SHADOWS PARKS

Cast o’ Characters. . . . . . .

(in order from durrdiest to horniest)

butterball fett de county hooker - c. deeia cucaca

gEN. lando Po’moan’ian - l. penelope chau

Princess lay-me - c. "when’s her birthday?" bulda

g. emiperial snobtrooper - m.e. "Yarbles" fun-a-o.k.

C. leechee Lockedupalot - m. "bison" razberry

col. Benzolio Honksalot - "iron" mike t. maravilla

Commandher manholy worksalot - mAnoly chareunsy

Dee stinky wookie bookie pookie - M. phillip maurer

de pimperorerer - P. "semen" lee

gonz solo again - c." re-air force full entry" maglonso

barf laid-her - h. "yaga da barbeer" lee

juan beere d. warrior - a. "beer too much" siwap

c-joez broke p-holez - j. "sis’ noT home" garcia

emiperial stormsleepwit’her - c. "no $" alarcon

Fruitier than J-1 pleaseholdme - n."bath&body" savellano

spririt of lowfat yogurt - a. "ma-yap-tuao" chung

d. notorious p.i.g. Www.com - D. "JEANSHORTS" LIN

R-2 betta then dude - J. "Whistle" Punzalan

juke thing-spanker - s. "SPANK me" SHIBUTANI

zuba da butt talks - z. "beef jerky" chichgar

also featuring :

best smiler structure dude -

best dresser golfer crayon kim -

Comb deeia tieland source from da past -

va-gimal infection -

billy jean kim is not my lover, she’s just a girl. . . . . -

... and now your new york knicks... starting at forward 6’9’’ from syracuse in da house, oh my gong..... jon wa’ -

word of de week singalong mvp baller upper-

North carolyn’a bare heels without slippers -

‘Oh Canada’ call me for a yapping good time -

kella’ crossover da jailbait ribas -

jemadar w/ her three henchmen -

tHOR son of odin, god of thunder, king of asgardian territory, bro of loki, member of avengers, friend of capt. america, battled w/ hercules in torrance, fought for infinity gauntlet, just a hellava good guy, sponsered by nike(R) so just do him, swings a 250lb. hammer "he does, really, no reelry!" (batteries not included.) -

Tobacca lim-dim-sum(only served at lunch) -

Wes’syde shellmen producer of gas -

sling d. juan armed bandito payton jr.-

umbrella h.air liu -

4’12’’ yoshi w/ fugly girl(sold separately) -

spaced-out wang -

joel rambo 1st blood....rrraAAwwwr, hot flashes -

t-bone, bone, bone-

it’s pat...as Gangsta shu shu-

En-Jang dedededealer-

2puckin’ old 4u -

Three Greg’s and a baby -

the Butt clan -

"da Gatekeepa’" Fernando Aguilar -

.....long time ago, whoops, my bad, wrong script. anyways oh, I found it. here we go, theme music please.....

It was a deepa and darka travis night. de Emipire is stronger and snobbier than ever. the remains of da webos athletes fleet are scattered all over so Cal universe. Times run harsh, especially when utes gots no endz, dawg. j has gone south, joe is in a lonelystar state. de fist runs strong in nestor, he is new emipostor "j". emi is smile. tricia is shrubbery combed to one side. lando chases new broncos, good for us. Claire’s a duurddy littl’ "whistle". Candice could careless. chrissy has yet to be seen out of her house since de last script. Manoly is working 25 hours of the day. chim has moved, but still in carbon deep sleep. Peter is in the sunshine state, while Charlie is in the land of the rising sun. Then there’s just a koon that moons da sun wit’ a tampoon stuck between da butt. Meanwhile, Maurer is in da gutter somewhere over da rainbow. Anson is getting kella’ crossovered, and enjoying it. shig, well you kno’ what he’s doing(hee hee). Allen’s telling a story, so try not to interrupt him. henry is doing wuteva the guys are doing. Dabe is learning the wayz of da conniving bastard. Where’s Zubin? t-bone bone bone should be in the flippapines by now. So sit right back and enjoy this tale a tale of a. . . . whoops wrong theme again. Thus continues the epic adventures of. . . . .

(opening scene on the secret Webos base on de snow covered planet o’ Bigger Bare de ski left summit.)

Juke : Where’s Princess lay-me, oh wise Fruitier Wan?

Fruitier Wan : She’s wit’......well I can’t really tell you because I was sworn to secrecy and you know how I am with secrets.

C-Joez : C’mon Fruitier Wan you can tell us, we know you want too.

Fruitier Wan : Well...okay, since you make me feel all emiportant and all. She went with Juan Beere de Muy Thai Warrior on de brack diamond ski left scout patrol.

Juke : Ohhh Reerrrrly! Why didn’t she join the three person ski left patrol with R-2 and Lando. It would have been safer with xtra latex protection.

Fruitier Wan : Ahhh, she could careless, anyways the lines were shorter and seating was more snug.

Juke : da phuc does snug mean!

C-Joez : Cum now.....(interrupted).

Juke : Okay! (begins to unzip his pants and dropping his...)

C-Joez : STOP! Correction, I meant. C’mon now, I can’t believe you never used the word ‘snug’.

Juke : Ahhhhh! That’s the spot again (zip)..........what were you saying Hoe. Well if you see my sister, can you tell her I was looking for her, Hoe.

C-Joez : Yeah wuteva, anyways Sis’ not home right now, so get out of here. You think I’m all talk.

Fruitier Wan : Chill out, don’t get all riled up. If your mad just pound your chest with de Fist, like I do.

[In the launchbay on another part of de Webos base. Gonz Solo Again and de Stinky Wookie Bookie Pookie are making repairs on the Peripheral Falcon.]

Gonz : Man, after we make these stupid repairs, let’s go do something.

Wookie : ArrrrrrafhghljggarrrbeEeerreRun.

Gonz : Hey Stinky, page the damm computer technician in here before you break every damm thing. Man, you should have went to school, so you would know how to fix things around here. Stupid bum.

Wookie : AaaaeiieearrrsShutrrruUupdumpspacemMarine.(while the two educated geniuses argued, the computer tech. de Notorious P.I.G.www.Com. enters.)

P.I.G. : This better be emiportant guys because you just interrupted me from a inhergalactic deal from Minnesota. Do you know how much da phone call is going to cost from here in neverNever land to freakin Minnesota, my moms going to have to pay for this.(C-Joez and Fruitier Wan enters the launchbay overhearing P.I.G. complaining. Leaving Juke in da other room to let him get his shwerve on.)

C-Joez : Hey Bonehead, what’s going on.

P.I.G. : (not acknowledging C-Joez having addressed him) So Stinky, what do you want. Hopefully it’s worth while to drag me away from my modem.

Wookie : RraaradfeeirljgalkdjarrggGgeeeeekpuusss.

C-Joez : Hey, so what the hell’s going on.

Gonz : They are all acting stupid, we just needed help on repairs on the Thomas-guidance computer controls even though I never use it since I have a great sense of direction, but P.I.G. is complaining about a stupid phone bill.

C-Joez : Ah Oh! He’s not talking about the call girl we ordered, is he. Whoops.

P.I.G. : Oh my gosh, that was you. Good Lord! I can’t believe you guys, did you know that my mom thought I called those girls. You conniving bastards!

C-Joez : Well your parents should be proud that you are learning da Wayz of de Fist and not the Wayz of da limp Wrist.

Gonz : Just finish the repairs so I can go out.

P.I.G. : (while checking out and repairing things) Well everything looks in order, I think you should try using the ThomasGuidance computer once in a while instead of just going off somewhere without a clue.

Gonz : Man, what are you smoking, I alwayz know where I am, I don’t get lost.

Wookie : (‘Coughing’) aauuuutuutbarfuuarrarbBullShit.

P.I.G. : Last thing, your going to have to change your landing pads because they are completely bald. It would be dangerous and a hazard when you land in these icy conditions. Since I know you care for your passengers safety, and won’t mind the time and the cost.

(Meanwhile the two ski left patrols returns to base. Juan Beere’s brack diamond patrol wit’ Princess Lay-me, and da bunny slope patrol with Lando and R-2 Betta thanDude. To bring news of any Emipire activity.)

R-2 : What’s up guuuuuuy’s.(gesturing and acknowledging everyone by prolonging their names then tapping of fists as a greeting.)

Fruitier Wan : (‘Concerned’) R-2, hopefully it was a safe trip for you.

Lando : What about me, aren’t you guys worried if I got back safely.

Gonz : Of course I care about all my ladies, and that they are safe because I’m a gentlemen.

Wookie : (‘Choking’) cKKkaaakakacowDungarrkaaHoRsepooPbarf.

Lay-Me : Well don’t you want to know what we have to report.

C-Joez : Okay, spill it, since you like to tell stories anywayz.

Juan Beere : No, No, No, let me go first. I want to tell my story first.

Lay-Me : Hey, wait a minute, I was suppose to give my report first.

Juan Beere : Shut up, Shut up, Shut up! I’m going to give my report, now. I want to finish first because I’m hungry. Well this is my report. . . . . . . . . . .

Lay-Me : I can’t believe him, I’m so mad now.(clinches her fists and starts to stomp the ground with her feet.) Don’t even go there.(waves her right hand in a curling motion and brushes him off, then walks away furious.)

Juan Beere : . . . . Okay, okay, okay, we covered wes’syde sector without any problems and any site of Emipire scott patrols. Then we headed south street and encountered some local snowbodyboarding tribes, but they weren’t dangerous because they were very primitive and simply stupid. They were also drunk and most likely reading books.

C-Joez : Did you recognize what tribe that was. It would help P.I.G. chart them on the ThomasGuidance computer, and also if we are short some B-ballers due to extensive injury Disable List, we could call them up.

Juan Beere : Yeah, they are known as the Butt clan. I know that info because I used to migrate with them down to the ocean during summer solstice.

P.I.G. : Is that da tribe that always takes pictures and go see movies...oh my bad.

C-Joez : (‘Sighs’) Anhhh, they’re a bunch of boneheads. They’re not so tuff, I bet

we can beat them in a "friendly" game of futbol. Juan Beere, you could even play on their team if you want, since you worship the sun god so much.

Juan Beere : Yeah wuteva, I’m hungry, let’s go eat C-Joez.

C-Joez : Let’s wait for the rest the group after they debrief everyone about their patrol, since I know that you like to get everyone together and then go eat.

Juan Beere : Yeah right, I’m hungry. Phuc them stupid ho’s, let’s go now!

(Juan Beere and C-Joez take off to the closest In and Out.)

Lando : o’Fruitier Wan, you could go with the rest of the guys and leave me with R-2 if you want.

Fruitier Wan : Naah. I’d rather stay wit’ R-2 and hear his debriefing about da patrol, if you don’t mind and all.

Lando : Ohh.....well it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I might have cared in da past. Like in da last script, but everything was clairefied. Well I need to go somewhere now. (leaves to look for the angered distraught Princess Lay-Me.)

Gonz : Man, you don’t have to go now do you.(getting no reply, frustrated) Man, look what you’ve done now you stupid fruit basket, why does she alwayz take off like that.(leaves also to go chase after Lando, but most likely will get lost and end up at Palos Verdes cliffs quadrant)

Wookie : (thinking silently to himself) ‘daaaaa..daaa...Hhmm....thank Allah they’re both gone, now I don’t have to go duck hunting and won’t have to finish fixing the Peripheral Falcon.....daaaaa.....hmmmm.....beeerre.......beeer........more beer...dole?’

R-2 : (‘sighing’) I guess nobody is going to hear my report about the patrol with Lando.

Fruitier Wan : Don’t worry I’m hear, I’ll listen.

Wookie : aarargharwawhatakiiSs@$$smoochsmooch.(while finishing his third keg.)

R-2 : Well, we began patrolling the routine areas between da rings around herUranus, but it was clean and there was no sign of any Va-Gimal infection. . . .

Wookie : (‘Spitting out his beer’) Eeeueewwwwlickalotapuss! Berf barf dye.(looking at the dirty ground.) hHmmm look pretzel.(picks up and puts it in his jaws.)

R-2 : . . . . .then she wanted to make a change in course to da Torrencia sector. I wasn’t so sure if I should have gone because I know if Gonz Solo found out, he would show me the wayz of de Fist and teach me a good lesson that I didn’t want to experience. Sodomy in da house, oh my gosh!

Fruitier Wan : You guys might have gotten wrost, I know I would have.

R-2 : Well it was a easy trail to follow. You headed toward the sun during the sunset on the 91 trail until it ended then swing a quick left and when you see a bunch of short Japanese(watnabe Hawaiians) locals, your there. We didn’t take long to get back, since we had two people, we got to take carpool. Anywayz, she drove, it was faster that way since she can go from 0 to bitch in 3.7 seconds. We got back in less then an hour with of course only a couple of speeding tickets, an accident, and a cat fight in between, but really it was nothing.

P.I.G. : It sounds like you had a horrible time.

R-2 : Not really, I did enjoy da cat fight.

Wookie : ArrraraspUussyherepuSsytherepu$$yeverywhereEeeeuww.

Fruitier Wan : It’s over now, don’t worry about it R-2. Where are you going now.

R-2 : Well I’m need to check in with my dad early so I can go out later, but if I

need to also check in with my mom then I’ll have to spend the night.

Fruitier Wan : That sucks, you can’t stay over tonight.

R-2 : Probably not, since it’s getting so cold and all with the snow.

Fruitier Wan : That’s why I bought this new Kneekay "I‘m Tiger Woods" $Woo$H Zoom Hot-Air Rabi Masta wind breaker. Like it?

R-2 : Wow, that looks nice on you, but I think it would look betta on me. Since it’s going to be cold and since I see you very often, let me borrow that wind breaker, Fruitier Wan.

Fruitier Wan : I’m not sure about that because this wind breaker is special since I bought it for a InterStella reason. You might get it duurrddy or never return it.

R-2 : Trust me. On my word, I promise to return it to you as if it was brand new. Everyone knows that ‘my word is solid as Oak.’

Wookie : (‘Coughing’ severely) ArrracoughgagchokesomebodyHemlichMepleeese.

P.I.G. : Hey Stinky, you’ve been coughing a lot this scene. You betta get it checked out or jus’ quit da wayz of de smoka.

[Light years apart like some Varsity B-Ball couple and most couples we know, da Emipire fleet of Fart Destroyers prepare to ‘mount’ an surprise attack on Webos snow base. On de bridge of De Emiperial flag ship da Supastar Civic Destroyer.]

Barf : Commandher Worksalot, what is the status on the secret Webos snowbase.

Worksalot : Well our spies and boyscouts have not reported in the exact directions off the 91 freeway due to bad Nilla Wafers box, but we do know da planet they’re on. I’m working nonstop without sleep on the problem.

Barf : Very well. Locate the Webos stronghold, then give the cordinates of their whereabouts to all local Bounty Hunthers. There will be a high price on certain individuals heads with Zuba da Butt since they never call him.

(Reporting in, da Emiperial point and shooting guards enters, Snobtrooper and Stormsleeper walk in together. Cute isn’t it.)

Stormsleeper : Lord Laid-her, the Muy-Thai fighters and bombers are ready for launch. The invasion force is ready and waiting for your orders, so if there isn’t anything else to do. I think I’m going to take a nap before we ball up da Webos.

Barf : Very well. What have you to report, Snobtrooper.

Snobtrooper : Well, I heard the same news as Stormsleeper, as well as some stories about da Bunnyman and da Headless Jogger while walking with him up to the bridge.

Barf : That’s more information then I needed to know.

(Meanwhile, da Supastar Civic Destroyer receives a mysterious AT&T Long Distance shootout transmission from beyond Thunda’ Dan Marjerle range.)

Worksalot : Lord Laid-her, it’s a 1-800-Collect call from de Pimperorerer in SemioleGatorHurricane Quadrant. Do you except his call.

Barf : Well, there are only three possible reasons why de Pimperorerer would call to check up on us. First, he either wants me to send him some more damm pictures and his Polo jacket, arrange a Emperial thug force to beat up Jonathan, or actually just to see how the secret planned attack in the sequeal to da first script is doing. Yes, I’ll accept the charges of the call, but on a secure channel in my ready room, number wan.

(Barf Laid-her goes to his ready room to receive transmission.)

Barf : (‘breathing hard’) What is thy bidding, my Pimp?

Pimperorerer : To phucking retrieve da Pink Bunny’s phucing battery. . . Whoops, wrong script again, got to stop phucking doing that. Anywayz, I would phucking join you in da motherphucking attack, but I have other phucking commitments to deal with in this shit sector of de phucking Universe. Even though I do need to phucking clear up some phucking traffic tickets over there in da So Cal Universe.

Barf : (‘breathing harder’) Then what is your purpose in calling de Fleet in a time such as this, when we prepare a attack on de Webos.

Pimperorerer : I was phucking wondering if you could spare a god damm Civic destroyer from your attack wing because I have no phucking transportation here.

Barf : (‘breathing hardest’) That would be impossible, I can not jeopardize the mission with a chance of da Webos detecting de stinky Fleet massing up in attack formation. I could though give you some parting gifts. Vanna show him what he has won.

Pimperorerer : Since I’ll not be phucking join you all, until probably da makings of da third script of de trilogy, may da phucking attack comense as planned and may de shadow of da Brack Syde reign over de god damm Universe foreva’.

(Ends AT&T Long-distance shootout Transmission. While the F.C.C. tries to sensor da last previous scene, Barf Laid-her returns to de Bridge to prepare for da attack.)

Worksalot : Lord Laid-her, da plan has been devised for da defeet of da Webos.

Barf : Is everyone ready and accounted for.

Stormsleeper : Yee-yaah, Butterball Fett da County wHooker jus’ arrived from Irvine Sector Drive, and she’s waiting at da corner jocking some guys.

Barf : Good she will play a emiportant part in our conquest. Commandher Worksalot, please proceed with your briefing about da attack plans.

Workslot : Well, the first wing of da attack will be a diversionary force, trained in da wayz of making people go GooGoo. The first unit will consist of Butterball Fett, de Emperial Snobtrooper, Benzolio Honkslot, Jemadar, Oh Canada Yapsalot, and Kella’ Crossover on figure skates. That should take care of most of the Webos weak minded men, they kno’ who they are.(Hee Hee)

Stormsleeper : Man, they would be distracting for me, and I’m on the other syde.

Barf : What of the others that might not be aroused, I mean distracted.

Workslot : That’s where the second wing of the attack begins. To take care of Juan Beere, since he supposedly has higher standards, and de Wookie. We will send in da ‘Thug force.’ Which consists of Bartender Pat as Gangsta Shu-Shu, En-Jangperial dedededealer with his apprentice T-Bone Bone Bone(so you won’t be lonely), and Wes’syde Producer of shellGas GamaAlphaAlpoSigmaGima DeltaEpislon da Fratboy. They will be armed wit’ alcoholic laser shots and Tequila Bombs, which should keep those two busy. Actually, that should also keep C. Leechee Lockedupalot busy too, since she has a alcohol radar in her, which can sense a drop of alcohol a mile away.

Barf : There are still some Webos unaccounted for, like Lando and Princess Lay-Me. Don’t we need to include them in our plans?

Stormsleeper : Ahnaa, we usually don’t, so why start now. . . .whoops, my bad. Please strike the last comment from the record. Geez, someone please club me in da head before I say something else wrong.

Worksalot : What? Did you say you wanted to go clubbing.(Stormsleeper runs out of the room, so he doesn’t get in anymore trouble due to false promises.)

Barf : (Angered and frustrated with da situation) Stop with this nonsense! "I’m getting tired of all this phucking bullshit."

Workslot : Well let me continue, the third wing of the attack will consist of hired guns that we especially brought in for these two. We brought in a class of ‘96 Best Dresser Golfer Cranyon Kim, Joel Rambo 1st Blood, and Jon Mickey Mouse S. Gittyboy , they will be armed wit’ an extra dose of Va-Gimal infecton. The Va-Gimal infection should also spread to affect Gonz Solo Again and even Juan Beere who should be completely red by then. If Lando is already immune to da Va-Gimal infection, we will call Marvel Comics to bring in da character Thor son of Odin, bro’ of Loki, god of thunda’, member of Avengers, and hellava nice guy, etc. That should overwhelm her and make her feel fowl. Last but not least, we send in a elite veteran squad of ballers to finish them off. Lord Laid-her, that is where you come in, you must choose and ensemble the last squad.

Barf : Well, the fair way of choosing a squad of five is usually from the free throw line, but since I want to win, I will hand pick my own squad. Which will be a secret until the actual attack. Very well, commence countdown for the attack in approximately two scenes. Remember, I will not tollerate laggers.

[While de Emipire prepares to ‘mount’ a secret attack on de Webos base, the unaware Webos seemed to be concerned about other important matters at hand.]

Gonz Solo : Man, I’m bored. Let’s go do something. C-Joez think of someplace to go, you set it up.

C-Joez : Me. . .why don’t you try to set something up, for once.

Gonz Solo : Man, I set up our last couple of attacks against de Emipire. Don’t you remember.

P.I.G. : You mean da Battle of Catalina and da 1st Battle of AnahymeningIceRink Pond. Didn’t those attack plans fail miserably, which resulted in us losing.

Gonz Solo : Man shut up. How would you know, you weren’t there.

P.I.G : I read the last script, and I’m pretty much filled in about everything that you all went through in the last half year. Anywayz, I always get dragged in to midnight T.C. meetings, when you guys seem to always reminisce about past events. On how things went and what could’ve and should’ve been, for certain individuals. Out of all that I’ve heard, thank god I was on da computer 24/7.

Gonz Solo : (Inspirational dramatic music begins to play.) Whatever low points, whether small or big, that we all had to endure through these past months, which seem to be countless in mind. I’m still proud of what we did accomplish as a collective group, and all the memorable photo album material type events that we did together as a "group." So eat that, to whoever questions the bond that friendship makes between people.(Does ‘Arden’ pose, then salutes.)

R-2 : (‘whistle’) That’s some deep shit.

C-Joez : (With cheer in the background) Yaah! That’s what I’M talking about! Arrrgh! I feel proud to be a Texan. . . .wait, that came out wrong? Ahh, who cares, I still feel proud for whatever that reason may be.(Puts his right hand on his heart as if to pledge.) Someone get me a beer.

Wookie : Yaaaahharrggh. . . .beer. . . .who said beer?. . .HrmmmmKragyHorse...

Lando : I don’t get it?

Juan Beere : Man, no one asked you!

(Juke Thing-Spanker takes a walk outside to think to himself pondering da questions of life and whether or not to juke-off again.)

Juke : (‘thinking to himself’) Hhrmmm. . .My training is still incomplete, and I will not be ready to face my father when the time comes. Man, what can I do? Might as well just give up, and run away from everything.(‘sighs’)

A voice : (‘faint and in the background’) J. . .u. . .U. . .u. . .K. . .E. . . . . .pssst.

Juke : (Looking around in circles) Who dat’? Come out, come out where ever you are.(Pulls out his Light Buffalo Saber, da Dominator.) "Stop hiding, I kno’ you there. Come out now! Neva’ know when paattee over."(Da spirit of Rabi Masta Yogurt pops out of the shadows holding a pizza box with his Fila bowling shoes on the carpet.)

Yogurt : (‘startled’) Ahh. . .yikes! Impressive, Juke...hrmm. Skill Rabi tricks you’ve learned...yes,yes...hrmmm. Voice can minick yes, and conjure up da ‘mother’ of all fears, Judy de Scolder. Deep in Brack Syde is she...yeash,yes...Hrmmm.

Juke : Yeah, I’ve being training in da Wayz of de Fist. I can also do ‘God-Ji-Ra’ and a porno star. Do you want to hear me pretend to be a porno star.

Yogurt : Enough tricks, young Thing-Spanker. Tricks are fo’ kids...hrmmm. What called you have me here for. Spirit league basketball game interrupt have you, jus’ about to get k.rossovered...yeash,yesh...YarblesAnd1..score..count..it.!...hrmmm.

Juke : I needed you to help me complete my full training to become Rabi Knight, but you faded away in da last script before you could tell me everything I needed to know to defeet da Brack Syde of de Fist.

Yogurt : Old am I, senior I have become. Fruitier Wan have you, him you must go learn da Wayz of a Rabi...hrmmm.

Juke : Man, he’s no help. He is on da disabled wrist because of finger banging. I orginally thought that it was going to be Fruitier Wan that dies and you teaching me, but I guess da legendary creator of all(scripts), George ‘Mureasan’ Lucas foresaw in to the future that it would be you that should depart from all of us, to chase young filly’s. Well that’s life.

Yogurt : Strong does de Fist flow wit’in you...yesh...hrmmm. Wise have you got, seen future have you. Training nearly have you complete. Last lesson must you finish, before Rabi Knight have you become...hrmmm...yesh,yes.

Juke : Tell me what it is, I have to know.

Yogurt : Must face Laid-her. Pull 3-point ‘J’ in his eye.

Juke : Hoooriii Mackeral! Not Laid-her, but he’s my father. I can’t school my own blood. There must be some other way.

Yogurt : No Fear like Wookie must you have. Let de Fist flow in and out of you, and then fail you we not, but you may not be able to sit down for a while..yes,yes.

Juke : Then I will face him, but first I need to go to the restroom.(Yogurt’s spirit fades away again. Juke returns to base.)

(In the command centre of da Secret Webo Base. They intercept on-going encrypted transmission between a source within their base and deep space.)

P.I.G. : (On the intercom) Attention, anyone that has any significant role in this story, please report in, and will the owner of the ‘96 gold Honda Accord Crusier please learn how to parallel park. Thank you, that is all.

Juan Beere : This betta be important, or I’ll brake your neck.

P.I.G. : Geez! Calm down, as if you were busy actually doing something.

Juan Beere : Shut up, fool! My friend, Comb, from Tieland is visiting me. I’m showing him around because he’s leaving soon.

P.I.G. : Well did your friend go through a security check before he came into our secret snowbase.(Princess Lay-Me, C-Joez, Juke, and Fruitier Wan walk in.)

Juan Beere : Man, what are trying to say. I knew him since we were little kids, did you know our mothers went to the same high school. Don’t worry, he’s cool.

Lay-Me : Yeah, don’t worry I know him too, but through another friend. So Juan Beere, how long has Comb been back?

Juan Beere : It doesn’t matter to you anywayz, so Nomo questions.

P.I.G. : Will someone please clairefy what those two are talking about. Nevermind.

Juke : Is everyone here that needs to be. If not get out!

C-Joez : Well, R-2 is going to be running late because of traffic coming up from the 405, Stinky is passed out in the gutter in the hangar bay, and C. Leechee is on lockdown and can’t come out.

Juan Beere : Then that leaves only Gonz Solo and Lando, who are lagging as usual. Gonz Solo’s probably lost again, and who cares about Lando. I know I don’t. Just start the damm meeting.

P.I.G. : Well, in the past 24 hours I’ve been on the computer. . . .

Fruitier Wan : (interrupting) That’s nothing new.

P.I.G. : . . . .Let me finish, as I was saying. I’ve accidently went into a encryted chat room on the netspace dealing with a lot of Emiperial radio traffic.

Fruitier Wan : Well, what was the message?

P.I.G. : I still haven’t been able to crack da pager code yet, but I do know there was a source relaying from our base into space, not to long ago.

Juke : That means we have a spy among us. Everybody open up wide, and let’s see who has da biggest mouth.

Lay-Me : Don’t worry about it, there’s no way de Emipire knows where our secret snowbase is. You know how we are with secrets.

Juan Beere : Then just stay on high alert in case anything happens, or until Dabe cracks their pager code. I’m hungry let’s go eat.

P.I.G. : Why me? Why do I have to get all the hard work?

C-Joez : Oh, take it like a man, Dabe. You better get started because we’re counting on you. Iso Dabe.(Gives Dabe a poke in da ribs with index finger.) ‘poop!’(Hee Hee)

P.I.G. : Good Lord! Watch where your pointing that thing. . . . .

Fruitier Wan : ‘Whooah!’

P.I.G. : . . . . .I can’t believe you just did that.(Begins work on the encrypted code, as the rest of the Webos go on high alert, except for the highly intoxicated Wookie who is still passed out in a gutter somewhere.)

(Traveling at ludicrous speed in hyperspace, de Emiperial invasion force prepare to attack da Webos snowbase.)

Barf : Are you sure we have the right directions to the planet from our spy.

Stormsleeper : I don't know, I usually don’t drive. Ask Butterball Fett, she was the one who was close and kept in contact with our spy all this time.

Barf : Butterball, who is this spy? Is he a reliable source.

Butterball : This is a Tieland source that goes way back.

Barf : Well, can you have him call you to confirm the directions to da secret Webos snowbase are correct.

Butterball : Don’t worry these directions are right. Anywayz, the only time my Tieland source calls long distance, is to tell a N.Y. Knicks 6’9" forward from Syracuse in da house to phuc off and quit calling me!(Gets all riled up.)

Stormsleeper : Yee-Yaah! Damm straight, she told you off.

Barf : Geez, chill out. I believe you. Calm down already, sit down and have a drink.(Pours her some Rum and Coke.)

Butterball : I don’t drink. . . .well maybe only one cup. . . .two won’t hurt. . . .one more for the ride home. . . .ahh, just leave the damm bottle.(Proceeds to drink until she gets really ill with a swollen tounge due to the Bacardi.) Oh no, if my sista’ finds out, she’s really going to kick my ass this time. SOmeOnE pwEeSe tAKe Me DrUnk, I’m hOmE.(Drops to the floor, passed out.)

Barf : Stormsleeper, drag that durrddy littl’ drunk out of here, and get her sobered up since she’s part of the first wave in da lead attack wing.

Worksalot : (‘alarm sounding’) Lord Laid-her, we arrived at the outer gates of da Shadow Park Galaxy where de Webos snow planet is in. We need to give "da Gatekeepa" Fernando Aguilar the access codes, so that we won’t be detected by da Webo scouts.

Barf : Enter the passwords, "Visiting Judy, not a drop off."(waiting.) Did it work.

Worksalot : Yes, we got in without them noticing. What I lousy security system that they have to pay and depend on.

Barf : I should know, don’t remind me. Make sure all vehicles get a pass, so if we stay overnight we won’t get tolled away.

Worksalot : We will soon be in range for attack. What are your orders, my lord.

Barf : Our main invasion force will land on the flat surface known as the legendary Shadow B-Ball courts, there our battle will be fought and won. Our first squad to take on the Webos 2-3 zone-press defenses, they may suffer a great number of losses, but da girls are only there to distract and make the Webos lose focus in their game plan. After calling next game, the second unit, known as da "Thug force", will drive both baselines work and tire out their big frontline to open up their zone defenses for our outside shooters and snipers. While the second unit is still battling, our third unit of guys will walk the sidelines to work and distract their only line of cheerleaders. Which will destroy their morale and spirit since the girls will be kept busy with their dream dates. With all that, the Webos defenses will be in sambles and not even be able to take an offensive shot. That is when my fresh, well rested personally led veteran Fab 5 squad will finish them off before the lights get turned off. The game’s in the refrigerator, da door’s shut, lights are out, da butta’s getting hard, and the jello’s jiggling.(Lites up his cigar and starts smoking it.) Don’t you just love it when everything comes together. Begin countdown for invasion in less then one scene. Let’s finish the fight we never started.(Countdown to invasion begins, and Emiperial forces begins to stretch, eat some bananas, and drink a lot of water so they don’t cramp up.)