This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius!!!! well.. I'm a Leo, but
I like that song...
I'm sitting here, tired, hungry, and needing to study more Heat Xfer.
I'm also wearing a respirator equipped with a HEPA filter. Why I put it
on, I have no idea... It's not totally out of the blue, I decided to wear
it to keep the particulates , esp those radionucleotides, out of my nice
pinkish lungs.
Aaaagh!! I want to do both!!!I still haven't heard any word from
BMW.. but I did get a call from QAD telling me that they wanted to interview
me for the position that I was hoping for. I think that I'm using QAD as
a fallback for this summer. I'm hoping that no one from there is reading
this right now.. (-: before I get either job.. dunno, I've requested the
IEP (German job placement agency) to speed things up in telling me whether
I've got the job with BMW or not.. I think that right now I'm waiting for
the German prof to finish correcting my resume.. which I did so hastily
this morning.. ah well, I got it done.
Chemistry is getting interesting.... hmm.. I'd have to say that
things are getting interesting, unfortunately, we just had our last class
(finals are upon us here in quarter-schedule-land). There's this one gurrl,
that I shall call, hmm.. I need a pseudoname for her... Abbie. how's taht?
it describes her personality.. she's a little bubbly, but I think that
she's also got some smarts in there, I just haven't spent enuff time with
her.. She's funny, she just straight out asked me if I had a girlfriend..
I dig open ppl like that that aren't afraid of what other ppl will think
if they're rude or not.. I was impressed. i don't know if she wants to
become mine, but I'm not interested. I'm tired of relationships.. at least
at this juncture in time.
Liar!! You big fat Liar, with your pants on a telephone wire!!
Well, maybe that's not true.. it kinda varies from moment to moment.. there
are times when I wish that I could have a person who loves me, and that
I could love back.. I was thinking of reverting back to the DARK SIDE
(what most of my single friends refer to as relationships and lust and
(shudder) love.) I dunno. I wish that I had someone who was similar to
me. I would feel better about that.. after help from Ellen and Teresa about
writing who I am (I'd forgotten somehow, I'd tried to be whomever I thought
my girlfriends wanted me to be).. in the process I also came up with a
list of things that I wanted from a girlfriend/wife and why. Since I'm
feeling extrordinarily lazy today, I think I'll just copy/paste it on.
hang on.
Mind you, this is also me talking to myself, so I address myself often.
------
so here goes.. a list.. and dont' try to do it to
be tailored to any of your ex-s.. Instead, you should use a process of
elimination to figure out what you liked the most about them.
Funny -- doesn't have to be for everyone, just make me laugh
Silly at times
humble
pretty, but doesn't think so
loves to question things
atheist, or agnostic with very strong doubts or is tolerant to my atheism
open-minded -- willing to try new things, without being coerced
independent -- no whiny babies, i'm bad enough
stands up for what she believes in -- doesn't take bullshit from no one
likes to dance
affectionate - I want her to touch me. No one else has unless I asked.
considerate
doesn't lie about her feelings -- no false friends, AT ALL
is still close friends with her ex-'s
can be passionate at times
compassion is nice
non-sympathetic -- I'll end up whining to her all the time..
non-virgin -- virgins are usually Xtian
non-promiscuous -- I want to be able to trust her
trustworthy
can drink - I don't care, just no lushes
some insecurity - I do want to be needed... as fucked up as that sounds
has to question meaning of life and realize just how much fun it is.
like most types of music
I would prefer non-smoker
sXe would be nice also - but can't be a trendster.
Willing to do things alone.
Think it would be cool to be able to say "Wow! really?" about
something
she's done
Doesn't care about my past sex-life
Isn't the type to retreat into her friends to gang up on me. I hate that
Doesn't like to waste time.
Likes different sports.
>= 5'6"
pretty eyes
not terribly overweight
loves to travel
willing to slum it in Australia, thinks it would be exciting
Australian or UK accent would be cool... (-8
doesnt' call me cutie.
no mental problems, i'm tired of cleaning up other ppl's mess'
not completely engrossed in HW, studying, work, etc.
has close-knit family
loves dogs
loves children -- can't eat a whole one tho! (-8 I know that was stupid
loves corny jokes
thinks the kitchen should be the cleanest part of the house
cluttered
non-anorexic
thinks computers are interesting, knows or is willing to learn about them
classy
doesn't care what other ppl think of her
will be open and honest with feelings and everything
is my best friend, or I'm her best friend
martial artist would be cool
knows something about artwork so we can talk about it
-maybe artist?
tries to learn a lot about a lot of things
Will tell me when not interested in relationship -- when she starts doubting
comfortable about her body, doesn't feel ashamed about being naked
has many friends, well known
likes cartoons -- but only for nostalgic reasons
thinks watching some TV shows are a waste of time
Loves movies -can recite lines better than I can (which is easy these days)
not easily bored
is sick of relationships also, has a few hard ones
Isn't afraid of other races/ maybe a half-breed like me.
gets along with all cliques, but doesn't feel like truly fits in
can understand/learn how I think.
I wonder if I'm looking for someone like me.. I think
so.. but I think that these sort of things are important for me.. I've
compromised on most of these so many times in my past relationships and
flings.. I think I'm going to try asking girls out on dates... I think
I should try it out.
There are a few things that I need to do.
stop being a whiny baby
look for the fun part of relationships - not the emotional part
try that feel comfortable thing again that you did with Marie.. that was
good but she was fucked up. Ther'es nothing wrong with not being
jealous.
try not to have such ups and downs--the emotional rollercoaster is
annoying and you're tired of it..
don't focus on her so much... you're still the most important person on
this planet
you don't need to drink to have fun.
stop thinking you're so profound, just be.
stop jumping at the first girl that shows an interest.. if you do, take
it
easy and figure out if she's right for you or not
(here's a hard one) stop being a horndog.
sXe - no sex for a long time there guy.
stop thinking youre better than everyone else, you know it's not true.
remember: school is the most important thing for you right now
dont' allow yourself to be manipulated: before, during, and afterwards.
if you think that it's not going to work -bail-you need to find someone
who will.
If you think that you cna't be friends afterwards-bail-I think that you've
learned your lesson.
You don't need anyone.
Dogs are good.
Try not to be so insecure. You don't need anyone to live.
I think tha'ts it.. most of it is just reaffirming
myself.. hmmph
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Can I have my Prozac now? Well, whadja think? Did I sound bitter?
I sometimes think that I am. I also think that I need to learn how to be
friends with more ppl than I am now.. it was interesting. I was thinking
about how other ppl seem to be able to hang out in crowds, but i can't..
I used to, but I just don't know enuff ppl to really fit in anywhere here..
with the exception of engineers.. which is a little odd.. ah well..
.whoami I figure someday I'll figure out how to have a working
relationship.. I seem to change everytime i go thru one.. which is good
in a strange way.. I learned a lot from when Lisa and I broke up.. the
most I think... i tried to make things different with Marie, but she didn't
want it like that.. she wanted me more like how I acted with Lisa, but
when I think about it, i think Lisa would have liked my personality when
I was going out with Marie..... damn women.. can't please them.
I think I'm going to bed. I need to see if I can beg for some fries
at Burger King.
