My Evening 30 Feet From Conan O'Brien

The pictures on this page are property of NBC....no, really. I got them from the Jay Leno site. The day started off fine enough--we slept late. Then of course, we left for L.A. late. And naturally enough we had to make a bunch of stops. Then of course one of the fan belts on our minivan broke. I am convinced that some higher power was trying to prevent us from seeing Conan O'Brien in person. Magdalena, my friend who lives in Oregon, was visiting me at the time. She had flown down for a fun-filled week of doing nothing and seeing Conan, who we predicted would be on Leno that very day. Why? Well, here is our logic. 1) At the time of our prediction the 5th anniversary Special was set for September 15th (that is how long ago we came up with this.), so it would be natural for Conan to promote it on Leno. 2) Conan was nominated for an Emmy, which assured us he would be in LA that day. 3) We were reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealllllllllllllllllllllllllly hoping for it.

Magdalena found this ridiculous when I told her this as my uncle was examining the broken fan belt.

So how did we get the tickets? Well, if I told you I'd have to kill you. Lets just say a very kind person that works for a certain show that is not The Tonight Show saw my complaint and did a good deed. For this I am eternally grateful. A week and a few days before the day Conan was to be on I got an e-mail out of the blue saying this person was attempting to get tickets for me. I never even asked.....

So what was on my mind as we drove through the desert on the way to L.A.? Not Conan, but how much pain I was in. Two weeks and one day previous I had passed a kidney stone and for some reason it had chosen that day to start acting up again. No evil force against us my ass!

It did not end with the fan belt. We also had a hard time figuring out how to get there, until I managed to discover a quick and easy way (dig this hip So Cal insider lingo: instead of taking the 5 all the way to the Ventura Freeway and taking that to Almeda Avenue, simpley exit west Almeda Avenue from the five, hang a right on Almeda, drive down it until NBC Studios literally falls into your lap) So cut to California Avenue, on the west side of NBC, right next to studio 3. This is where the special people get in, aka VIP, aka The Guest List, aka Those Jerks who get to waltz in the studio 20 minutes before you do and get good seats too. Of course, in perfect NBC style they felt the need to torment our crowd before we got VIP treatment, which means taking a loooooooong walk around the entire building and 95 degree heat plus humidity. Then we have to stand in a line while mere mortals glare at us (whereas before we sat on nice cushioned seats in an air conditioned room) as they sat on a wood bench barely in the shade.

As we suffered an NBC page explained to us that we could not take pictures inside due to copyright laws...I knew they could own air! Anyhoo, I sped through the metal detector, I have no life therefore no purse and not a damn thing in my pockets. Magdalena beeped the thing 3 times til a page finally waved that thingy around and discovered she had a compact in her pocket. She was embarrassed as hell. The people ahead of us were laughing, and one commented "they got ya for a compact, huh?"

Magdalena nodded sheepishly and I felt the need to comment, so I reached to my side and said (In a purely "Conan" matter) "Yet I brought in this gun!"

This earned me nothing but a few chuckles, strange looks, and a "You never know when those pages will take you seriously."

Now I was lacking confidence and dreading a tall set of stairs, for my back has been screwed up ever since the whole kidney thing. I climbed them slowly, speeding up once I caught a glimpse of the Tonight Show studio.

It's pretty cool looking, though dark, the background to Jay Leno is really striking, a lot of bright colors. Music played loudly, and on the screens showed the performances....Hanson was crooning "Where's The Love." We approached the page taking names.....and may I add, what an asshole he was. First Magdalena gave him my name, then he got into a conversation with someone else, so we stood patiently....then not so patiently....finally I whistled at him. That got his attention. he glared at me. "Name?" he asked testily.

"Chaplin." I replied just as testily. (I should add here that even though it says so all over the place not once was I asked for ID.)

I think my attitude earned us our crappy seats, but hey, that's life. We were just left of the middle (from Jay Leno's point of view) and second row from the back.

My first impression of the studio as I sat down was small, though I think the tininess of the seat added to this. But it is a hell of a lot smaller then it looks on TV. And cold.

So we sat......fairly patiently, listening to the music (as Elton John came on I commented that it would have been cool if a star of his caliber were on the show, but noooo, we get Donny and Marie.) We waited until Jay Leno's booming voice came of the speakers (so loud it scared the living crap out of everyone I could see, including myself.) The volume was adjusted and Jay welcomed us, told a few jokes, etc, etc. Now, I never liked Jay Leno, but seeing him in person changed that. While I still don't like his show, he is quite different off the air, and dare I say, funny. He told us who was on the show and Magdalena and I cheered nice and loud when he said Conan.

Then came out the Lame Ass warmup guy, who was in a hurry because, as Jay had mentioned, they were running late. I didn't pay much attention to this guy, because I was just realizing that hey, I'm gonna see Conan, my idol for the past 3 years, in person. This can be a distracting thought. And loud as Lame Ass warmup guy was, nothing could inturupt my train of thought.....that is, nothing besides Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show band. The very LOUD Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show band. We're talking ear-ringing loud, to a point where you can't hear good ol' Jay's monologue all that well. And just as your hearing returns....they go to commercial.

But we're not there yet. Yeah, so I betrayed the trust of Leno-haters everywhere. Maybe it was the giddiness, and the fact that it was in person, but I was laughing my ass off through the entire monologue. Ah, what the hell. It was funny. It was the first show since the release of the "Starr Report" and there were many cigar jokes to be told. I forgive myself.

So on to "Headlines," which I actually like....my personal favorite was a reference to "Sloppy Hoes" myself....

Let's move on, shall we?

Next commercial. The band is incredibly loud, jamming the entire time. I was stretching my neck and squinting my eyes at the place Conan would walk out to see a shadow or something--I am still cursing myself for forgetting my glasses. Magdalena was looking sick as she sat next to me. That 3 minutes of commercial time had to be the longest of my life. It lagged and lagged. And then, when they came back from commercial Jay lagged on who all would be on the show.

Then, finally, he introduced Conan. The band immediatly jolted into a lousy version of the Late Night theme, and here he was.

Now, I have to get this right. I have been too obsessed for too long not to describe my first real glimpse of Conan O'Brien in full.

First thing I noticed: Confidence. He walked out taking long strides, swinging his arms nonchalantly, grinning with pride.

Second thing I noticed: Height. Yes, I knew, of course, that he is 6' 4", but you have to see it to believe it. The man is huge. Most notably are his incredibly long legs. It's amazing, the television does not do justice.

At this point (about 2 seconds after he walked out) the entire audience was standing, and the way he grinned at us, which was not shown on camera, was a bliss. The happiness on his face was enough to make anyone smile, and that was the point that the screaming started. Sure, we were doing pretty good from the start, but once he gave that look, Magdalena, me, and about 3 other girls somewhere in the audience, really let him have it. The first thing I thought of was a Hanson concert.

Next thing I noticed: The hair. He was well groomed, as usual, but it is noticably lighter then it is on camera. His hair is more of an orange hue, whereas on camera it appears dark red, almost brown.

By now he was taking his seat. But we weren't. The band finished playing, but the entire audience kept clapping and cheering loudly....and just as it began to die down a girl shouted "I love you Conan!" and it started again.

Just as the applause was finally dying down for real Magdalena and I yelled "I love you Conan!"...we planned to yell it together, but I started to late. Just as the audience shuts up you hear one last wild cry. That's me. When we finally sat down I leaned over and murmered my final observation to Magdalena. I believe my words were "My god he's handsome..."

Now, I have always found Conan attractive, in all possible ways. But at that moment I was in complete awe. The only word that justifies his looks in the slightest sense is "handsome."

It's hard to describe. I have heard from many other girls that have seen the show taped that he is even better looking in person. Completely true. Times ten. Had enough? Okay. So he starts talking--his every word captivating as usual. I laughed loudly at all jokes and--here's the big one--shrieked when he began talking about his new puppy Hudson...then a few girls copied me, but I was first. Then Conan looks at the audience with surprise and asks: "Why would someone go 'Owww!' to that?"

Now, lets look at this word. Someone. Someone. Meaning ONE person. He was talking about/making fun of/mocking ME. That, my friends, is by and by, the greatest moment of my life so far. It hadn't hit me yet, and I was getting looks and little grins from people in the audience because he had talked to me (at this point they had realized just how serious I was from the ringing in their ears I'm sure.) Then, suddenly, I leaned over to Magdalena and murmured "Oh my god...he, like, acknowledged my exsistance..."

From the on I was in a daze, and for the entire rest of the show I did not take my eyes off that man. Not when he was pretending to blow kisses to the audience during commmercial, or a different time when Marie Osmand sat in his lap ("What a bitch!" were the exact words uttered.) Nope, I kept my eyes on him til the end--straight up until he walked off stage after a friendly wave and a smile. Not even the fairly good-looking Oscar De LaHoya could avert my eyes from him.

Needless to say, I was pretty dazed on my way out. Magdalena made me take a picture of her in front of the Tonight Show logo, we go back our tickets for keepsakes (Magdalena took four; I took one) and we were on our way.

And that, my friend, was my glorious evening spent 30 feet from Conan O'Brien, aka the best day of my life.