finally got back to lakeport and we were like 45 minutes too late to pick amy up from work.

hmmm, anything else interesting....john came and hung out with us the other night. it was amazing. he never comes to hang out with us unless there is alcohol, weed, or doug involved. we had lotsa fun! yep yep. we drove around in kim's car and shit like that. and we went to the drive ins the other night...for the 3rd time that week! ahhh! i went with kim, amy, david sutton, randi, nicole, nathan, james, and courtney. david's hella kool. he spent a year in fineland as a foriegn exchange student, so he had all these silly stories to tell us. yep yep. i think that's about it...other than the usual of hanging out with kim and amy and every once in awhile other people thrown in there. oh, i'm disappointed in myself. if you know me at all, you know that 11 months ago i quit smoking cigerettes. well, last week, i kinda started again. but it only lasted for a week cuz i said after the concert i'm stopping again. it's not even that i like them or that i want to. it's more that i like the head rushes and looking at the smoke. but i quit now, no more smoking for nikole. nope nope nope. otay, i'm off now. i have to go spend 3 days in the bay area with my jewish grandparents. oh yay...i'm excited...NOT! oh well though. i can just hang out with mike the whole time. yep. otay, bye.

JuLy 9, 2001

today was fun. i babysat until around 7 or 8. kim and ari came over and we all(kim, ari, amy, and me)went and hung out. we drove around town. then went to the park and just kicked it. it was a blast...yep. then we came home and hung out(it was around 11)and then went back into town for like 30 minutes and raced with a car full of mexicans(that we saw at jack in the box then at the gas station and then on the freeway). that was a blast! we were going like 95, and cracking up. then we came back home and just kinda kicked it.

last night was lotsa fun! kim came over. and we went and saw mello. she said she'd come see us when she got off work. so we went home. doug and john came over and hung out with us. then mello showed up. it was so much fun! me and doug have "friendship moths"! they're silly. he cought me a moth and i cought him one. we both have to keep em forever. mines in a plastic bag tacked to my wall and his is in an apple juice container. we had a "chicken fight"(john was on mello's back and doug was on mine)the first time john and mello won cuz i dropped doug cuz i was laughing so hard. then the second time me and doug won, though in the end it ended up being a pile of john, mello, me, and doug. it was interesting. yep yep. i love hanging out with them, it's just so fun! yay! i wanna have another party...maybe this weekend. i'm thinking yes. i don't know, i would have to talk to everyone though. it's not even that i want to get drunk or anything. it's just that i love hanging out with everyone together, it's always so fun! yep yep. well, i think i'm gonna go now. it's late. kim's already asleep and i think amy is on her way. so until next time....goodbye!

July 8, 2001

damn, it's been awhile. oh well. let's, i've been hanging out with kim and amy a lot. been busy too. i went to the coast with my parents last weekend. that was fun. wednesday(the fourth of jluy)i hung out with james, courtney, trever, kim, amy, and victor. that was fun. they all came over(except james)afterwards and we partied. trever got drunk for the first time, it was silly. it was a lot of fun though! i spent a lot of time just talking to victor. yep. friday night i went to the drive ins with kim, amy, john, and doug. that was lots of fun! :) we hadn't heard from john in forever, then he just called, and met us there. it was kool. doug is my new best friend. actually, it's dougie. haha. then last night i hung out with nicole, courtney, james, amy, and nathan(which at first we were "fighting" so we didn't talk to eachother). then we talked about everything at like 2 a.m., we "worked things out" i guess. we're gonna work to fix our friendship, which is really good cuz i really do love nathan. things are starting to look up for me i guess. i know everythig is going to be fine. i just know that it will. i've had this feeling inside of me that makes me think that. that's what made me stop being depressed about phil, cuz i realized i was going to be okay. yeah, things may be shitty at times, but in the end, everything going to be okay. that's what keeps me going and not depressed. yep. otay, i'm going now. i'm at amy's cuz mike broke my comp. i just figured i might as well check my email and update this. so bye.

June 28, 2001

i've been really busy lately. busy busy busy! haha. lets see...over the past 8 days, i have gotten together with kim like 4 times, hung out with victor and trever. went to the coast with victor, courtney, james and trever. went to the drive ins with trever, victor, amy, coconut, and james. that was all fun. yep yep. i dyed my hair...if you couldn't tell by the pic on the main page. and i guess the least important thing is that phil doesn't want to be my friend anymore. oh well. whatever. that's his loss, not mine. me and amy highlighted victors hair..and i'm gonna dye it pink soon. it'll look hella kool. yes it will. tomorrow i'm having a party. that outta be fun! fun fun fun!! :)

june 20, 2001

okay,so let's see. where to start. i got a hait cut. it's really short. in the front, it's about 6 or 7 inches long, then in the back it's 2 inches long and spiked. i like it a lot. i wanted to cuz it like this before, but i didn't. now i did. i'm quitting my job. i don't want to work there anymore. and now here's the biggest news, also the hardest to talk about....phil broke up with me. i don't exactly feel like talkign about it cuz this is like one of the only times outta the day that i'm not crying over that, so let's not get me started. the catoring thing was fun, we got to drink. though coconut and james had more to drink than i did and got more fucked up than i did, it was fun. ari is here for the summer, we got together yesterday and hung out. i hung out with randi too. and kim, she came over and hung out with me and amy for a day. we dyed her hair and cut it. she's spending the night at my house tonight. and we are gonna ger jiggled, something i really really need. even though i quit 2 months ago, my reasons for quitting seem so blurry to me right now. i'm not gonna get addicted and i'm not going to let it fuck up my life and lead to other things. i'm not that stupid.

life is shit right now. everything is going wrong. just when i think that things might start to get good, what happens? it turns even worse. and the worst possible thing happened to me. i don't know, maybe it's better this way...i don't think so though. i really don't. oh well, it's not like what i think really matters...does it? it's not like anyone really comes here to read any of this except maybe amy on occasion. probably not even her. oh well, it's not like my life is all that interesting anyways. well, i bet it's about to get a lot more less interesting. i don't think phil's coming to visit anymore, i don't care if we're broken up, i still want him to come here. just cuz he's a good friend. it's going to be hard to get over him and all that, ad it's going to take a lot of time, but i'll get past it...sooner or later. anyways, like i said before, i don't want to talk about's just hard to believe that we're actually broken up. 11 months and 1 week out of my life(in my eyes, the best 11 months in my life)are now put to an end that isn't very good. i hope that we can still be hella good friends, i think of him as one of my best friends.

JuNe 12, 2001

let's see...what's new in nikole's life....I HAVE A JOB!!! i work at taco bell!! oh yeah baby! haha, it's a job though. that's about it i think. today is mine and phil's 11 month anniversary......damn...11 months. wow. um...i don't know, that's about it for my life. on saturday i'm catoring a wedding, that should be a fucking blast...i'm sooooo sure! not! it's final's week, 3 more days left of skool. yay! then summer! whoo hoo! i can't wait. then phil will be here! yay! i'm gonna dye vicor's hair pink, kool, huh? yeah i think so. i'm not in a good mood right now, but it's not bad either. there's nothing to explain it. it's just "blah". otay, i'm gonna go. bye!

JuNe 2, 2001

wow, it's been about 9 days since i've updated this...and a lot of shit has been happening. let's see, where can i start...i think i'll start with last weekend. i did yard work at coconut's house and got $24. then i went and babysat at nathan's house for $20. okay, so then i hung out with nicole and nathan, and they ditched me. amy, kim, and jeff come over and keep me company. we leave. come back and nicole is not spending the night at my house anymore, she's spending the night at nathan's. so i didn't talk to either one of them all week long. i emailed nathan and told him the truth, in a nice wat(and i'm not the only one who thinks this...)and he fucking blew up on me. and now he hates me. well, he doesn't really hate me, but it sure as hell feels like it. i don't know what's gonna happen with that whole thing, but i'm not gonna write about it for 2 reasons...1:it's not your business, 2:i don't wanna get all sad again.

okay, so i have been sick and only went to skool 1 1/2 days this week. monday there was no skool and friday was day on the green, so technically i only missed 1 1/2 days of skool. originally on day on the green me, nicole, nathan, courtney, and james were gonna do something. then coconut got grounded. then after this whole thing happens with me and nathan i find out that i am no longer invited to come because niceol didn't want me to be uncomferetable. i wouldn't have been uncomferetable, but whatever. it's more like they didn't want me there. so screw that. so i hug out with amy. and then randi came over and spent the night last night. i don't know what i'm gonna do now...cuz kim's spending the night and she doesn't get off work until 8. and amy's in santa rosa. i guess i could get some of that reading in that i need to get done really really bad. yep. okay, i'm gonna go now. gonna go find something else to do. oh! and last night i re-bleached the bleached part of my hair. it looks kool, it's really really blonde. yep yep. :) bye.

MaY 24, 2001

nothing has really happened. over the weekend me, kim, amy, nathan, and coconut hung out. i went to nathan's house, we(me nate and nicole)hung out for awhile. then after awhile, kim came and got me and nathan. we came to my house. had some juicy honey worm. then nathan and kim spent the night. i didn't go to skool monday. tuesday i went to this thing at the bowling alley with kim for her skool. i was there from 5ish until 11ish. yep yep. then everything's been the same as before....retarded. yeah. i'm bored. BORED! and i have to sneeze. ahhhh!

MaY 17, 2001

hi all. you know, i was's kinda stoopid for me to write things on here cuz no one reads them anyways. oh well, it's a place for me to just talk about things, yeah. anyways, my mom is being a royal bitch. she was taking a nap, wakes up, and the first fucking thing she does is come up to me and start to bitch at me. she told me to pick up the trash and i told her it's mike's job not mine, and she fucking freaked out on me. then my dad came in and asked me what the hell i was doing and told me not to do it cuz it's not my chore. my mom pisses me off so much sometimes. i was in a good mood for the first time practically all day, and of course, leave it to mommy to come in and fuck it up. grrr. whatever though. i'm just gonna forget about it. i wanna go to sleep now. it's a little after 9 and i'm so fucking tired. ahhh! i finished my english portfolio, it's over 30 pages long. it's pretty good. it looks nice. HOPEFULLY, i'll do good on it so my english grade can go up. i just wanna get it up to at least a "c" cuz it's a "d" right now. yep yep. my tongue is burnt from coconut's coffee this morning. yep. it is. shit! i forgot to ask nicole if she's gonna pick me and coconut up tomorrow for skool...i think i'm gonna call her real quick and then go to bed. but i wanted to talk to my phil bear... i don't think i am going to tonight :*( that's so sad.

May 16, 2001

hey. the past couple days have been pretty shitty. this weekend had it's ups and downs. uh, let's see, friday night me, nicole, nathan, and victor all stayed the night at courtney's. randi showed up at about 1 a.m. cuz her mom kicked her out so she stayed with me at courtney's. we slept together on the love seat...awww. then saturday we picked up james and went to the lake(not clear lake, lake mendocino or something like that)and hung out for like 5 or 6 hours. me and nathan kinda got into a fight. i got upset cuz i'm dumb. then we brought randi home and went home. we had a party down at the beach for nathan's birfday. i got high for my last time. so did nathan. james, victor, and nicole got drunk. courtney got a little tipsy. kim showed up and left. so did ari. we(me, nicole, nate, and courtney)camped down at the beach. amy was supposed to too but she went home. the next day i got all dperessed for some reason and emailed phil a really long bitchy email(sorry about that...). then he called me on monday cuz he was worried about me i guess. so i talked to him for a couple hours and that cheered me up a lot. then he called again last night. i loce talking to him, he has a way of making me so happy. he's so great :) then today was just odd. i don't know why. i have cramps :( i almost threw up this morning. and i have to finish my poetry analysis for my portfolio that's due friday...but i'm gonna turn it in tomorrow so i can get some extra credit on it. yep. that's about it. interesting wouldn't you say...? i wouldn't.

MaY 9, 2001

let's see, what's new in my life...nothing really. i went to skool on monday, and tuesday, and today. i talked to my phil bear on the phone sunday night, monday night, and last night. i love talking to him! he makes me so happy. i was in such a bad mood last night cuz of my mom. she was being such a bitch. she said some shit to me about how i don't know anything about stress, maybe not in so many words, but i knew what she meant. that's right, i'm only 16, i don't know what stress is...cuz my life is so fucking carefree. she's so clueless to anything about me, you know that? it's like i don't exist. talking to phil makes everything so much better, i don't even think about all the stupid shit in my life. i love it. i love him. i really do. i spent like an hour earlier typing up shit for my english poetry portfolio. that thing is so shitty, i mean, it's kool and all, but it's like there's so much retarded things that are gonna be in it. and mine's probably gonna suck. oh well. and then i spent like 30 minutes reading poems and writing shit down about them for my stoopid poetry log. that was fun...not. i guess i shouldn't have put it off for so long...i had like 2 months to do it, i just didn't want to. oh well. i'm downloading songs cuz i'm bored. yep. tomorrow is nathan's 15th birfday. i made him a card in art, he gave me a big long hug after he read it. yep yep. otay, well i'm gonna go wash the floor before i just don't do it and get grounded...i keep saying i'm gonna wash it but i keep pushing it back, i'm such a procrastinator! bye!

MaY 6, 2001

my weekend was shit. i went to nathan's house, that was fun for the most part...except for the fact that i felt outta place and like i was unwanted. there was courtney and james off doing their little thing. then there was nicole and nathan off doing their little thing..and i just felt like i shouldn't have been there. i went and saw randi and mello. then nathan like got in a bad mood and was being mean to everyone but then we worked all that out. it was sad. then i got home and my mom was all upset so i asked her what was up and she was like "mikel ben and nathan got into an accident". my heart fucking fell on the floor. luckily they were all okay. so nathan(silva)'s mom came and got me and my mom and we drove around for an hour and a half looking for mike. i had to tell nathan(perry)'s mom what happened cuz no one had called her. then mikel came home finally at about 1:30. it was crazy shit. i called phil back..even though i shouldn't have cuz it was 2 a.m., and i woke him up. i felt really bad :( but he said it was okay and he was glad i called. then i went to bed at like 3. i hope i can talk to phil today. i'm staying home all day just cuz i need a day off from all the shit. yep. that was my weekend. pretty shitty, huh? i think so.

MaY 4, 2001

damn, it's been awhile since i last updated...okay, i'll start with last week. last thursday i went to ukiah with my family and mike got his tongue pierced. then on friday i went to this awsome punk concert with amy, courtney, and john. that was so fun. i got into the mosh pits...that was awsome. and i made some friends(sarah and salina). saturday i hung out with courtney, nicole, nathan, ari, amy, and john. that was fun. saturday i hung out with amy, kevin, james, nathan, nicole, and courtney. monday i went to skool. tuesday i went to skool. wednesday i "died". it was this program for skool called "every 15 minutes" where 25 students "die" for 2 days. it was really sad. i cried a lot. it was some crazy shit. they had us write "goodbye letters" to our parents...that was so hard. i wrote on the amy, kim, nathan, and phil. when amy and nathan read it they both cried. kim teared up. and phil hasn't read it yet. thursday i got to come back to skool for the "funeral" where half the skool cried. it was sad. it touched so many people. then i didn't have to go to skool the rest of the day and i got to go and drive around for like an hour. it was kool. then i went to skool today. i talked to phil on the phone sunday, monday, tuesday, and thrusday. it was so sad, he was depressed, it made me wanna cry.

ApRiL 24, 2001

yesterday was an interesting day for not going to skool. courtney showed up at my house at about 3:30-4:00, and asked me about a cd store in Ukiah, then asked if i wanted to go with her. So i went to Ukiah with her, she bought james a mudhoney cd cuz today is his birfday(happy b-day james!), we went to freedom and both bought some pyramids. the guy that works there gave us this flyer for a punk concert on friday, we're probably going. it'll be kool. then i came home at about 6:30 and went out with my family and amy. we went and looked at cars(cuz my parents got some money and we need a new car desperatly), i had lots of fun with mike and amy running around raising hell :) then we went to TNT's, that was fun up until the point when 2 drunk guys came in demanding a steak sandwhich to go(which they left without buying it...after the people had already started to make it...). we were sitting there making fun of them cuz they were pathetically hillarious, one of them decided it would be fun to talk shit about amy which pissed me, amy, my dad, and my mom off. i was about to go over there and kick the shit outta that asshole piece of shit mother fucker. i don't care who you are, you DO NOT talk shit about my friends in my presence. even if you're my friend, i'll get on your case about it. my dad wouldn't let me do anything, i talked shit to them but my dad kept telling me to kool it. so i did...after they left. i was so fucking pissed off! then we went and played on the swings. that was fun :) oh and here's the silly part...i wore a skirt! lol, yes, i wore a skirt. hard to believe i know... but i did. it was long dark blue with a cargo pocket. it's cute. it's amy's. yep yep. then today i went to skool, that was so fun...not. i got out of class for almost half of 3rd period and the first like 10 or 15 minutes of 4th period. it was kool. other than that it was a normal day at skool...boring. lol. i don't know what's wrong with me, i'm like depressed but at the same time i'm not. i read things from people and i get all emotional about it, and it's things that i shouldn't even really care for. it's so stoopid. ugh. i can't stand being so emotional and shit. i think i'm just demented...oh well. it's not like there's anything i can do about it. but at the moment i'm not all down, i'm actually in a good mood, just because i can be :) well, i'm gonna go sew the flame patch on my sweatshirt, bye! I LOVE YOU GUYS...not that any of you come and read all this shit that i write on here anyways.

ApRiL 22, 2001

i have 3 days to catch you up on, so brace yourselves. it's not like anyone really reads all this anyways, but it's okay. hmm, friday(4-20...haha)i hung out with ari for a little bit, then hung out at courtney's until like 9. then i went to amy's house and hung out with her until like 11 or so. saturday nathan's mom came and got me and took me to her house where nicole, courtney, james, and nathan were. then kevin showed up. we are the saturday bunch, that group. hehe. nathan had bleached his hair, so had courtney. then me and nicole gave kevin a mohawk which looks so good! i love it. i wish i had one...well i would if i were a guy. anyways, then everyone left except me and nate so we were alone for about 20 minutes. then kim showed up, she left, me and nate got into a deep conversation and then ari showed up. a little later kim came back. then we left nate's house and went to mine(me nate and kim, ari went home). we got jiggled and hung out. amy came home. nathan went home at 1. then me and amy and kim stayed up late talking until we were all 3 passing out. amy went home, went to sleep and i passed out. i don't know about kim, she probably passed out too. then nathan came and got me at about 11:45 today and we went to james's house so him, james, and kevin could practice. their good for their first time practicing with nate. then nicole and courtney came over. nicole left, then came back. then she left again. i played the drums for the first time ever...i wasn't that great cuz it was a right handed set up and i'm left handed. i fucked around on kevin's bass while nicole fucked around on james's guitar. we were our own little band with songs and everything. it was a lot of fun. then nathan's mom came and got us at like 6 or so, and i went to courtney's for like 15 minutes. then i came home, went to amy's, came home again, and here i am. i have had a fun and busy time this spring break. phil got back today and i talked to him for like 10 minutes. i miss him, we don't talk much. oh well, we're both busy people. summer is getting closer and closer. i want summer to be here so i don't have to go to skool, i can get a job, and phil will come visit. but i hate the summer cuz it's so fucking hot and sunny out. oh well. it's only a couple months. i can't wait for phil to come here, but i'm also really really really really nervous about it. just thinking about it i get nervous. lol. oh well, i guess i'm just a dumbass. anyways, my tongue hurts, i don't know why, it just started to hurt. oh well. i think i might have bit it before or something and it's just now getting sore. probably. last night i kept chewing on my barbell, i don't know why. i shouldn't do that, it's plastic(cuz it's a glow in the dark one...hehe)and i could dent it. that wouldn't be kool cuz it'd scrape my mouth. otay, i'm gonna go now. byeeeeee!

ApRiL 19, 2001

where to start...where to start...hmmm...let's see, sunday night kim stayed the night. and then again on monday night. she went home tuesday at about 1 or so. we had lot's of fun :) after kim left, dan sharon, niles biffle, and brian bareis showed up and we got jiggled. then i took a nap and amy woke me up. that was it for tuesday. wednesday nathan came over and we went to courtney's. then james showed up. then nicole came over. and amy came home from work. then we had ari come over too. so we all hung out. we took james home, then ari went home. and nicole courtney and nathan all stayed the night at my house. amy went home. we(me nicole nate and courtney)stayed up until like 4 and talked and shit. it was an interesting night. i spent some time talking to randi about her and mike. it really saddens me when i talk to her cuz i wish there was something i could say or do to make her feel better, but there isn't. :( then today ari came and picked me up at about 11 and we went to ukiah. i got home at around 3. this is the first time in like a week that i'll actually have over an hour to myself(besides when i sleep)cuz nicole nathan and courtney all went to nicole's house or james's house. james asked nate to be in his band. yay nate! now you can leave those dumbasses behind! i'm so bored, i don't wanna be alone. i wish there was someone here to hang out with me :( but there isn't. and there won't be for a long time. :( how sad. oh well, i should go get some sleep. i need it. i do. maybe nicole will call me and talk to me, then i won't be so bored. i wish i had a car...and a license, i'd go find them and hang out with them. but i don't so i won't. oh well. the boards are pissing me off cuz non of them will open! not mine, not nathan's, not phil's, not amy's. it's pissing me off. grrrr. i feel like being really really negative right now, i don't know why. i think i should go to sleep before i start to be all negative and bitchy. bye.

ApRiL 15, 2001

the easter bunny came! the easter bunny came!! haha!!!! he gave me candy, and other kool stuff. hahah, he loves me. not really, he just didn't want me to feel left out cuz he got the other bitches stuff. haha, mhm. i'm going now, i'm gonna go see my friends. yes i am. bye!

i know you wanna hear about my whole weekend! i just know it! hehe. okay, so i went to courtney's at about 10 on saturday morning, we went and picked up nathan, nicole, kevin, and james. then we went to ukiah, went to mcdonalds and played on the play place! then we went to santa rosa. we went to burlington coat factory, where these ppl were protesting about not buying the fur. it was silly! james walked by petting a fur coat! haha. i made up my own little song cuz they had one(animals are trapped and caged and anally electricuted!). mine was "fur is good, fur is great, nathan likes to masterbate!!" lol. then we went to the mall, i bought a glow in the dark barbell for my tongue, glow in the dark flame socks, a glow in the dark batman shirt, glow in the dark stars for my room, black jelly bracelets(the nicole bought for me), and i think that's all....yeah. mhm. then we came home. nathan had to stay the night at my house cuz him mom wouldn't answer the phone cuz his preppy little sister and her lesbian friends were all on online. gay. then we got up this morning and went to courtney's. then to nathans. then i came home to kim and jeff! and kim is staying the night! that's all i have time ti write now cuz i have to go! BYEEE!!!!

ApRiL 12, 2001

hi! today is mine and phil's 9 month anniversary! hehe. it doesn't seem like its been that long though. oh well. today wasn't that great. it started out okay, i had to take those stoopid SAT9 tests(i took science and math today)then i had to take a test in Biology too. i think i probably failed the test in bio. oh well. i'll just do some extra work. then my asshole brother ripped my back pack :( that makes me so sad! i love that thing! oh well, my dad's gonna fix it for me...but mike is still an ass. oh well. me and courtney were gonna go to the play(musical)thingy. a lot of my friends are in it, but we decided to go tomorrow. so i'm gonna borrow $6 from my mom, if she'll let me. i think she will. and me and courtney are gonna go to it tomorrow after skool. then on saturday i'm going to santa rosa with courtney, james, skevin, nicole, and nathan. nathan doesn't know he's going yet, cuz courtney hasn't told him. i'll call him later and tell him. hopefully skevin won't be an asshole, he doesn't like nathan. oh well, he has to learn to deal with him. i'm talking to my phil bear right now :) yep yep. okay, i'm gonna go. buh byeeeeeeeee!!!

ApRiL 9, 2001

hello! today was a good day! hehe. where to start...let's see, maybe the beginning of the day! yeah. okay, so this morning i was sitting there talking to my friends(courtney, james, victor, trever, skevin...i don't know)and like nathan walks in and walks up to me. he puts these socks in my face and i'm just like "what the hell..." and he's like "my mom bought those for you". it was so silly! i love them, they're white with a monkey hanging from a tree holding a banana with googilie eyes and all this fruit. they crack me up! they are my new fave to my rubber duckey ones which i am wearing right now! lol. well then i was just hyper from then on out. i got to biology and me and nathan got in a poking fight. we stood there and had this "war" for like 3 or 4 minutes. it was hillarious, it reminded me of when we were in 8th grade...well he was in 7th. he didn't have anyone to hang out with at lunch so i ditched my other friends and hung out with him. that was like the first time not hanging out with the other people at lunch in like 2 months. oh well. it was fun though! he was really hyper and being silly. then the rest of the day went like a normal day. i didn't have to ride the stoopid fucking gay bus cuz my mom picked me and my brothers up(and we gave nate a ride to his house)then we went to mike's work, dropped him off and then went to k-mart. i got socks(black ones, yay!), silly putty(4 times as much silly putty in one huge egg), and paper(for skool). then we went to longs, but they didn't have the binder that i wanted so we went to the office supply store and i got a new black show-off binder, dividers, and photo things(to put pictures in my poem portfolio). then we came home. then i went to a secret meeting with my mom and dad. then i came home with courtney(she was at the meeting too)and i came home. i've been home alone since. amy just came over here to tell me about her day, it wasn't that great.I'M SORRY AMY!! I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!!!she just called me a whore, i take back what i just said to her, i hate you bitch. yay! she took it back! WOO HOOOOOO!!! VANILLA ICE!! YAY!! ICE ICE BABY!!!!! HEHEHEotay, i'm gonna go now so that i can devote my 100% attention to my ahmee. hehe. i love my ahmee. lol.


otay, i'm really going now. yep yep. hehe. AHHH! i'm so fucking hyper!! i love my new binder! and my new socks! lol!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!! except for those of you who come to my page that i don't want to come know who you, i'm just kidding! it's not you nathan, i love you nathan! BUH BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!

ApRiL 8, 2001

today was kool. ari came and got me at about 1. we hung out until about 3:30. then i went to amy's house at about 4:15, something like that. we played tetris(touch your ass)for a long time. it was fun. and she was like fucking delerious. she's sick and so she's all fucked up. it's hillarious. we spent so mant hours just laughing our asses off about everything. it was a lot of fun. then i came house at like 8. i talked to phil for like 5 minutes, but then he got offline cuz he's tired. i never talk to him anymore. oh well, i'm not gonna get all bent about it. tomorrow it's back to skool...oh yay. for the stoopid fucking sat9 testing. i can't wait....yeah right. anyways, i'm gonna go now cuz mike wants me to go to some slipknot web site. L8R G8Rs!!! i love you all!!

ApRiL 7, 2001

this weekend was kinda odd. let's see, first of all, we(me and amy)were supposed to go into town with mike when he went to work at 3, but my family was gone and i was babysitting until like 2:35, so i didn't have any time to get ready. so we made plans with ari for her to come pick us up later. so then courtney and james come over to amy's house where we ere. kim showed up in her car at about 7 and ari showed up like 10 minutes later. so i went with kim. and amy went with ari. we stopped by nathan's house to get him, but no one was home. so we went to danny's house where we thought we'd find him(and by this time i was just like fuck it, i don't care...but amy insisted on going there)so we talked to him for a couple minutes and left. we went to the bowling alley for like 2 minutes, then left to go to the piercing place. they had just closed so we went to BK to see mike. when we were there mariesa, fubu, and mariesa's man showed up. they seem to think their intimidating or something which they so are not. then we went to my mom's work and did stuff in the parking lot. then we went to the bowling alley for the duration of the night. a lot happened there. amy's mom and step dad showed up which she said she knew would happen. then she got in a huge fight with her mom where she told her that she needs new friends. cuz amy's friends in high skool, their lives aren't going anywhere. so all of a sudden amy's expected to ast like she's 25. fucked up much? i think so. mariesa sat there and gave amy dirty looks, thinking she's a bad ass. it's really pathetic. the only thing her pathetic little stares do is make us laugh. if she's not so scared of amy, then she could have told her that herself instead of sending her man, and instead of acting like a bad ass with weak ass pathetic dirty looks, she would say sumthing. but whatever...anyways. there was this guy there(josh)he's like ari's man. me and amy had some problems with him the night before so amy wanted to say something to him. she did and he said he didn't care. oh well, he's a dumbass anyways. he's like 20 and looks like he's 15. we left at like 10, amy had to be home by 11 though her parents wouldn't be home until 2. whatever. gay much...yes. tomorrow i'm supposed to get together with ari, so hopefully i don't go to bed too late cuz she's calling at 11.

i wanted to talk to phil tonight, but i usually don't talk to him on the weekends cuz i'm busy and so is he. i haven't talked to him much in the past couple of weeks. but it's okay. i just don't want to happen what happened last time he had drumline(we talked like once every 2 weeks and had a lot of problems...yeah, bad times)hopefully it won't. i don't think it will. anyways, i think i got amy's cold. i'm gonna be sick now. great. i have fucking SAT9 testing all next week and i'm gonna be sick. i'm gonna get like below average in everything. oh well. i have these really kool 'socks', i love them. they're red knee highs, with black fish nets on the outside. i love em. i was gonna get like a black skirt(one that either goes to the ground, or one that goes a little below my knees)and wear it with those. but i don't know. i'm not really a skirt person. i did find a really cute one though, it was to the ground with a slit up to the knee on the left side. it was really cute. it didn't look good on me(not like anything does)but oh well. i don't care. i'm kinda tired, but at the same time i'm not. it's odd. oh well. i think i'm gonna go and write some things on my "ode" section. BYE!

April 5, 2001

let's see, where to start. well, the start of my week was fine. then it just go shittier as it went on. it all started tuesday night when my mom bitched at me non stop for like 30 minutes and i got really depressed and felt all unloved and all that shit. then wednesday i was supposed to go get my permit, but my mom lost my fucking pink slip, i'm never getting my permit. then i realized something i'd rather not say cuz it's just something i dont want other people to know(at the moment only phil knows and i plan on telling amy. i'm gonna tell kim, but that's all the ppl that are gonna know). i woke up this morning hoping that all the saddness would be gone, only to find it got worse. my mom doesn't love me or care about me. i'm probably fucking p one of the only things that are going for me right now. i dont wanna fucking live anymore. i'm sure a lot of ppl would be happy if i were gone, but i just can't bring myself to do it. without phil, amy, nathan, or kim i'd most likely already have killed myself. i just can't take it. i'm emotionally FUCKED up. it just isn't worth all this pain. nothing is. why can't i just have a normal fucking life?! why can't i just not hurt other people and not get hurt? I HATE MY LIFE. the only reason why i'm still at this house is cuz i'm 16, if i were 18 i'd be gone and never heard from again. but i have 2 more years, so i'm just fucked. it's a downhill roll from here.

ApRiL 1, 2001

hey! what's up? nothing here. it's sunday...i'm bored. so let's see, i'll start with what happened friday cuz i haven't written about that yet..okay, so my friend sarah was down here from oregon so she came and picked me and amy up to go hang out. well, amy wanted to go get her nirvana book(one out of about 10 that she has)from her friend kori. then kori ended up coming with us. we drove around upper lake unable to decide what to do...then we decided to go to ukiah and find something to do. when we got there we yelled things at ppl walking by. there were these 2 guys, we called them our boys. it was hillarious. then we went to wallmart so i could get a brush..i just used the brush in the store and put it back. lol. and amy bought 2 disposable camera's. we took so many hillarious pictures! when amy get's the developed, i'll scan some and put them on here. we didn't get home until about 11, and me and amy stayed up until like 3. it was a fun night.

last night was a lot of fun. we went into town, ran into nathan, left nathan, went and picked up james, and ran into nathan again. then nathan talked his mom into letting him hang out with us and picking him up later on. then crazy chris came up out of no where and hung out with us. then we walked down and picked up kim from work and went and got jiggle behind my mom's work. it was the first time i have ever smoked in joint form, and i didn't even cough! yay. chris then made up a song called 'ramalammadingdong' i think..i'm not sure if that was it, i could never get it right. but it was so hillarious. then we went to the gay ass piece of shit bowling alley. we left there and went to McDonalds just to hang out and courtney's mom showed up at about 10:45. we took james home, then went to my house. we just all hung out. amy had to go to her house to yell at her step dad who is a recovering alcoholic and was drinking cuz amy's mom was out of town. he cried. but at least now he knows that amy isn't a child and how stupid it is for him to do that. nathan's mom came and got him at like 1:30 or so. i walked him out to his mom and came back in. when i came back in my dad told me he had to ask me sumthing. so i was like 'what'. and he goes "you know you like him...". and i was just like 'no i don't, i could never like nathan like that.' i doubt he believes me though. but honestly, i don't like nathan as anything more than a friend. and earlier in the week amy and beth said that they sensed sexual tension between me and him. what the hell?! i don't act like i like him...i don't think i do. to other people maybe. but i act the same way with a lot of my friends. like daniel, he calls me the love of his life and we joke around like that. it's just the way we act around eachother. ugh, it pisses me off that ppl think i like him though. oh well. anyways, then we went to sleep(we meaning kim and i, and amy went home)at about 3. kim's mom came and got her this morning at like 9:30 and i went back to sleep until 1. ah, i slept good. hehe. today is courtney and james' first real date! i'm so excited for them. lol. well, i should go. bye!

March 26, 2001

hi. today was okay. a little boring, a little know, same shit, different day. well, not exactly the same...i was really out of it and delerious...i guess that's what happens when all you have is coffee, energy pills, and mountain dew for like 10 hours out of the day...yeah? i think so. anyways, me and my mom were fighting cuz she told me to shut up, so i told her to shut up. and she like freaked out and i told her i really said "mikel's gay". and then she like fucking freaked out on me, and i was like 'what the hell is your problem?!' and she said 'you'. and i was like 'fine then, i'll kill myself, get rid of your problems. give me a razor and i'll slit my wrists right now'. what an interesting night. my house is just full of love. mike is stoopid. haha, j/k. i only said that cuz he's sitting right here crying. haha, big baby. he is on crack tonight, he's so fucking hyper or something...he's been singing since the moment he got home. he likes to sing...he thinks he can. lol. but he can't! haha. he asked me what i think of him...what do i think of him? i don't know....i think he's mike. weird silly brother/friend. yes, mhm. you know it. otay, i'm going to bed now, i'm tired. i want sleep. SHIT! i have to finish reading a book. nevermind sleeping, i'm never going to sleep. never. ah. oh well. mike's rhyming with the word cap. now he's rhyming other shit. he is odd.

March 24, 2001

hello. what's up?! nothing here. yeah, so amy, kim, and nathan are here. they are silly silly gooses. kim is like off passed out in my room. let's see, what did we do today...well, we met up over at amy's mom's shop and went to the tattoo place(which will be getting knocker barbells soon!), then went and saw kim, went to BK and saw mike. then we like amy came, and i left to k-ville to with my parents to pick up kim. then we went back to bk, went to mcdonalds then the bowling alley. then we came back to my house and courtney went home to sleep. then we went to my house and got jiggled. haha, silly. i'm not gonna renember anything of what i'm writing here. i know that i won't. it's already like a blur to what i have just written. oh well. who cares, i can just come back and look at what an idiot i am. otay. bye!

March 20, 2001

hey. i haven't writen anything here in about 4 days so i should update you all a little bit. Mike's birthday was saturday, we had a party. it was hella fun. i so fucked up. :) there was 20-25 people here, i don't really know the exact amount. it was just a lot of fun, i videotaped like 2 hours of it. i would have to say the koolest part is when me and amy were going around and introducing everyone. by the time we got to the people in the backyard, it was like the last of the people. brandon was laying on the bench and cynthia was sitting next to him. we tried to get him to look at us to that we could talk to him, he starts to turn his head but instead of talking to us, he pukes! it was so hillarious! haha

sunday i went to ukiah with courtney, james, amy, and courtney's mom. it was a lot of fun. i video taped that too, like 3 hours of it. we went out to dinner at this place that looks like it belongs in a cheep porn and then we went to the movies and saw crouching tiger hidden dragon. that whole damn movie was in sub titles. but it was a lot of fun. yep yep. i had like the best weekend. it was just so interesting. i loved it!

monday(yesterday)amy came and picked me up after skool. i asked nathan if he wanted to come with us so he did. we walked around town, went to the pizza place that amy's man works at(haha), saw nathan's mom and scheduled for him to be picked up later somewhere else, went to juicer java's and got these pinata calada things that were really good(they tasted a lot like a banana...the chemical banana...phil knows what i'm talking about)and saw courtney's sister who was with amy's sister. so they came over and talked to us. then we went over to the museum(me amy nathan katie ashley and melissa)and sat there and yelled things at cars and shit. i spent the whole time rubbing nathan's leg(you know you liked it nathan! lol)and telling people he had a nice leg. it was silly. then his mom came and got him and took him away from me. then ashely left. then me and amy went to longs.

when we were walking to the pizza place, amy's friend david stopped and gave us a ride. he was telling us about how he gave these 2 guys a ride and they stole $35 from him! then we saw those ppl sitting on a bench feeding eachother chinese food(that was sooo hillarious). then we say them when we were sitting outside of the museum and amy said something about how they stole money from david. so they stopped across the street from us for like 3 minutes talking then came over and asked if we had any money. then everywhere we went later on that night they were there. it was really really creepy. oh well, it's all over now...unless we see them again in town or sumthing...ew, i hope we don't. oh yeah! we almost saw them get their asses kicked by a group of rednecks. one of them had a bat. that was scarey. i hate this town, i really do.

march 16, 2001

today was a good day. i'm in a good mood, and have been all day. i don't think anything could bring me down right now...:) that's an odd thing there.....yep. IT'S FRIDAY!!! YAY!!!! i'm happy that it's friday. you know it. anyways, today was odd after skool. my friend jason was up the street and he came and talked to me for a couple minutes. then like janelle came over to talk to me and we ended up talking for like 1 1/2 hours(3:30-5)!! that was strange. for those of you who don't know who janelle is, we used to be really good friends last year, then we had a big falling out and didn't get along at all. we got in this big fight on the first day of skool. and now we're kool. i don't know if i'd call her a friend, more like an acquaintance. yeah, that's it. yep yep. anyways, Phil was supposed to go to a psychatrist today...i hope that all went well. maybe going to one will help him figure out why he's been so depressed. i don't know. i hope so though. cuz once he knows the problem then he can attempt to fix it. i don't know what else to write...if ANYTHING interesting happens to me between now and midnight, i will be sure to come back and tell all of you. OH YEAH! i got money in the mail for my birthday...a month late but that's okay. and mike's birfday and birfday party is tomorrow. that'll be fun :) BYE!

amy has been grabbing my ass all night long. it tickles sooooo much! haha. anyways, we turned the milk green. haha. :) we put food dye in it, a whole gallon. and i took red food dye and she took green food dye and we dyed our mouths. that was silly! we took pictures! haha. it was soooo silly! here's a pic of our fun mouth dying experience....

haha, silly silly pic. that's not a real smile just so you's like a smile i was doing to show my teeth so you can see it. eww, mikel has a tumor on the back of his head...not, we don't know what it is though. it's a huge lump like he got hit really really hard, but he didn't hit his's all such a mystery. yes it is.

March 15

hi all. well, i know the last time i wrote something on here, i was really pissed off at mike. i take back most of what i said. i guess we were just both in bad moods and know how to push eachothers buttons, know what i mean? i haven't been that great for the past couple days. i really don't know why. it's like one minute i'll be completely happy, and the next i wanna die. i don't what the fuck is wrong with me. it's not PMS, for those of you who were thinking that. i get this a lot...just a lot more often now than i used to. oh well. it'll go away eventually, and i'll be happy again. the only time i'm ever really really happy is when i'm with people that make me happy. but times like this when i'm alone, it gives me time to think about things and i let little things get to me.

March 12, 2001

okay, i'm sure you read the main page about how i hate my brother and here's why. he's a fucking dick head. he HAS to talk to randi for like hours upon hours a night(and then has the fucking nerve to tell me that i'm on the computer for ever, yeah fucking right...that's kinda hard if he's on the phone seeing as we only have one phone line now isn't? i do believe so). and if she's not at skool, he's a dick head until she comes back to skool. oh boo fucking hoo. it pisses me off. so i asked him if i could go online for like 10 minutes to do something and he started bitching at me. so of course i bitched back at him cuz duh, i'm female and it's me so that just makes it even worse. so we got in this huge fight. he started being even more of an asshole and making fun of me and shit, so i ripped the phone line out of the fucking wall. oh poor baby, i disconnected him from randi(my supposed best friend...yeah fucking right). how sad. i feel his pain. NOT! i couldn't fucking care less. he'll stay on the phone with until 11 every fucking night after seeing her like all day at skool. and then every chance he gets he's with her. oh it's so sad that he's so obsessed with her. i feel sorry for her. but she probably likes it. what ever floats her fucking boat. i am really pissed off right now and i could fucking kill that piece of shit asshole. I HATE THAT DUMBASS FUCKING QUEER BITCH ASSRAPING WHORE. i wish he'd fall off the face of the fucking earth. and i mean that too. he's all like saying shit about how i have PMS, well hello!! I'M FEMALE! it's gonna fucking happen and there's no stopping it, asshole. at least i'm not male with PMS cuz my woman doesn't come to skool. HIS PMS ISN'T NATURAL, he get's it cuz he's a bitch. i fucking hate that cum guzzling gutter slut panzy ass bitch. i'm sorry this is so........yeah, you know what i mean, right? i just had to blow off some steam somewhere and there was no where else to do it(or anything else i can do cuz mike is a bitch)so oh well. i have to go now cuz mike's bitching(as usual...poor baby). i hope that he comes here and reads this, i seriously hope he does. like i would care if he hated me.

march 11, 2001(11:30 p.m.)

amy got my up at 10:30 this morning. no one lets me sleep ever :(. she made me go to her mom's play...that was fun....not really since i'm not a play person. and there's just too many people in it that annoy the fuck outta me. so we went and hung out the rest of the day. it was fun. there's a guy at the pizza place in a green shirt, he's amy's man. she loves him! haha. i left him a tip of 29 cents...and then one penny by the pool table! it was silly! it wsa a fun night, i don't feel like telling the whole story right now though.

March 11, 2001

hey!! i had so much fun tonight...or should i say this morning? well, i'll tell you what happened. Ari picked me up a little after 7. we went over to the bowling alley. courtney showed up at about 8. then we left at 9 to pick mike up at work. then we went back to the bowling alley. we hung out for like 2 hours. it was fun, i guess. in this time ari saw this guy that she has been 'seeing' who was supposed to leave for north carolina or some shit like that, and he was being a total ass and wouldn't even talk to her really. he pissed me off. i would have kicked his ass, but i don't think ari would have really liked that. at about 10, 10:30...john and doug showed up. i talked to them for like 10 minutes. then they left. came back at about 11:30 and john asked me and courtney if we wanted to go out with him and doug. so we did. we drove around, went to the park for like 15-20 minutes and just talked and shit. then we puffed a little cheeba(not enough to do anyhing really though). then we went to safeway, only to find out it was closed :(. john had to call his parents cuz by this time it was 12:30 and he was supposed to be home by 12. then they took me and courtney home, i got home at about 1. i was really surprised cuz john doesn't really ever talk to me much anymore...especially when he's with doug. but it's kool. doug's pretty kool. at first i thought he would be an asshole to me cuz it seemed like he didn't really like me. but we talked and shit. it was surprising when he started to carry on a conversation with me(it was me and him in the front seat,and courtney and john in the back). he's actually really nice, and funny. yep, so that was my day. it was fun. it may not seem fun to you cuz you weren't there to experience it, but it was. yep yep. so i have to call ari, today...and see if she's okay. she seemed kinda upset a lot of the time. i didn't know what was wrong and there didn't seem like anything i could do to help her. i'll just talk to her tomorrow and find out. hopefully she's okay. oh shit! i have to find john's big nobby it's his golf club that him and amy stole after prom last year. yep yep. so yeah. i'll do that after i sleep in until like 2. okay, i think i'm gonna go sleep now. L8R G8R!!

March 10, 2001

today has been no fun. i've been home all day. ari was supposed to come get me earlier today at like 3 or 4 so that we can go hang out all day cuz i haven't seen her in like a month and a half. but she's coming to get me at 7 cuz she had to take her sister and her sister's friend back to ukiah. we're gonna go to the bowling alley(oh how i love the bowling alley.......not.....but it's not like there's anywhere else to go on a saturday night except party but we aren't doin that tonight)anyways, my mom's gonna pick me and mike up from the bowling alley at midnight. oh and courtney's gonna go there after her jazz choir concert at like 8. so she's coming home with us at could be never know. i think it will be just cuz i'm gonna be hanging out with my friends. yep yep. anyways, my hair feels really soft today...mhm. i like it. just thought i'd tell you that. my week was gay this week. it was so boring. as always. for some reason i've been being hella bitchy with my family...oh well. i think it's just that i'm so tired. i haven't had much sleep lately. i was trying to sleep in today, but ari woke me up at 10. oh well. my friend erin broke my bed cuz she loves to run and bounce of the corner of it, and she like broke one of the stands on the frame. so i had to take the frame off, so now it's on the ground. it's okay though, it's still like high up cuz it has a box spring and 2 matresses. yep yep. it's comfy. i think another reason that it broke is cuz there was like 8 or 9 people on it at once last weekend. it was silly. yep yep.

i don't know what it is, but earlier today i got really really depressed and just wanted to cry. i feel so empty inside right now. like i have no soul. it's really hard to explain. plus i feel like everything in my life is just wrong. i don't know why. it just kinda came over me. then i was sitting there and i like saw little lit up moving spots. it was strange. i think i have problems. no no, i know i have problems. i remember once when i was really really depressed kim got all pissed at me and told me 'just cuz you look goth doesn't mean you have to be depressed. it's not like you have to be depressed to look that way'. it kinda pissed me off. i remember. i don't look this way cuz i'm depressed, i look this way cuz i like it. i like the dark 'evil' thing. even though i don't think i look evil or anything. i'm too much of a happy person(on the outside)to look evil or even be evil. even my mom told me i'm evil. i don't know why. people who say that must not really know me. you know, i had to tell my mom again last night, for like the 10th time, that i'm not friends with jessica and fubu anymore. she pays no attention to me at all. i fucking hate it. i wish that just for once, once in my life, my mom could pay attention to what i say and who i am. i'm not what she thinks at all. you know it took her like 4 months after i stopped likeing john to realize that i don't like him...even though she'd asked many times before that and i'd told her many times, she still didn't know. that's how much she pays attention to me. oh well. if she doesn't care about my life, that's her problem. but when i end up lying somewhere dead and in a gutter she'll wish she got to know me better and payed more attention to me.

March 7, 2001

it's been a couple days since i've written anything on here so i thought i'd write something. well, let's see. nothing really interesting has been happeneing. nothing really interesting ever does in my life. my mom has been pissing me off so much. it's like i walk in the door and as soon as i do she bitches at me about something. and it's always the stupidest things too. oh well. luckily she works 5 days a week and i barely see her. it's not that i don't love my mom, i do, it's just she makes me so mad. and she knows she does it too. i think she does it on purpose, as an excuse to get me mad and to be a bitch which gives her reason to ground me. ugh. anyways, on a happier note, the week is half way through! yay! only 2 more days of skool, then i get to be free.....FREE I TELL YOU!!! ari's gonna be here this weekend so hopefully we'll get together. it's been about a month or so since we've hung out and we used to kick it every other weekend(when she was up here). i'm gonna call kim and see if she wants to come over on saturday. try and fill up my weekend as much as possible so i'm not bored. me and my friend courtney played a hillarious joke on our friend james today. there's this rock that sits by a tree that we can see from the window in our math class, james calls it his bunny. i have this mp3 of a bunny getting hit by a car and like exploding. so i sent it to james and told him it was his bunny. then when me and courtney got to skool this morning, we went and hid the 'bunny' and its 'babies' up on the top of the hill. then james went to look for his bunny......and there was no bunny! so he got all upset and i was just like 'i told you that was your bunny...'. he was all sad and shit. then we all started to crack up about the movie. tomorrow we're gonna take the bunny and write 'james's bunny' on it and put it where we hang out at lunch. it's gonna be silly. well, i g2g. byez!

March 4, 2001

Hi hi hi! Last night was my was fun. At one point there was like 15 people here. it was crazy shit. A lot of the people weren't wanted here...but they wouldn't leave. oh well, i don't really care. i had fun. i took hella pictures and i plan on getting them developed sometime this week. when i do, i'll put some on here so that you people can look at them. i gothed nathan out, he looked so kool. it was fun too. last night i noticed how well me and max(laura maxwell)get along. i never really noticed that. she's a sweetheart. we were like ganging up on john. it was silly. mello and drew crack me up. every 2 minutes they were wrestling around and shit. and john had a new story to tell us every 5 minutes. we decided that he needs his own talk show. at about 11:30, we(me, amy, kim, john, courtney, nathan, and mike)were all sitting in my room and decided to play the game penis. it was hillarious. all the people in the other rooms heard was a room full of people yelling penis as loud as they could. but then my dad got pissed cuz my neighbor is like a sheriff or some shit like that. but it was still silly. kim's hella pissed cuz someone stole her jiggly-b, we have an idea of who did it. and it was the person we least expected. it always is though...

i don't feel so good. i didn't go to sleep last night until like 3 and then i woke up at around 9. and the night before i went to sleep at like 5 and woke up at like 11. i need to start getting some more sleep. yes i do. yesterday mike drew these big blue and red flames on my arms with permanant marker. they were bad ass! they're almost all the way washed off now, but you can still see them. i wouldn't mind getting a tattoo like that, it's be koo. but i probably won't. oh well. anyways, i'm cold. i think mike got me sick. that asshole. nah, he's not an asshole...or is he? i don't tell me. otay, well i'm gonna go now. byeeeeeeee!

March 1, 2001

okay, so i thought i'd tell you what happened on temptaion island. they all stayed together. yay! but i thought for sure that billy and mandi would have broken up! oh well, they must love eachother a lot. that's good though. i'm gonna miss that show :( oh well, they will be making another one sometime soon. yay! i'm excited about that! my party is on saturday!! i'm happy! i can't wait! i haven't really partied in a long time! yay!! anyways, i can't write anymore, i would love to, but i have to go call nathan back. L8R G8R!!!

yellow, i am back now. only for a couple minutes though. earier i was at amy's house and i put on her red/black pants and her 3/4 sleeves black shirt. i looked like such a girl! and i didn't like it at all!! oh no way. i am never wearing that much girlie stuff ever again! ahhhh! anyways, it was a cute outfit though. we took pics, i looked funny. i'm soooo bored...i'm gonna go to sleep now. good night to you all. byez.

February 28, 2001

so, it's been a couple days since i put anything new on here...i don't think anything new and/or interesting has really happened. oh well. that's a 'normal' life for me. oh, well, i took the pic of randi off cuz she doesn't wanna be on my friends page. i guess she doesn't consider me a friend then. nah, she just doesn't like the pic. oh well, i don't care either way. anyways, at this moment i am chatting with an old friend from way back in the 7th grade. we haven't really been friends since then but oh well. he's nice...a little geeky, but nice. let's see if anything new has happened...hmmm, well, amy had to come home early from work yesterday to go to the hospital, she pinched a nerve in her neck. so i had to babysit, she wanted me to go with her, but i couldn't. she's okay now though. they just told her to take it easy for a couple days. shit, i wanted to write more but my dad needs the fuckin phone. maybe i'll add more later.

otay, i'm back again. yay! not really yay, but oh well. i'm really really bored. i DLed a kool song that nathan told me about like months ago. it's pretty kool. it's called stacked actors. and it's by the foo fighters. i normally don't like them but this songs kool so i make an exception this one time. haha. mmm, Hi-C...mmm, yummy. i need a damn life. yes i do. oohh! the last temptaion island is on tonight. i love that show and i'm gonna miss it sooooo much when it's gone! but it's the end of it so i'm gonna have to learn to live without it. now what the hell am i gonna do for my wednesday night entertainment?! lol. DUDE DUDE DUDE!!! amy got a new shift at work. now she's gonna get off work at 7 p.m.! so now i can see her on the weekdays! and her days off are sunday and monday(i think)that means she can stay out late and party with us and all tha shit on saturday nights. that makes me happy. yep yep. otay, that's enough for you ppl.

February 25, 2001

hello all! so my dad's doctor called him this morning and told him that he might be getting his angeogram tomorrow. so if he has to go then i have to stay home from skool and babysit. oh well. i probably won't feel like going to skool anyways. i'm really tired and worn out right, but at the same time i feel like i'm hyper and wide awake. it's silly. yesterday i kept hitting my head on like everything. it was sooo silly! i like hit my haed on the side of our washer and then i smacked my forhead into the corner of the washer. then i like slammed myself against my wall. it hurt but like tickled at the same time! haha. i'm gonna go now. yep.

February 24, 2001

i decided that i should put the date on here so that i know what days i update and all that shit. anyways, today should be fun. i get to hang out with randi, yay! and kim! yay! i put a new pic on the friends section, it's what my hair looks like now. and there is a message board now. yep, i change this site a lot. oh well. i like change. otay, well, i don't know what else to say to you all...L8R G8R.

February 22, 2001

hey all! just felt like changing i am. anywho, what's up?! i'm in a hella good mood, one that i don't think anyone or anything could ruin! hehe! anywho, i'm finally not grounded anymore...what a joy! :) i'm really happy about all that. i have spent the past 2 weeks in hell. but it's all good now! yep yep. on the bus today i sang to my courtney, it was that really gay faith hill's something like the way you love me or some shit like that. anyways, i sang it to her cuz it was on the's really sad thinking about all the songs that i know due to riding that damn bus almost everyday...oh well! i was gonna have my party this weekend, but i don't really have to time for it, so i'm gonna have it next weekend. plus, i want it to be on a weekend that ari is at her dad's house so that she can come too. yep yep. i'm really phil bear is coming to visit this summer! yay!! :) otay, i'm gonna go now. BUH BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! i love all of you!!