THE PEACE WITHIN

As a child I was not born with a silver spoon as most African-American women are not, however, My Grandmother instilled in all of her grandchildren. that "to love one another" was the most important thing, you see she raised 14 children and then some. In retrospect when I think of her and the conditions that existed in this society at that time, it boggles my mind as to how she did this, but I digress.

My mother who is the youngest of that family, drank very heavily,this I learned at an early age. My father worked most of the time and during my mother's drinking binges-we did'nt see much of him. Again in retrospect I can understand his actions, I don't think he knew the hell my sister and I would endure during his absence.

This cousin was invited into our home by my mother and is unexplainable because she did not take care of us most of the time. Of course to date she has never admitted to her actions and is in deep denial as to what took place and what this man did. In fact to this day he is allowed in her home, which is why I must tell this. I do not reside with her, thank GOD. However, she continues to open the door to him and I relive the molestation over again in my mind.

To add insult to injury she finds nothing wrong with her actions. I am not a psychoanalyst, or do I hold a degree in pyschology but this is WRONG. Her actions are far worse considering what he did to me and my sister,I might add one sister was a willing participant-she is 7 years my senior and well aware of right vs. wrong. My youngest sister who was 5 years old at that time, of course did not understand and nor did I.

In 1990 my eldest brother died of cancer at the age of 35, he and I were close, he often would tell me to let things go and I would be o'k (Not so CHIP!) two years ago my father passed away, I moved to a small town north of Los Angeles. One evening, the molester called me by phone and as usual he behaved as if nothing happened. I apologize to the reader: I omitted after my older sister became pregnant by him and the dirt came to the surface, my cries to my mother landed on deaf ears and in the years to follow, I was told I was "crazy & a liar". I lived most of my life trying to forget what happened to me. I educated myself, went to the clergy, attended church, college, worked and attended any adult academic courses available to me. I must tell you, to bury this incident only hurt me. Hindsight is and will always be 20/20. I was distrustful and afraid of men, my marriage at the age of 27 was a complete disaster, the few relationships after that were not any better. I always knew what the foundation for this was, but never did I confront the issue, or the perpetrator, never did I follow through on this issue by using the judicial system, my threats were always empty.

In retrospect, I wanted my mother and the other siblings to accept and acknowledge that this was a crime, and also to be "accepted by them", I now know this was a sick way of thinking. Again, I digress, back to the phone call 2 years ago; something snapped inside me, I knew that something had to be done, anything, I could no longer live with this pain inside me, so I wrote him a letter. This time this was not a "empty threat". I AM prepared to take this man to court, and to let the city where he lives know what this man is. I am DETERMINED.

At this time the man who committed this heinous act James E. Bailey has married, has children and is a prominent citizen in the Real Estate Community, residing in the city of Perris, CA. His wife Mrs. Virginia Bailey opened the letter to him, my life was threaten, bomb threats, she would beat me to a pulp etc., the people I once considered " a shell of a family" as usual, I was "crazy & a liar"; the words spoken by my mother Betty J. Haskin of Los Angeles, CA to cover up the incident and put on the appearance of the good and caring mother at my expense of course. Ostracized once more, along with those old haunting feelings, I knew I had to press on. One day I received a phone call from one of my cousins to learn that this man had done the same thing to her son! I was elated. This may sound horrible, selfish, insane all of the above, but please understand after a period that has extended over 20 years, to have someone outside my mothers home, come forward to corroborate what I had screamed, begged and pleaded for someone to listen to me, or even to do something about this made me feel as if my prayers were finally answered. To say to you that I have been completely healed would be a lie. Complete peace from within I do not have at this time, However, I am determined to put this man behind bars. I will then have the peace from within I have longed for all my life. This will never be taken away from me regarding this issue.

****Anyone who has had this happen to them, please respond. I encourage you to tell your story even if it means becoming an OUTCAST just as I am. God holds the faces of children before him always; He takes care of them. Parents I appeal to you, I advise you to LISTEN! God forbid if your children come to you with something as horrific as the above, to do nothing about it would be an abomination. As for myself I have no children, I am deeply offended that people like this are living in this world preying upon the children. IF THERE IS A CHILD OUT THERE THAT HAS BEEN HURT BY A PEDIFILE OR IS BEING HURT, I IMPLORE YOU TO LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU, DON'T BE AFRAID, SOMEONE WILL HELP YOU, E-MAIL ME I WILL HELP YOU, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!.

GOD BLESS

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