How To Start A Music Trend
Want to start your own music trend? Okay, but first you need a hell of a lot of money, but don't worry, some friends of ours are going to help you out on your quest to cash in on America!!!
- Invent a new style or fashion or band to go with the style or fashion. Be creative or steal from the past.
- Make some of it. It doesn't even have to be real. It could be a studio creation like Milli Vanilli or NSYNC or it could be a real band with real beliefs like Yes or Nirvana. Remember- America never learns!!!!
- Have them record a lot of albums of it, as well as make some dolls or merchandising or crap so when they hit it big, you have something else to fire out to the fans.
- Pay for promotions. Don't spend too much!! Besides the standard music video and T.V. commecials, you still want ads in magazines or on the radio every 15 minutes!! The more people see it, the better chance there is they'll buy it!
- Release the album at a big release party. Start some rumors during this- it always helps sales. Chat with the critics politley so they can give the album a favorable review.
- Expect the album to hit #1 after all that hard work promoting and publicizing. If it dosen't hit #1, don't let the people decide for it by themselves- help them out with even more promotions!!!
- Now that you're at #1, book concerts, T.V. shows, expensive dinners, appearences, articles in those great teen magazines all those great American teens read, or start a website. You have to keep this going as long as possible until the next album!!!
- Hire the best songwriters, sessions musicians, and coaches.
- Repeat steps 3-5 again.
- Because the band is more well known and popular thoughout the world, repeat steps 3-5 AGAIN.
- Do like M.C. Hammer's record company and expect the next album to sell over 40 million copies even though it's not that good.
- It's that time of year again!! Promotion, promotion, promotion, even a Super Bowl appearence if necessary.
- Have MTV do a multi-million dollar promotion deal about the band, and then pay to have a show where the band is dissed pushed out from the entire day.
- Hype it up as much as possible. Don't overhype!! If you do it too much, people will think your band is a one-hit wonder trying to stay alive!!
- Communicate with the fan base on an insane level, thus looking like you care. Have them start message boards on the internet that look different but act all the same- they're too dumb to notice.
- Sweep up the Grammys, American Music Awards, and MTV Music Video Awards even though you really, truly, suck and are a fabricated studio creation. But remember- people never think about that.
- Repeat all the steps as long as possible until you are considered a major corporation worth millions. Every snotty, dirty, filthy record exec wants that to happen to their label.
- Rake in the dough. Spend it on whatever you want. Never talk to the band itself but make decisions for them- they're all to strung out from success to notice anything!!.
- Repeat all the steps while planning the band's new album, only because it's in demand and the overall sales figures of your style of music jumped by 50% last year.
- Release the album but find out something's very wrong- it's only #20 at the TOP 100!!!
- Stay in your room all day at the Bellagio, without brushing your teeth, or combing your hair as you watch your band's success slowly dissapear while another new hot act has captured America's attention.
- Go into that dark period. Watch the band split up over creative differences and see them pursue their own solo careers.
- Realize it wasn't worth it. Start another music trend.
REMEMBER: AMERICA NEVER LEARNS!!!
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