Sunday, March 2 2003
Yesterday was the most interesting, eventful day that I've had in a loooong ass time. Yesterday may very well be called "The San Francisco Trip" for years to come. Or weeks. Anywho, on with the story:
The day started out with Ryan from upstairs waking me up at 5:30am because "my light was on"...let me tell you, my light was on because I fell asleep with it on. Ok, but he woke me up and I invited him in to talk and we hung out for a bit in my room and then he came up with the idea to go out and see the sun rise. Ok, so we went to go catch the sunrise and talked for a while, played with a stop sign that was anchored by a tire, and then we went to the Tercero Dining Commons and Ryan swiped me in. Then we walked back to my room, chilled for a while, then when he left I went to go shower to wash the puke out of my hair. Then I got dressed because the day before, Eric asked me if i wanted to go with him and Jay to San Francisco on Saturday (yesterday), so I said yes. So i got dressed and when I was waiting for them, chilling in my room, all of a sudden my answering machine turns on and i hear Eric's voice saying "Sharon, where the fuck are you?!" (he sounded like they had been waiting for a while). What confused me was that the phone never rang....my phone is a piece of shit and doesnt ring sometimes, so i had no idea how many times they tried calling me, but I got my shit together (as best i could, because i couldnt find my keys) and ran downstairs and some guy said that they had just driven up...at first i was frustrated because my phone is stupid and they probably waited for a while and were pissed at me, so then i went back upstairs to my room and was pissed for a while. I tried finding my keys again and couldnt find them ANYWHERE. I was in a pretty bad mood, because Eric and Jay didnt have cell phones (well, Jay had a cell phone but i didnt know the number) so i couldn't even call them to let them know that I wasn't ditching them, and I couldn't for the life of me find my keys. Anywho, I was kicking it my room, eventually found my keys, and talking to Amie on AIM, and then I get another phone call from Eric, but this time the phone actually rang. He said that he was downstairs and to come down so we can leave already. Turns out that they just went to the bank and came back, so i was happy and I was dressed all goth-ed out, and I ran downstairs to join them.
So we were driving happily down the freeway listening to this really good 80's cd (including this really good Journey song called "Seperate Ways") and I told the boys about this new shirt my mom got for me that makes my cleavage *really* freaking nice. They agreed. Then this weird lady rolled down her window and started yelling to us that our tire was flat. Ok, so we pulled off the freeway the first chance we got, and looked at all the tires, I even kicked a few to make sure they were firm, and they were all good. I did notice that something was leaking from the front of the car, and that it was probably antifreeze, but we just got back into the car and kept driving. Big mistake. We were driving around Valejo i think when the car started making these ticking, rattling sounds. Eric rolled down the window and said something smelled burnt. We pulled off the freeway again, in San Pablo (right outside Richmond) and opened the hood. Wow. The car smoked like crazy. There was this small stand on the side of the road where these hispanic people were selling oranges, lemons, flowers, and apparently "$2 sweet" (???) and we asked them if they had any water. The guys didn't speak very much English, but eventually one of them took Jay into his yard and apparently started speaking very good English when only Jay was around. (?!). Then Jay came out with a jug thing of water and we opened the radiator cap with a sock from inside the car and it smoked like crazy again (the radiator, not the sock). I don't remember if it was Eric's idea or Jay's, but they made a funnel out of a gatorade bottle, and when they were pouring the water in, it started making these really loud gurgling sounds and smoking even more. We cautiously stepped back, and then tried again. Once we finished filling it, i guess we went back to give the guys their jug thing, and when we came back to the car, all of the water had leaked out of the radiator and was sitting on the ground. (!!!) Jay and Eric made a couple phone calls, during which a large biker gang funeral procession drove by (and loudly) (and one of them was wearing hugely uncool white tennis shoes) and then we went to the shell station a little ways down. The boys used the rest room, and asked the guys that worked there where the nearest train station was. They said that closest one was about 6 miles away. I was ready to walk, but I guess we decided it was too far, and Eric called his mom to come pick us up (she lives in Oakland). These two guys at the gas station started yelling at each other and to tell you the truth, i'm surprised no guns were drawn (they both seemed really pissed, and hey, it was practically Richmond). They were cussing at each other and i kept hearing, "Hey! Don't call her stupid! No, fuck YOU!"... After that fight ended Jay went back to wait but his car for the tow truck to come pick him up, and Eric and I kicked it for quite a while at the shell station.
We were sorta bored and decided to walk around for a bit, to find something to keep us busy while we were waiting for Eric's mom, and we got to this cemetary. I wanted to go inside, but there was this big locked gate and a "no trespassers" sign so we didn't go inside. Call us pussys. Also, we were distracted because this guy in a big truck stopped at the intersection had this huge blue plasticy tarp thing stuck underneath his car. Eric ran up to him to let him know that there was something stuck underneath his car, when the guy just said "It's green" (the light) and drove off. We were pissed at him at first because that was rude, but then i stopped along the side of the road to look underneath his car. He must have been a dipshit because he didn't seem to find it (it was HUGE! We could see it from where we were standing, a dozen or so meters away!! Anyway, he drove off and we bitched for a little while about him, then I noticed a bunch of cute miniature colored chairs lined up along the sidewalk across the street. We crossed the street and i made a comment about the wedgie my cute pair of underwear was giving me, when i turned around and saw that some guy was standing right there. I wouldn't have made the comment if i knew anyone else was within earshot. Anyway, we went up to the guy selling the chairs, and i asked him if i could take a picture of the chairs (i didn't want to talk a picture of his merchandise without his persmission, you know?) but he didn't seem to understand English. Eric used the little Spanish he knew to say something about "pictora" (taking a picture), and the guy responded with something about "pistola" and we freaked out because we didn't mention anything about a gun and we certainly didnt mean anything like that and we both got frustrated and i really didnt want a picture that badly so we ended the (short) conversation and started walking back to the shell station.
Eric and I talked for a bit about construction and carpentry and he broke my dreams when he told me that i could probably never do that kind of thing because i have no experience or skill, and because it hurts your body (all the kneeling, lifting, carrying, etc.). I guess he doesn't know i'm hardcore ;). After that I told Eric that he had really nice teeth (because he does) and he told me that I had really nice gums. Shortly after that his mom showed up and we got into the car and drove off. She asked us if we still wanted to go to San Francisco, but we told her to drop us off at Berkeley instead. Eric was looking for this "Chaat's" place, and i'm not sure if we ended up finding it, but we found this new Indian fast food restuarant called "Curry-In-Hurry" (not "in a", just "in"). I thought it was clever. And they have all you can eat buffet for like $4. Not a bad deal. Anywho, we had her drop us off outside of Noaa's dorm, and we met up with that hobag and her boyfriend, Nathan, and kicked in in her dorm room. We told her all about our day, and she gave me this "Free Winona" poster that she had bought for me earlier (yay! I dig it). Then when her friends got there we left for Walgreens and she wore the Invader Zim backpack I made her for her birthday!! I made it out of a "Gir" stuffed animal and matching invader zim shoelaces, and i worked hella hours straight on it and put hella effort into it, and i thought she didnt appreciate it, but i guess she did. I thought she never used it. So that made me happy.
Anywho, we walked across campus to get to Walgreens on Shadduck (sp?!) and i guess we got really lost and ended up walking through this upscale business convention in the Business Building. Noaa's friend swiped a bottle of water from the refreshments table and we continued on our way. We eventually got off campus and we walked by tons of blind people, including this whole blind family. This beggar guy asked us for money so i stopped and thought at first that i only had 20 cents, but then i remembered the silver dollar i found in the bag of quarters my mom gave me to do laundry with, and i gave him the $1.20 i had. He held my hand and thanked me. I liked him. We also walked by this store of really old computer equipment and we were laughing at how old all of the stuff inside was, and then every window we walked past had even older stuff than the one before. The last window of that building had a bunch of old-style typewriters. We laughed for quite a bit and continued on our way. We walked some more and got to Walgreens and kicked it there for quite a while. Some weirdo came up to us and asked us if we were gonna buy some AA batteries, because there was this really good deal on batteries but he didn't want all those batteries, he just wanted a few for his discman i guess. We aplogized, because we had no use for batteries, and we went off to go ask some other people. Then Eric and I went to go sit outside because we felt sorta shitty (from being sick, etc.) and the most interesting people walked by. I noticed then that Berkeley is probably the disabled persons capitol of the world. Of California, anyway. Ok, so Noaa and her bitches eventually finished paying for their stuff, and nice little Noaaleh gave us each these new hard candies that have one flavor on the outside and another on the inside. The kiwi-strawberry one made our tounges green. ^_^
We kept walking, and Noaa wanted to go to this store that she claimed had the most buttons, or the most good buttons, or something, that she'd ever seen. It even had some that I have. So we walked for a while, trying to find "the street with no street sign" ::rolls eyes:: and when we got the this Barnes and Noble, I saw a sign in the window for a MIFFY TOTE!! I almost flipped. I freaking *love* Miffy!! So I apolgized to them all and went inside to inquire. The dipshits inside said i had to buy 2 childrens easter books to get the tote and i told them that i'm jewish and dont celebrate easter and thus have no use for easter books....so the manager said that i could buy any other 2 children's books and still get the tote so i agreed. He sent me to go talk to the person that i guess was in charge of the children's section, and asked her where all the creepy little childrens books were. She showed me the Goosebumps books and all these other stupid books for older kids and I asked her about "Where The Wild Things Are" and then when she showed it to me, I think it was Noaa that told me that you could get the tote separately, without buying stupid books i didn't want. So i said "fuck that" to the stupid book i didn't want, and got the little tote. Noaa got one too, and Noaa and Eric and Nathan and all of them said that the guy at the checkout was majorly hitting on me but i SWEAR TO GOD he barely said anything to me at all. He definitely was not hitting on me. I would have picked up on it, i usually do. So we left the store and decided to say "fuck it" to finding the button store.
We walked back toward campus and Eric and I were *really* tired (Eric because he was sick, and me because Ryan woke me up at 5:30am) so we were walking all slow and it was getting late and we had to call Eric's mom to come pick us up. I guess Noaa didn't quite understand, because she seemed hurt/confused when we told her we counldn't go to Nathan's place with her, because we had to go. We parted really strangely at the middle of the intersection, and went our separate ways.
We hung out at Rasputin for a while, and they didn't have the Nightwish CD that i wanted, or any CD that i wanted, even. Eric found the Peter Tosh CD that he wanted and we left, and then we kept walking. We found this Buffalo Exchange store, and looked inside. They had a lot of cool, overpriced used clothing, and i like a lot of it. I also found these SEXY AS HELL 6-inch spike heel pumps, but it hurt to even stand in them for the couple minutes that i tried them on for, and i didn't have $25 to spend on shoes that i wanted just for the sake of having. Also, i got the sense that Eric really wanted to get out of there, so we got out. We stopped at an intersection and called his mom to come pick us up from there, and I saw this dress in the window of the store there that I thought would look *great* on Christine for her prom. It was the same company as my rockabilly dress that i wore to Samir's prom. I went inside to go look at it but it turned out not to be what i thought it was. I found this other REALLY nice dress that i hella wanted but it was $42. So I left, then got a cup of water from this bakery, then sat with Eric and i was looking at my fun new Miffy tote thing. His mom came, so i grabbed my shit and we ran into the car.
She drove us to his house, which was *really* freaking nice. She showed me pictures of him growing up, and then Eric and I watched some of "the Rocketeer" until his dad finished making dinner. We sat and ate and it was *really* good and we talked and I really dug his mom. Not like that, just in a "she's cool" sorta way. She seems classy, sorta like my mom. She seemed more rational though. :/
After dinner we got into the car and drove back to Davis. I was REALLY tired and had a headache so i had my head down for most of the time, and his mom and I talked for a little bit. We finally got back to Davis, and i went into my room, changed into my PJ's, and was about to get into bed when i got a phone call...It was Eric from downstairs, telling me that Jay has his keys and that he's locked out of his apartment. I let him in, and we fell asleep at 10pm. We were tired as fuck. We had to share a bed because we only have 2 beds, and I called Amy to see if she was planning on sleeping here last night, and she said that she *was* planning on it, so Eric and I bunked up. He would have done it for me. Neither of us slept very well, and we kept waking up throughout the night. He said that it took him like 7 hours to fall asleep. Ouch.
This morning we went to the dining commons and had breakfast, and then came back to the room and I instant messaged Jay to find out if he could give Eric his keys back, but he said he was in Roseville and that he couldn't. Well, he didn't tell me that, but I put 2 and 2 together. He wasn't in Davis, I knew that. So we watched the "The Nightmare Before Christmas" divx that I had downloaded on Friday, and after it was over we tried to contact Eric's roommates. They weren't home i guess, and i talked to Larry (who doesn't live there anymore, but still had the key) and he wouldnt help Eric get back into the apartment, because he thought Eric owed him $900. They got pissed at each other, and finally after much pursuading, Larry said that he would meet him at the apartment and let him in. Wow. Ok, so Eric left at 1:45pm. I just finished downloading an "American History X" divx, and i'll watch it after i'm done with my homework and shit.
Anywho yesterday's "San Francisco Trip" was fun as hell, and we never ended up going to San Francisco.
End of transmission: 14:44.
of the Day: "Separate Ways" by Journey
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Monday, March 3 2003
I'm in a shitty-sorta mood. I'm not like in a *bad* mood, but i'm just exhausted and frustrated and...well, i guess i'm in a bad mood. I got a bad grade on my Hebrew test last week, I got a 59% on my chem midterm (which apparently was pretty high, but still only average-y), and i had my chem lab today. Chem lab lasts 3 hours. And it sucks. SUCKS. also, we got our lab reports back from last week, and i got a 34/40 and my lab partner got a 28/40 and for *some* reason i opened my big mouth and eventually i couldn't convince my TA *not* to look over them again. She ended up thinking that we cheated off one another, because our calculation had "all the same mistakes", but i managed to convince her otherwise. I told her that we got "help" from the same person, so that would explain that, and i LUCKED OUT because i guess he copied wrong or something, but some of the anwers weren't the same, and he had some calculations that i didnt have and i had some that he didnt have (i don't know how that happened) so we almost got in trouble for cheating, but we didnt. then i thought she was going to lower my grade to match his so i almost got upset (especially because she told me that i got a higher score because i answered the questions with greater attention to detail, and with more effort, and my lab partner seemed to rush through them and "didn't really try that hard"....well she ended up raising his (i dont know why she raised his, but hey- i really dont mind) to match mine, and that was the end of that. we SO almost got in trouble for cheating. lame.
To tell you all the truth, i was pretty upset with my lab partner last night and this morning. last night he waited for me to do all the math for the lab report that was due today, while he was watching tv with his roommate and their neighbor, then his away message was "nothing to do! yay!" so i got a little mad because here i was, tired as fuck, wanting to go to bed, doing the math that he was to copy later, and he had "nothing to do". well i ended up finishing the lab report (with tons of effort, i might add), and gave it to him at like 12:30 or something. i told him that i would come back for it this morning so that i could write my pre-lab for today in my *own* notebook. Well i go to his room today and he confesses that he hasn't started copying my report yet and that he was planning on starting it now. WTF! Well we agreed that i would take it and get it xeroxed and give him the xeroxed copy and that i would get my notebook back and write my prelab. Problem averted, but still! I was shocked. He knew i had to get my notebook back in order to write my prelab! So i guess i was a little peeved that i almost got in trouble today, but hey, it's sorta cool that he gets a higher grade now. And my TA was in a pissy mood (she even told me she was, but that was unnecessary....it was pretty obvious) and i guess that put me in a worse mood...then i was chewing on my ring and the ball came off into my mouth, and i decided i would fix it at home (well, my room. it's "home" for now). so when i got home i tried to fix it, and i ended up *losing* that fucking stupid little ball. so now i dont have that ring anymore. i dug that ring too.
I was hella stressed out today because I need the proof of income to show my to-be-landlady that i have a reliable source of income that i can pay for the apartment, but we really have no income. Well I e-mailed Kevin and asked him if i could *please* use his pay stub just to show that we have an income, and that we wouldnt use his money and that i understood that he was not responsible, he would never be billed, etc. I don't know what happened with that... Oh yea, but I felt sorta relieved when I realized that my mom owes me $830. Woohoo!! I'm excited as fuck. That made my day better, but then i though "wait, how is she going to pay me back?" and i got sorta sad again.
Oh yea, I think Amy was the first to piss me off today, because she came in to Hebrew today wearing one of my favorite shirts. I was surprised and confused and curious so i asked her why she was wearing it, and she said that she had no more clean laundry, and that she was wearing my socks too. I asked her a series of questions to find out why she *had* to wear that particular shirt, knowing i hella like it, and save it for semi-special occasions. She had no answer. She wanted to wear it, because it was cool. But then she told me that she was going to do laundry today anyway and that it would be clean anyway. Ok, so I calmed down (i wasn't that upset to begin with, it just started my day, that's all). Well turns out that Amy did my laundry, but that she doesnt want to go get it out of the machine or something, i dont really understand what she meant. But i got sorta peeved again, because we had an agreement that one of us will do the dishes while the other does the laundry, and i've done the dishes like 5 times since the last time she has done the laundry. I think i was the last one to do the laundry too.
I think i'll stop bitching now. Oh, one more thing. I haven't talked to Jakub in hella days!! What's going on?! somebody tell me...i miss that boy. i dig that boy...we never talk... i don't have any idea what this means, if it means anything... i guess i'll have to talk to him about it...i won't post that stuff here.
Yesterday it became official that Amy and I are going to live with Scott next year. He is the cofounder of www.DavisCoeds.com and he's pretty chill. At first Amy and I were afraid that we would have to live in a ghetto-ass aparment with shitty/no furniture but Scotty is bringing hella couches and shit of his own, and a TV and stuff. I'm excited about next year!! Our apartment is cute. It's hella in the cutties and is all secluded and stuff...and it's the one oddball apartment in the whole place (the patio is off to the side. it's the only one like that). I'm glad we got an unfurnished apartment, because it turns out that we have access to pretty much everything we need. As long as Eric can still hook us up with those matresses he thinks he might be able to get, we might be solid. Also, Scotty has an espresso maker, which would be cool, and he's going to let us use his DSL cables. Also, I'm getting that ThunderStik pro handheld blender thingy (the one that whips water in the infomercial) this week in the mail, so we should have a pretty chill apartment. Not ghetto! Yum! OOOOHHH!! also, Don and Ray were going to move but they decided to stay, so theyre going to be a couple doors down, but on a different story (we're downstairs, they're up). I'm hella excited. I'm also glad that we're close enough to see each other all the time, but far enough that Don's music shouldn't be too loud. Yay.
If I don't get this Starbucks job (btw, FUCK starbucks, okay?), Don said that he could probably get me a job as a cook at IHOP. Mmmm. I know I've *always* wanted to work at IHOP (sarcasm, people). But hey, being a cook can't be as bad as host (dealing with customers, etc.) or something like that. At least that's what i think....All i need is the store manager of starbucks to hire me and i'm in (the second manager already ok'd hiring me). Excited.
I ate so much crap today. I guess it's because I'm in a bad mood, but I ate SO many calories. For breakfast I had my daily high fiber cereal (but i was in a hurry so i just ate it out of the box, no milk or bowl or anything), then when I got back from class at like 10am, I ate a shitload of pretzels (at least they're fat free), then a thing of nonfat, lowcal yogurt, and a mini peanut butter cup. My sweet tooth wasn't satiated, so i had this Israeli chocolate thing. Finally I stopped myself and went to chem lab, then came back and had a mini toblerone bar. At least it was mini, right? Then I made myself tuna salad, and ate the entire can (300 calories) plus Nayonaise (lowfat, vegan mayonnaise) and capers and shit. I don't think I'll eat dinner tonight. If i do, NO CARBS. Just boiled veggies or something. Who knows.
Holy fuck. Christine just told me that she almost died today....something about a car accident and debris flying everything, etc. Ask her about it. That's fucking insane. I would be heartbroken if anythnig happened to my little Christank (whose birthday, by the way, was yesterday). Wow.
Ok I guess I'm still pissy and tired and I have to go to the gym with Eric soon, so I'm going to find something to do which might made my time worthwhile.
End of transmission, 17:34.
of the Day: Christine
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Tuesday, March 4 2003
It smelled more like cow today than usual. Today started out pretty well. My Hebrew class was pretty painful, but then in art history, I ran into Radish for the first time, and he sat down next to me. After class, I was walking my bike to the street and I ran into Daniel Kelley and Rose Cabral and we talked for a bit, then I kept riding home. I saw this girl with really gorgeous *really* long blonde hair. I don't know why I'm still thinking about that. I overate at lunch again today, and just now at dinner. Tomorrow will be better.
I had something I wanted to say but I don't remember what it was. But I'll keep typing and maybe I'll remember. I almost didn't go to my chem discussion today (its optional), but I ended up going and I'm still kicking myself for it. It was *SO* boring. Ugh. It wasn't helpful at all, my TA pretty much didn't know how to explain anything, and I ended with an entire page of little doodley dogs and emoticons saying "I'm Bored! Arf!" and similar things. It was painful.
I'm getting my thunderstick pro handheld blender in the mail on thursday or friday. I'm excited, because then I can make iced coffee drinks and smoothies and stuff like that. Yay! Healthy, too. Kevin has one just like it, and he digs it.
I've read Dia's livejournal several times now, and I feel so...connected to her, but at the same time, I feel like we are each a part of two completely separate universes. She's gorgeous, she's talented, she's interesting, and she's apparently severely depressed. I want to reach out to her and talk to her but I know that it would probably bug me if somebody I didn't know did that to me.
I've been comparing myself to other girls and my self esteem is totally dropping. Not only am I not as attractive as the general population, but I'm significantly uglier than I used to be. Those were the days. I was thin, and pretty and sweet and innocent. Now I'm none of that. I mean, I'm sort of all of them, but nowhere near where I'd like to be. I feel like I'm deteriorating in every way. I'm getting stupider too, and lazier. I've definitely gotten fatter, I've gotten uglier, my hair is crazy and frizzy, my acne has gotten near out of control, and I've pretty much got the worst self-image. I think a guy's got to have a lot of character to stick with me.
Speaking of guys sticking with me, Jakub and I still haven't really talked. Wow! He just signed on. Maybe we'll talk tonight. Anywho, I was about to say that Jakub's a good kid. I dig him. He's really sweet, and obviously has character and I dig him even more for that. I just wish he would talk to me.
Well, shit. I'm going to go. I feel shitty.
End of transmission, 21:24.
of the Day: Radish
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Wednesday, March 5 2003
Today's been pretty good so far. This morning was ass-cold, and I almost fell asleep in chem. We had a pretty big test in Hebrew today (that I *completely* forgot about) but I think I aced it. Then I got to leave class like 10 minutes early and Amy and I went to the Coffee House. Amy had to go to class, and since I didn't want to bike with a full, scalding hot cup of coffee in my hand, I sat by myself on a bench outside and just sipped as I watched everybody walk by. It's weird how I can be around so many people, and still feel so isolated and alone. Yet, I'm ok with it. I mean, I wish I connected with *somebody* here, but for the most part I'm ok with being misunderstood...I still get pretty lonely though.
So after biking home with the coffee in my hand (and *spilling* coffee on my hand), I peed 9 times within like an hour, talked to my mom on the phone, did some embarassing girl stuff, and then Matt (Mojo Jojo) drove me to Albertsons. It was so nice of him!! He didn't need anything at all, *and* he had a pre-lab to do, but he took me anyway. We got to the checkout and I realized i forgot the shampoo and laundry detergent, so I told him to wait up at the checkout and that I would go grab the 2 things I needed...well I guess I took too long, because I heard "Sharon, this is Matt, please come to checkout #6..."...I laughed. So yea, I did some grocery shopping, had my lunch (half a jar of Lime & Garlic salsa and some yam with garlic powder), and here I am.
Yesterday Radish and I had a random-picture fight online, and it was pretty funny...then it escalated to a video fight, and ended with a bang after the most-annoying-sound-possible fight...he bombarded me with these really annoying sound clips, and my Britney Spears midi-attack backfired and wouldn't stop playing and i was freaking out and laughing so hard i was practically crying. Haha.
I downloaded a bunch of cute little animated emoticons, and decided to give it a whirl. These little things are so cute, and I think they do add a little bit to the online-journal-thing experience. I'll do it for a couple days, and if I don't like it, I'll stop doing it. Let me know what you guys think.
Well I'm going to go shower, and do some shit. I might post again later tonight.
End of transmission, 15:19.
of the Day: [hyper]
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Thursday, March 6 2003
Well I added another entry in last night before I went to bed, but I couldn't update because I had exceeded bandwidth or something similar. Regardless, all I wanted to say then was that instead of using those cute little obnoxious blobby emoticons, or the cuter kitten emoticons, I have created what I (for the time being) have called "Sharonicons" (clever, no?). I made a whole bunch of them, and I dig them like crazy, so let's give this thing a whirl. Who knows, it might be a permanent change to my journal.
Today was sort of crazy. I had Hebrew at 9, where I accidentally walked into the wrong classroom (well, it would have been the right room had it not been Thursday; we were in the computer lab today), and sort of embarassed myself, and then in class i thought i was going to throw up, so i sat in the bathroom for a while, drank some nasty-ass davis-bathroom-tap water, and returned to class. We never do anything in the computer lab. Everybody just checks their e-mail or something. Amy and I just post on the www.YouSeeDavisHardCore.com messageboards, or write each other e-mails with funny links. Today Amy sent me a link to these Night of the Living Dead dolls that could really pass for her and I. Rad.
Speaking of radical, or rad anyway, today is Eric's 21st Birthday!! Yay for him! Too bad he's stuck writing a 10-page paper. Back to the story...
So after Hebrew, I went to my Art History class, Radish sat next to me again and we laughed for a while because my professor always cracks these jokes that only the TA's get, and because this guy in a famous painting (by Rembrandt i think) looked remarkably like Sylvester Stallone. I mean, we couldn't take our eyes off of it! Weird. Also, the microphone thing was giving off all this feedback and was really counterproductive, but that wasn't too interesting. Today is Michaelangello's birthday, and my professor didn't even mention it. :/
As soon as I got home from Art History, I quickly looked over my midterm and the text book to see if any of my answers were graded incorrectly, but turned out I knew less than I thought I did, and the TA's didn't make any mistakes. They actually gave me like 2 points or so that didn't belong to me. Ouch. But I'm not complaining. After that, I started freaking out because Amy and Scott and I were supposed to meet with our landlady in like 20 minutes and my mom hadn't sent me a letter saying that she was responsible for our rent, and because Scott still hadn't gotten the money order for the application fee yet. So we freaked out, Amy and I showed up like 10-15 minutes late, and Scott came in about 5 minutes later. It took like 2 hours of unorganization, anxiety, and fear that the landlady would ask to see my proof of income. Turned out, she had completely forgotte to ask me for my application fee or my $500 deposit, and since she doesn't write these things down (she just stuffs them in her desk drawer) I could have completely gotten away with not giving her the money at all, but I was honest and I gave it to her. *But* the proof of income was not something I felt like being honest about. Lets hope she never asks.
So let's see, that was almost exaclty 2 hours. After that, Scott, Amy, and I walked by our soon-to-be apartment, gawked at it for a little bit, then continued to gawk at Scott's *parking space*. After that, we all went to Don's place, Don drove Amy downtown to pick up her bike (and because he had to go to work), so Scott, Ray, Stephanie, and I all hung out for a while more. Scott had to meet up with somebody or something, Ray drove Stephanie home, then when he came back, after he finished snacking on corn tortillas and peanut butter, I took him to the DC. It was good! I ate a lot more than I planned to, but it wasn't even 5 yet for the majority of my meal, plus I was killing time while I waited for Amy to show up. I talked to this random guy that was sitting next to me, found out that the really cool chef guy's name is Adam, and then when I was putting my tray away so I could leave, I ran into Amy. I took another plate, filled it up with food, and sat down next to her. We sat next to this guy that we always say "hi" to, but don't know him. I think he started it? Anywho, we introduced himself. His name is also Eric. Too many Erics! He was *RAD* though! He called me "Shariqua" randomly, then "Sharon Short," and mentioned wanting to get a pony keg for his mini fridge. I dug him. But in a completely platonic way.
After we ate, I walked by the Area Service Desk and told the guy at the counter that I was expecting a package. He said I needed the slip, but I convinced him (hey, I knew the package was supposed to come in ahead of time, they hadn't even *handed out* the slips yet) and he let me have my package....guess what it was... my THUNDERSTICK PRO HANDHELD BLENDER/FOOD PROCESSOR!! I'm PSYCHED!! I'm going to make smoothies, sauces, tuna salad, cake...shit, I can make ANYTHING you can make with a full-size blender/food processor!! Tomorrow I'll make smoothies for Amy and I. I'm excited as hell.
I was playing with my Thunderstick (Hey! Keep your mind out of the gutter!) when Eric (OE) came over...I had remembered for *WEEKS* that today was his birthday, but then today I was so stressed out that I had forgotten! I felt horrible! I felt worse because he has to write that stupid paper, and that he didn't have time to go out, or drink or something like any normal brand new 21-year-old would do. Poor thing.
After he left, Chris came over!! I hadn't seen him in forever! Since like...2 months anyway. More than 2 months. It was insane. He stayed for a while and so we talked for a while and then he had to go to his snowboarding club meeting, so now here I am.
I've been writing realy long entries later, I don't know. You'd think I'd utilize this time toward my schoolwork or something, but that's just not my style.
End of transmission, 22:08.
of the Day: [okay]
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Friday, March 7 2003
It's Friday, but I don't really care. I don't know why, but I never feel like partying or going out at all even, on fridays. Maybe it's because i'm not stressed out enough during the week, but I just don't have the energy/desire to go out and have fun in some kind of social activity. I'm not really as antisocial as i've been looking lately, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I told Kris today that I killed "the scene"...I didn't kill it for anybody else, just for myself. I didn't overdo it or anything, I'm just tired of it, or bored. I don't go to shoes anymore because I usually just sink into a chair and fall asleep. I have been less tired lately, but now I'm more bored. My life is not fulfilling. Tonight Amy is out on a date (or a "practice date," anyway) and it's just making me feel more lonely, because Jakub never calls me, he's rarely online, we never see each other, and we rarely talk...when I was in town for 4 days, I only saw him twice. That fact that I didn't get to see him on Valentine's day upset me, but I thought he would make it up to me. Not because it was Valentine's Day and he had to work, but because I was only in town for that weekend. I'm frustrated. I like him a lot, and i'm attracted to him and he's a great person, but i'm still so lonely and i don't feel like he's even interested. I just want to talk to him but he's always so busy...he never has time.
Eric wants me to go to a party in Arlington tonight, and even though I really don't want to, I think it's stupid to keep myself cooped up in my room all weekend. Oh, that reminds me. HXCBBQ (Hardcore Barbeque) got cancelled, so now I don't know what I'm going to be doing all day tomorrow, until Sachikopalooza starts at 7. I don't know why I'm giving them money for a keg, I'm not even gonna drink any of it. I crave a social life! I feel like I've gone without one (without a good one, anyway) that I just don't know how to be social. I guess I've been so hurt before that I'm afraid of opening up and letting people be close to me... even if someone considers me their friend, I just have this fear of getting close to them. So not only do I have very little friends/acquaintances here, but I never see my boyfriend and I don't think he cares. It's worse because Amy is always out doing something social, and I feel bad for thinking this, but I feel like we're growing apart because she's social all of a sudden (quoting Don: "she's quite the social butterfly"), and I feel almost as if she's lost sight of the truth about people. I know on a concious level that this is a really stupid thing to think, but why can't I get over it? I think I'm going to be alone forever. I really need to talk to Jakub.
Fuck this. Only one of my rings fit right now, and it's the one Matt and I shared. I've been reading his livejournal and for a while i was down because he always talked about all these things he was doing, and i thought that i guess i didn't mean as much to him as he meant to me, but then he left an encrypted message about me in one of his entries...well he still thinks of me, but we don't talk anymore. I guess it's better this way, but I wish it weren't.
End of transmission, 19:42.
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Something is so wrong with me. I just started crying...I'm sitting home alone on a Friday night....Eric had to go home to do something and then he was going to call me or something, and we were going to go to Arlington...I just found myself wishing he didn't call me. I'm so lonely. I realized that it doesn't matter how many people I'm surrounded by...it's not like the more people I'm surrounded by the more lonely I am...I realized that it has absolutely nothing to do with other people. It's me. I don't want to always be like this. I didn't use to be like this. I remember from my childhood I always isolated myself and kept to myself (for the most part anyway) but I guess over the years I've become not only jaded, but I've forgotten how to connect to people. I could hope that this is some stupid horomonal imbalance or something, but i felt like this before I hit puberty. I was telling my mom yesterday that I think I have an anxiety disorder, and she pretty much said that it wasn't possible, and that there's nothing wrong with me. Tell me how someone who has no friends, cuts herself, and cries on a friday night because she doesn't want to go out has nothing wrong with them. This has been going on for years. When I was eight I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to run away. I wanted to escape. That wasn't horomonal either, and it wasn't a stupid childish fantasy. I really wanted it. I would sit on the counter in the bathroom and wish i could just end my life, but I was only eight, and then i was only nine, and then i was only ten...it went on and on and maybe i don't want to kill myself, but i just don't want to be like this. i feel like there is no fixing me. there's nothing i like about myself. there is little i like about my life, and there is nothing fulfilling about my life. I feel so shitty. ok maybe i do have an anxiety disorder, or maybe i don't. it may be depression, and i'm positive as fuck that isn't some stupid hormonal thing. this needs to change though, but i don't want to take meds. it's not real, and i know that it will only make me feel worse. i don't even know what would make me feel better. I guess I'm just a lost cause.
End of transmission, 21:21.
of the Day: [down]
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Sunday, March 9 2003
It's our half birthday!! yay us. I made Amy a cake, and gave half of it to Vanessa and Sachi to share (for their birthdays)....last night was Sachi's birthday party ("Sachikopalooza") and I actually went, and I had a really good time. Lately I've been a bit of a shut-in, but I decided to at least make an appearance, at least to drop off the cake. Well I ended up staying, had a good time, ran into a lot of people i knew, met some cool people I would like to know... it was fun. Almost nobody was high too...I usually hate going to parties where people are high. Last night was rad. I talked to Don, Sachi, Vanessa, Zach, Radish, Amie, Arjun, Oren, Kris, etc. etc., and i ran into Jackson Pritt and Brad, and I met these guys, Chris, and Jeff from Filthy Pete and the Moustaches, and tons more. Fun!! We talked, we hung out, we socialized. Socialized! OMG it's been so long. It made me feel a lot better today.
So Jakub and I talked, and i told him how I missed him and wanted to talk more, and so then he called me and we talked on the phone for about an hour, and i was really tired so i said i was going to bed, and he said that he would call me as soon as he woke up on saturday...but he didn't. i'm sure something came up.
I've been eating *all fucking day*. Yesterday too, I ate some junk food but not like today!! It's sin! For breakfast today I had eggs and hashbrowns with ketchup, a pancake, some greasy vegetables, and some wild rice and a meat and cheese hoagie. that was breakfast. for my snacks throughout the day i had a toblerone bar, a pria bar, a piece of half birthday cake, and some more cheese puffs, then at dinner i had fried rice, a fish stick, chicken and linguini, a few bites of Amy's grilled cheese sandwich, and a frozen yogurt. yikes. Just kill me. Shoot my between the eyes. Tomorrow wil be better.
I've been making themed winamp playlists tonight, since my lab report isn't due till tuesday. I made a progressive metal one, a "hard rock" one (apparently Journey, Styx, and Dire Straits are considered "Hard Rock" to the good people at www.TowerRecords.com...), and a goth/industrial one. (Hard rock?!??). Right now I'm listening to the goth/industrial one, so my song of the day will probably come out of there.
reading Radish's livejournal today before Mario
woke up, and I was looking at all of his past entries and oh my god is
he fascinating!! he's also a really good writer and writes in a really
humorous way.. Here, an excerpt:
"One way i've discovered to make boring days seem exciting is to make up personal goals. My personal goal is to rid my apartment of the evil insect scum which have chosen to invade it. This is my battle for the apartment...a battle i intend to win.
I was laughing so hard i nearly shat myself. Well, not that hard. But i swear, i laughed pretty hard. Especially because I pictured all my battles with those damned little things, and i wasn't as valiant as he...i ate ants. I was surprised to find out that he likes Dio. I didn't know that...
Today I uninstalled like 300 MB worth of programs. I hope i won't regret it later.
Damn. Mario is making me make him brownies. Fucky.
End of transmission, 21:29.
of the Day: [content]
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Monday, March 10 2003
So today was pretty good. But also sorta fucky. Allow me to share:
top 5 reasons why today rocked:
So yea, I *finally* got that stupid job. I'm really excited though, and not only because I get to go shopping for uniform clothes (which is fun too). I get PAID!! The pay isn't as good as In-N-Out but I get tips, plus i have an inkling that I won't hate it as much as I hate In-N-Out. What sucks is that I have to work over the summer.....and spring break...I know! Don't be mad at me...If it's your summer vacation, feel free to visit me. I'll be working my ass off (and I have no car). I have to get like June 12th off so I can see all my little Senior bitches graduate, i need June 21st off because it's Kelly's birthday, I need August 31st off because that's when Amy and I want to go to Disneyland, and of course I'll come up with more dates later on. Yay! I'll get money!! Wahoo!
I'm not in the writing mood. I've had way too much sugar within the last 2 hours and I have to write some lab reports and study for my Hebrew midterm.
End of transmission, 20.39
of the Day: [psyched]
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Friday, March 14 2003
Ok, so yesterday was the 6-year anniversary of menachem's arrest. That's not that interesting. What is, though, is this e-mail he sent me:
Hi,I cancelled my AOL - got a free internet access instead (save $$$).
Like I would ever be so lucky as to forget. My parents' divorce is *almost* final though, and poetically enough, might become final on their wedding anniversary (i'm actually rooting for that date), March 17th.
Onto other things, last Wednesday I went in to Starbucks to fill out paperwork and get a short orientation, but i ended up actually getting to work (i got paid for 7 hours!!), and i got to make frappaccinos too! yay, me. I was supposed to go to this class in Sacramento tomorrow morning, but my boss called me today and told me that it was full so I can't go to that. I hope i still get to work on wednesday. Work was fun, even though I sprayed whipped cream *everywhere*. I got some in my pigtails. Actually, i think the majority of it hit the cabinets, then my pigtails, then elsewhere. I got laughed at. ;)
I had my Hebrew final this morning. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped...my spelling is atrocious, but besides that I did pretty well. I'm hoping for an A but expecting a B...
Oh! Yesterday! Jesus...okay, I'm a stupid fuck. Every morning I take a zinc supplement with breakfast, but yesterday morning i was in a hurry, or forgot, or something like that...so i took it in the afternoon, when i got back from class and it made me feel a little nauseous. I toughed it out and continued on my day, and when I got back from grocery shopping with Mario and Eddy I decided to put a little something in my stomach..so i had a couple strawberries and some soy beans, and i felt a little better, so i thought it would be a good idea to go have dinner, to put more in my tummy...so we were waiting in line for food when I started getting more queasy than i was before..so I excused myself, speed-walked to the bathroom, and almost didn't make it, but ended up puking into the toilet. I was really surprised because even though I feel nauseous all the time, I haven't puked since I was 9. Sorta. For the sake of conversation, anyway. So I sat on the floor in the bathroom and hugged the toilet for quite a while before I decided that I probably wasn't going to puke anymore.. I was a little confused because there was red in my vomit and I didn't remember eating anything red all day, but then I remembered the strawberries and I calmed down. I went inside the dining commons again, found Mario, Eddy, and Kris (who had joined us earlier), and sat with no food, but an empty cup to catch any vomit that could have come unexpectedly. I ended up bolting to the bathroom again and nearly puked, but I didn't. It was frustrating, because I could see the bathroom from where I was sitting, and was a mere 5 yards away, but I had to go alllll the way around, past the entrance to the dc, then alllll the way back to *almost* where i was sitting, now behind glass, and enter the bathroom. I think I pissed off some girl because I nearly pushed her out of the way when i ran to the bathroom, but i think that if she knew that the other outcome would have been me puking directly on her, she wouldn't have been upset. I really didn't mean to push her. I don't think I did actually...
Well, I'm bored. I'm waiting for Eric to call me or instant message me because we were supposed to have dinner together and i made him cookies/brownies....theyre not "fresh out of the oven" anymore, but i assume theyre still good.
End of transmission, 18:59.
of the Day: [content]
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Tuesday, March 18 2003
My, what a day. I had an art history final today so i studied like mad all of yesterday, went to bed at like 4, tossed and turned till god knows when, and woke up at like 7:15. i studied some more, then Radish came over and we studied together and darling Amy went out and got me the test books i needed for today. What a doll. So when i woke up at 7:15 i had a Luna Bar (180 calories) and didn't eat again for the whole day. I just studied like the little machine that i am, and took the final at 4 pm. The final was *ok* i guess... i talked to my TA and she told me that if i get a C- or above on the final, my first midterm grade gets dropped (yay!)...and then ill have a C in the class...if I get a D on the final, I'm pretty fucked....except that I did really well in participation/attendance. So Radish and I actually really helped each other learn all the random memorizing shit, so that rocked...I did some random guessing and came out successfully, so that was rad as fuck.
After the final, I biked home in a tired/hungry daze at like 1/2 mile per hour, and saw Jacob walking to the DC on my way home. He said to meet him in the DC, but i took too long to get ready and he had already left. For dinner I didn't eat as much as i usually do..i think my stomach has been *shrinking*! I'm sooo excited!! Smaller stomach means I can pack less calories into myself with each meal. Yay. Also, I've been drinking tons of water and taking vitamins and stuff, and I just got this soy protein shake so I'm all healthy and I excercise all the damn time...I worked out 2 nights ago with Jacob, and I kicked my ass. I couldn't even lift my hand to touch my face, so that rocked. I'm trying to work out like 5-6 days a week, but this is finals week, so I don't have high expectations.
I've been busy as hell this week. Mostly studying, I guess. Ohh! I got a Nightwish tapestry in the mail today from Ebay. I have nowhere to put it.
I'm supposed to find somwhere to live over spring break (starting sunday, anyway)...I just IM'd Don with my sweetest salutation ever, but he hasn't responded yet. I also made Eric his favorite cookies, but I didn't even *think* of it as a bribe...It didn't cross my mind. I bought the cookie mix when i was buying Mario his brownie mix last weekend. Oh well, Eric is going out of town over spring break, and I'm afraid of his roommates, so I don't think even asking to stay over there is a good idea. I hope Don lets me stay over there! I'm desperate...I'll beg to him later.
I'm really tired...I need to lay down or watch a movie or something. I'm too tired to type...
End of transmission, 20:10.
of the Day: [tired as fuck]
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Wednesday, March 19 2003
Today was so productive, yet so unproductive...I woke up at 11, went to the gym with Eric and I ran about 1 1/2 miles, and did 400 crunches. After that, we went to Big 5 and safeway. i bought a jump rope at big 5, and at safeway i bought cream of wheat, bread, and blackberries. i finished the blackberries in one sitting. after that, i showered, washed my hair, and sat at the computer for like 5 hours, not really even talking to anybody. I still haven't studied one bit today, even though my chem final of doom is on friday.
I looked at myself in the mirror today, and I thought that i lost weight. i could see it in my face, and in my shoulders, but when i put my pants on, they fit the same :(
I'm really optimistic though, I think if i keep working out and eating right like i do, i should feel good about myself and lose weight and still be firm and yummy. lets hope. The worst thing i ate today was applesauce. just to give all of you a look into how healthy ive been eating. i'm excited.
Well, I'm bored of writing now.
End of transmission, 20:49.
of the Day: [optimistic]
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Sunday, March 23 2003
This whole place smells like vomit. I spent the night last night at Don and Ray's because I got kicked out of the dorms for spring break. So I showed up last night at around 8, and only Ray and Ashley were there. They were playing video games and I sat down. Ray asked me what my plans for the evening were, and if I was looking for Don, and eventually i realized that Don had never *told* nor *asked* Ray if i could spend a couple nights here...Well I told Ray and he was totally cool with it. We chilled for a while, then Cheri came and then I realized that that was where I knew her from (i saw her working at starbucks and she exclaimed that she *knew* me, and even though i recognized her, i didnt know from where...well, now i know, she lives in Wakeforest). We ate soybeans and pringles, and played video games for mindless hours, then when Don and Chris came home from work (they're both cooks at IHOP) we just stared blankly at each other for another hour or 2. After Don woke up from his post-work nap, everyone but Ray and I went to an IHOP party and apparently got plastered. Ray slept on the couch because his bed hurts his back, and i slept on Ray's bed because the couch was taken. I fell asleep slightly after 2 or 2:30, and was awoken at almost exactly 6:00 am when everybody came home. When they realized that Ray, who had apparently disappeared, had disappeared with all of their cigarettes, they all (or so i thought) walked to AMPM. Well turns out they Don and Ashley went to AMPM, but Chris stayed in the apartment....and threw up...all over *EVERYTHING*. He puked on Ashley's sweater, Don's favorite jacket, my shoes, the couch, the carpet, the table, himself, and countless other things. To his credit, i must mention that he *did* make it to the bathroom at least once. I guess he got lazy, or gave up, because he ended up just laying in a pool of his own vomit, and very well may have suffocated if Don didn't save his ass and put him on his side. Chris woke up and claimed to have no idea who puked, even though he and I were the only 2 home, and i was a)sober, and b) dead asleep (or so they thought, but for the sake of the story, i was passed the fuck out). So he tried to play it off like it was me or something, but they knew it was bullshit. I eventually got out of bed because i'd already gotten 4 hours of sleep when i had woken up, and i knew that falling asleep again today would be hopeless. So i walked to the living room while they were trying to get him to scoot a foot in the other direction so he wouldn't be laying directly in the vomit...and he refused, and argued, and made a big fuss. eventually Don and Ray practically dragged him, so his face was on the *clean* part of the puke-laden jacket. Ugh. So that's why the place smells like yak.
After Don, Ashley, and of course Chris fell asleep, Ray and I walked to Starbucks and I had a grande latte instead of my usual tall, because God knows I'll need it today. We talked to my boss, Stillman, for about 10-15 minutes, and then we walked back. Ray and I talked for several hours because the whole house was (and is) still asleep, and I chainsmoked (even though I dont smoke) just to keep busy. I was so goddamn bored. At no fault of Ray or Don, of course.
So I talked to my mom on the phone about 1-2 hours ago, and she said she was on her way to visit me in Davis....I reminded her that I wasn't in the dorms, and asked if she could come pick me up and take me home instead, even though I have to come back up to this god-foresaken hell hole tomorrow, because i work on tuesday. she was excited and said yes, so i'll probably be in town today :). If i'm not, it's because my mom was more irritating than she was the last time we talked (have faith, that would be hard to beat). So i'm probably coming home. I definitely have to see certain somebodies, including Jeremy, who turned 21 yesterday. Happy birthday.
My elbows are killing me because i'm laying on the carpet while im typing.
End of transmission, 14:11.
of the Day: [unsure]
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