RaNdOm JoKeS


Can't we just be friends? There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch mine, again

I just need some space without you in it

Can you help me with my homework? If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.

Do I look fat in this dress? We haven't had a fight in a while

No, pizza's fine Cheap bastard

I just don't want a boyfriend I just don't want (you as) a boyfriend

I don't know; what do you want to do? I can't believe that you have nothing planned

Come here My puppy does this too

I like you but... I don't like you

You never listen You never listen

We're moving too quickly I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend

I'll be ready in a minute I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.

Oh, no, I'll pay for myself I am just being nice; theres no way I am going dutch

I'm just going out with the girls We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.


She's kind of cute I want to **** her till I am blue

I need you My hand is tired

I had her I had (wet dreams about) her all week

I really want to get to know you better so we can do what I tell my friends we do already.

How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? Is my ***** really that small?

You're the only girl I've ever cared about You are the only girl who has not rejected me.

I want you back ...for tonight anyway

We've been through so much together If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity

I miss you so much I am so hornythat my roommate is starting to look good.

No, I do not want to dance Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on right now!

1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2. Can I borrow a quarter ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams I want to call your mom and thank her.
3. Is your dad a thief?? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Yes.")
4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.
5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
8. You must be tired. ["Why?"] You were running through my dreams all night.
9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.
10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."
12. Nice shoes. Wanna ****??
13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a ****?? ["No."] You don't like pizza?? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Okay.")
14. Can I flirt with you??
15. Your dad must've been a Baker, 'cause you got a nice set of buns.
16. (Look at his/her shirt tag. When they say, "What are you doing?") Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me??
19. **** me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
20. (Grab his/her ass.) Pardon me, is this seat taken??
21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
22. Can you give me directions? ["To where?"] Your heart.
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.
25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet
clothes. 28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.
29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
31. I hope you know CPR 'cause you take my breath away.
32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.


1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damnit, all of you jsu SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,without getting off.
11.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
14. One word: Flatulense
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"