Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am engaged to a wonderful guy. Considerate, supportive everything a woman would want except one area. We've been together 2 years. And in the past 6 months he has had trouble getting an erection. I don't know why? But I don't want to stress over it but yet I still need some satisfaction. I've been contemplating on seeing someone to take care of my need. But I believe it would crush him . I tired of hearing about men not getting enough and they can get it on the side. Why is it different for a woman?
A - Dear Yvette,
There are a couple of things that need doing here. One, communication between the two of you doesn’t sound as if it’s at it’s best and, two, a checkup with a good urologist is in order. Secondary impotence has a number of causes and this needs to be evaluated by a medical professional. Now, there's an old saying, 'the penis doesn't lie'.....it's just that right now you don't know what 'it's' telling you.
For your general information, an erect penis is NOT necessary for thrilling sex. There are SO many ways of achieving satisfaction that your situation may actually lead you to areas of lovemaking that will have you realizing that there’s more to this process than you’d ever dreamed. Remember, necessity is the genesis of invention.....and you, AND he, may have much to learn.
Now, as to your ‘contemplating on seeing someone to take care of my need’......and you not even married yet! (Your resentment, while completely understandable, is going to cause you difficulties.) Yvette, there’s more going on here than you’ve told me. I recommend that both of you spend some quality time with a really good couples counselor. This is more complicated, (and convoluted), than can be dealt with here.