Reviewed by Graham H. Moes
Graybrook Institute Film Critic

Jarhead is informative filmmaking. Among the many things you may not have known, it's happy to tell you:

• Our fighting men are all undisciplined sociopaths with homoerotic tendencies.
• American soldiers are hardwired to sexually taunt Muslim women and desecrate corpses when they can't find any living creatures to kill.
• No U.S. Marines are capable of understanding their mission, let alone genuinely believing in it.
• No wives or sweethearts back home stay true to their men while they're away at war, and why should they?
• And those positive things the troops say on the nightly news about serving their country...? Mere talking points Sarge has put in their mouths under threat of slopping the CO's latrine.

Nor did I realize those Iraqi troops nuked on the road out of Kuwait — the ones loaded down with loot like hospital incubators from which they'd tossed babies the day before — were really refugees "just trying to get away." (The scene with a remorseful Marine sitting among those poor charred souls and feeling a common bond sure made me feel guilty.)

Of course, we already knew the fighting in Iraq — both Desert Storm in this film and the current war — was all really about blood for oil, but in case we missed it the first few hundred times Hollywood told us so, here it is again ... not that anyone paying attention in the real world will actually buy a single frame of Jarhead in the first place. At least I hope not.

As M.A.S.H. was a trumped-up lampoon of Vietnam set in Korea, Jarhead is a trumped-up goof on Iraq set in Kuwait, occasionally clever, but never real. If Kingdom of Heaven was Osama's version of the crusades, this is his take on the decadent American military.

But I can hear the protests already: "It's based on the firsthand account of someone who was there, you fascist moron!"

Then why is nearly everyone in this film so unlike every soldier most of us have ever known or met?

Anthony Swofford, author of the book the film is based on, answers that one himself in a published e-mail exchange with Black Hawk Down author Mark Bowden, a supporter of the current war. "I am a writer who happened once to go to war," Swofford admits at one point. Loose translation: He's a wannabe member of the intellectual elite who leveraged a thimbleful of street credibility to land the Hollywood cocktail parties that landed this movie.

("America, you break my heart. You beast, you nurse, you lover," he writes to Bowden as the 2003 shock-and-awe campaign begins. The line is hilarious in a bad beatnik poetry sort of way and totally nails him for the fraud he is on all counts.)

But don't take it from me. Take it from Marines reviewing the book on Amazon.com. From one who served with him and actually has a few nice things to say about him: "For every Swofford there are a lot more squared away Marines who really believe in what they are doing, who are bleeding and dying for each other and their country. The book is a confirmation to all liberals of their world view of the Marine Corps and our country's mission as being flawed. It is a sad work for any Marine who is and remains faithful to God, Country and Corps."

And a few choice words from others:

• "Swofford is a cowardly liar."
• "Pure crap."
• "Find it hard to believe we both served in the same Marine Corps in same war."
• "No wonder he can’t show his face on the cover."
• "Self-indulgent and petulant writing."
• "DISGRACE TO ALL CURRENT AND FORMER STA/SSP MEMBERS."
• "Jarhead is the story of a Marine who sold out."

But is it any good as a movie?

Not really. Aside from a few arresting desertscape visuals of oil wells on fire, and another great performance from Jamie Foxx, it's a snooze fest. The black comedy in which the film cloaks its tired nihilism works at times, but antiwar "war films" are by definition destined to underachieve.

That shouldn't hinder things come Oscar time. Director Sam Mendes and actors Foxx, Chris Cooper and Jake Gyllenhaal — Bush-bashers all — have done their duty for the cause and will likely be rewarded.

Will it fly at the box office? Hard to say. By strategic false advertising during Red State primetime fare like E-Ring and Fox News, many who should soon regret it are reportedly jazzed to see this long overdue "tribute" to the American fighting man. So it may have legs.

Personally, I hope not. For the sake of those sacrificing so much so far away while posers like Anthony Swofford make millions back home, I'm praying friendly fire from the folks at home will make Jarhead a casualty of war.

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