There was a time, believe it or not, when the vampire was a thing to be dreaded and feared; a foul- smelling old monster among the boogeymen of the dark night. You avoided it, you put up all sorts of guards against it, you referred to it as it. Ever since Stoker eroticized the old monster it has become something more. The night no longer holds such terror for us who live in big cities with halogen lights (well, at least not from the supernatural) and the vampire has adapted to that too.
Vampires have gone from monster to demon lover/temptor to an idealized superrace parasite who competes for our resources. They are individuals who while stronger, faster, and with fewer scruples nonetheless need little ol' us to survive, not unlike the corporate raiders of the 1980's. We envy their power at the same time we reject, halfheartedly, the price they have to pay for that power. Little wonder there are people who want to believe they really exist as the legends we now subscribe to. It is a dance of courtship with the unattainable, being seduced by one who has the power to snuff your life on a whim but also the power to lift you up to its rarified level if you could only seduce it. Where the horror of the Victorians was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the horror of our age is Casanova and the Marquis de Sade.
(Great. I've just put out a mating call to every guy who's ever left me wrecked. Read on, please. It's not what it seems.)
There are three ways to approach this horror/desire. One can wish to be a vampire, can wish to be near one, or wish to merely seem to be one. Seeming one makes the most sense; you take on the mystique without paying the price. Sure, most people know it's an act, but it becomes interactive theatre. All have a good time as long as they play along, and all go home none the worse for the wear.
Wanting to be near the monster makes a little less sense. There is the appeal of helplessness, the same appeal that makes little girls fantasize about being princesses in need of rescue. Unlike the knight in shining armor the vampire himself might be rescued in return, turned away from his evil ways and a cure sought for his hungers. It is a mutual emasculation--for an erotic fantasy-object this one is remarkably asexual.
Then there is the appeal of becoming a vampire. To transcend the everyday life, to be set apart, to be special and rare. To owe nothing to no one except your own internal appetites. To borrow a movie slogan: "Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire." (The Lost Boys). Power. Strength. Heightened senses. Flight, or at least preternatural agility. Being an aristocrat in some form--blame Stoker for this one. There are very few portrayals of working-class, poor vampires who have to struggle for money like the rest of us. The price, when one considers it, has its own glamorous appeal. The night life is almost fair compensation for losing the sun; how many working stiffs actually go out clubbing 'til dawn? Being eternally damned is only a source of angst in a world that has many differing opinions of the afterlife. Hunting for one's meals seems a preferable type of "fast food" to the greasy bland paper-wrapped variety.
(Okay, now that I'm done psychoanalyzing the world, maybe I should tell you what I think!)
I don't desire to become a vampire. Outside of the likes of the late Jeffrey Dahmer I don't think they exist. Given the chance I wouldn't hang around with one for more than a cup of joe at a well- populated café. While it has been fun playing one on the odd night out, that requires knowing where the goths are on any given night and I simply haven't the time to keep up on that. (Besides which, I haven't the time nor the hardware to sew velvet and lace.) Still, the myth still has its fangs in my psyche. I like to think my approach to it is well seasoned, even mature. But who knows? Likely there's someone older who looks at this little essay with a knowing laugh. I hope so. Smile on me and let me know what you think.
On that though, can you imagine the amount of wisdom, of experience, of maturity that one could possibly amass given a couple hundred years to work with? There's no guarantee that a vampire would gain these things, simply that he or she would have the opportunity. May I live as long, naturally, alive.
For me the vampire represents civilized man's attempt to come to terms with his animal nature. It allows him to contemplate the Beast within, to explore the dark side of his nature vicariously without actually owning up to it.
To once again no longer be the top of the food chain, the pinnacle of creation. With that he could release his responsibility to the Earth, the stewardship of resources, since he himself would be a resource to a higher being.
To live comfortably with Death, to look it in the eye, shake its hand, play chess with it and walk away unscathed. Death would have a face, a name, a stride, it would sit where he could keep an eye on it. He could acknowledge that its compatriots were everywhere, unseen, but that with a few precautions he need not fear it. The vampire allows man to un-conquer Death by seeing it, a very different defeat than the one offered by the unseen (and thus feared) virus.
To entertain taboo fantasies, and be able to discuss them with others at a safe distance. By having a monster to pin them on a person could discuss all manner of kinks without worrying about being locked up. De Sade's modern stand-in it would be with a great deal more latitude.
To contemplate the isolation of being different. Everyone is different in some way, everyone knows what it is to not fit in. Sometimes this is alienating, sometimes liberating to feel above it. The vampire takes the experience of that to an epic level, so that even those who haven't felt it can hope to understand it.
To indulge in theatre. Role playing games that include the vampire have taken off, and it's little wonder why. They're fun! And there are few things as much fun as stepping into the shoes of some mythical creature, with a minimum of costuming, and suspending disbelief for a few hours. It's better than a movie, because you're in it. You can even be the star.
To indulge in blatant, shameless, unabashed romanticism. The fantasy has an undeniable dark side to it, so you don't have to worry about it becoming too saccharine or childlike. You can waltz with someone you imagine has been waltzing since the Baroque era, you can wear ruffles and lace and jewelry that no other occasion would tolerate. You can discover epicurian delights from another era, on the excuse that you need to know what this centuries old lover is talking about.
Finally, you can discover a new appreciation of what it means to be alive. Revel in the privileges of growing up and growing old, the respect you get by simple virtue of wearing a few wrinkles. Breathe deeply the midmorning air, smell the flowers in their dewcoats. Sit in a patio café with the sun warming your back, no fear that it will burn you through your button-down shirt. Sip good coffee, devour a sandwich, drink 'til you're stupid, eat cotton candy. Munch cereal out of the box. Enjoy the cabernet and brie so favored by the goth set. Vote, go to the bank, shop main street. Make decisions that will affect the world. Make children who will affect the world, and raise them from scratch. Create small legends your friends will tell about you long after you're gone. Know with some comfort that one day you will be gone, that you won't have to deal with paying bills and cleaning house and fighting traffic forever. Only be feared when you raise your voice. Go sailing, or just walking along the beach and watching people.
Real feelings. Life's joys are subtle, not dramatic much of the time. Smile with the knowledge that you can step into a vampire's velvet shoes for a few hours, that you fully have the ability to step back into your own, at will. Sleep well tonight, in a bed, with the shades open to the starlight.
This essay is copyright ©1998 "tHE hERETIC" (Barbara Mertz). Use on the Internet is restricted to linking and brief quotations, unless arranged otherwise in advance with the author. (Links and quotations, however, are encouraged.) Other uses should also be arranged with the author.
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