My personal theology and spirituality is a mix of elements which I have picked up along my journey. I was raised Roman Catholic. I became an Episcopalean as an undergraduate, and then a Presbyterian. Along the way I attended an Assemblies of God church, followed by a succession of independent charismatic churches. Now I am in the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. Throughout my pre-MCC Protestant period I was involved with Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship, and in recent years I have been a student at the liberal Pacific School of Religion. As a result, I have developed a diverse mix of theological and spiritual values, beliefs and practices. This page explores some of this mix.
Spirit-filled worship, praise, prayer and devotion is one of the core elements of my spirituality. Yes, I pray in a tongues! I first received/manifested my heavenly prayer language (tongues) at a service in an Assemblies of God church back in 1986. I believe in miracles, have been slain in the spirit, have prayed over folk who were then slain in the spirit, and all of the other good stuff you'd expect from a charismatic/pentacostal type (I wish I had a good link to material to describe all of this to people who have no clue as to what I'm talking about).
However, the theology of many charismatic churches is too fundamentalistic for my own tastes. So I've struggled to define my spirituality in a way that honors the diverse mix of experiences which I have blended into my spirituality. I've settled for now on defining myself as a metaphysical evangelical liberal charismatic Christian, would be considered by many as self-contradictory (but isn't really as strange as you might think).
In the U.F.M.C.C., probably the congregation most closely identified as being charismatic is M.C.C. Long Beach. I was told a while ago that they were in the process of creating a web site, but I don't know the present status of the project. They host an annual Charismatic Conference in Long Beach. I finally attended the conference in 1997, and it was one of the most powerful spiritual events in my life. I also had the joy of attending part of the conference in 1999.
Another M.C.C. church associated with Spirit-filled worship is the Cathedral of Promise M.C.C. in Sacramento, California. The senior pastor, Rev. Elder Freda Smith, championed the use of inclusive language in the denomination, and was the first woman elected Elder in U.F.M.C.C.
Many of the clergy who identify as charismatic in U.F.M.C.C. have had some association with this congregation at some point in their ministries. I am very fortunate to be one of them, as I am now on their pastoral staff. My church, MCC of the New Vision, is a parish extension of RCMCC/COP.
Another such clergyperson is the Rev. Jean Hart, pastor of Lavender Road M.C.C. in Santa Cruz/Monterey, California. This congregation is a home away from home for me. When I was in my internship in San Jose, I frequently drove across the Santa Cruz mountains to attend the evening services in Santa Cruz. I've had the pleasure of preaching six times at the evening services in Santa Cruz and three times at the morning services in Monterey.
I served as Clergy Candidate at Metropolitan Community Church of San Jose, where I was exposed to a more metaphysical approach to Christianity than I was accustomed to from my previous experience. I was initially resistant to this approach, because I fundamentally misunderstood it, thinking that somehow I would be giving up my Christianity. Instead, I see that my Christian faith has grown fuller and stronger.
One of the lessons that I learned from this congregation is that I can find a deeper, richer and more metaphysical understanding of Christianity and the Bible without having to reject the surface meanings of the texts. For example, by examining a story and seeing the ways in which I am like each of the characters, I gain a richer understanding of myself, and yet can still see the text as having a historical and literal grounding. And by seeing that there is a spiritual component of life beyond the physical world, and that this spiritual world is grounded in God's nature and hence isn't capricious or scary, I can better draw upon resources for spiritual transformation through connection with that spiritual side.
One spiritual resource which is I found helpful which I got turned on to in San Jose is A Course In Miracles. This is a radically different approach to the spiritual life than much of more literalistic Christianity, which is often grounded in fear. I found a good introduction to ACIM on the web. Basically, the Course boils everything down to love and fear, with love being grounded in an eternal, unassailable reality and fear being grounded in an ego-based illusion of vulnerability, from which only God can save us. I still don't buy all of it, but there are many valuable lessons to be learned from working the program.
I'm not the best person for evaluating resources on ACIM, but I figured I'd give a few links, without warranty of quality (wow, can you tell that I'm also a lawyer?):
I believe that the Bible is a sacred human text created to describe real interactions with God. Because I see it as a human attempt to describe often mystical experiences and profound metaphysical truths, I tend to read the Bible as a spiritual text, but I interpret it often as metaphor, read in light of the socio-political context of the original authors. Hence, I often rely upon modern biblical scholarship in sermons, bible studies and other times/places where scripture is used.
As human creations grounded in a spiritual relationship with God, I believe that both religion and the Bible need to be understood using our reason (which is one of God's gifts to us) and our connection to God through the Holy Spirit. Because I use a critical (that means to be analytical, not negative) approach to historical Christianity and to our source materials, including scripture, I might also be characterized as being in alignment with much of the "liberal" Christian tradition.
My uneasiness with traditional liberal Christianity lies in two areas:
First, many liberal churches have been very ineffective, championing social transformation from the pulpit but not bringing it into reality in the world. For example, many liberal Christian churches are same-sex relationship friendly in theory but not in practice.
Second, while I read scripture in a more liberal, less literal fashion, I still strongly believe in an active, present God with whom I have a personal relationship (it is just that my faith isn't based primarily upon an ancient text, but upon a relationship with a Living God), and I often find that missing in liberal Christianity.
Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong of Newark, NJ is someone who has actually lived out his support for lesbigaytr folk. He also is a strong spokesman for those theological positions which I mentioned above as making me uncomfortable, i.e., an impersonal, almost abstract God.
His latest book, Why Christianity Must Change or Die, gives a good explanation of the core of his theology.
One really cool web site from a liberal Christian perspective is the Dirty Hippy Liberal Christian Home Journal. It is definitely worth looking hanging out there for a while.
Any good liberal Christian should have access to some scholarly resources on Christianity and related topics. Here are a few links:
I used to define myself more firmly as evangelical than I do now. There are two important concepts that I keep from my evangelical experiences, which are central to my own theology.
First, I believe honestly and truly that I cannot save myself. This is the core of the first three of the Twelve Steps in recovery, and in Christianity as well. I truly believe that I have had Divine intervention into my life to allow me to get past the self-deception and self-loathing that has separated me from myself, from others and from God.
Second, I believe that God is not an abstract concept but has a consciousness that I can commune with, and which is present and active in my life through the Holy Spirit. God isn't off on a mountain-top or far removed in ancient history -- God is here, now, actively present in my life.
Where I part with most Evangelicals is over the definition of "the Good News" (Gospel). I don't believe that the Good News is that I was a wretched creature, too horrible for a pure and holy God to look at, and that to pay for my crimes God sent Jesus to die as a blood sacrifice. I think that too much of traditional Evangelical theology has bought into that paradigm.
I believe that the Good News is that I am created in God's image, holy and precious; that the notion that I am wretched is a lie; and that God loves me so much that God won't give up and let me believe that lie. The Good News is that Jesus was willing and did sacrifice his life, a sacrifice he made because we have so much invested in that lie, and that even our most stubborn, frightened lashing out which led to our murder of Jesus, both in history and in our lives today, can't stop the truth from shining through. Even death can't separate us from God and from the reality of who God created us to be. The Resurrection of Jesus is manifest in our our rebirth from self-hatred into a reality-based understanding of ourselves as creations that mirror some part of God's nature.
I have been deeply transformed by my studies of feminist scholars: biblical, theological and ethical. I can't quite find the right place where this fits into the page, because it runs through and touches all of the above. It seems impossible to separate out my feminist approach from the rest of me, any more than I can separate out my being female from the rest of me. However, I want to honor the importance of the work of these women upon my world-view.
I am so appreciative of the many people who have helped me along my spiritual journey, particularly since coming out. Most importantly, I want to thank