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09.28.99 - INTERVIEW: Sarah McLachlan on her latest project: making babies
08.00.99 - channelv interview
06.09.99 - INTERVIEW
--.--.-- - Sarah on Sarah
--.--.-- - Sarah McLachlan isn't just another multi-platinum singer-songwriter


9.28.99 - INTERVIEW: Sarah McLachlan on her latest project: making babies

RALPH BENMERGUI

Sarah McLachlan on
her biggest project
yet -- making babies.

TORONTO - After three years of record breaking Lilith Fair Tours, Sarah McLachlan is winding down. With a live album already out, Sarah and her drummer/husband have their sights set on a bigger project, making babies. On The Arts' Ralph Benmergui spoke to Sarah McLachlan about her plans for the future.

The Interview :

Ralph Benmergui: You know people are very casually saying, "Oh yeah, Sarah McLachlan is going to have a baby now."

Sarah McLachlan: Yeah, I think that has become the newest thing. It's been going on for over a year now.

Ralph Benmergui: Like it's anyone's business.

Sarah McLachlan: Well, yeah. When women are pregnant, strangers will walk up to them and grab their bellies and feel compelled to do that. I've been talking openly about it for awhile. I'm a woman, I'm in my 30s and I want to have kids. That's an issue. It'll happen someday. I'm in no rush.

Ralph Benmergui: I listen to your songs and they're this great crisis music, mid-life crisis, romantic crisis.

Sarah McLachlan: I felt like I was going through a mid- life crisis two weeks ago. I was realizing that this whole thing was coming to an end and not that I buy into the whole millennium thing but there seems to be a lot of people including myself that are at a point in their lives when they're standing on this precipice.

I'm a woman,
I'm in my 30s
and I want to
have kids. That's
an issue. It'll
happen someday.
I'm in no rush.

-Sarah McLachlan on
having a baby.

Having to make this big decision about what's going to happen next in their lives. It's like your stepping from one era to another. It's kind of interesting but that's sort of where I am. I have been saying that I was going to stop for a long time now. Now that I'm actually about there, I'm kind of terrified for a second. What's going to happen to me? Do I know how to stop?

Ralph Benmergui: Do you know how to stop?

Sarah McLachlan: Yeah I think I do. I was lying in the hotel room last night, watching TV. All of a sudden I thought I was in my own bed and at that moment, I was like, I want to be home.

Ralph Benmergui: Do you have a real sense of home with you and Ash?

Sarah McLachlan: Well yeah. That's a big part of bringing family with you. My husband is my drummer and we have our dog with us and my husband and my dog are my family. Home is where they are.

Ralph Benmergui: I was listening to the live album last night and I was thinking literally the man is the backbone. Right? He's the driving rhythm of the band.

Sarah McLachlan: It's funny. I was watching Tori Amos and she was talking about her drummer that she had just met. It's the exact same thing that she was saying about how you need to get a drummer who can get inside your head - your own eternal drummer. Everyone has got their own rhythm. Ash and I just hit it immediately.

Ralph Benmergui: Over the past year you were in the news for something beyond hit songs and new awards. Darryl Neudorf a musician hired to work on your first album more than 10 years ago is suing. He claims he co-wrote three songs. Is that law suit over yet?

Sarah McLachlan: No, it's actually still going. They just finished the final arguments at the end of June. It's one of those things.

Ralph Benmergui: Watching you on the news, walking into that place with a smile plastered on your face, I thought this must be so difficult.

Sarah McLachlan: It was pretty difficult. It was a month and a half and was suppose to be a 10 day trial but it just went on and on and on. It's about integrity. It's about your life. You have a lawyer and this guy basically saying that myself and people at Nettwerk are all liars, we're evil and that we've maliciously ripped this guy off. That's really hard to take because I've prided myself on being fair, honest and generous. It was also tough being in that spotlight, being followed around and hounded by reporters who run down to the parcade to take pictures of you when your just getting out of your car. You guys are nasty.

Ralph Benmergui: They want every piece of you but then everyone wants every piece of you. If you went down into the fair ground now, everyone would want to say how much they love you.

Sarah McLachlan: It's a different energy when I'm doing something like this that's considered positive and fun. There's a certain level of respect there that didn't exist while I was doing the trial. I kind of sunk a few levels in their eyes because I have never been treated that disrespectfully by anybody - reporters or journalist. I've been very lucky.

Ralph Benmergui: Is there a song in this?

Sarah McLachlan: I just want to forget about it and block it out.

I'm more concerned and
happy with the fact that
young women...are
coming to the shows and
seeing women doing jobs
that they love, holding
nontraditional jobs like
women riggers, women
lighting crew, women
producing our records
and women directors.

-Sarah McLachlan on
Lilith Fair.

My husband is
my drummer and
we have our dog
with us. My
husband and my
dog are my
family. Home is
where they are.

Sarah McLachlan on her
sense of home.

Ralph Benmergui: The legacy of all this Lilith Fair stuff, what do you think has changed because you've done this? Because when you started they thought that a two woman act on radio, let alone on stage was not going to work.

Sarah McLachlan: Well I think as far as the industry's point of view it has altered how they perceive women and how they perceive women as commodity. Getting down to brass tax it's not a very pleasant subject. It's based on money and we've proven that women can make a whole lot of money.

I think ultimately within the industry that's one of the ways the old boys club recognize and, okay, admit that women are successful. They understand that language. So that's one way to get ahead.

I'm more concerned and happy with the fact that young women, thousands and thousands of young women are coming to the shows and seeing women doing jobs that they love. The jobs are nontraditional, too, like women riggers and women working in the lighting crew and the sound crew, women producing our records, women directors.

I think that is very good for them to see women doing what they love to do. It's a positive influence and that's a really good thing to project. In that sense, I think the legacy is going to be more apparent in 10 years when the next generation becomes adults.

Ralph Benmergui: So the next time I talk to you I want to talk with you and the baby. I want to see what that does to you as an artist. That will be very interesting,

Sarah McLachlan: I'm interested myself.

Ralph Benmergui: Interesting to love somebody like that.

Sarah McLachlan: I'm looking forward to the challenge.

Ralph Benmergui: Thank-you very much.

InfoCulture

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8.99 - channelv interview

[V]: First of all - twelve thousand dollars for a charitable organization, now that may not seem like a lot to people in the broad sense, but to a local group that is a tremendous effort. When you go to each town what is the response you get from the local community for the grass roots stuff you do?

SARAH: Um, it's pretty tangible, I mean that's one of the only reasons we do the press conference every day. It's great free press. So there's that, and I've received a lot of letters from kids and from mothers who have been helped by the charities that we have given money to. I've received a lot of really beautiful drawings from kids and stuff, so those are really kind of neat, tangible results.

[V]: When everybody was first going into the press conference, you seemed to have great relationships with a lot of people who are fellow performers and some who are coming on the tour for the first time, like Suzanne Vega. You really don't get a lot of chances to meet with these people over the course of the year do you? It's very exciting for you.

SARAH: Well, I think I mentioned that in the press conference that quite often being on the road and touring you're with your band and your crew and when I tour, I go out for a year or more and that's who you see. That's your life, that's your little bubble that you travel around in and you meet other people, but I'm so busy all the time doing what I do for a living, which is promoting the record generally. After it's done in the studio, you rarely get the opportunity to meet any of these other artists, and so this is really a selfish endeavour. And it's so nice, I mean Suzanne Vega for instance has been on every single tour from actually four years ago - the inception - before it was even called 'Lilith Fair'. She did a few shows with me and she was one of my, one of my mentors, I mean I really love her music and so it's a really nice environment to get to know these women, to get to share stories of the weird job that we have.

[V]: When you stand by the stage and watch these fellow musicians on any of the three stages and you see the audience respond, do you say to yourself "this is my baby"?

SARAH: Um, I think there's some sense of pride definitely, that I've been a part of putting this whole thing together, but I feel more a sense of pride for the artist who is on stage at that moment because they're the one, they're the person at that moment who is drawing the audience out and making them respond and I think it's sort of, for me being part of that collective. That is the most empowering thing.

[V]: Has the business side of this been a bit of a drag on your creative side?

SARAH: Well, I haven't written a song in three years so I'd say yes it has been. But at the same time it's been great for my career, I think for a lot of us as individuals it's been really beneficial, we've gotten the opportunity to play in front of way more people than we could on our own.

[V]: Any particular highlights you'd like to share over the past three years?

SARAH: Oh god there's so many. I would say the biggest ones are just getting to play with some of my idols, some of the people I have respected and admired for so long in the business: Sinead O'Conor, Bonnie Raitt, Queen Latifa, Erica Badju, the Indigo Girls, Sherly Crow, Shaun Colvin, Suzanne Vega. I mean the list just goes on and on.

[V]: The other stages of 'Lilith' have planted the seed for the next generation of song writers, are you amazed at the depth and the diversity and the calibre of women performers out there?

SARAH: No, not at all, I expect it. I think there's a lot of really great music coming out these days, and no, I'm not surprised. I'm happy to see it, I'm happy to see it rising and getting some recognition definitely.

[V]: With you taking a break from Lilith could you see other things coming up or would you see other people picking up the baton and running with it?

SARAH: Yeah, I kind of hope they do, I hope the people who participate in this, whether it's the artists themselves, the crew, the tour directors or the tour managers, or just the audience. I think there's a spirit that people take away from this and a really good energy and I hope in some way that transpires in their everyday life or in their job. This is a great organisation and I have to say it's run very well, and the people who I've been working with for ten years - a lot of the crew members and stuff - they're the guys who are running the ship and they do a very good job at it. And as far as someone else taking over, I think there's a lot of acts out there these days who are being able to put other women on the same bill. I know for one thing Luscious Jackson is taking out Cibbo Matto as their opening act. That's just one small incident of that but I think it's happening a lot more where as in the past promoters would say "no you can't have another woman opening up for you". They can't say that now because we've obviously proven that that's not an issue anymore.

[V]: Channel V, we reach 52 countries across Asia at least, some of which don't have the best track records in encouraging women's rights. If you could say one thing to the men and women in these countries, what might it be?

SARAH: Oh Lordy, respect is king or is queen. Respect is the bottom line and equality. There's no easy answer in any of these places where a system has been in place for hundreds if not thousands of years of a patriarchal society. There is no easy answer to quickly shifting that but men and women should be treated equal. I believe that and I hope that someday that will be recognised and respected.

[V]: Lets talk about Mirrorball and the live experience. I read one review that complained that the versions were not dramatically different from the studio versions. I don't get that at all. I feel that each song sort of benefits from your competence, it's almost a muscle, your muscular vocals. It's almost a type of metamorphosis of a song on the road, especially with your vocals.

SARAH: Well it's interesting that you call it using your muscle because your voice is a muscle. For me when I'm in the studio I sing the songs a couple of times, I put them on a track whereas live I'm singing every night and it's the muscles that get used more and more and my voice gets stronger and stronger and I think the performances are in a sense more confident than the ones on the studio record. They're stronger but not necessarily better because there's a beautiful sort of intimacy with the studio records where it's very fresh and almost delicate in places, whereas live it's definitely more…you almost have to be more forceful because you have to project out to so many people whereas in the studio it's like you're singing in these little headphones in your own little world and it's very much an isolated experience. So it's totally different. I loved making that record, I just went about my day usual, we played every show, it just happened to be recorded and then months later we went and listened back and tried to find good tracks that I felt really captured the live moment.

channelv

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6.9.99 - INTERVIEW: Sarah McLachlan on music, motherhood and mirrorballs

VANCOUVER - It was a trial that was supposed to last three weeks. Seven months later, the lawsuit involving singer Sarah McLachlan is finally wrapping up in B.C. Supreme Court today.

Darryl Neudorf is suing McLachlan and Nettwerk productions for song-writing credit, copyright infringement. and a share of royalties and co-production credit on McLachlan's 1988 debut album, Touch. The former drummer with the band 54-40 is credited on the album for "pre-production co-ordination and production assistance."

Arguments are expected to last five days, with the judge's ruling to be handed down in the next few months. McLachlan's manager, Terry McBride, says the Lilith Fair diva is too busy to attend the case wrap up, but she wasn't too busy to sit down with Midday's Brent Bambury to discuss her latest CD, Mirrorball, and her last Lilith tour as she looks forward to taking some time off in 2000.

The Interview:

Brent Bambury: Sarah, what does a Mirrorball do to you?

Sarah McLachlan: Well, it makes me feel very, very dreamy and romantic. There's something about singing when the mirrorball is on you --the lighting is beautiful, the circular thing... it's very hypnotic.

Bambury: It also says get ready for something beautiful doesn't it? Because there's this great feeling of anticipation about it especially if you're out looking at someone who is beautiful that you know is looking at you. Do you use it in your show?

McLachlan: Yes. I had to beg my lighting director. He was like ugh...mirror balls are tacky, they're ‘70s disco and I said no, they're beautiful trust me, so he very begrudgingly gave me five. It's so beautiful and magical to sing with this thing rolling around.

Bambury: We listened to your album and the first track of the album which is Building a Mystery, there's a point where you sing that line about the beautiful screwed up man. And you throw that line out toward your audience and there's such a connection with your audience at that moment. There's kind of a recognition there though isn't there. What is that?

McLachlan: I don't know. It's not just the women screaming either. I think it's a universal phrase, I say "beautiful %&*!! man" but I think that speaks to everyone in some point of their lives. I think we all wear masks and we try to be something we're not at some point in our lives and the whole process of discovery. They love it when I swear too.

Bambury: I guess it's a rock and roll moment then as well.

McLachlan: It's a very rock and roll moment I could kick my feet up as well.

Bambury: When you were talking about Lilith last year you talked about empathy a lot. But there's also a sense beyond empathy that she's singing about me. And that's something you've always been able to do in your music. I think of it as the completion to the song. The song is incomplete until the listener, the person who you are singing it to adds their own experience.

McLachlan: Yeah. You have to have to make an emotional connection to a song to feel anything from it. For me, the art or the craft of creating a song is when the listener takes their interpretation from it.

People are asking me all the time: 'What does the song mean to you?' But me, I always say: 'What does it mean to you?' That's what's important. Plus I'm not going to tell you what it means to me more than I already have because that's my thing, that's for me I have to hold something dear to myself.

Bambury: But you sweat blood over it don't you.

McLachlan: I do and that's just the way it is for me. I wish it was easier but it's not and that's part of the craft, the neurosis, the worry and the fear of oh my god I'm never going to write another song. That happens to me every time and I think that's just part of the process.

Bambury: So you think you have to be neurotic to write?

McLachlan: It sure has worked that way in the past. I don't know I'm having a hard time writing but I think that's because there's construction workers all day every day.

Bambury: Oh, it's not because you're blissfully happy because you're married now and everything.

McLachlan: That has something but that's inspired me a lot but in a different way.

Bambury: I'm thinking about how John Lennon took five years off and just disappeared inside the house and baked bread and just blissed out. Do you understand that? Or are you enough of a compulsive artist that you would need to be out there either creating or performing or something. I suppose you can do other things because you draw and stuff.

McLachlan: I have a lot of creative outlets and I think I'm lucky that way. Music is an important huge part of my life, but it's not everything. I think that's important. You need balance in your life. I have music but I love to cook, I have drawing and painting and I want kids and that'll take me down a whole different path that I haven't been before and that's going to change my life in a lot of great ways.

Bambury: But the life that you have now... When people look at the things you have accomplished in what the 11 years of your career, we can place you pretty much at the top of your game right now. If you leave the game now for a hiatis or for a sabbatical or to have kids can you come back and resume the position that you're in?

McLachlan: I don't think I could resume the exact same position, I couldn't hope to do that. I do feel like over the past 11 years I've really hard to build a solid fan base and I feel like if I do go away for a couple of years it'll be okay, everyone won't forget about me. I'm sure some will but that's okay and I do sort of feel that I'm at the height of my career but I've always felt that with every record.

I sold 50,000 of my first record and I was completely floored by that. With each record I've managed to sell more records and gain a wide fan base and each time it's been a shock and a thrill.

Bambury: No one can call you an overnight sensation that's for sure.

McLachlan: Oh they've tried.

Bambury: But do you think your career would have been different if you had enormous success with the first album?

McLachlan: Oh, I think I would have been a different person. I'm terrified of the thought now, if I had been a huge success from the beginning, because my head wasn't screwed on straight enough. The little success that I did have threw me for a loop and it took me a while to process it and figure out my place within it.

Bambury: The court case you were involved in last year was front page news in Canada of course a lot of songwriters think regardless of the outcome because we're still waiting for the judgement on this --it's going to change the way people write songs, what do you think?

McLachlan: I'm very scared of that. I mean, one of the biggest issues I felt is that their concept of if you're in the same room with a person when they're writing a song and you say that sounds good, you should get songwriting credit, I vehemently disagree with that and I hope none of that stuff comes through because it's going to make songwriters not work together and it's going to screw everything up, so.

Bambury: It's going to make a very solitudinous process, huh?

McLachlan: Absolutely and I can't think in my wildest dream can think that was true, so.

Bambury: It was four years I think for you between Fumbling and Surfacing, right - the last two studio albums?

McLachlan: Yeah pretty much. I was two and a half years on the road with Fumbling Towards Ecstasy and then I ended up taking six neurotic months off. I was like I have to be writing, I have to be writing but I could not write and I didn't give myself the time to not write and just be.

Bambury: Did you feel guilty?

McLachlan: Horribly guilty and a lot of pressure too because I felt like I had to get my next record out right away because I was on the brink of something so there was a lot of pressure and most of it was self imposed.

Bambury: You told Chatelaine magazine 'I think I'm becoming my mother.' What does that mean?

McLachlan: I think we all do to a certain degree. It's funny, all the things that made me mad when I was growing up, things she said to me or force upon me and I think now when I become a mother I going to do the exact same thing.

Bambury: You're taking the year 2000 off aren't you?

McLachlan: Yes.

Bambury: What are you doing New Year's Eve?

McLachlan: Probably the same thing I always do --hanging out with my family and friends playing silly games.

Bambury: Sarah McLachlan you have a great 1999 and a terrific summer.

McLachlan: Thank you.

© 1999 InfoCulture

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1.99 - SARAH ON SARAH (from Details Magazine)

INTERVIEWER: A friend of mine could only describe you as "unicorny, and she's a fan. What do you think you persona is?

SARAH: Oh you know, Sarah McLachlan, the ethereal, poetic, waiflike fairy who burns incense, reads poetry all day and lives in a fucking tree. I mean I am sensitive...but I do like a good scotch sometimes.

INT: So sometimes you listen to the wind chimes in your hot tub with a scotch?

SM: Yeah-but I draw the line at the cigar business, they're disgusting.

INT: Not to mention penis substitutes.

SM: But not as tasty. I am obsessed w/penises. When I was a kid I used to have all these floating-image dreams of bananas in little chippendale's outfits-isn't that funny?- and then later I had this wonderful dream that I was this chinese gay man and I had this beautiful chinese robe on, and my robe opened up and I had these two huge erect penises. It was amazing, double-ejaculation!

INT: Why don't you put this sex stuff in your songs?

SM: I don't really do I? Well, penises don't sadden or anger me, you know? I don't have any negative thoughts about them,I just enjoy them a lot, so it doesn't enter the picture.

INT: So tell me-Do you spit or swallow?

SM: Swallow. Definately swallow...

INT:..Isn't it ironic that as a child in Halifax you were considered so ugly that the kids nicknamed you medusa?

SM: I felt totally "Weiner Dog"...(in 6th grade) me and an acquaintance of mine showed each other our breasts-well SHE had breasts, I had nothing. Anyway, one of my evil girlfriends-which was the only kind of friend I had at the time-told everybody at school I was a lesbian, and from then on everybody at school hated me...

INT: Ok so WERE you a lesbian?

SM: I wasn't really, but I've always been open to falling in love with a woman. I've had crushes on them and I've kissed my fair share, lemme tell ya, but that's as far as I've gone.

INT: Never to the bedroom?

SM: No, there was a broom closet one time with a cute bartender in Boston.

INT: I assume that was before you married your drummer, Ashwin Sood. Was your band completely appalled?

SM: No, they were like, here she goes again!...

INT:..If you were a Spice Girl, which one would you be?

SM: Smelly Spice, I fart a lot...

INT: So what do you think of an artist like Marilyn Manson who traffics in violence?

SM: Does he though? See, I think that the Devil has gotten a bad rap. The Devil is a fallen angel, the one who was willing to embrace his dark side, whereas all the other angels were in total denial. The Devil is more like us-we're all the Devil and we're all God. So maybe me and Marilyn Manson should get together and have a conversation.

INTERVIEWER: Brantley Bardin

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Sarah McLachlan isn't just another multi-platinum singer-songwriter; she's the brains and beauty behind the year's biggest musical event, Lilith Fair

By Gary Graff

SARAH MCLACHLAN works hard for the money. A multi-million seller with her last album, 1994's Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, the Canadian songstress has spent the first half of 1997 in a whirlwind of activity. She emerged from an eight-month writer's block to record a new album, the appropriately titled Surfacing.

She planned the first full-scale Lilith Fair tour, a girlie goddess fest (or, as McLachlan jokingly refers to it, Vulvapalooza) that will caravan many of pop's top female performers--including Jewel, Sheryl Crow, Fiona Apple, and Joan Osborne--across North America through August. She even got married (to drummer Ash Sood) and gave herself a makeover, trimming her flowing, dark brown locks down to a perky bob with streaked highlights. And now she's on her tour bus, chatting via cellular phone as she pulls into the Shoreline Amphitheater near San Francisco for a soundcheck. McLachlan isn't just Surfacing; she's practically walking on water.

Is the Lilith Fair the result of the trial-run gigs you did last summer, or did you know you were going to do it anyway?

We knew we wanted to do it before last summer. We did those shows to work out a lot of the logistical stuff, to see how much work it would involve to do a full tour of that scale. Definitely the energy and the vibe that existed in those shows was really fantastic and--I don't think I had any doubts, anyway- certainly solidified that we definitely wanted to do it this year, full-scale.

Is it too simplistic to say that the Lilith Fair is a reaction to last year's metal-heavy Lollapalooza lineup?

I think that's pretty limiting. [Lilith is] not necessarily reactionary, but it is an alternative to the summer festivals out there that aren't really offering many female acts. I just felt there was an awful lot of great music that was done by women that wasn't being heard, or it was being heard, yet there was no festival representation. So I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if there was a festival that was all women?"

How did you pick the performers for the Lilith Fair?

We basically just had a big wish list and pooled our ideas together and started phoning everybody up. We gave every artist the opportunity to come onto the bill for however long they wanted to and wherever they wanted to, which kind of offered up a logistical nightmare for my manager and for my agents. But at the same time we wanted the bill to sort of define itself, to let things fall where they would fall and wherever people would want to come on, they could. The artists themselves basically dictated what the bill ended up being.

Are there people who weren't available that you would have liked to have?

There's a couple performers I really wanted to have, but I definitely want to see Lilith have some longevity, and there's always next year and the year after that. Sinéad O'Connor was a very important one we didn't get. Neneh Cherry, she was on and then her American record company decided they weren't going to release the record, so she had no tour support. Tori Amos was another one I would have loved to have gotten. Joni Mitchell, Annie Lennox--I'm aiming real high here now.

How do the guys on the tour feel about being around all these women and all this woman-thought? They're loving it. I think most musicians don't even think along gender lines. Most fans, too; they just listen to a song, and their first reaction is not whether it's a man or a woman singing but whether it's a good song. I think all the musicians up there, men and women alike, are really digging this. I see nothing but smiles on everybody's faces.

Any good anecdotes so far? Nothing I can share in the media! [Laughs.] I had a wicked conversation with Paula Cole about ex-boyfriends, but nothing I want to get into in a public forum. I played hacky sack with Tracy Chapman the other day; we're both pretty mediocre. Neither of us have played it for a long time.

What were you going for on Surfacing?

As a whole, the record is a lot simpler, certainly in the sense of spontaneity. It's quite different from last time--less production. The songs are more about moments in time, and lyrically just simple--simple and more direct, less hiding behind veils or walls.

It feels like you dug a lot deeper into yourself on these songs.

Oh yes, a lot more of that. That's been the process of writing for me every time; I just get to go closer and closer, get deeper. For me, writing is very cathartic and therapeutic. Generally, when I write it's because I need to figure out things, a lot of asking questions. I had a lot of hard questions I had to ask myself: What the hell I was doing. Who the hell I was in all of this being famous, starting to become famous, and the whole music industry. It's a very strange journey, but a pretty incredible one, too.

You had writer's block after the last tour, right?

Oh yeah. I felt completely spent, like I didn't know who I was or what I was doing anything for anymore. And it took me a long time just to become whole again, really. I tried to write songs and it was disastrous; I wasn't writing from any place of honesty. I was trying to force it, because I had all this pressure on me, or so I thought. It was mostly self-imposed: "Oh my God, you haven't had a record in so long. You have to get right back in again." And I had nothing to say. I was completely empty. I had to live again and fill the well up.

So what did you do?

I just had a life. I made dinner. We got a dog. I stayed home. I reacquainted myself with friends, just lived a kind of normal existence. I did my own laundry. I gardened an awful lot.

What was the first song that finally came out?

"Angel" was the first one. It was great because for a long time I really thought "This is it. I'm not going to write any more songs. There's nothing left." But that was just because I didn't trust myself. I had to just sort of let go and be patient, and it would come. And I wrote "Angel" in three hours, most of it. I had been reading a Rolling Stone article on heroin in the music industry. I felt such an empathy for that place that I felt a lot of people are in--on the road, just feeling really lost. "Give me some distraction. Get me out of this thing I'm feeling. I can't deal with this. I have no time to deal with this." It's all about denial. I totally empathize with that place, and that song just came out really easily.

Did you ever have experience with heroin?

I've never tried it. I think when I was younger I would have tried it if I had the opportunity, but it never came up. I'm mortified, mortally afraid of needles, so I don't think I ever could have put a needle in my arm. I definitely had my share of drinking bouts, that's for sure. That was a number of years ago, though.

A lot of these songs are sad and heavy, which seems ironic considering it was a happy time in your life, when you and Ash were deciding to get married.

A lot of the songs are about really old patterns that happened and were re -occurring long before I even met my husband. And what I did on a lot of this record was start to deal with a lot of those patterns and start to break them down. In some ways it was really incredible having that love and support behind me. It made it easier to do that work. I think my love for him became a whole lot stronger and I was able to love him more because I was able to start liking myself again.  

What was your wedding like?

Oh, we eloped to Jamaica. And it was beautiful--on this little beach pavilion covered with flowers. We just had a little, quiet marriage ceremony and went swimming a half hour later. It was fantastic, just the way I envisioned it. We made a commitment to each other long before we got married, but I still have some vestiges of traditionalism in me, so it was nice to do that. I definitely feel a great security, but that's because of my love, not this little piece of paper that I have.

So what's the deal with your new look?

What new look?

The haircut and everything . . .

I cut it off. What's the big deal? It wasn't anything, any big deal. I bleached it so much last summer it was dead, so I cut it off. That's all.

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( Sarah McLachlan )
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