Sure Signs You Have Been
Brainwashed to Obsess Over
Conan & Co.
This Could Be You
you watch every night. (now don't get confused, this can happen to unaffected people)
you frequently visit Conan websites
while at these site, you find pictures you like
you end up printing these pictures
you hang these pictures on your wall, and when you stare at them you beleive this is your only safe haven from the Conan-haters of the world.
when someone makes a not-so-nice comment about Conan, you actually consider killing them
you have killed them
if it's 12:36am, and you're not to the TV yet, you begin to panic
tuesday through friday at 5:30pm, eastern time, you get a wistful feeling.
you record the show almost every night, "just in case" (in case of what? an emergency? the show [Conan forbid] gets cancelled?)
you are contradicted on whether you want to congratulate Lynn Kaplan on getting the man, or just killing her and taking him for yourself
you keep saying "wait a second........" every time you read another symptom
you watched Cabin Boy just to check out Andy's acting skills
you thought the movie ruled, and couldn't have been made without Andy
you actually watched Tom Snyder whan Conan was on the show
but you also kept switching to Conan mercilessly during commercials
when Conan accidentally (or finally) said "bullshit" on the air, you cheered
and hooted
you also rewound it and watched it ahain
you feel totally guilty when you miss a show. Ha! you've been caught! No one this addicted would ever miss a show!
you feel guilty when you don't give your full attention to a show
you have a sattelite system that provides both east and west coast feeds of NBC, so, naturally, you watch twice a night
you record it still.........
when conan takes off his jacket, you get so giddy you almost pass out
and when he rowl's.........I won't even go there
you actually mark dates like "april 18th" and "september 13th" on your calender
you can't help but read this list
the following symptoms were contributed by Magdalena
your gynecologist cuts out articles on conan and gives them to you
during your exam. (that actually happened to me, it was funny)
you have more pictures of conan than you do of yourself.
every tuesday, whether just his three day weekend-or god forbid, he
has a vacation and you can't keep tabs on him for a week or more, you pray that he hasn't gotten married and fall to the floor weeping with joy when you see he's not wearing a wedding ring
you have a weird kiss blowing/breath holding ritual that you do every
night when he comes out on stage and if you don't hold your breath for the entire time the band plays the intro, then he'll have a bad show
you've taken guitar lessons, bought rockabilly cd's, and learned everything you can find on william faulkner and flannery o'connor (the people conan did
his thesis on in college)
(thanks magdalena, and sorry, but I laughed my ass off at your pain.)
you pretend to be irish and get madly drunk before every episode , which is good, cause he even looks sexier when your drunk
(I would like to add that I don't think Conan could be sexier, but to each his own.) Thanks Kyla.
The following symptoms were contributed by Laura
You know that your obsessed when every time you see a man with red hair
and freckles you get weak in the knees and want to be the mother of all six
of his children.... It dosn't matter that you are actually looking at the
Assistant Manager Trainee at Arby's It dosen't matter that he is only 4'6",
weighs 50lbs less than you do, and has bad acne... all that matters is
well... if your identifying with it you KNOW. :)
Whenever you see anything pumpkin-orange (like the hair of the infamous)
you get all hot and bothered. Everything you wear and own is orange. You
would even paint the house orange if your mother didn't put you in a
straight jacket and send you to an istitution with calming blue walls...
yes blue.... like his eyes...... very relaxing....
(I also swoon for anything redheaded.) Thanks, Laura!
For men: You go to the sperm bank and they hand you the Playboy with the Conan interview. You still make a donation but you never look at the pictures of the women.
You dye your hair red because you saw the color on a "Television
personality" and it looked REALLY good!
Whenever you see any number whatsoever such as 63, 35... etc., you jump
up and scream "Conanection!" and launch into a full detailed description of
the significance.
You pin your little brother on the ground and tell him that if he
doesn't leave his TV on NBC when he falls asleep so that Conan gets the
ratings, you'll add him to your hit list- which already includes Lynn,
Regis Philman, Tom Snyder, Dave Letterman, and Craig Kilborn.
You count down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until a new episode
of Late Night- and you update your classmates aloud as your professor
glares at you. Add him to the hit list too!
I nearly cried reading the second one...I do that!!! Thanks Sarah.
You have Conan deprivations on the weekend from not watching the show
You actually turn on the TV at 12:34 on the weekends, having Conan on your
mind and not even knowing the correct day.
You draw that Conan face on everything including letters, school papers,
books, etc.
You have a wide variety of friends watching the TV and searching magazines
and newspapers and taping/saving whatever they find relating to Conan to give
to you.
Whenever you see someone with red hair w/ freckles, you get jealous (if you
dont have red hair w/ freckles), or you wonder if they know how lucky they are
to look like Conan.
You start to feel happy and proud of your pale skin and if you cant tan at
all, knowing that you're not alone or that you have the same skin as Him.
You consider death if you do miss an episode, although you know it will
repeat, but you cant wait that long!! (cries)
You notice everything Conan does during the show, and how he looks, from
repositioning things on his desk, playing with his fingers, poking his knee
out (you can see it between the desk and the chair), how he bounces in the
chair when he sits, licks his lips, etc.
Your heart beats really fast whenever the show begins.
You have an imaginary family -- with Conan as the hubby and a couple kids,
with names such as Conan Jr and Conana.
You try to count the freckles on Conan's face.
You have trouble sleeping because a certain somebody is on your mind 24/7.
You have dreams about Conan boxers. (whether it's about having boxers with
the conan face drawing on it, or about Conan's boxers)
reading others symptoms only gives you more ideas about how to obsess
you refer to the years before Conan was born as B.C.(before Conan)
you've rented "The Big Night" and "The King of Comedy" because mentioned
that he liked them(by the way, if you haven't seen "The King of Comedy,
you should rent it. Its about these people's obsession with a late night
talk show host. Replace Sandra Bernhard with yourself and Jerry Lewis with
Conan while watching)
you've cosidered getting or already have that little Conan face tatooed
somewhere on your body, and when you become famous and are a guest on the
show you intend to show it to him, only to wind up in a "guests we'll
never have back" segment.
Whenever you enter a room, you run...jump..and point to your non-existent
band and co-host.
Your yearbook quote was from Conan(mine was "Sit perfectly still, only I
may dance"
If I keep this up I will end up crying myself to death at my truly pathetic nature...thanks Valerie
You have the crescent moon and retarded stars, along with "Late Night
with Conan O'Brien painted on the wall in your bedroom where your tv
sits (my little description of me!)
You have enough tapes of Late Night, appearances of Conan, and the
Simpsons and Dr. Katz episodes of which Conan appeared on to have a 100
hour Con-a-thon.
your friends were invited to this Con-a-thon
Your friends still shun you because of this Con-a-thon
You bought the Simpsons episode guide so you can say you have a
published book (other than if they mated) in your house, and so you can
read "Marge vs. the Monorail", "New Kid on the Block" , "Treehouse of
Horrors IV" and Bart Gets Famous" over and over again
You know for a fact that "Marge vs. the Monorail" is episode number
9F10, "New Kid on the Block is episode number 9F06, and"Treehouse of
Horrors IV" is episode number 1F04.
You watch classic eposodes of Saturday Night Live just to see if Conan
appears in The Naked Talk Show, Drunken Irish Songs, or to see if him
and Gretzky are in a skit together.
You phone up Jennifer Love Hewitt and say "I still know what you did 2
summers ago!!!"
You'd rather watch Conan at midnight than watch the ball drop in New
York (yes, us here in my world get Conan at 12:00 *sharp*) on New Year's
Eve
You had plans to become a wealthy doctor, but those all changed the
second you found out that Conan went to Harvard and became a writer.
You think that Homer stole the Rowwwwl from Conan
You add Springsteen to your hitlist after hearing that he asked Max to
go on tour with him.
You've added Leno to your hitlest because his show almost puts you to
sleep before Conan
You remove Leno from your hitlist the second you see Andy and Rebecca
Stamos on.
You add him once again after the commercial break when Carrot Top comes
on
(for the males) instead of slicking your hair, you've gone to slicking
your eyebrows and straightnening your tie while making weird noises to
flirt at girls
You've made up your own words to O Canada (or the pledge, or that funky
american song y'all sing) and god save the queen by puttin max in god
save the queen, and conan and andy in the anthem
do you have some to add? mail them! I'll add them no matter how insane, as you can see.
