26 WAYS TO GET FINGERED

You know what I have to say about online relationships? For people who want to start something online, get a friggin life. Four fucking letters M.U.A.H. doesn't stand for a kiss, doesn't stand for care, doesn't stand for shit. Even if you know the person, you'll never get as intimate as in real life. The most you could do is probably cybersex, and even that's for impotent old people with dentures too fragile to suck on their vitamins. I feel like everything's going "cyber" nowadays, while it has it's advantages, I feel like it's computers that are controlling us, yeah, this $1000 piece of shit silicon which I'd probably prefer more embedded in a woman's body than having to put up with all this "cyber" whack. I gotta do homework online, talk to people online, shit, I'm surprised they haven't invented an asspipe I can connect to the Internet so I won't have to WALK to the bathroom, it's like remote control shit-scooper....and then I can send it to those people who I hate. Most people nowadays rely on Internet for experience, TV for entertainment, and trade book-smart for street-smart. Well, the buck stops with me. The Internet, the movies, the fucking Sunday business section, will all take a backseat to real-life experiences. For those people who complain about Pamela Anderson or some other Hollywood whore whose chests are bigger than their wallets, I'd rather have a slice of silicon I can put in my mouth, and not in my room to jack-off with my flexible little mouse. For those who still don't see my point, I just wanna tell you, keep trying to make my nipples hard; cause your keyboard ain't exactly doing a good job.