Contents:
Some Humor related Links
Top 10 things that sound dirty in Golf
but aren't
- 10. Nuts... my shaft is all bent.
- 9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
- 8. You really whacked the heck out of that sucker.
- 7. Look at the size of his putter.
- 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a little bit
more.
- 5. Mind if I join your threesome?
- 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
- 3. My hands are so sweaty, I can't get a good grip.
- 2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to
be desired
- 1. Hold up... I need to wash my balls first.
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Passing air jokes
Which one are you:
- VAIN: A person who loves the smell of his own farts
- AMIABLE: A person who loves the smell of other peoples's
farts
- PROUD: A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally
fine.
- SHY: A person who releases silent farts and then blushes.
- IMPUDENT: A person who boldly farts out loud and then
laughs.
- UNFORTUNATE: A person who tries awfully hard to fart but
shits instead.
- SCIENTIFIC: A person who farts regularly but is only
concerned about pollution.
- NERVOUS: A person who stops in the middle of a fart.
- HONEST: A person who admits he farted but offers good
medical reason.
- DISHONEST: A person who farts then blames it on the dog.
- FOOLISH: A person who suppresses a fart for hours.
- THRIFTY: A person who have several good farts in reserve.
- ANTI-SOCIAL: A person who excuses himself and farts in
complete privacy.
- STRATEGIC: A person who conceals his farts with loud
coughing.
- SADISTIC: A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the
cover over his bedmate.
- INTELLECTUAL: A person who can determine fom the smell
ofhis neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item
consumed.
- ATLETIC: A person who farts at the slightest exertion.
- MISERABLE: A person who would truly love to, bu can't
fart at all.
- SENSITIVE: A person who farts and then starts crying.
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THE NOT SO DUMB BLONDE
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take
a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and
a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you
don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I
will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that
he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention
and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she
plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance
from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word,
reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands
it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The
lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and
friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes
the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50
and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a
word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and
goes back to sleep.
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Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:
- If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1
repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4,
5,and 6.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and
what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the
call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little
voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press.No one will answer.
- If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at
random.
- If you are phobic, don't press anything.
- If you are anal retentive, please hold.
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How too much drinking can affect your judgement:
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