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May 21 -
Well, I just read my last post from January and I feel so ashamed of myself! I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do to myself this year. I have been putting off my diet and now all of a sudden its May! To make matters worse, I have gained weight. Alot. Today I am 270 pounds. I can't believe it. I will say that I have been really unhappy and I haven't been able to get myself together. I still love my job, but its the only positive thing going on for me right now. My boyfriend and I did finally get a place of our own in January and we got away from the "psycho friends" so that was good. The problem now is that the relationship between my boyfriend and I is strained and it has been for awhile. We still have all of the issues we started this relationship with, and 3 and a half years later we are still carrying them with us. Its very depressing and very heartbreaking. I know something has to be done, I just don't feel strong enough to take a stand either way. Anyway, I haven't been very good to myself over the past few months and I'm really upset about it. I have trouble sleeping because of my weight, and I have a feeling if I don't do something soon, more serious issues will follow. I feel (again) that I am ready to tackle this problem, and I guess thats what brought me back here to my journal. Thank you very much for the wonderful guestbook entries. They are very encouraging and they really make me want to get back on track. I signed up for earthlink email service last week because they were giving away a free digital camera to new subscribers. I will post my "before" (current) pictures to help track my progress. Maybe seeing the damage I've done to myself posted up on my computer monitor will be enough of a wake up call to stick with this. Anyway, don't give up on me. I will lose this weight.
June 10 -
Hi there. Well alot has gone on in the past couple weeks and I'm feeling kind of sad. My boyfriend and I parted ways and he went back to Los Angeles. I am so upset about it and I keep blaming myself. I do know that it is the best thing right now though. We have been talking on the phone each day, but I miss him so much. My weight also got up to 273 through the whole ordeal. I did finally decide to do something about that the other day though. I started back on low carb (yea!!) and today I am down to 267. Thats still an awful # for me to be at, but not as awful as 273! Anyway, I plan to use my new independence as a chance to get healthy and take care of myself. My stress level will probably be lower and I can focus on my health. So far so good. As far as being depressed, that will probably just take some time. I will try to write more frequently this time around. I think its good for me to express how I'm feeling as often as possible. I don't really have any friends here, just the people I work with and thats just Monday - Friday during work hours. I don't really want to make new friends just yet though. I kind of want to enjoy the solitude and try to get in touch with myself. No, I'm not becoming a hermit, I just want to re-prioritize my life right now. We'll see how that goes :-) Anyway, hopefully each posting will be more positive than the last and hopefully my weight will continue on a downward path. I'll just take it one day at a time. See ya! P.S. I'm still waiting for that digital camera to get here. Earthlink said it was shipped via UPS and that I will have it by the 15th. I'm not gonna hold my breath though!
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