Disclaimer: *I do not own the characters of "Frasier", nor do I profit from writing these stories. I wrote this for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others. Thank you for reading it! Feedback is greatly encouraged and appreciated J Thank you again!*
By Erin Christine Zak (ezak@nitline.net)
Rowena thompson sat stiffly in one of the chairs in the waiting room. She kept trying to pinpoint the exact moment in her life when everything started going downhill. She knew she'd have to tell him about it, so she wanted to make sure she had her story down. She was so afraid that he might try to pry into other aspects of her life. Of course he would. He's a psychiatrist, Rowena! she kept telling herself. She didn't want him to though. She knew why her life was so messed up, but she didn't want anyone else to know why.
"Good morning Ms. Thompson."
Rowena looked up, "Hello Dr. Crane."
Niles smiled as he reached out his hand to her, "It's a pleasure to finally meet."
She shook it lightly, "Yes it is."
Niles watched her walk past him into his office. She was dressed well, which meant that she wouldn't stiff him when it came time to pay. He offered her a seat in a wingback chair as he sat across from her in his own chair. He smiled, "How are you today?"
"I'm alright." Rowena watched him write something down. "Are you going to write down everything I say?"
"Possibly, why?" Niles asked as he kept writing.
"Don't you have a tape recorder?"
Without looking up, he replied, "Yes. I don't use it."
She sighed, "I don't want to be here."
"I know." He looked up, "I could sense it."
"How?"
"Believe me, I've been around enough people to know." Niles slid his pen into the inside pocket of his jacket. He looked at her, "If you don't want to be here, why are you here?"
Rowena smiled, "My fiancé wants me to be here."
"He wants you to seek counseling?" Niles asked.
"Yes." She smoothed out her red skirt, "He doesn't think I can handle a long-term relationship."
"How long have you been together, if you don't mind my asking."
"Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"
"What? Ask questions? Yes."
"Well, then it shouldn't matter if I mind or not." Rowena stood up and then sat back down, "I don't like this."
"If you're not supposed to mind me asking questions, why are you skirting the question I just asked?" Niles watched her throw him a dirty look. He obviously hit something with that remark. He smiled, "I'm not going to push you into discussing anything you don't want to discuss."
Rowena huffed, "No, you'll just sit there and listen and nod and smile and then blurt out some conclusion and then I'll pay you and be on my merry way."
"Possibly." Niles laughed, "If you really don't want to do this though, we won't get anywhere."
"Well, then I guess I should just grin and bear it."
"No, I'll just grin and bear it. You, on the other hand, have to talk."
She smirked at him. He was driving her nuts. She leaned back in the chair. "So, what should we start with? My childhood?"
"If you think that may be a contributor."
"A contributor? I'm not a fundraiser."
Niles looked down as he scribbled "stubborn and sarcastic" on his paper.
She watched him and wondered what he wrote.
He glanced at her, "Would you like to know what I wrote?"
"No."
"Okay." Niles looked down at his shoes. He noticed that the left shoe had acquired a small scuff. He was so tempted to reach down and try to remove it, but he didn't want to let her know that he was just as uncomfortable as she was.
Rowena sat there in silence. She didn't want to talk to this man, this skinny, little, snobby man. She ran her fingers through her long, brown hair. She could feel his eyes glancing at her. She looked at him, "Are you married?"
"No."
"Girlfriend?" She asked with a smile.
Niles smiled back, "Yes."
"What's her name?"
"Daphne." Niles smiled, "She's the best thing in my life."
Rowena looked at him, "English?"
"Yes. How'd you know?"
"Not many people named 'Daphne' in the United States," Rowena said coated with sarcasm.
"Touché."
They sat there in silence again. Rowena looked around his office. Her eyes eventually landed back on him. He sat there perfectly, with his left leg crossed over his right. His black and gray-stripped socks matched his tie perfectly. She wondered how anyone could be attracted to this man. She sighed, "6 months."
Niles looked up at her, "Hmm?
"That's how long Michael and I have been together."
"Really? That seems like a long-term relationship to me."
She laughed, "Well, not compared to his last relationship of 7 years."
"7 years?"
"Yes." Rowena laughed, "My longest relationship before Michael was two months."
Niles laughed to himself as he thought about Roz. "I have a friend that has that problem."
"It's not necessarily a problem." Rowena looked down at her hands. They were shaking, a common indication that she was uncomfortable.
"That's not what I meant," Niles said. "I meant that...well..."
"I know what you meant."
Niles sat there watching her. It was odd. Now that he found one similarity between Roz and Rowena, he couldn't help but think how much they looked alike. He glanced at his watch. "Time's up."
She looked at him, "Okay." Rowena stood up, "Friday at..."
"4:30 again."
"Okay." Rowena opened the door to his office and left. She closed it behind her. I don't like this at all...she said to herself.
"Half-caf cappuccino with a..."
"Dusting of cinnamon."
Niles looked surprised, "I can't believe you remembered."
The waiter pulled out a small piece of paper, "Cliff's Notes for coffee."
"Ohhh, I get it." Niles laughed as he pulled out the newest edition of Psychiatrist's Weekly he was reading earlier.
"Niles."
He looked up, "Frasier!"
"Fancy meeting you here." Frasier waved at the waiter and he nodded, knowing exactly what Frasier wanted. He sat down, "How was your day?"
"Funny you should ask. I just had the most stubborn patient in my entire life."
"Really?"
"Yes, I thought for a minute that it might be your long lost twin."
Frasier glared at Niles, "I am not stubborn."
"Neither are mules. But anyway, in an hour, I found out two things about her, not including her name."
Frasier smiled, "That's better than one."
"You know what I mean!" Niles sipped his cappuccino. He looked down at the cup, "I can tell that I am going to have to throw myself into this case."
"That'll be a change."
"Oh, you should talk!"
"Let's not get into that Niles." Frasier thanked the waiter for his coffee. He took a sip and then looked at Niles. "I thought you were going to just do group sessions, so you could spend more time with Daphne?"
"Well, it's actually kind of confusing. I'm doing this as a favor for one of Mrs. Woodson's friend's daughter's friend."
"That's not confusing at all," Frasier said with a laugh.
Niles looked down at his watch, "Daphne should be here any minute."
"She's meeting you here?"
"No. Sleeping with her has made her psychic powers rub off."
"I could just strangle you sometimes." Frasier rolled his eyes as he took a drink of his latte.
"I'm sorry Frasier," Niles said with a laugh. "Yes, she's meeting me here. She was supposed to be out with one of her friends, so we decided to meet here and drive home together."
"Hey you guys!"
"Roz, what are you doing here?"
"I'm going to let you answer that question on your own," Roz said mockingly as she waved at the waiter.
"Does he know your order, too?" Niles asked with a shocked voice. He glanced at Roz and noticed that she had on a maroon shirt. He smiled to himself as he remembered telling Roz that he liked red on her because it made her look very slim, which it did. He chuckled inside as he thought about the face that Roz had displayed after he told her that. She had practically fallen out of her chair.
"He should! That's my date tomorrow night!"
"I should have known." Frasier took a swig of his latte.
Roz looked at Niles, "What are you smiling at?"
"Nothing."
She smiled, "Rough day, Niles?"
"Yea, how could you tell?"
"You have more stubble than you normally do, so I figured that you didn't get a chance to shave between patients."
Niles shot Roz a dirty look, "You barely get a chance to shave your legs between boyfriends."
"Whoa! Good one, Niles!" Roz said with a laugh.
"I did have a patient that I'm going to have a rough time with."
"That should make it fun!"
"I'm sure it would be. That is if I treated all my patients like you treat your men."
"Oh, so you don't use handcuffs?" Roz asked with a laugh. "Wait... Did I just insult myself?"
"Someone was bound to," Niles said with a grin.
Roz picked up her latte-to-go, and smiled, "I gotta run. Love you, Niles!"
"Bye honey," Niles said with a laugh.
"See ya Fras."
"Well, thanks a lot Roz." Frasier said as she started to walk away.
Roz walked back over to him and pulled his head against her chest, "I'll see ya tomorrow big boy." She laughed, "Is that better?"
"Sure." Frasier laughed as she walked away. Niles handed him a napkin. "What?" Frasier asked as he took the napkin.
"You might want to catch that bit of drool from your lip."
Frasier threw it on the table, "Funny!"
Niles looked up, "Daphne!"
"Hello, honey!" Daphne rushed over to Niles and placed a kiss on his lips.
"You just missed Roz," Frasier said.
"Oh, darn. I wanted to ask her about me dress for the ball."
"Daphne, I told you that you looked ravishing." Niles smiled at her.
She laughed, "I know, but you know how we girls like to have a second opinion. And Roz is as blunt as they come!"
"I'll second that!" Frasier laughed. "Well, I'm going to head home. I'll talk to you two later."
"Good-bye Dr. Crane."
"Bye Frasier."
Niles watched Frasier walk off, briefcase in hand. He looked back at Daphne, "How was your day?"
"Well, your father's physical therapy is going to be a lot rougher on him now that I'm not making sure he does his extra exercises everyday. But I think this will end up working out perfectly."
"Daphne, it's been six months since you moved out!"
She laughed, "I know. But it takes a while to get to these Crane men."
"Not me," Niles said with a laugh.
Daphne leaned in towards Niles, "I know." She pulled his face in towards hers and placed another kiss on his lips. She released him, "I'm the one that needed the swift kick in the behind."
Niles smelled something different about Daphne. He smiled, "Do you have a new scent on?"
Daphne laughed, "No. Cherry bark and almonds, as usual."
Niles laughed, "I'm sorry, I guess my nose just isn't working today."
"It's alright. I'll forgive you."
"Oh, my love."
"So, how was the rest of your week?" Niles asked as he leaned back in his desk chair.
"It was fine." Rowena said as she picked up a book that was sitting on the table in front of the chair where she was sitting. She sat it back down before she even read the title. She looked at him, "I don't like you."
Niles looked at her, "Oh, really?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way." Niles stood up and walked over towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I figured you might want to leave if you don't like me." He opened it, "I mean, how can we get anywhere if all you're going to do is be pessimistic about the whole thing? I think that maybe it'd be best if you found another psychiatrist." Niles looked at Rowena. She looked like she was going to fall out of her seat.
"You're serious?"
"Ms. Thompson..."
"Call me Rowena."
"Okay, Rowena." Niles walked over towards her chair and sat down in front of her. "You have to understand why I say that. It's impossible to get anywhere with anything if both parties aren't going to contribute equally."
Rowena sat there. She couldn't believe that he had called her bluff. She looked at him, "Fine, I'll contribute equally."
"I don't care if you don't like me. To be quite frank with you, I don't care much for you. But the fact that we can't stand each other should have nothing to do with the progress we can make concerning your problem with commitment."
"I don't see how that can be possible, but I'll go along with you on it." Rowena took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Ask me anything."
"Okay, that's better." Niles got up. He walked over to his desk and grabbed his pad of paper. He sat down in his chair. "Would you tell me about Michael?"
"Michael... Well, he's the perfect person for me. He doesn't pick at the details. He loves me for me. He acts like I am the only person in the room when we are together." Rowena smiled, "He makes me smile. He makes me happy."
"How did you meet?"
"Well, we met at my Grandmothers house on Whidbey Island." She laughed, "We were both headed to the restroom when we literally ran into each other."
"Of all the places to meet," Niles said with a smile.
"I know! It was so embarrassing."
"How did he know your Grandmother?"
"Well, it's her best friend's daughter's son."
"The son of the daughter of your Grandmothers best friend?"
"However you want to put it."
Niles looked down at his paper and then up at Rowena. He smiled, "What was the first thing he said to you? After the 'I'm sorry' part of the embarrassing moment?"
" 'You're Rowena?'" She smiled, "And I replied, 'You're Michael?' It wasn't the most romantic conversation, but we still smile about it. Ya know, when he picks me up for a date, 'You're Rowena?' It's fun."
"Can you tell me about your first argument?"
Rowena looked at him, "I guess." She leaned forward, "We were on our way to dinner. I don't remember what restaurant, but it was some place fancy, because we were both dressed up. And I remember saying something about one of my ex-boyfriends. Something like 'I saw so and so today'... He just automatically thought that I meant that I saw 'so and so' today and I was going to break it off with him and he just blew up. I had never seen him so upset." She looked at him. He just nodded his head. "So, he pulled over to the side of the road. And he told me that he wanted me to get counseling. And I of course wanted to know why. I mean, I really didn't feel depressed or anything or whatever you have to be to see a psychiatrist, but I told him that I would look into it and I did and now I'm here... suffering through it..."
"So, your first argument was only about, what, a week ago?"
"No, it was a month ago. I kept putting it off. So Michael finally talked to my friend Susie and she talked to her mother, Diane, who talked to Mrs. Woodson who talked to you." Rowena sighed. "Yes it's the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends..." she sang softly to herself.
"When you asked 'why?', what did he say?"
"Well, he said that he was worried about me. He said that lately I've been pulling away from him and he didn't like that. He said that he knew that I loved him, but he also knew that I didn't really want to marry him. But I do want to marry him. I do love him."
"Okay," Niles said as he sat down his pad of paper. "Tell me about your mother."
"I knew it." Rowena said as she leaned back in the chair. She rubbed her forehead with her hand, "Oh goodness." She smiled, "My mother is the most overbearing, self-righteous person you will ever meet. I have never in my life detested someone so much."
"And you wonder why we ask about your childhood," Niles said matter-of-factly.
Rowena glared at him, "Anyway..." She stood up, "She is the reason I can't keep a relationship."
"Really?" Niles said as he leaned forward. She was standing there in the middle of his office looking like if she had something to throw, it would be hurling towards his face at that very moment. He was happy that everything too heavy to hurl. When he was about to ask another question, his little timer went off.
"Thank God." Rowena grabbed her coat, "Monday at 4:30?"
"Yes." He watched her storm out of his office. I think I've found the problem, he said to himself. He wanted to talk to someone about this, someone that wasn't a psychiatrist and someone who wasn't Daphne, who agreed with his every word.
"I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR COMPANY!"
"Roz! It's Niles!"
Roz opened the door, "Niles? What the hell do you want?"
"It's nice to see you too."
"Oh yea, thanks." She looked at him, "Is everything alright with Daphne?"
Niles laughed, "Oh yea, she's fine. I actually would like to talk to you about something."
Roz heard Alice call for her, "Okay come in. I'll be right back." She ran back towards Alice's bedroom.
Niles walked in and made himself comfortable. He looked around her house. It was the first time he had been there since she had redecorated. It actually looked nice. He, of course, wouldn't have chosen purple paint with lime green trim, but that's Roz, and it did go with the decorations. He smiled when he noticed a picture of Alice with Frasier and himself on her mantle. He stood up and walked over towards it. Niles picked it up.
"Okay, what do you want to know?" Roz asked as she sat down on the couch, her hands folded in her lap.
"How long have you had this?" He asked as he motioned to the picture.
Roz smiled, "It was taken at Frasier's birthday party last year." She stood up and walked over towards him, "I love that picture of you guys. Alice looks so happy."
"She has every reason to be happy. Look at the company she's in," Niles said with a smile. He looked at Roz. For some strange reason, the way she was looking at him made his pulse quicken. He quickly looked down at his shoes. "I really need to talk to you about this patient of mine."
Roz smiled, "You mean that my opinion is going to matter?!"
"Roz, let's not get started." Niles sat down on the couch. He looked at her, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Only if it's not about my sex life."
Niles laughed, "Well, then you're not going to be any help."
"Niles!"
"No, it's not that. It's that this woman, her name is Rowena. She has a problem with commitment."
"So, what's your point? Are you saying that I have a problem committing so I'll be the perfect person to ask?"
"Pretty much." Niles smiled, "Please Roz."
"Okay, fine."
"Alright, I just want to know why you think you can't find the perfect person?"
Roz smiled, "It's not that I can't find the perfect person, because believe me, I have found him on more than one occasion. It's that I usually scare them off. Especially now because of Alice."
"Well, Rowena and her mother don't get along, at all. I'm not sure why, yet, but I think that may be a reason."
"I think you're probably right. I know that when my mother and I aren't getting along, I can't think of anything else but making up with her. I hate it when we fight. So, I seem to want a boyfriend and when I have him, I don't want him anymore, and I then when I don't have him, I want him... It's a vicious circle."
"I don't know if that's what Rowena is doing, but..."
"Well, that's my honest opinion." Roz laughed, "Ya know, she could be afraid to make a commitment because she's just scared that they won't love her when they really start to know her."
Niles looked at Roz, "What did you just say?"
She slapped him across the arm, "Thanks for listening."
"No, Roz, seriously."
"I said that maybe she's scared that they won't love her back. A lot of people have faults and they know it, but they also know that revealing them makes them vulnerable. Sometimes I wonder if that's not my problem. I have a lot of faults..."
Niles smiled, "I had no idea how intelligent you were."
"I had no idea how nice you could be," Roz said with a smile.
Niles looked at her. She was sitting very still. It almost looked like she wasn't breathing. He had never seen her like that before. He couldn't put his finger on what was different, either. He felt his head starting to spin. He looked away as he took a deep breath. Niles stood up, "Do you mind if I get a drink of water?"
Roz let out a breath, "No, of course not." She watched Niles quickly exit towards the kitchen. She looked down at her hands. They were trembling. She knew that meant that she was nervous, but why? Roz stood up to walk towards the kitchen when she heard Alice call for her again, "I'll be right back Niles."
"Okay," he said as he gulped down his second glass of water. Not that water helped, he just thought that it was worth a try.
Roz walked into the living room with Alice clinging to her body. Niles smiled at the sight of it. Alice had grown so much since the last time he had seen her, but she was still small for a five year old. He caught Alice looking at him, so he grinned at her, "Good morning Lilly."
She laughed, "It's not morning... Is it?"
Roz smiled, "He's just pulling your leg sweetie."
"I don't feel good, Nilly." Alice walked over towards where Niles was sitting and crawled into his lap tugging her blanket behind her. Niles hugged her close to his body. He had always loved Alice. He remembered the first time she said his name. Except it wasn't "Niles" that she said, it was "Nilly" and that's what it had been ever since. And Niles, never wanting to feel like the only one in the room that was embarrassed, retaliated by calling her "Hillbilly", which Roz detested. And since "Hilly" and "Billy" weren't acceptable either, "Lilly" seemed perfect. So "Lilly" it was.
"When are you two going to call each other by your real names?" Roz asked with a laugh.
"Never, mom. We're Nilly and Lilly." Alice looked up at her mother who was watching them with a smile displayed on her face.
"Yea, mom, the gruesome twosome," Niles said as he placed a kiss on the top of Alice's head.
Roz smiled at them. She always loved watching Niles with Alice. She thought that it was the most beautiful thing to see a man that was as self-centered as Niles, be so loving and caring towards someone else. But then she had to remind herself that Niles wasn't really self-centered. They just disliked each other enough that believing that he was came with little protest.
"She's asleep," Niles said with a smile.
"Oh great, now she'll wake up when we move her."
"I'll do it," Niles said as he skillfully rose to his feet with Alice held tight to his chest. He made his way back towards Alice's bedroom. He laid her down and covered her up with the blankets on her bed. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Good night, Lilly."
Roz stood up as Niles walked back into the living room. She smiled at him, "Well, freak, I guess you got what you were after."
"Do we always have to insult each other?" Niles said with a laugh, even though he was totally serious.
Roz just looked at him. She knew he was serious. She knew what she wanted to say, too. She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him that she hated that it was always a constant battle between them. She also knew that saying that would create tension. And the last thing she wanted right then was tension. She just smiled and said, "Yes. It's what makes our friendship so special."
Niles turned to walk towards the door. He stopped, "Hey, weren't you supposed to have a date tonight?"
"Uh huh."
"Well... where's he at? Under your bed or hand cuffed to it?"
Roz shot Niles a look, "That's what I'm talking about. That spice we have."
Niles laughed, "You know what I meant."
"He called to tell me that he couldn't make it. He had an appointment that he had forgotten about."
"Could have thought of a better excuse."
"You're tellin' me!!" Roz crossed her arms, "I just don't like men."
"Ewwww..."
Roz backhanded Niles in the stomach, "You little twerp, you know what I meant."
"I know, I'm sorry." He smiled, "I'll talk to you tomorrow Roz."
"Bye, Niles."
Niles sat down in the chair. He read the writing on his tablet. He looked at Rowena, "So, you're saying that you think that the reason your mother is responsible for your commitment issues is because she used to neglect you. By..."
"Yes. By showing my sisters more attention than me."
"Can I tell you something?" Niles asked as he leaned forward.
"I don't care. I'm sure you will whether I want you to or not," Rowena said as she crossed her arms.
Niles looked at her, and not Rowena, but Roz looked back at him. He shook his head. He took a deep breath, "I think that your commitment issues may stem from neglect from your mother, but I also think that the reason you have these issues is because you have tried to be perfect for so long. You have tried to please everyone, including your mother. And you try to keep this facade, because trying to be perfect has been the only part of your life where your mother has shown you any attention, even if it was negative attention."
Rowena looked down at her hands. Shaking again. She smirked, "Nope, I don't think so."
Niles huffed, "I'm the doctor."
"Yes, and I'm the patient. And I am allowed to have my own opinions."
Niles threw his tablet onto the table. He reached up and rubbed his eyes roughly with the palms of his hands, letting out an incredibly long sigh afterwards.
Rowena smiled, "Something's wrong with you Dr. Crane."
"Yes, Rowena, something is wrong with me. I think I might just throw something right now, but I can't, because I don't want to break anything my office!!" He stood up and roughly ran his fingers through his hair. He wanted to rip it out while he was up there, but decided against it.
"No, I mean something is wrong with you," she said as she leaned forward.
"Whatever do you mean?" Niles asked unenthusiastically.
"I'm not sure, but I think that you might be questioning something about your life."
"Oh my God... Are you a psychic? Would you like to read my palms too?" Sarcasm was thickly spread on every word that leapt out of Niles' mouth. "How about a Tarot card reading? I'd love that!"
She looked at him. It struck her like a brick. A sly smile crossed her face. "You've fallen in love with another woman."
Niles' draw dropped onto the floor, "What?!"
"I know this act."
"WHAT ACT!"
Rowena stood up as she looked at her watch, "Something's going on with you."
"It's none of your business anyway! We're supposed to be talking about YOU!" Niles sat down at his desk, "Time's up."
"I know." Rowena walked towards the door, "See you Friday?"
"No you won't. I'm taking Friday off. I'll see you next Monday."
Rowena smiled, "Have a good week Dr. Crane."
"You too." Niles sighed again. He wanted to hit himself for loosing control like that, but he couldn't help it. And he really didn't know why. He wasn't in love with another woman, that's for sure. And nothing was going on with him. He leaned back in his chair and laughed. "Niles, you are a weird one sometimes," he said out loud to himself.
"Niles, what's wrong? You're so stiff."
"Oh Daph, I had the longest day."
Daphne crawled on top of Niles who was lying on his stomach on their bed. She straddled over his rear end and began to massage his shoulders.
"Oh gosh, that feels great."
"I had a good day today. I went to the library and found a really good book on England."
Niles smiled, "Good." His eyes scanned the room. When he had first walked in, he had smelled that same scent that he had smelled on Daphne the other day. It wasn't the familiar cherry bark and almonds smell he was used to. He noticed something on the floor next to one of the wingback chairs. He couldn't tell what it was. It almost looked like a cufflink, but he hadn't had his out lately. He closed his eyes, I'll see what it is in a minute. This feels too good to get up.
"Niles?"
"Yea," he asked with a moan.
"Why were you so late last night?"
He laughed, "I told you that I went over to Roz's."
"I know, but why did it take so long?" Daphne stopped rubbing his back and moved off of him. She walked into the bathroom.
Niles stretched his back out. He stood up, "Alice got up while I was over there, so I stayed until she fell asleep." He walked over to the chair. He leaned down and picked up the mystery object. Indeed, it was a cufflink. He turned it over to display initials. He could feel his mouth hanging open. He turned to look at Daphne as she walked back into the bedroom.
"What?"
"D.D.?"
Daphne felt her heart stop. She looked at Niles, "What is it?"
"D.D.?"
"Niles, what is it?" She tried to sound worried, but not too worried.
"D.D.?" He couldn't think of anything else to say. He always did have a way with words when he was furious.
Daphne walked over to him and took the cufflink out of his hand. She looked down at her feet, "I don't know what to say."
"Say it isn't true," Niles said as calmly as he could. The tears that he had felt just minutes ago were gone.
"I can't." Daphne looked at him, "He was over here today."
"Why was he in our bedroom?" Niles asked knowing what the answer would be. He put his hand up to his mouth. He could feel his stomach churning, "I want you to leave."
"Niles, I'm sorry."
"How could you act like nothing was wrong?" He asked as he walked away from her.
"I was going to tell you, but then you just seemed so upset."
"Let's do away with the suspense! Your plan to spare my feelings has worked out perfectly! Daphne, please leave."
Daphne looked at Niles, "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Is that why you've been so different?"
"What do you mean?" Daphne asked.
Niles smirked, "You know what I mean." He looked down at the floor, "So, that was Donny's cologne I smelled on you the other day?" Niles wanted to slap himself for not knowing right away.
"Yes." Daphne looked at him, "It's not like you've been the easiest person to live with these last couple of weeks."
"Don't you dare blame me." Niles looked at Daphne. He laughed, "Oh Daphne. I knew it wouldn't work."
"I'm sorry, Niles." Daphne turned and walked out of the bedroom.
Niles heard the door open and then close behind her. He plopped down on his bed. He could feel the rage that he had held in so well start haunting him again. He clenched his fists and waved them into the air. "WHY?!" he screamed over and over again. He rolled onto his stomach and smothered his noises with a pillow. He couldn't believe this was happening. Two days ago, every thing had been fine. And now this. How could Donny do this? How could Daphne do this? How could he not know?
Niles sat down near the back of Café Nervosa. He hadn't seen Frasier in more than three weeks. He had been avoiding him on purpose. Frasier had been very understanding, but even with everything that had happened, and how Daphne had betrayed Niles, Frasier had not fired her. And quite frankly, Niles wanted nothing to do with him. How could he not fire her? Niles had asked himself over and over again. In the end, instead of being cold towards Frasier, Niles had decided to just not talk to him. And so far, it had been working out.
"Hello Dr. Crane."
Niles looked up, "Rowena, what are you doing here?"
"Why does everyone ask that question?"
Niles smiled, "Ya know, Roz has asked me that very same question. And I have no idea how to answer it."
"Do you mind?" Rowena asked motioning to the extra chair.
"Of course not," Niles said as he watched her take off her coat. She placed it over the back of the chair and sat down.
"So..."
"I know, we'll get back to sessions soon. I just really needed some time off."
She smiled, "Okay."
"You seem eager to start them again."
"I'm not eager to start them and answer all of your little questions, but I'm eager to stay in my relationship with Michael, so..."
"How is everything with Michael and you?"
"Actually, it's a lot better since I started going to you. I know I only came three times, but I really think it has helped."
"I haven't even made any progress," Niles said with a laugh.
"Yes you have," Rowena said with a grin. She ordered a coffee to go as the waiter walked by. She looked at him, "How's Daphne?"
Niles was amazed at how personable she was being. She was acting like they had known each other for years. He took a deep breath, "We've broken up."
"Oh, I'm sorry." She thanked the waiter and then took a slow sip of her coffee. Rowena knew he was upset, but she still couldn't resist asking him another question. "Have you talked to the other woman in your life?"
He looked at her, "Rowena, I really have no idea what you are talking about."
"How can you not know? I even know what her name is."
"Well, enlighten me!" Niles said with a laugh.
"I'm not telling you if you don't know."
"Welcome to third grade." He took a deep breath. What in the world is she trying to get at?
Rowena laughed, "The reason I'm not going to tell you is because you need to figure this one out yourself."
"When did you become my doctor?" He asked with a smile.
"When you let your guard down."
"I don't think I have," Niles said as he sipped on his cappuccino.
"I know one thing about psychiatry and that is, never let yourself get flustered in an intense situation." Rowena stood up and put her coat on, "I'm meeting Michael in ten minutes, so I'll talk to you later."
Niles smiled, "Thanks for the chat, Rowena. I needed it."
"No problem Dr. Crane." She turned to leave and then stopped. She looked at him. "I don't dislike you anymore."
"Ditto," Niles said with a grin.
Roz sat down on the couch with a book in her hand. She had just put Alice to bed, and she was ready to stretch out and relax. She took a deep breath and let it out. "Oh, gosh..." she said out loud to herself. She laid the book on her chest, then reached up, took her glasses off, and rubbed her eyes with her fingers. She smiled as she thought about going to bed that night. Roz hadn't had a good night's sleep in two days. She didn't know why, but she was always nervous and jumpy. At first, she thought that maybe she just needed to lay off the caffeine, but that wasn't it, because it just made her long for coffee. She slid her glasses back on and picked up the book on her chest.
Antonio stroked Julianna's hair. He held her tight against his body. He was dying to know more than her personality. He wanted to know her body. He wanted to explore it with his lips and his tongue. He could taste her salty sweetness on his lips from the kiss on the cheek he had given her. He slowly moved his hands from behind her neck to her backside. Antonio rubbed her and tried to imagine her naked, which was becoming easier to do the more he talked and laughed with her. He looked down into her green eyes. He smiled, "Oh Jules... You make me dizzy."
She smiled at him, showing her gleaming white teeth. She could feel him bulging beneath his clothing. She was trying so hard to not get caught up in the moment, but the longing for his touch had overcome her emotions. She pushed herself away from him so she could unbutton his shirt. She threw it open to reveal rippling muscles and loads of fine chest hair. She ran her fingers through it and put her lips on his chest. She slowly moved her way down to his abdomen, but came back up to his face. She smiled at him again as she started to unbutton his Wranglers. Julianna slowly slid the zipper down. She giggled like a schoolgirl.
Antonio smiled, "God, you're beautiful."
Roz turned the page just as someone knocked on her door. It startled her so much that she jumped and threw the book across the room. It smacked into the wall next to the door, "Who is it?"
"Roz, it's me."
"Who's 'me'?" She asked as she stood up.
"It's Niles."
She unlocked the door and opened it. Niles was standing there in his suit, but he looked like he had slept in it for three nights. She smiled, "You look like shit."
"Thanks, so do you." Niles looked at her for the first time. "I didn't know you wore glasses," he said. He smiled, "That explains a lot."
"You mean you don't?"
"Nope," Niles said as he rubbed his forehead.
Roz smiled, "I guess you'll find out about all that stuff after you hit puberty."
"Oh, oh, oh..."
"Niles, what do you want?" Roz asked still standing in the doorway with him.
"Can I talk to you?" Niles asked.
Roz laughed, "Only if you promise that you won't make fun of the way my apartment looks. It's really messy."
"I'll try." Niles smiled at her. He hated to admit it, but she didn't look like shit. She actually looks really nice in those glasses, Niles said to himself. He walked in and kicked something across the floor. "What was that?" He asked as Roz ran to pick it up.
"Nothing," Roz said as she hid the book behind her.
Niles smiled, "Rooooz, what was it?"
"It's nothing." She stuffed the book in the back of her jeans and revealed her empty hands, "See." Roz watched as Niles walked over towards her and tried to reach behind her. She swatted his hand away. "You're not very good at trying to make a move," she said with a laugh. He reached for it again causing his body to rub up against Roz's. She felt her heart skip a beat. She smiled, "You're not going to find anything back there."
"I bet that isn't the majority's vote."
Roz backed up from him, "Oh shut up."
Niles looked behind him. "What was that?" Niles asked gesturing to the door.
"What was what?" Roz started to walk past him towards the door.
Niles grabbed the book out of Roz's jeans. He jumped for joy, "HA HA! I got it!"
Roz lunged at him, "NILES, don't! You'll only make fun of me!"
" 'The Blazing Stallion'?" Niles questioned as he playfully pushed her away from him. He opened it to a page, " 'Julianna quivered with desire. She could feel his manhood rising to a frenzy.'" Niles was laughing so hard. He wiped some tears from his eyes, "Roz, please. You weren't really reading this were you?"
"Yes, I was. It was getting really good, too. But you had to come along and ruin it," Roz said as she snatched the book away from him. "At least I wasn't sitting here watching 'Antiques Road Show'."
"Hey, that's a good show!" Niles said as he plopped down on the couch.
Roz laughed, "Yes, it's great. I mean, let's all go dig through our trash so we can get some sap to tell us how much this old rug is worth and then we'll get some other nit-wit snob," Roz motioned to Niles, "to buy it..."
He looked down at his hands, "I am a nit-wit."
Roz laughed, "I know!"
"No, I'm serious."
"So, am I," Roz said as she flopped down next to him on the couch. She threw the book onto the coffee table.
"Daphne and I have broken up."
Astounded, Roz looked at Niles, "When did this happen?"
"Two months ago."
"And Frasier didn't tell me?" Roz asked as she pulled her hair from behind her back and threw it up over the back of the couch.
"Maybe he knew how upset I was."
"Why didn't Daphne tell me?"
"Because she went back to Donny and they left on a vacation three days after we broke up and they haven't returned."
Roz looked at Niles, "Where'd they go?"
"England."
"I guess that explains why she hasn't called me lately. I was starting to get really mad at her. I guess I can forgive her." Roz realized what she had said, "I mean, I won't forgive her that, that witch."
Niles smiled, "I'm not that upset about it."
"Yes you are." She looked at him.
"No, really Roz. I'm not." Niles smiled, "I understand how easy it is to assume that I am still upset, but I have gotten over it quite easily."
"You lie like a dog," Roz said with a laugh.
"No, I'm being totally serious." Niles looked at Roz. Their eyes locked but only for a second. She immediately looked away. He smiled, "I really like you with glasses. It makes you look so much more...refined." Roz passively threw her hand towards Niles, but since she wasn't looking at him, she smacked him on the eye. He leaned forward, "Goodness. I better watch my tongue."
Roz jumped up, "Niles, I'm sorry. Let me go get a washcloth."
"No, just let me suffer! You know that's what you want!"
Roz ran back into the living room, "If we were any place else, I'd let you suffer, but I don't want someone suffering in my apartment."
"I'm so happy we're here then." Niles laughed. Roz moved his hand away from his eye and gently placed the washcloth over it. "I know I'm in a bad position now."
"Why?" Roz questioned.
"Aren't you a little like a black widow?"
Roz nudged him in the side, "I don't kill them after we do the deed. And we haven't had sex yet, so you have nothing to worry about."
"Oh great, so you're telling me that when we do have sex, I will have something to worry about?" Niles asked not really realizing what he had said until he saw the look on Roz's face. He stopped smiling, "I didn't mean that."
"I know." Roz was almost upset that he didn't mean it. She gingerly picked up the washcloth, "How's that feel?"
"It feels a little better. It's really hot," Niles said as he tried to fan his eye with his hand.
Roz pushed Niles hand away and softly blew air onto his eye. "Is that better?"
Niles looked into Roz's eyes. He could feel his heart beat starting to race. He tried to say something. He wanted to break the silence, but he didn't want to move. He wanted to stay like that forever. He smiled, "Are you sure you brushed your teeth today?"
Roz just looked at him, "Why do you always have to insult me?!"
Niles moved his hand up to Roz's face, pulled her towards him, and was kissing her all in one movement. He could feel the warmth of Roz radiating next to him, which was making the stopping part of the kiss extremely difficult. He finally released her lips and looked at her. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. "I really didn't think that."
She jumped to her feet, "OH MY GOD! Why did you just do that?"
Niles expression changed as he stood up in front of her, "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean!" She walked away from him, "I can't believe you just did that!"
"Roz..."
"Niles, I want you to leave."
"But Roz..."
"No, Niles. I want you to leave right now." Roz stood with the door held wide open.
"Fine." Niles grabbed his tie and jacket and left. He felt the air whoosh around him when she slammed the door behind him. He stood outside of Roz's apartment, not quite sure what he just had done. "Good job, Niles, good job."
"Well, Jerome, I think that part of your problem extends from the fact that you like to dress like a woman. I don't really think that people would stare at you if you were more comfortable in men's clothing."
"I guess you could be right."
Frasier mouthed the words "ya think" at Roz. Then he finished with, "If you can call back tomorrow Jerome, I can give you more time so we can go delve into this subject a little further than I can with the time allotted today."
"Okay, Dr. Crane."
"We're out of time Dr. Crane." Roz pointed to her watch as she said it.
"Well, then. Okay folks. Remember to stay tuned for Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe and the Gonzo Sports Show! This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780, talk radio leaving you with this: 'Good Mental Health'." Frasier pushed a button and then threw his headphones off. "A cross-dressers wonders why he is getting laughed at! What next?" He looked through the partition at Roz. She was busying herself with some tapes, but he knew she wasn't as busy as she wanted to look. He stood up and walked into her booth, "Roz, are you alright?"
"Yea, I'm fine. Why?" She could hear the unsteadiness in her voice, so she was sure Frasier would pick up on it.
"You don't sound fine." And he did. Roz sighed, "Something happened last night."
"What? Another bad date? It's all right Roz, you'll get over it."
Roz just looked at Frasier, "I'm not going to tell you now."
"That isn't it?"
"No, it isn't about a bad date. Is that all you think I do?"
Frasier looked sheepishly at Roz, "No."
"Whatever."
"Roz, what happened? I'll let you finish before I cut in this time."
"Me finishing means you won't get to 'cut in' at all, you do understand that, don't you?"
Frasier smiled at Roz, "Yes, I understand that. I did graduate from Harvard."
Roz rolled her eyes, "Oh jeez."
Frasier sat down on the counter, "I'm listening."
Roz let out a laugh, "Where did I meet you?" Frasier laughed as Roz pulled out her chair and sat down in it. "Well, last night, I was just lounging around the house. Ya know, a nice cup of hot tea, a nice book, and a blanket. So, I'm just getting into my book, when there's a knock at the door. And it's Niles..."
"My brother Niles?"
"Cutting in..."
"Oh yea, sorry," Frasier said and then zipped his mouth closed and jokingly threw the key away.
"So, we start bashing each other and everything. It was fine. And then... we started talking about his breakup with Daphne oh and thanks for telling me about that Frasier."
He shrugged his shoulders, and gesturing to his mouth. Roz rolled her eyes, "So, he says something rude to me and I go to playfully slap him and I hit him in the eye, pretty hard. So, now that I've injured him, I run and get a washcloth and I feel awful. So he tells me that his eye is hot. Well, I blow on it, thinking that'll help it. And then he says something smart-alecky and I kind of get upset. I just don't understand why we ALWAYS have to bash each other." Roz threw her hair over her shoulder. And then started again: "So, I say that, and he...well... he..."
"What? He what?"
"He kissed me."
Frasier smiled, "No, really, what'd he do?"
"I'm being serious Frasier."
"Seriously, though." Frasier laughed at Roz. He smiled, "What'd he do?"
Roz stood up, "That's exactly why I didn't want to tell you." She stormed into the sound booth and ripped out the tape from the show.
Frasier stoop up and followed her into his booth. "Roz?" he questioned.
"Yes, I'm telling the truth."
"Niles kissed you?"
"No, he kissed Eddie."
"Roz, really."
She looked at him, "Frasier, I swear that I am telling the truth. I would never lie about something like this."
Frasier plopped down in his chair, "What'd you do?"
"I did what anyone would do - I kicked him out."
"You kicked him out? After he kissed you?"
"Yes, you sound like that is hard to believe."
Frasier looked at Roz, "Don't get upset with me, but I have never seen you pass up the chance to, ya know..."
"Frasier!"
"Well! Maybe you feel differently towards Niles."
"I don't think so." Roz dismissed that as quickly as she had ever dismissed anything in her life, which scared her. She pondered it a minute and then looked at Frasier, "Nah..." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Niles?" Roz asked as she wrinkled up her nose. She thought about how he had looked like hell last night. The way his tie and shirt were wrinkled and he looked nothing at all like how Niles usually looks. And how his hair was all over the place. Roz smiled to herself as she remembered how he had complimented her. She almost giggled when she remembered how she caught him looking at her more than once. She looked at Frasier, "Wow."
He smiled, "I'll second that."
"It's just that it's Niles."
"You make it sound like a case of the Black Plague."
Roz laughed, "Thanks for listening Frasier."
"No problem, honey. You know I love you."
"I know and I love you, too." Roz leaned down and hugged Frasier.
"HEY YOU TWO! NONE OF THAT IN HERE!" Bulldog yelled as he stormed into the booth with his cart. He honked his horn next to Roz's ear.
Roz glared at him, "Oh blow it out your butt."
"Wearin' her down, little by little." Bulldog pounded his chest with his fists.
"Give it up, King Kong." Frasier grabbed his briefcase and walked out of his studio. He was still trying to digest what Roz had just said to him. Did that mean that Niles was finally over Daphne?, he asked himself. It was a hard question to answer. And the answer would be hard to believe if the answer was "yes".
Frasier sat down at the dining room table. He had just opened his newspaper when he heard someone put a key into the door. He looked over at it, half expecting it to be Niles.
Daphne peeked her head in and looked over towards Frasier, "Hi."
Frasier smiled, "Hi."
"I won't be long, I just want to gather up some of me stuff." Daphne rushed in and practically ran past Frasier.
"Daphne, wait."
She stopped and turned towards him. There were tears in her eyes. She tried to force a smile, "I didn't mean to fall out of love with him."
"Oh, Daph." Frasier walked towards her and hugged her. He rubbed her back as she cried into his chest, "I know. No one ever means for something like that to happen."
"I'm so sorry, though."
Frasier smiled, "I know, Daph. It's all right. You're family and you always will be, no matter what."
"Oh, Dr. Crane..." Daphne hugged Frasier tighter. When her sobbing subsided, she let go of him.
"You don't have to leave either."
Daphne smiled, "You are such a wonderful friend."
"Frasier, I'm going down to McGinty's."
"Dad, look who's back!" Frasier shouted.
Martin looked over at him, "Daph! I'm so happy your back!" He hobbled over towards her and gave her a quick hug. "I just want you to know, right up front that there are no hard feelings. There never will be."
Daphne's eyes started to well up, "Oh, goodness. You two are wonderful. Hug!" She wrapped her arms around both of the Crane men and hugged them tight.
"Daph, you know how I feel about this mushy stuff," Martin said as he pulled away and started walking towards the door. "I know, you rotten old sod." Daphne laughed, "It feels good to call you that again."
"It feels good to hear it." Martin smiled as he opened the door and left.
Daphne smiled, "Thanks again, Dr. Crane."
Roz walked into the conference room, which had been magically turned into an acceptable place for a birthday party. She couldn't believe that she was coming. She hadn't wanted to, but Frasier had talked her into it. He had a way of doing that to her. She spotted him waving at her across the room.
"Roz, you look great!" Frasier exclaimed as he embraced Roz.
Roz smiled and accepted the complement. She didn't really think that it was true though. Her hair didn't want to do anything and she kept wondering if the skirt she was wearing was going to start clinging to her pantyhose. She had run out of fabric softeners, and it was about to ruin her night. Roz put her hand on Frasier's arm, "You don't look half bad yourself."
"Well," Frasier started as he lifted his head and smiled, "It's surprisingly easy." He laughed at Roz's expression to that statement.
"Oh jeez, your terrible," she said with a laugh.
"Can I get you a drink, Roz?"
"Sure. You know my poison."
"Bourbon on the rocks... Stronger than a man likes it." Frasier waved at the waiter.
She looked around, "Where's your father? Isn't it his night?"
"It's not time for him yet. I told Niles to bring him at 7:00 and it's only 6:50."
Roz looked at Frasier, "You didn't tell me that Niles was going to be here."
"It is his fathers birthday. I thought you'd be able to put that puzzle together," Frasier said sarcastically.
"I know that Frasier, I just thought that you two weren't getting along still."
"Well, we're better." Frasier looked at Roz, "Daphne and him had a very long talk the other night."
"Really?" Roz asked with a smile. "That's great."
Frasier watched Roz. He knew she wanted to know how it went, but he also knew that she wasn't going to ask. He smiled, "You want to know how it went?"
"No, of course not." Roz smiled inside. She was so proud of herself. It was killing her inside, but she had remained strong.
"Oh, okay. Suit yourself." Frasier looked over at the clock, "They should be coming any minute." He walked towards the center of the room, "Okay everyone! If I can have your attention for just one moment!" Everyone gathered around. "Just find a seat and try to not stick out. And when he walks in, just yell 'surprise!'"
"You don't think we should yell 'Merry Christmas' or something? Maybe confuse him a little?" Duke asked with a grin.
"Yes, anyway... My father thinks he's coming here tonight for a KACL function, so he's not going to look very happy."
"We don't blame him!" Bulldog shouted from the back of the room.
"I thought I specifically said 'no children'!" Frasier yelled in the direction of Bulldog. Frasier walked over towards the table where Roz was sitting. He looked towards the door just as Martin and Niles were walking in. Everyone yelled 'surprise' at Martin. And he was genuinely surprised, which delighted Frasier.
Martin laughed, "Fras! I had no idea!"
"Hey Marty!" Duke yelled as he gave him a beer, "One year older!!"
"I know, I can feel it!"
Roz sat and watched everyone crowd around Martin. She was smiling at the sight. He was so happy. Everyone kept patting him on the back and laughing. It was a special thing to witness. Roz crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair as she let out a sigh. She looked to her left. Niles was standing there watching her. Roz could feel her heart beating in her toes. She smiled at him as he started to walk towards her.
He motioned to the chair next to her, "Is that seat taken?"
"Yea, that's my boyfriend, Jerry."
Niles smiled as he reached his hand out, "Well, it's nice to meet you Jerry."
"Oh my God," Roz said with a laugh. "Sit down!"
Niles sat down. He glanced at Roz's hands. He didn't know why, but that's the first place he looked. It was the first time that he had ever noticed her hands. Niles smiled to himself. Why does she do this to me?, he asked himself. "So, how have you been?"
"All right. Alice lost a tooth yesterday," Roz said with a smile. "It was quite an event. I've never seen her so upset and so happy all at once!"
"That's great!"
She couldn't smile even though she wanted to. He seemed so happy to hear that. It was one of the first times she had seen his eyes twinkle. Except for when he kissed me, she said to herself. Oh goodness... Roz sighed, "She asked about you the other day."
"Really?" Niles smiled, "What'd she say?"
"She just wanted to know why we had kissed," Roz said and then she leaned her head back and finished her bourbon.
Niles looked at Roz, "What?"
"She asked why we had kissed." She started laughing, "I guess she wasn't asleep when you came over, and she got up to spy on us."
"Oh gosh," Niles said laughing along with Roz.
"It totally threw me when she asked me. I was making her French toast yesterday morning, and all of sudden she was like, 'Mommy, why'd Nilly kiss you?' and I flipped a piece of French toast across the kitchen."
He laughed at the visual picture he was holding in his head. "Across the kitchen?"
"Yep. It hit the refrigerator." Roz laughed, "I've never seen Alice laugh so hard."
Niles smiled, but it faded as he asked, "What'd you say?" He looked down at his hands. He noticed that his fingers were quite large compared to Roz's slender fingers. He also noticed that the slit in her black skirt had slid to reveal her upper thigh.
"Well, I told her that I'd tell her when she was older. What was I supposed to say? I don't even know why." Roz put her hand up to her forehead. "And even if I did know, I don't think I would have told her the truth," she finished with a sigh.
Niles smiled, "I don't know why I did that either."
"Well, I think it'll be better for both of us if it never happens again." Roz wanted to hit herself for saying that. Because even though she knew she shouldn't want it to ever happen again, she couldn't help but fantasize about it happening again.
"I guess you're right. I mean, we are supposed to hate each other."
"Yea, and how would that look if we started kissing all the time?" Roz asked looking at Niles. He looked at her almost as if he didn't want to believe that she thought he was right. And she didn't believe him. The way he said "guess". It was like he didn't believe it. Roz cleared her throat and looked away from Niles. She could feel him still looking at her. "So, do you mind if I ask how your conversation with Daphne went?"
Niles smiled, "No, I don't mind." He uncrossed his legs and drank the rest of his champagne. "It went really well, actually. I didn't expect it to be terrible, but I didn't expect it to be pleasant either."
" 'Pleasant'?"
"I know, it surprised me too. It was like we had never had that rock in our road that we were traveling together. And for the first time since I have known Daphne, when she leaned over and kissed me on the check, I didn't feel faint."
Roz smiled, "I guess I should say congratulations."
"More like 'it's about time.'"
"Well then, it's about time." Roz and Niles sat there in silence. And even though they both had been through something extremely awkward together, neither felt uncomfortable. In fact, neither wanted to break the silence for fear that the feelings they were having at that moment would vanish. And neither did break the silence. It was perfect.
"So, how was your vacation?" Rowena asked, making sure to gesture quotation marks with her fingers around vacation.
Niles smiled, "It was nice."
"Unexpected."
"But nice."
Rowena smiled at him, "Michael and I have set a date."
"Really? That's great," Niles said as he got up to get his tablet of paper.
"How are you doing?" Rowena asked, knowing that something was going on in his mind.
"Oh, I'm fine. If you'll remember, though, we're here to talk about you, not me."
"I know, I just sense something from you and it's tough to concentrate."
Niles laughed, "Rowena, are you psychic?"
"Noooo! I'm not psychic. You haven't ever noticed that when you're around someone and their mind is straying from the subject that you can..." Rowena looked at him. His eyes were fixed on the wall across the office. She smiled, "See them bungee jumping from a really tall sky-scraper, and smacking into the ground with so much force that their feet are no longer attached to their legs." She started to laugh, "Exactly my point."
"Hmm?" Niles asked as he looked back at Rowena.
"You just proved my point."
"What point? I must have zoned off."
"Are ya sure?" Rowena mockingly asked with a grin.
Niles smiled, "I'm sorry. Okay, let's get started."
"I hate to be a pain," Rowena started, "But I'm not going to answer any questions until you answer mine."
"What? Why?"
She laughed, "Because, it'll be hard for both of us to concentrate, and you know it."
Niles knew that he wanted to talk, but how badly did he want to? Was it bad enough to talk about his life and problems? "Rowena, I just don't feel entirely comfortable taking advantage of your ears like that."
"Oh gosh, I really don't care, I promise."
He laughed, "Okay, what was the question again?"
"There wasn't one yet."
"Then what do you want to know."
"Have you figured out her name yet?"
Niles smiled, "Yea."
"And how exactly do you feel about Roz?"
Astounded, he looked at her. He couldn't believe that she knew. "How did you know that?"
"Believe me, people pick these things up. Especially if you mention her more than your girlfriend's, even if it was just to compare her to me and vice versa." She smiled, "And happiness is hard to not see."
"I'm not happy though," Niles heard himself saying before he could think about his response.
"You are when you mention Roz."
He smiled, "I am when I'm with Roz."
"Here's a question for ya."
"Another one?" Niles whined.
"Yes. We've just started, buster," Rowena said with a laugh. "Have you kissed her?"
"I don't know if we should be talking about this. You're paying me to analyze my problems? Doesn't sound very fair to me."
"Oh, I'm not paying you for this hour." She grinned at him. "Now answer the question."
"Yes, I've kissed her."
"Just once?"
"Yes."
"Did you like it?"
"Yes."
"Did she?"
"No."
"How do you know?"
"Because she kicked me out."
Rowena laughed, "That means that she liked it."
"How is it supposed to mean that?"
"You haven't dated much have you?" She asked.
He smiled, "No."
"Even before you met Daphne?"
"I was married before I met Daphne."
Rowena's jaw hit the floor, "You're joking!"
"No, I was married."
"Did you date much before you were married?"
"No."
"Oh Dr. Crane." Rowena smiled and then she quickly asked, "So, how did you feel when you kissed her?"
"Roz? Well, I felt oddly refreshed."
"Have you two ever exchanged something like that before?"
Niles laughed, "Actually, yes. Once when we tried to sabotage Daphne and Donny's relationship. But like all selfish plans, it back fired."
Rowena sat there a minute. She looked at him, "Maybe you're scared."
"Of what?" Niles asked with a laugh. "Of Roz?"
"No, of another relationship."
"I don't know." Niles looked at his watch, "It's time for your hour."
Rowena smiled, "You're going to hate me for this, but I can't stay another hour. Sorry." She stood up and put her coat on, "I didn't expect us to run over, so I made plans with Michael."
Niles laughed, "Fine. I'll see you on Monday."
"Okay." She turned to leave and then reconsidered, "Dr. Crane, I think you should talk to Roz."
"Thanks. I'll try to get a hold of her."
"Good."
"Thanks again, Rowena, for the much needed therapy."
"No problem! Should I just send the bill here or to your home?"
"Oh ha, ha, ha," Niles said sarcastically.
Rowena shut the door behind her. Niles leaned back in his chair and sighed. What am I going to do?
"Niles, what brings you by?"
"Hello Frasier. Dad." Niles walked into Frasier's apartment, still a little nervous about being there even though they had technically made up. He hung his coat on a coat hook, "I really need to talk to you, Frasier."
"Niles, how are things with your new patient?" Martin asked as he stood up.
"Oh, actually that's one of the things that I want to talk to Frasier about."
"Not going so good?" Martin asked.
"No, everything is going pretty smoothly, except that she thinks that she's my doctor."
Martin laughed, "Now you know how I feel."
"Dad, what is that supposed to mean?" Frasier asked as he poured two glasses of sherry.
"You went to Harvard, figure it out." Martin shuffled off to his bedroom, leaving Frasier dumfounded, and Niles trying to cover his laughter.
Frasier handed the glass to Niles, "So what would you like to talk about."
"Well, it's more about Roz than Rowena."
"Yes, Niles. I've been meaning to talk to you about Roz."
"Really, how come?" Niles sipped his sherry. It felt nice traveling down his throat.
"Well, a while ago, she told me that you kissed her."
Niles choked on his last sip, "She did?"
"Yea, she did. And she said that she threw you out. And then yesterday, she told me that you and her talked at Dad's birthday party."
"So..."
"Niles, I'm going to have to remind you that you have just gotten over a terrible break up. I don't think hopping into bed with Roz is the best thing for you."
He looked at Frasier, "I haven't hopped into bed with Roz."
"You kissed her."
"Big deal!"
"Niles, I just don't think that you were thinking clearly."
"I was thinking clear. I knew what I was doing."
Frasier set his glass down, "Don't hurt Roz."
"What?"
"Don't hurt her, Niles. She's my best friend. I don't want her to get hurt in this. I know you think that just because she's had more breakups in one year than most people have in their whole lifetime doesn't mean that you won't hurt her."
"Frasier, I'm not going to hurt Roz." He stood up and walked away from the couch, "I don't even like insulting her anymore."
"Why do you say that?"
"Frasier, I think I'm falling in love with her."
Frasier's gasp said everything. He walked over to Niles and swung him around, "Get a hold of yourself!"
"I'm being totally serious."
"How could you fall in love with Roz?!"
Niles smiled, "I don't know."
"Niles, she is the wrong person for you!!"
"And Daphne was the right person?!" Niles asked obviously getting angry.
"I know that you are hurting, but Niles, it's Roz!"
Niles walked up to the balcony door and looked outside. Small snowflakes were beginning to fall. He smiled, "I have never been in love before."
"Yes you have."
"No, Frasier, I haven't. I never felt this way towards Daphne."
"You're not in love with Roz." Frasier started to walk away from their conversation.
Niles turned towards him, "I have never looked at or touched someone and felt like this before. When she smiles, I feel like I could just look at her forever. I love the way her hair falls over her shoulder and she just hastily throws it away. I love the way she walks. I love the way she talks, her mid-western accent. I love the way she laughs, when she leans her head back and puts everything into it. I love the way she looks at me. I love when she makes fun of me."
Frasier turned and looked at Niles, "I don't care Niles. It's Roz. And you're not in love with her."
"Frasier!!" Niles yelled. Frasier looked at him with a shocked expression on his face. "I know how I feel. And I'm not going to say that I don't feel this way because everyone else thinks that she is the wrong person for me! And maybe I'm the wrong person for her, but I have never felt like this towards someone! Never!" He sat down his glass and grabbed his coat. He threw open the door, "Frasier, please, just try to understand." The door slammed behind him, leaving Frasier standing there convinced that Niles was telling the truth. That Niles really was in love with Roz.
Roz bundled Alice up in her winter clothes. It had snowed almost two feet the night before and Roz wasn't about to let Alice miss building a snowman.
"Mommy, can we put a nose on it and everything?"
Roz laughed, "Of course we can, silly!" Roz wrapped Alice's scarf around her neck and then tied her own and put her gloves on. She pulled her hat down snugly on her head. She grabbed their bag of goodies, opened the door to her apartment, and Alice and her were on their way to the park across the street.
When Alice got to the park, she ran around like a crazy girl. She was rolling in the snow and making snow angels. Roz made a couple of snow angels herself and rolled around in it with Alice.
"Now we have to do the bottom weally, weally biiiiig," Alice instructed. "And then, we have to make a middle and then the head."
"Okay, which should we make first?"
"The bottom," Alice said as she watched her mother start with a little snowball.
Roz smiled at her, "Now let's roll this until it's huuuuuge!" She laughed as Alice started rolling it along the ground. It slowly started to grow and grow, until it was almost as big as her and she couldn't push it any farther. "That's great, honey!"
"I did good!" Alice said as she ran towards Roz and threw her arms around her legs.
They continued to make the snowman, next rolling the middle, and then the head. They were laughing and having such a good time together. Roz had never been happier. She had always wanted to be her daughter's best friend, but she had never imagined that her daughter would be one of her very best friends. She thought that she would just be the "mom". Roz smiled at Alice, "Here, have a raisin."
Alice gobbled up the raisins that her mother gave her. She slyly started to make a little snowball in her hands. She smiled, "Mommy!"
"What?" Roz asked as she turned towards her.
Alice launched the snowball at her mother and it smacked her right in the chest. "Ohh! I got you mommy!" She giggled as she said it.
"Oh, I'm going to get you!" Roz took off after Alice. Her long legs carried her quickly to her daughter as she picked her up and gently laid her on the ground, "Snow bath!! Snow bath!" Roz started tickling her and they wrestled in the snow together.
"I give up! I give up!" Alice yelled with her little voice. She was giggling so hard.
Roz smiled at her as she nuzzled her with nose, "I love you, sweetie."
"I love you too, mommy." Alice threw her hands around Roz's neck and hugged her tight. "NILLY!" She screamed as she let go of Roz and ran towards him.
Roz stood up and saw Niles walking towards them. He was wearing jeans again and he had a huge winter coat and gloves on. Roz couldn't help but smile as he picked Alice up and hugged her. He looked like a father.
"Hey Niles! Catch!" Roz threw a snowball at Niles. But Niles, never being the athlete and never having cat-like reflexes, didn't duck and it smacked him in the face.
He laughed as he reached down and made his own snowball. "I'll get you Roz!" He looked at Alice, "Let's get mommy!"
Alice giggled, "Okay, let's!" They both started to run towards Roz. She was trying to not trip in the deep snowdrifts, but she must have caught a huge one with her foot, because she ended up face flat on the ground.
She rolled over and started laughing, "Oh my God!"
Niles ran up to her and kicked a little snow on her, "Ha, ha, ha! Now who's gonna lose?!"
"YOU!" Roz swung her foot towards Niles' and kicked his feet out from under him. He landed on the ground laughing.
"Roz, you devil!" He rolled over to her and landed right on top of her. He looked at her. She was smiling at him. He could feel her heart beating through his coat and hers.
Alice bent her head down and looked at them, "Are you gonna kiss again?"
Roz and Niles laughed together. "Let's get her," Roz said with a grin.
"Let's!"
They both lunged towards Alice. She quickly gave in and let them tickle her. She was giggling and Niles and Roz were laughing. For the first time since Alice was born, Roz wasn't worried about a father figure being in her life. She knew that no matter what happened between Niles and herself, he would always be there for Alice. And that made her like him so much more than she had even thought was possible.
Roz took out her Christmas wreath. It looked like someone had thrown it out the window of a moving car. She threw it onto the floor. She just wasn't in the mood for decorating. She knew she needed to get it done though. It was almost December and all she had done to decorate was take out her Christmas dishtowels. Roz sighed as she plopped herself down on the couch. Alice ran up to her and crawled onto her lap.
"What are you doing up?" Roz asked as she smoothed Alice's hair down.
"I missed you." Alice smiled. She looked up at her mother. "Mommy's pretty."
Roz laughed. "Oh goodness. I think you need to wear these," Roz said as she took her glasses off and slid them onto Alice's head.
Alice giggled, "Now your face is all messed up!"
Roz took the glasses off and laid them next to her on the couch. She smiled, "Did you have fun yesterday?"
"Nilly is funny. I like him, mommy."
"I know sweetie. I do too." Roz smiled at her daughter. She was growing up so fast. It seemed like just yesterday that she had found out she as pregnant. And now, Alice was five years old and she was so smart. And she was so grown up. Roz looked down at Alice. Her eyes were closed and Roz could hear her softly breathing. She smiled as she slowly got up and carried Alice to her room. She made sure her covers were tucked in around her. Roz leaned down and kissed Alice on the forehead, "I love you."
Roz walked into the living room. She heard a knock on the door. Who the hell? She slowly opened the door and immediately smiled, "Hi."
"Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Oh, goodness." Roz held open the door, "Just call me 'mommy'."
Niles walked in and smiled. He heard Roz close the door as he turned to face her. Her face was about six inches away from his. They both leaned in towards each other and when their lips finally touched, Niles knew he was right. He was in love with this woman.
*******
Roz woke up that morning when her alarm clock started buzzing. She could feel Niles' body cradling hers. As Roz looked down to pull the covers up around her, she realized that she had fallen asleep in her clothes. She felt Niles pulling her closer to him. She smiled. "Are you awake?" she whispered.
"Yea, I am." He let out a little chuckle, "I didn't mean to spend the night."
"It's alright, I'm glad you did."
"Me too."
"I need to get up and get Alice ready for school," Roz said as she snuggled closer to Niles' warmth.
"I don't want you to leave."
"Me neither." She threw the covers off of her, "But I have to..."
Niles watched her get up and walk over to her bedroom door. When she left, he buried his head into her pillow and breathed in her scent. He smiled as he got up, still a little lightheaded from his actions. He looked at her clock and realized that he needed to get going or he'd be late for work. In the kitchen, he found Roz standing there fixing the coffee pot. He walked up behind her, "I gotta go."
"Okay. I'll see you later, though, right?"
"Of course." He kissed her neck, even though he wanted to kiss her lips. He knew that doing that with morning breath was not the nicest thing to do to the person that you loved.
She smiled at him, "Thanks for sparing me."
He laughed, "How do you always read my thoughts?"
"I don't know," Roz said echoing his laughter. She turned around to face him, "You better get going."
"Okay." He put his hand on hers and smiled as he turned to leave her.
Roz walked into her producer's booth ready to answer questions from Frasier. She knew he'd ask questions. After all, he was a psychiatrist.
Frasier saw Roz and smiled. "Hello Roz," he said from his booth.
Roz smiled at him, "Hi Fras."
He walked over to her side, "How are you this morning?"
"Great, and yourself?"
"Fine..." He cleared his throat, "Did you have a visitor last night?"
"Yea, why?"
"Is he mad at me?"
"To tell you the truth Frasier, we don't spend our time together obsessing about you."
Frasier laughed, "Well, of course not. Why should you?"
"I don't think that he's mad at you, though. He probably would have mentioned something."
"So he said nothing about me?"
"No, nothing. And we didn't really talk this morning, so..."
"He stayed the night?!" Frasier hissed.
Roz smiled, "Yes. But don't worry, we were fully clothed the entire night."
"Oh, that's a load off of my mind." Frasier looked at Roz, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"No, I'm not sure. I've never been more nervous about something in my entire life. But..." Roz leaned against her counter and smiled, "He makes me happy. It's like he knows me and doesn't care about my faults."
"I know you and I don't care about your faults."
"It's different with him, Frasier. You are my best friend. You're the person that I lean on when I'm having a bad relationship or day and vice versa. But, Niles is the one person I never thought I'd see myself with. I never in a million years thought I'd wake up next to him and my next action not be jumping up and screaming like a mad woman." She looked at Frasier, "He loves Alice."
He smiled at Roz, "I know he does."
"And she loves him."
"I know that, too. Not a get together goes by where she'd rather be with him than me," Frasier huffed.
Roz put her hand on Frasier's arm, "I'm really happy."
"Then I'm happy for you."
"But I'm scared too." Roz looked at Frasier. He wasn't expecting that. She smiled, "What if he can never completely get over Daphne?"
"Roz, I think he is over Daphne." He laughed a little. "I think you could pull anyone's fantasies away from another woman."
She just looked at Frasier, "Thanks."
"Roz!" Frasier said with a laugh, "Don't worry. I'm not in love with you too. You won't have to beat the Crane men away from your door with a stick."
"Oh thank God!" Roz said with a laugh. She leaned in towards Frasier and put her arms around him, "Thank you Frasier."
"Anytime Roz. Anytime."
"Roz? Are you home?" Niles walked into Roz's apartment. The door was unlocked, which wasn't unlike Roz, but she usually always answered the door. He listened for her reply. He didn't hear her. Niles looked at his watch. It was still too early to get Alice from school. He walked back towards Roz's bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, staring at the wall. He rushed towards her, "Roz, what's wrong?"
"Niles, I'm moving."
"No, you're not... You're sitting completely still."
"No, Niles, I got a job offer in Chicago."
Niles looked at her, "And you're taking it?"
Roz tried to smile, but she couldn't, "Yes."
"Why?" He stood up and leaned against her dresser.
"It's a job with a radio station. They need a new co-host for their morning show, and they had heard about me."
"But you're not even looking for a new job, are you?"
Roz stood up, "No, I'm not." She took his hand, "I want you to come with me."
He just stared at her. He didn't know what to say. "Roz, I can't go with you."
"Why? You can start another practice in Chicago. I'm sure there are a lot of depressed people there, too. After all, it is the 'windy city'." Roz smiled, "Niles, please think about it."
Niles looked down at her hands. They were shaking. He had noticed them shaking on a couple of other occasions when she was nervous. He looked back up at her, "I can't." He walked away, leaving Roz standing there alone and heart broken.
Roz sat there at Frasier's, still not completely sure why she was leaving. She couldn't decide if she was excited or scared or nervous or what. In the end, she decided that she was confused.
Daphne sat down next to Roz, "I'm going to miss you." Her voice was trembling.
Roz smiled as she put her hand on Daphne's, "I know, me too." They embraced each other. "You can come to visit though. We'll have fun."
Daphne pulled away, "Who am I going to complain to about Dr. Crane?"
"That's what they made phones for honey." Roz smiled, "We'll keep in touch, I promise."
Frasier walked over towards them. It was the last time he'd see Roz sitting on his couch. He sat down next to them, "Roz, I don't want you to leave."
She turned to him, "Frasier, we've been over this."
"I know, Roz. But I'm going to miss you so much."
Roz put her hand on Frasier's face, "Thank you for being such a great best friend."
"Oh Roz," Frasier said as his eyes started to fill with tears. He pulled her to him and hugged her tight. "What am I going to do without you?"
"You'll manage Frasier." Roz smiled as she released him. She sat there a minute, not really knowing what to say. She looked down, "Is Niles coming?"
"I don't know Roz. He didn't say anything about it."
"Oh. I guess that's alright." She tried to force a smile. It was so difficult to try and be happy when she wasn't at all. She just hoped that the butterflies in her stomach were just a sign that she was excited about the move to Chicago. Roz continued a conversation with Frasier and she tried to relax. It'll be fine, Roz, she told herself. It was getting harder and harder to convince herself of that.
Niles sat down in his apartment. He felt like such a coward. He hated himself for not saying good-bye to Roz. She had left for the airport an hour ago and she had called at least three times before she left. He didn't answer the phone, though. "Stupid sissy," he mumbled to himself. He reached over and answered his cell phone, "Hello?... Frasier?... What do you want?... No, I didn't... I didn't think that I should... Well, why?... Because... It just felt weird...No, Frasier... Why? Because I don't want to...I know I am... I can't help it!... FINE!!" Niles pushed the button on his phone and threw it across the room. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. What was he going to do? Why didn't he say goodbye to her? Why was he just sitting there when he knew she hadn't taken off yet? Niles jumped up, grabbed his coat, and was in his car driving like a mad man to the airport before he could even answer those questions.
Niles ran through the doors and quickly found a departures screen. He found the 9:20 Chicago flight and the gate number and took off towards the terminal. He checked his watch, 9:17... Niles, hurry up!, he yelled inside his head.
"Final boarding call for flight 1023 non-stop service to Chicago O'Hare."
Niles heard the announcement and cringed. "Oh God!" he said out loud. He was running as fast as he could, pushing people out of his way and trying his hardest to not trip. He spotted gate 47A. He could feel his heart racing, not just from running, but from the anxiety he was feeling. He finally approached the gate and only a flight attendant and an elderly woman were standing there. Niles' heart sank into his stomach. He ran up to the flight attendant, "Is everyone on the plane?"
"Yes."
"Did you happen to see a woman with a small child board the plane?"
"Yes, I saw at least seven women with small children. Sir, I'm sorry." She watched as his face fell, "I think you missed her."
"Thanks for the compassion." Niles walked to the window and sighed. He leaned his head against it. The window was cold from the air outside. He could feel the tears running down his cheeks. He reached up and rubbed them off of his face. Niles put his hand to the window, "I love you Roz." He turned and walked away, knowing that the love of his life had left and had taken his heart with her and it was all his fault. Niles turned the corner and started to walk towards where his car was parked. His head was hung and his heart was aching.
"NILES!"
He stopped. And so did his heart beat.
"Niles!"
He turned around to see Roz running towards him with a sleeping Alice clinging to her chest. He felt his mouth hanging open and he could feel his pulse finally started to beat again.
Roz finally reached him. She stopped right in front of him, "I just couldn't leave."
Niles smiled at her, "I came to tell you bye."
"You almost missed me."
"I know."
"I'm not going."
His heart smiled. "I'm glad."
Roz let out a long breath, "I'm sorry."
"I love you." Niles put his hand on Roz's face and smiled, "More than anything."
She smiled at him, "I love you, too."
"Never thought I'd hear that one," Niles said with a laugh.
"Never thought I'd mean that one." Roz watched Niles as he leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek. She slowly moved her face so that his lips were on hers. She finally knew what those butterflies in her stomach meant.
Niles released her lips and smiled, "Let me take her."
Roz skillfully transferred Alice from her chest to Niles'. She watched his eyes. They were sparkling like they had never sparkled before. She could feel her eyes filling with tears. She smiled, "You're a good father."
He smiled as he looked at her, knowing why her voice was quivering. He couldn't believe she had just said that, though. He wanted to hug her. "Thank you."
Roz and Niles started walking towards the airport exit. Roz looked at Niles with a smile, "I'm finally happy."
"Me too." Niles took a deep breath and smiled at Roz. He knew that for the first time in his life he meant it. And if felt so good.
The End
Please send all feedback to Erin at ezak@nitline.net
Last updated 10/23/00
