The walls of the Lambda AIDS Project (LAP) are bare.
Walls the staff built with their own hands. The bookshelves are vacant, the information
center is gone and the once lively office holds a hollow echo.
Clinton Vigen, the Office Manager, stops, looks at the bare offices of the interns and
turns his back feeling himself become emotional.
Tori Trask, the Program Director, stays in her office scouring records and sorting papers.
Her normally smiling eyes not able to hide the sadness inside as she fights to close LAP
with the dignity and honor with which it has been run.
LAP opened in 1995 attempting to serve as a catch for those in Our Community who were
falling through the cracks of the larger organizations such as CARES and the Sacramento
AIDS Foundation. Serving primarily at first gay men, the client list quickly expanded.
"I remember staying up for 48 hours to write the grant proposal for LAP," stated
Joanna Cassese, former Lambda Community Center (LCC) Director. She went on to express her
dismay at seeing what has become of her hard work.
Trask took over the Project in late December of 1996 fresh from her job at Sierra Vista's
outpatient Psychiatric Hospital. Since then she has faced a cascade of personal and
professional attacks, financial struggles and unsupportive Lambda Community Fund (LCF)
Board members.
The LAP team, Trask, Vigen, Aubrey Benning, LAP's Lead Case Manager and interns Denise
Canals, Nicole Zorne and Peter Weight now have the task of closing the Project. They do
this among rumors of financial investigations and yet another unsupportive LCF Board.
"I haven't always agreed with Tori's decisions, but I know for a fact she always did
what was best for LAP. Anyone who says differently obviously hasn't been here," Vigen
defends.
"Tori has made LAP a perfect model for other case management agencies," adds
Canals.
Rumors of a financial investigation surfaced as the new LCF Board took control in early
May. LAP's checking account required the signature of two LCF Board members. In March of
1998 all but one of the remaining five Board members, including Board President Jorge
Martinez resigned. To complicate matters former Project Director Robert Nelson placed a
lien against the LAP account for back wages owed by the LCF. With the LCF account being
levied by the IRS for failure to pay over $11,000 in payroll taxes, Nelson placed the lien
against the only functioning account available to him.
Meanwhile, $5200 worth of incoming funds were not able to be deposited in either account.
"We had clients going without their pain medication because they couldn't afford the
co-payment," Trask reasons. "Others had three day pay-or-quit notices or overdue
electric bills. The employees hadn't been paid in over a week and were facing their own
financial hardships." Trask took the only option she felt was available. She took the
incoming funds and opened a new LAP account naming herself and an fellow employee as
signatures.
"Certainly I was worried about legal repercussions." Trask says evenly.
"But, I felt any backlash against me could be understood given the circumstances. I
have nothing to hide. If the new LCF Board wants to fault me, well, okay. I'm willing to
take responsibility for my actions.
"I've kept thorough, accurate documents. They clearly show the handling of all LAP
accounts to be completely ethical. I have run this program to be completely accountable as
I believe all good programs should be run. I welcome any investigation."
Trask continues, "I am very happy that these new Board members are generously
donating their time. However, I have been through a great deal with this organization.
This project was completely abandoned by past Boards. We were left to make it work and we
have.
"But, I am exercising a great deal of caution. Here are people, with the exception of
three, walking into LAP with no idea of what the project is about, much less it's history.
And I find it insulting that these people are coming in and telling me how to manage this
program.
"In the past 18 months, I have seen this staff work miracles. When funding wasn't
available, we went out and found it. When clients needed care, we did everything we could
to make certain they got it. I saw my staff give from their own pockets to see that
something got done when it seemed there was no money available. And all this was done
amidst the continuous chaos of the LCF. We are closing this organization - The new Board
needs to trust me to do my job."
Trask's caution proved valid at the May 16th Board meeting. The question was raised as to
whether a $1500 sit down dinner for clients and staff, commemorating the close of LAP, was
appropriate given the financial situation of the LCF.
"When LAP closes, there will be approximately $14,000 that will go to the LCF. And
they are quibbling over $1500," Ann Jones, former LCF Board Member pointed out.
"It disgusts me. When the LCF used the Project's money in the past, then would tell
them those funds were not available, the staff went out and raised the money on their own.
What the new Board is doing is wrong, plain and simple."
The Board opted to give it's official approval to the LAP party, but only under the
condition that the money used was raised from private donations and not taken from LAP
funds. The needed monies were pledged from Board members John Rambo, Donna Matthews,
Kimberly Weer and Michael Johnston. An additional donation had been made by Faces Owner
Terry Sidie.
"Tori would have paid for it out of her own pocket if she had to," stated
Benning as she comforted a sobbing Trask after LCF President Bates Botting raised
questions of Trask's competency in running LAP.
"The clients and employees of LAP have walked with personal strength and character in
these last months," Trask said sternly. "This party will honor them. We will
walk out the door on May 29th with absolute dignity, regardless of what anyone tries to
do."
"There's a darkness surrounding the word Lambda," Vigen says quietly as he
shakes his head. "It didn't used to be that way. Now, I'm not sure if that darkness
can be lifted for many of us who have felt the burn of the LCF."
He looks out the window, reflecting on the last year. "There have been clients that
have wandered in sick, some in need of hospital care and others recently homeless. Then I
think of where they are today and how we contributed to that and it's wonderful. I am
always in awe of how strong people can be. And I've met some of the strongest people in my
life here."
Zorne nods, "I'll always remember this one couple that was forcefully evicted from
their apartment. They were sleeping at the river and the wife was HIV+ and was not doing
well. Then on top of everything their food vouchers were stolen. But when they came in
they were so positive. Seeing the strength people find inside is sometimes overwhelming
for me."
"I will always remember the way the clients have taught me to be more open and
present to life." Benning interjects.
The one thing each staff member will miss the most is their family. Their family of
clients and co-workers who have come to work together like a well oiled machine. "If
one of us wasn't feeling up to speed, another would take up the slack." Vigen smiles.
So what's next for this family?
"After LAP closes, I will be working with CARES for several months assisting clients
with the transition." Benning explains. Vigen will try to remain working in the case
management field. The interns will go on to build careers. And as for Trask, "I don't
know what the future holds. The Universe will present where I should be."
As Vigen draws the blinds and prepares the office for it's last week in operation, he
stops to look at the vacant walls of Trask's office. He begins to speak, but his voice
cracks. Words aren't necessary.
Good-bye LAP.
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