I was nervous and happy, maybe a little scared too. There he was, a man who I knew only through chats on-line and a couple of telephone calls. My heart was thumping so hard I wondered if he heard it? I had never sent him my picture, though he had sent me two. I guess I was afraid that he wouldn't like what he saw. Now he was standing there beside me, with a big grin on his face. When he swept me up into his arms, the first kiss was a little akward, after all he was a stranger, and yet he wasn't. The second kiss was much easier, I knew then that this was the same man I had grown close to. People tried to warn me, to scare me away from such a relationship, but I couldn't help myself. His arms around me seemed so right, his kisses warmed me all through my body. Each gentle probe of his tongue made me shiver, I held him closer to me. "How could this have happened?", my mind was screaming, "Are you nuts?". I didn't hear, or didn't pay attention, I don't even know which.
So many days we had chatted, told each other our fears and our fantasies. Each day we grew closer, in ways I had never known were possible. How could he be a stranger, when I knew him so well? Yet all the horror stories from the news had gotten to me, I had left word with friend where I was, who I was with, when I would be home, and when to panic and call police. And here I was, with a man I just met, kissing him, holding him, wanting him. Was it possible that the things we had said were all lies? Could he not be the man I truly knew? How can I find out? I ask, "If that were possible, what would you do?" I know the answer my on-line love would say, will this man say the same? Will the way he answers, the inflection in his voice, the way his eyes look at me, the way he holds his body, tell me something different than what I know to be true? I wonder what spell this man has cast over me. How could I be doing this? If someone had told me last month this was going to happen I would have laughed at them. "I don't do things like that", I would have replied.
Yet, here I am, my emotions on a roller coaster ride to heaven. My mind fighting the impulses my body feels. Reason fighting eroticism, trying to take control, as I so swiftly lose it. "Will he want you later?", my mind nastily interjects. All I can do is to yield to his kisses, his hugs. I have no mind, I only have a body being held in his arms. "Who are you, my love?," words I long to say, yet fear the reply. Please someone make this moment last forever, never let him hate or despise me. I want to cry out to him to tell him I need to hear him call my name. To hear it from his lips, his voice. Doesn't he sense it? Can't he feel it? The burning inside of me, I have felt it before, so long ago. The aching need, to hold on to the one you love and never let go. The thought thrills and terrifies me, do I love him, or is this something that will pass? His kisses have fanned a fever in my soul, a burning desire, stronger than I ever remember it being. A passion building like a tidal wave about to hit.
"Stop", I cry, trying to get my thoughts and feelings in order. His eyes show such pain, I feel my heart break in two. I try to cover it, to say I wanted to do something else, and he smiles again and all is right with my world. How can this happen? Who sprayed that love potion on me? Does he feel it? Does he feel the way I do? I try to joke to cover my feelings, to tease to give me a little space, before I lose all my heart to him. I know he will have to leave me soon, our time is so short, I want to cry. I don't want him to leave me, I know he will talk to me on-line and on the telephone again, but I hunger for his touch. The weeks that will have to pass are too long for me to bare, how will I survive? Such heat invading my soul, will I ever be the same again? I pray to a God I am not sure is there, for mercy and to protect him. Each day that passes, will be filled with thoughts of him, until I can hold him once again. His hand carressing my hair, lifting my chin to kiss me, all precious memories of a time that has gone by to fast.