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(recent visuals)

My Name:
Ellen: [eL-en] transcended from 'Helena' Pure Light.

My Persona:
-12 words that can sum up (vaguely) my personality:
light-hearted, nostalgic, sentimental, listener, talkative, quirky, ambivalent, strange, individualistic, weak, opinionated.

"i put on an extroverted act to hide my introverted self"

air element
(i got this here)

"A dream is a wish your heart Makes" -unknown

When i was younger i thought that all i had to do was wish hard enough and want it badly enough and fight enough for something i would get it. Afterall, it's my RIGHT to it isn't it? Like peter pan said all it takes is a pinch of fairy dust. How wrong was i.

This philosophy helped me get through life from i was just about 3 to 13. Ten whole years of travelling on the wrong strand of life. At 5 years old i won best student of the month award for listening, at 6 i was awarded the 'Good Christian' medal/award and at 7 i won tied first place with a girl from school for the 'Young Authors' award. At 7 and a half i got my baby sister i wanted since i've been able to play with dolls. At 11 yrs old, i wanted to be student council rep and president - guess what i got both on first count that i was known as the most outspoken one of the class and on second count no one else wanted to be president. Same thing happened in form1. But then suddenly in form 2 it was a whole new ball game. I wanted to be popular.

Guess what. I prayed. I sucked up to people. And i tried to play it right. Just like Big 2 or Russian Poker i figured it was all about strategy. And even i, one of the 'dorky girls' at school (think glasses, black hair, brown eyes, braces, shoulder length hair at 5ft) became best friends with the three most popular girls in my year. This lasted 2 years. Every weekend i would go out and hang out with them watching movies, shopping and really, well, having the time of my life.

And right when i thought i was set for the rest of high school it all ended as fast as it begun. In plain truth they outgrew me. Sure, they're really nice girls but they were trying things i (completely straight edged - i don't drink or smoke) am and was completely not ready for. With that i was lost. Hurt. I didn't know where to turn. So i did what i should've done a long time ago; i went back to the girls who have known me practically forever - and they accepted me back without questions. I didn't even tell them the full story of everything that happened until a few months back. For that, i shall remain grateful for them eternally.

But as sappy as this may be sounding, it was a blessing in disguise - i've missed out a lot of the details, but i realised who i was, my limits and what i was ready or not ready for. I still say hi to the girls/guys during class, in fact i still sit next to some of them in lessons and classes. It's just that what they wanted out of high school and what i wanted was so different. And i also realised that i can't just will for something to come true; you can't just fight for it; you have to work for it and really truly wonder with every fibre of your body what you would do if you didn't get it or if you had to live without it.

And most of the times the answer would be; i'd survive. But on those certain unique occasions where you'll realise that it means so much more to you than that - work for it and keep it close to your heart - because one day you're going have to let go, or it's going to leave by itself. Even if it's just for the memories; cherish it, because it's going to be the memories that's going to keep that smile in you; that one smile you've been waiting your whole life for.

As for forevers... well, lol. i'm still waiting for mine.

-If: I could change my name, I'd change it to: Sal.
-I could change one thing about the way I'd look it would be: my arms and my nose.
-I had a baby girl i would call her: Julie
-I had a baby boy i would call him: Bailey

mp3s i have on this pc:

[it's new, lcd monitor :) an ISDN-128K. yay!]

-Flavor of the Weak, American hi-fi
-Fallin', Alicia Keys
-Puddle of Grace, Amy Jo Johnson
-Sandy, Annie
-Burn Baby Burn, Ash
-All or Nothing, Athena Cage
-Dream Away, Babyface + Lisa Stanfield
-Afterskool Special, Blue Sky Roadster
-Another Day in Paradise, Brandy + Ray J
-Wonderful Tonight, Damage
-It is You, Dana Glover
-As Long As There's X'mas, Disney
-Happens Every Time, Dreamstreet
-Sugar Rush, Dreamstreet
-I'll Be, Edwin McCain
-My head to my Heart, Evan + Jaron
-Airhead, Girls@play
-Out of Reach, Gabrielle
-Sweet Alibi, Hear'Say
-Perfect Day, Hoku
-No Mes Amos, Jennifer Lopez + Mark Anthony

-Irresistable, Jessica Simpson
-There You Were, Jessica Simpson + Marc Anthony
-How Can I Not Love You, Joy Enriquez
-On My Own, Katie Holmes
-Love is a Beautiful Thing, Krystal
-Krazy, K-ci & Jojo
-Girl in your Dream, M2M
-Give a little love, M2M
-In My Pocket, Mandy Moore
-When I Talk To You, Mandy Moore
-Beautiful, Maren Ord
-Eternity, Maren Ord
-So In Love With Two, Mikaila
-Get Your Freak On, Missy Elliot ft. Nelly Furtado
-Lady Marmalade, Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
-Where the Dream Takes You, Mya
-I'm Like a Bird, Nelly Furtado
-Grinch Song, N'Sync
-Selfish, N'Sync
-Gone, N'Sync
-Tearin' Up My Heart, N'Sync
-Come What May, Nicole Kidman + Ewan McGregor
-All Or Nothing, O-Town
-The Painter, O-Town
-Reach For The Stars, S Club 7
-Never Had A Dream Come True, S Club 7
-I Will Remember You, Sarah McLaughlan
-Always Come Back To Your Love, Samantha Mumba
-Don't Need You To Tell Me, Samantha Mumba
-It wasn't Me, Shaggy
-One Night, The Corrs
-As I Lay Me, Sophie B. Hawkins
-U Remind Me, Usher
-Can You Keep A Secret?, Utada Hikaru

-Amish Paradise, Wierd Al
-When You're Looking like that, Westlife.

Adopted: cutie factory > > this is thimble - my sweetie :)

I am:
-Pro Life i.e. Against Abortion (unless under certain circumstances like incestral rape resulting in underage pregnancy or when it was forced upon the mother, at times like these the mother is already traumatised enough, how much would the baby benefit from it? Sometimes, special cases have to be considered.)
-A Democrat; a republican president means only the burning of bridges when it comes to relationship with other countries. All those conferences between Beijing and the States? In Vain. I am a full supporter of Democrats. In other words i think Bush is an idiot. (my proof? just take a look at his 'God Bless America' speech straight after the 'Day Of Terror' crisis - qouting from the Bible during a religious war - not to mention that the victims were all of diff. religions, thanks for automatically excluding them. Jeez. Make the Palistinians any happier will you?)
-A Clinton supporter; his personal life was a wreck but he really did try for the American people.
-A Catholic - even though i can't say i agree with all the rules. For instance mistakes do happen, and people can change - so divorces sometimes DO have to be enforced, i do not believe homosexuals are a violation of God's rules and contraception is VITAL in the world today of aids and hiv.
-living in a fairy tale world some of the time. I drift off and fantasise; i relate to ally and it's easier for me to handle the truth when i've handled the dream.
-disgusted with action films and unsatisfactory emotionally empty unhappy endings; they REALLY BITE.
-I like the look of day better than night; the world is so much prettier yet on the flip side i tend to work more diligently at night - it were as if someone flicked a switch one or something.
-outraged at corrupt governments; people too selfish to see beyond their own nose - too freakin busy eating off their blue china - or oh wait, was it their pink? Afterall it is their wives who pick out the dishes for dinner. They eat like gods when their people have no education (well actually theirs didn't do them any good) barely enough food and go cold during the nights. Who was it that said "Let them eat Cakes". My point exactly.
-NOT a fan of John Grisham.
-wanting the same thing every girl wants when they're older. Two kids; preferably a boy and a girl, a loving husband, a smart but small two levelled house in friendly and rowdy suburbia and a lexus or a toyota. i'm a sucker for happy normalcy; i want a career (or a job of some sort) but take maternal leave when i have kids. I want it all; to see them grow to come home to a great guy ever night and... lol, to be within driving distance from ANY beach.
-opinionated; deal with it.
-A feverent soulmate believer - no one is going to shatter my dreams for hIM or THE ONE to come along.
-Normally against Capital Punishment but there HAS to be exceptions - rapists and child molestors should be the first ones to go.
-A UNICEF supporter
-NOT NOT NOT racist; remember - 'beauty is skin deep', it's the soul that matters and not the colour. In fact despite our cultures and languages most people around the world are actually more alike than not.
-A boyband ballad supporter in other words i do like pop; so sue me, i'm sorry i just don't know how to appreciate music like Linkin Park or Kid Rock : this is just an opinion and not a rant, no offence to these band supporters out there.
-rather biased at times.

Likes: ballads, teen flix, old movies, gilmore girls, figuring out another HTML code problem, cranberry anything, the smell of cinnamon and bayberry, unusual candles, 4hr phone conversations with the people you love most, getting mail or e-mail.

disLikes: blood, action films, Al Pacino films, Hurdles, Bush, monday mornings, junk mail, getting hit by volleyballs, people who judge others based on first impressions, manipulators, people who think they are so completely self righteous, selfishness.

Contact Me:
icq: 40253020
aimster: user name - lels

The Only Thing That Doesn't Change is That Everything Changes * Adeliene Yen Mah