Feelings

I should have known it wouldn't work. Anything that seemed that good couldn't have been true. I let my emotions get away from me, and somehow I managed to screw up everything that was good in my life. I hurt the only person I had ever really cared about, and hurt myself in the process. To tell the truth I'm not too fond of myself and I think sometimes I deliberately try to hurt myself, ether that or I'm incredibly dumb. I know things seem normal now, but I know this will come back to haunt me. Messing up things for myself is what I do best. Many times I have said to myself "OK now Kristen this is it, you’re going to change your ways, you’re going to get your act together" but somehow I always go back and things go wrong. I've always respected those kids who can just make themselves do the right thing, the kids who have strong self-discipline. I have none. I think I would be a much better writer but I never sit down and do it enough. Just recently I started writing these few little things. Maybe I don't care about myself enough to do good things, or maybe I'm just extremely lazy, I don't know ether way it’s hopeless. I don't mean to sound like such a downer but if I set myself up again to fall down it will surely happen, Maybe if I quit trying so hard it will just happen, I don't know if that makes any sense at all but oh well.