Written by: p-120

Rated: PG-

This isn't actually my first GW fic, it is however my first Heero/Relena fic...

Disclaimer: I do not own GW... etc, etc.

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Relena sighed sadly gazing out her bedroom window. A soft sprinkle of snow had dusted everything within sight a pure, brilliant white, and covering the ground with several inches. A snowman sat out in the yard, his arms made of sticks held outward as if to welcome someone. She sighed again, wondering why it was she wasn't cheerful. She loved Christmas, it had been her favorite holiday since she was little.

She remembered how she used to wake up in her bed on Christmas morning, and glance sleepily over at her clock, which usually read some unusual early hour. Then the realization of Christmas would hit her and she'd jump out of bed to wake her parents so she could see what Santa had brought for her... but she also remembered how, as the years passed she didn't run downstairs anymore, though she was just as excited, the urgency passed away. She wished now that she hadn't been so concerned about the gifts and that she'd spent more time with her parents, even if they weren't her biological family. It was his smile, he'd always smile warmly at her when she looked up at him, eyes in wonder after opening her gifts, and the smile he gave her mother... they had all been so happy then. I miss them so much...

No decorations, big red bows, or ringing bells... no joyful Christmas carolers and no hanging mistletoe could lift her heart. It seemed she was desolate this year... after everything, Oz, the Romefeller Foundation, the Barton Foundation, the war ending... it didn't make up for anything. She had true peace, but she didn't have peace in her heart... her heart was still at war. Torn between her memories, her wishes and her obligations as Foreign Minister. Thoughts of the war brought thoughts of Heero... she lowered her head in shame thinking of her actions. He must think me a complete, lovesick fool. She'd never been embarrassed about it before, but now... things were so different now. She was different now. What kind of girl follows around a guy who says he's going to kill her? she asked herself. A stupid one, obviously. she thought angrily.

She clenched her fist, frustrated and angry at being cooped up. At being held back, at.. at everything! When had she decided to give up life? When had she decided she wasn't going to be happy anymore?

I didn't... she thought sadly. But that's the way it ended up. She'd buried herself in her job, and she knew very well why. Everyone knew why... It bothered her even more that she couldn't even keep it a secret. She loathed the pitiful stares and well wishing glances from the people who gazed into her laden eyes.

And why? What was the source of all this... this.. commotion and sadness? Heero, what else? she thought somewhat bitterly. But remaining true to her heart she knew she didn't really resent him, and wasn't bitter at him either, she was just lonely. You can't expect one person to comfort you all the time, especially when that person isn't around... when they don't want to be around...

With that thought in mind she'd secured a date with a guy she knew, the son of a diplomat she'd happened to meet. They'd gotten along fine, but she couldn't help feeling the entire time that he knew... that he knew she wasn't interested in him. That maybe he knew she was in love with someone else, and was in a sense using him. She'd told him politely at the end of the evening that she wasn't ready to date anyone yet and apologized. But he'd been understanding and even smiled at her, making the guilt lessen slightly. It had been terribly unfair to him, and even to herself...

She sighed again, for the third time that morning. Loneliness was the most awful thing. Who would think that she, of all people was miserable? In the world of peace keeping you really didn't have any close friends, no confidants... nothing. She couldn't even get out of the mansion, without a truckload of bodyguards, at least it always felt that way. Every once in a while she longed to be just a normal girl. She wanted to go to the mall and shop for her own Christmas gifts without men in suits tagging along, with their hands on their holsters preparing to fire at the least suspicious person in sight! But... she thought, they had to do their jobs too.

She was surrounded by so many people who wanted her to be happy. She felt as thought it'd been years since she'd smiled genuinely or laughed at an actually funny joke. Of course, she knew it hadn't *been* years, but that's what it felt like. Sometimes she resented Heero, and regretted ever meeting him and regretted even more she'd fallen for him. The dangerous, yet gorgeous Gundam pilot who'd threatened to kill her and then changed his mind and promised to protect her...

Being a leader of people she was forced to face facts, and therefore forced herself the facts about Heero. He'd never said he liked her, but maybe he wasn't the talkative type, she'd tried every way possible to analyze his every word, action or touch by him, only to find the coldest, most distant translation possible. Sometimes she even regarded herself as an obstacle to his mission and then wondered how it was possible... Here she was torturing herself over a guy who wouldn't think twice in the day about her... and that hurt. She'd cried for him and lost even more sleep, often suffering from nightmares that kept her awake, only to dote on him further...

Behind her the door opened and someone stepped inside. She didn't turn but waited to be addressed.

"Ms. Relena, you have visitors," came the soft voice of Mauve, one of the ladies who worked at her home.

She inhaled deeply and turned to go and greet her guests, silently hoping it would be over soon. She collected her thoughts, discarding Heero momentarily and left the room.

Her eyes lit in pleasant surprise as she entered the living area to see Duo & Hilde sitting on a couch. She smiled warmly as Hilde smacked Duo's hand, reprimanding him for taking too many of the small candies on the table. He would have replied but saw Relena over his shoulder and smiled broadly.

"Hey! Nice place you got here,"

Hilde smiled weakly. "Hello Ms. Relena,"

"Hi," she greeted. "It's nice to see you are both well... is this a friendly visit, there's not a problem right?" she asked, keeping herself from worry.

"Nah, we're just dropping by to spread our Christmas joy... and to see what everyone's doing..."

"Oh, well I think they're holding a big Christmas party here in a few days. You're welcome to come,"

Duo's eyes widened. "A party? Count me in, how 'bout you Hilde? Gonna come?"

She sighed and nodded. "Thank you,"

They stayed only a few more minutes before leaving... before they had she'd extended the invitations to the other pilots, if Duo could contact them. Relena, caught up in her thoughts again didn't notice the grin on Duo's face as he walked out of the room with Hilde.

Duo turned to Hilde with a solemn look as they walked down the front stairs.

"She seem a little down to you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe a little, why?"

"Too bad I don't know where Heero is, that'd brighten her Christmas," he snickered.

Hilde shook her head following Duo to the car.

Relena found her way back to her room again, and placed herself back beside the window facing out into the open yard. But her overwhelmed body was beckoning for rest and she found herself unable to fight the urge for sleep. She pulled off her jacket, tossing it at the end of the bed and slipped her shoes off her feet. She crawled up on her bed, atop the fluffy pink and white comforter laying her head back against her pillows. Reaching over and grabbing the teddy bear given to her by Heero she drifts to sleep, the bear held tightly against her chest, his name dying on her lips…

The Christmas party was two days away and she was fully expected to attend. It had, somehow turned from a small party into a political event, but there was nothing she could do about that now. And for two days she’d spent every free moment and hour thinking of what to get Heero for Christmas, in the off chance he’d show up. She’d finally decided that she couldn’t decide and gave up on it entirely. Noin had been hovering around her worried, but Relena insisted to her nothing was wrong.

Dorothy, for the most part had taken control of planning the party. She’d designed the rooms and how they should be decorated, she arranged the furniture, planned the meals and even picked out the music. She’d basically planned the entire party while Relena stood by, usually staring out a vacant window, and mumbling excuses about the winter being so beautiful if questioned. The hours were long, and days even longer and peace of mind was hard to come by when your world was in a torrent. Not even in the land of dreams.

She’d taken to solitude and found temporary contentment within the bound pages of a book. She’d curled up in her pajamas, with her teddy bear and read for hours, not even bothering to go down to lunch one day. She’d imagined herself as the heroine, and Heero as her knight, coming to rescue her. Without his mobile suit… she thought amused. Then she’d recall him threatening to kill her and laugh, unable to picture the guy she was reading about saying that to his lady…

Finally the morning of the party she’d managed to slip out of the house… almost. Noin had caught her before she could pull away and insisted to accompany her, Relena relented with little choice. They’re trip had been a short one as Relena had finally decided what to get Heero for Christmas the previous evening… the book being a strange inspiration in a sort.

The party was progressing quietly when she entered the room. She seen a number of people she recognized, including Duo & Hilde. Her brother had shown up, and she was thankful, Noin would be preoccupied, she thought with a smirk. The two gave her a questioning gaze as they noticed her looking at them but she only smiled and walked to another part of the room. Trowa was standing with a lady… maybe that was his sister Catherine like Quatre had mentioned once. Quatre was standing off to the side of the room, Dorothy next to him, apparently their conversation had turned away from pleasant as he was beginning to look nervous. He made some quiet comment she couldn’t hear, but Dorothy’s reaction was quick as the blush spread across her cheeks like wildfire and she became silent. All in all everyone was there except for Heero and she’d not expected him to show up anyway…

It was near midnight when everyone had finally gone, leaving the mansion calm again. The decorations still hung, big red bows making an effort to brighten the room and encourage ‘Christmas spirit’. Mistletoe hung in every doorway and archway…

She walked back to her room, thankful it was finally finished with, she switched on the radio and turned off her lights, turning on a small beside lamp to illuminate the room. Shrouding half the room in darkness as she walked to her closet and pulled out a nightgown, she laid it on her bed and entered the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She’d walked little more than a few steps before she’d stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide in wonder. Across the room a tall, lean silhouette was visible. The spiky hair and crossed arms reminding her so much of…

"Heero?"

She’d swallowed, wondering at her sudden nervousness. It had been quite a while since she’d seen him, but his effect on her was still as dramatic. He wasn’t dressed in his normal attire either she thought, rather he was… formally dressed. Black shirt and pants with a colored vest…

She collected herself enough to speak. "Merry Christmas Heero,"

"Sorry I’m late,"

She smiled. Late?! He wasn’t late he was beyond late… "At least you came, can I get something for you? Are you hungry? Er, " she paused. "You haven’t changed your mind about killing me again have you?"

He stood still, grinning, knowing she couldn’t see his expression and said flatly. "That’s not my mission,"

She came forward and grabbed his hand. "In that case I have something for you. It took forever to think about, but I thought you might be able to use it… sooner or later,"

She grabbed a box from her dresser and put it in his hand wrapping his fingers tightly around it and holding them. "Please take it,"

She released his hands and stepped away a bit. He hesitated but opened it, lifting the lid of the elegantly decorated box given to him. Laying just inside was a small, silver framed photo of Relena smiling.

She shifted awkwardly. "So you don’t forget me…" she said softly. "The other is just… well…"

He lifted the frame of the picture , underneath was a black and burgundy tie. "You’re a hard person to shop for. I thought for months with no ideas… I thought you might be able to use a tie,"

He looked up from the package, his expression black and just stared at her a moment.

"How about some tea? I haven’t seen you for so long, we could talk," she suggested, fully expecting a negative reply. Or no reply at all, just him to walk away from her perhaps. He did neither; instead he nodded and followed her out of her bedroom down stairs to her dining room. Mauve began to prepare tea while they sat themselves at the table.

They began to talk, with Relena making up most of the conversation, Heero intermittently replying. He stood after he finished his tea and picked up the small box given to him by Relena and walked to the doorway. She followed him standing by his side silently.

"I guess this is goodbye then," she said gazing at the floor.

He lifted her chin, to center her gaze above the doorway, and her eyes widened in surprise. He’s not going to… He turned her face back to him and leaned forward to kiss her softly before stepping back again. "Merry Christmas," were the last words he uttered to her before he vanished down the corridor.

He won’t forget me! She thought her heart racing. This was the best Christmas yet! She danced back to her room and closed the door sighing deeply. She walked back to her bed and noticed a small package, had Heero left it for earlier and she hadn’t noticed it?

She opened the box and pulled out the small trinket. A beautifully crafted statuette of the Earth, poised above it was a dove in flight. She gazed at it in sheer wonder at it’s beauty as she placed it on her shelf. I miss him already…