More Phil Hendrie Guests
Phil Hendrie, the master of KFI and the Los Angeles airwaves, has had many guests on his show for the last three years.Some make a one-time only appearance while others seem to return again and again! Below are biographies on more of Phil's "guests".
Obviously it didn't bother KFI as they had Phil do another live broadcast at Jim Seals' other Auto Farm in Riverside off I-10. They had Bud Dickman be the producer who kept talking to all the syndicates on a two way radio on a hot microphone. Phil found out how low he is at KFI as he was forced to wear a turkey suit through out the broadcast. The big sale was 20% off for any redhead who came down and proved she was a redhead!
In another litigious endeavor, he sued the City of Riverside for public embarrassment when they put a special chemical into the public pool which turned anyone blue who urinated in the pool. Steve felt that being all blue as he came out of the pool was a real embarrassment. He also wanted to sue Universal Studios after he visited there on their special Halloween Fright Nite. It seems that he soiled himself after a devil popped out and frightened him to death. All of his kids and their friends then made fun of him for the rest of the night. Bozell seems to have an incontinence problem. While recently golfing with friends he was startled by a coyote and soiled himself again. His golfing partner was videotaping him swinging and also got him wetting his pants and running from the coyote. Later, Steve found out that his friend had a party and showed the video to his laughing guests. Further to Steve's dismay, his neighbor fedexed the video to America's Funniest Home Videos. As one would suspect, Bozell is suing everyone except the coyote!
He was sued by one of his employees that he fired for advocating publicly that President Clinton should receive a censure rather than impeachment which Steve had pushed on all his employees at B&B Construction of Corona.
Steve recently expressed his concern about how long it takes to get to work on the freeways in the rain. It took him three hours to go from Fontana to Northridge to a job site. Then on the way home he was pulled over for weaving. CHPs originally thought he was drunk. When he got out of the car, his pants were down exposing his manhood. Steve was both embarrassed and upset when the officer made comments to him like "what caliber is that thing?" As Phil questioned Steve further it seems that Steve "handles himself" when under stress. His stress was caused by his upset and concern about the recent unexpected departure of John and Ken from drivetime. He had no idea what had happened and did not know if he would hear them again. He was very stressed and did this to relieve that stress. And of course the CHPs found the fact that he was doing this while Karel and Andrew were blaring on his radio very funny. Harvey Wireman called in to agree with Steve's concern about John and Ken but became disgusted as Steve started handling himself again while chanting John and Ken's names.
Steve has had some bad experiences with his wife April in the last several months. First, he believed that April was fooling around. He thought this because she began wearing those sexy capri pants and going to kareoke bars with her girlfriends every night. But what got Steve the most was that April had suddenly gotten very good sexually. Her oral sex skills increase in ability ten fold lately. Further she was getting into kinky sex with Steve including the use of Astroglide with Steve. Steve wants to sue the guy fooling around with April.
Secondly, recently Steve fears for his life, believing April wants to kill him. She is now listening to the Dixie Chicks' song abnout killing an abuser. She listens to it real loud and all the time. So Steve, to protect himself, has taken to wearing a metal dog collar around his neck to prevent having her slitting his neck. He also wears a chastity belt to bed to prevent a Bobbit incident while he sleeps. His children of course make fun of him.
On a recent excursion to the desert, he spread his mother's ashes over a Native American burial ground chanting an ancient chant. Unfortunately Steve did not check the weather report. A heavy wind came up as he was spreading his mother's ashes and blew them all up his nose. He ended up crapping her ashes for a week after! His constant humiliation causes him to be so litigious.
RC recently called Phil for advice. He, as we all know, is dying. He wants to go all the way with this girl Priscilla but has some reservations because she is "of the Big." His friend Chris Sorenson has gotten "it " from seven girls already who are all "Prime cut". He is afraid Sorenson and his other friends will make fun of him for getting it from someone "of the Big!" But his dilemna is he wants to have sex before he dies.
R.C. is a die-hard Lakers fan, he says. He is particularly bothered by the many "Johnny-come-lately" fans who have come around now that the Lakers have returned to Showtime with Rambis and Rodman. He also feels there should be breaks given him by the Lakers because he is on dialysis. RC says he can't afford Laker tickets because of the high prices although he just spent $1000 on Laker paraphanalia
He recently tried to stack the votes in the Annual Best Guest Contest by making fake calls to KFI. RC has lots of knowledge of obscure TV facts. In actuality, he finds it on an Internet site called TV Party. He has recently written a movie script with his friend, Dave Kendall or his friend, Derek Knooshman (depending on which part of the hour you listened to). RC was looking for someone to put up the money to put this movie together. As with most things RC is involved in, this movie was half-baked.
Ted was saddened recently because his oldest son, Jeff, announced that he was gay. As Phil probed Ted further, it seemed that Ted believes that Jeff is gay because he announced not that he was gay but rather that he wanted to join the wrestling team at school. Ted firmly believes that wanting to be on the wrestling team and listening to Pet Shop Boys clearly shows that Jeff is gay. Many former wrestlers called into to tell Ted what an idiot he was. Ted insisted that Jeff's interest in the wrestling lifestyle was clear to him.
Ted was very excited about the recent news that Ford was going to put a special latch inside the trunk in case you get locked in the trunk. He recently came back from a long flight and because he was disoriented and suffering jet lag he accidentally locked himself inside the trunk of his BMW. It was over four hours before someone let him out!
Ted believes he is a very important person and likes to impress people with his connections. Which is why he originally promised to get Phil two tickets to the Academy Awards on Sunday. Phil planned on giving them to a young boy with leukemia and his mother. When Ted found out the boy had just had chemotherapy and was bald, he balked at giving them the tickets for what it would do to his reputation. The callers and Phil were irate and let Ted know exactly what he could do with his attitude!! That Ted never learns was proven in May when he gave Phil two tickets to an advance showing of the new Star Wars flick. Once he learned Phil was giving the tickets to a kid with muscular dystrophy, he again tried to withdraw the tickets to protect the Ted Bell image.
He is incensed when people do not recognize who he is and how important he is. He was infuriated recently for being pulled over by the California Highway Patrol on the 405 while driving his banana yellow Mercedes Kompressor. He was doing 90 in a 65 zone. What infuriated Ted was that he was enroute to a business meeting to buy books for all kids in the LA County School District. Because he was pulled over, he was unable to coordinate the book buy. He felt that the CHP should have known that anyone driving a yellow MB Kompressor is obviously important and was speeding for a purpose.
Ted was upset that the White house used Jesse Jackson rather than Ted Bell to negotiate the release of the American POWs. Ted said he had many Balkan business contacts, was a heavy Democratic fund raiser and looked way better in his Armani suits than Jackson did in his outfit. He offered his services to the White house early on but they did not take him up on it. His wife and kid were both looking forward to doing some sightseeing while over there on negotiations.
Ted always seems to have run-ins with police who don't seem to know who he is. He recently received a ticket for jaywalking. Ted cannot understand why because he always parks on the street and places special Dept. of Transportation traffic cones by his car which then allows him to cross the street directly to his car. He is authorized these special cones because he is a Coast Guard veteran from the war ( which war , no one knows!). He drives callers insane with his habit of referring to himself in the third person.
Jay was a featured guest recently continuing to offer help in the Y2K arena. He is very concerned that many listeners did not know that households could be affected and infected with the Y2K virus if they play videotapes and CD's that are not Y2K compliant. Groups such as Pink Floyd and REO Speedwagen and tapes like Casablanca and Farmer's Daughter which are not Y2K compliant will cause a major electrical shortage in your house. The CAP, of course, sells Y2K adaptors, which will solve the problem.
Further Y2K support from the CAP was announced by Jay Santos on Feb 17 when he told Phil's audience about the ATM problem on Jan 1, 2000. Since bank ATM cards will no longer work in 2000 nor will the ATM machines have electrical power. But as a public service, the CAP will replace your own ATM card with a Y2K compliant card good for one use. The card not only will work in ATM machines but will also provide sufficient electricity to complete the transaction. To get this card just send in your present ATM card and pin number to the Civilian Auxilliary Program and they will send you back the Y2K compliant card. You better hurry though since many listeners will take advantage of this free service!!
The Civilian Auxilliary Police were involved in enforcing the No Gas Day on April 30. Santos enfuriated people as he discussed how the Aux Police would yank gas pumps out of people's gas tank and cancel the sale. Further, the Auxilliary Police vehicles were going to be exempt from the embargo to perform this important mission.
The Auxiliary Police and Jay are also involved in stopping video piracy. They will be coming into neighborhoods throughout LA and going into homes to see if people have illegally made movie tapes in violation of Federal copyright laws.
Needless to say, Santos caused many listeners to call in with their opinion of his hairbrained ideas. But if you have any crime to report to the CAP, call 213-427-7265 and they will jump right on it.
For further information of the CCAP, click here!
Jay is getting married to his fiancee, Janice. He is willing to pay about $5000 for a wedding but thinks the $20,000 wedding she wants is too much particularly since he is not sure the marriage will last. He wants a prenup with Janice that would make her repay him the wedding costs if the marriage fails. Female callers gave Jay an earful especially when he spoke of a woman's blue book value!!
Jay also was on Phil's Show during Shark Week because he had been attacked by a bull shark while surfing in La Paz, Mexico in late 1982. He survived by "kicking its ass" by putting it in a headlock. It was the second time he had been attacked by a shark. He was also attacked in Long Island.
Phil was wondering how to handle compliments men pay him about his wife. Rudy called in with advice. He feels it is very appropriate to tell a man that his wife his beautiful and then to wink at the wife and give her a la la lal. Phil tried to imitate Rudy but was told he just did not have it. Female callers were shocked at Rudy's boorish chauvinistic attitudes including referring to another friend's wife as a bush pig and refusing to give her a dessert.
Every Valentine's Day, Phil gets some romance advice from Rudy. This year, Rudy recommends making Valentine's Day special for her by making a whole romantic and suggestive day for her. "Start the day by showering and then using lemon oil rather than deoderant for that enticing romance aroma. To really entice her, wear those tight cycle shorts, a tank top with a leather vest over that. Top the outfit off by wearing sandals bought at Target." Rudy says you must do things that suggest what you want from her. Rudy suggests taking your girl to a local morning eatery for Pigs in a Blanket. Follow that up with a ride thru Signal Hill with all the oil rigs pumping up and down. A lunch at the La Brea Tar Pits with all that primordial atmosphere will really get her in the mood. Then take her past your ex-girlfriends' houses. (This shows you're experienced) Finish off the day by taking her to the pier for fishing. While there, breathe heavy and sexy and follow that up with whispering Lah, lah lah lah lah in her ear while rubbing baby oil on her shoulder. Truly a day to score with Rudy's romance advice!!
Recently he called Phil to give advice to the male listeners on buying diamonds for one's prospective wife. Rudy feels a diamond is a very big investment and so should not be taken lightly. He recommends that when one is getting engaged to a woman, one should first buy her a Cubic Zirconium or "CZ". After one is sure the marriage will last and that one can trust the woman then a man can buy her a nice diamond. As Rudy says,"A woman should graduate to the diamond." As one would guess, female callers called in droves to tell Rudy exactly what was on their minds!
As a gay man, Danger feels there are no good screen plays being done in Hollywood. Therefore, Doug has written five different screen plays. They are It's a Gay Life, The Homosexual, Boy Meets Boy, Gay Pride and Generation Queer. Doug says he can't get it made in Hollywood because of all the homophobia in Hollywood. All these big time producers should not be so homophobic and should embrace Doug's "gayosity". One caller made the comment that Doug was full of it because most of the industry is gay.
When Ann Hage and Ellen DeGeneres decided to leave Hollywood because of the homophobia, Doug weighed in with how right they were. As a gay man and gay journalist, he saw all the homophobia in Hollywood. He said neither was getting jobs since they came out of the closet. Both gays and straights came on Phil's show to let Doug know he was crazy. Ann Hage has gotten more jobs since she came out than before she did. Doug also came out opposed to the awarding of Oscars for Best Actor and Actress to two black actors, Denzel Washington and Halle Berry. Why wasn't Ian McClellan awarded the Best Actor award? Easy, he is gay according to Danger.
Doug is presently being sued for throwing a lit cigar out of his Rav 4 (the car preferred by gays, says Doug)and it went into the convertible behind him causing an accident. Doug feels it is simply a case of homophobia since he is a gay man and gay journalist.
Doug came on Phil's show after the Austin Power's film came out to give it terrible reviews. He found no humor in the film except for the little person who played Minime, the clone of Mr. Evil. Doug found him to be hilarious. People were shocked that Doug as a gay man and gay journalist would be so insensitive to little people who Doug referred to as midgets and dwarfs. He did not see the incongruity of that.
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