Back to the self-loathing, the disgust, all brought upon by my inability
to stay with something. And with each new failure, my self-esteem took
another beating. I was on a constant roller coaster of high, then low,
then very low emotions. With the disappointment of each new failed attempt,
I felt lower and lower, ultimately finding that if I had to continue to
live my life like this, if I was destined to be overweight and feeling
useless, then it was just not worth living at all. I got to where I did
not want to leave the house or do anything or go anywhere. I was a mess
and out of control, nothing made me happy. Even the food was my enemy now.
My best friend had turned on me, it no longer gave me the life, the lift
that it once had. My best friend food had betrayed me.
That is what I call my all time low. The allergies as I like
to call them, had both my mind and body so messed up that I needed help,
serious help. But from where? It is not a common thing to hear about ways
of dealing with compulsive overeating. Sure, diets are at a premium, but
what I needed was more than a diet. I needed a place where I could
deal not only with the food, but also with "Why" I was using food as my
drug of choice.
The disease of compulsive overeating is not a glamorous one. You
are told to "just push yourself away", "just say no", "exercise", "eat
this", "eat only that", "don't eat", "eat", ... The list of what everyone,
every magazine, family member, and friend has to offer to you is endless.
What I found is that Compulsive Overeating is a disease, and like any disease
it can be treated and there can be recovery and you can live a life where
the sun shines, the moon glows, and you can actually love abundantly if
you are willing to attack the fundamental "disease" from its core. I entered
in to the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous and from the first meeting I found
that I was not out there alone, and that I was not crazy. I found a group
of individuals from every walk of life dealing with the same issues as
me. It was Nirvana. I was one of many, I was not a misfit by birth, or
a throw back. I was by definition simply a compulsive overeater.
WOOHOO!! So that degree of excitement lasted for a good hour, then
the realization that I would have to stand up and admit that I was a COMPULSIVE
OVEREATER, was not in my book of "This is a Cool thing to be". I was feeling
more like "WHY? Why me? Why me?". I went through that process for about
a month and when I finally truly accepted that I was in fact a compulsive
overeater, I began a program, a program that changed my life and continues
to do so.
This site is all about the journey from not understanding to understanding
to taking action to acceptance to recovery. It is a tool to assist those
who need a helping hand. Hopefully for some, a ray of light to the understanding
that you are not alone and to the possibility
of long lasting recovery. It is a way for me to share with you my
process and to give back what has so abundantly helped me.
In light.
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