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Our Favorite Phil Characters

Of the many, many Phil Hendrie characters, these are our favorites!

In January of 1999 Phil held the first and only annual Best Guest Ever contest. Despite the late RC Collins trying to stack the voting by constantly calling in votes for himself, it ended in a tie between Mavis Leonard, RC Collins and Jeff Doubter.

Mavis Leonard

Mavis Leonard is a Christian lady from Bellflower who is a member in good standing of the Joyful Union Congregation. She does outrageous things in the name of Jesus. For example, she baptizes infants by wrapping them in an oven bag and dunking them under water for over a minute. As she relayed her religious experiences and beliefs on the air, she sang that great Negro spiritual, "Baptist Baby in a Bag!" Of course, we all know the words, "Baptist baby in a bag, come Jesus, come Jesus today."

To get her 3 year old grandson to go to bed on time at 7:30 pm she threatens to nail him to his bed (like her savior Jesus was nailed to a cross)with a nail gun while singing "Nail my baby to a bed, nail my baby to a bed like Jesus was nailed to the cross!!"

Mavis has been a strong believer in sweating out a cold and once locked her grandchild who had a cold in a 150 degree car "to sweat it out." Mavis played the harmonica and sang,"Jesus, help my baby sweat out the cold, sweat out the cold--Baby get cured but he won't grow old!"

We are fortunate to have Mavis as a guest since she almost died in her apartment when she shut herself up tight in the apartment one, hot summer day because there was a group of gangbangers outside her building.

She loves playing games with her grandchildren like "Greg Louganis" where the kids jump off a ladder head first into the bathtub. She loves to watch them play "Cowboys and Indians" where they light gasoline-soaked newspapers in the garage.

A firm believer in hygiene, Mavis scrubs her grandchildren with a wire brush while singing another great spiritual, "Scrub my baby with a wire brush, scrub my baby with a wire brush, scrub that baby brown until he is no longer brown!"

Mavis was hired to do a segment of his show called Southern California Doings. Robert, Mavis' nephew constantly interrupts her broadcast to ask silly questions and make editorial comment. It appears only occasionally because Mavis demanded instant payment to "her black ass" immediately by Phil.

Victoria was thrilled to meet Mavis at Phil's signing in Long Beach in 1998.

Margaret Gray, Journalist

Margaret Gray is a 53 year old female style consultant and nationally syndicated free-lance columnist (of A Little Bird Told Me) which goes to over 100 papers around the country. Her husband Frank is a movie producer worth over $35 million. Her limited outlook and intelligence is despite allegedly having a degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a masters from UC Berkeley. She always feels that she is totally justified in the many biased skewed beliefs that she has and never fails to upset various callers to" the stinking show" and even Phil. She moved to LA from Miami when Phil moved out here. She says she has had a great deal of work done to make her body "all that".

Margaret, upset with a high-speed police chase in her neighborhood, said she did not move into the Palisades to have these type of things and police helicopters flying overhead in this very rich upper class area. Margaret was so frightened that she soiled her Bill Blass pants suit. She believes that the police should have chased these criminals into some community like Pasadena, Montebello or other such community where this sort of thing is commonplace. As Margaret said, " I live where I live to avoid crime while you (listener in Montebello) live where you do because you put up with crime!" Needless to say, callers from all over LA voiced their opinion of both Margaret and her uppity ideas.

Margaret and her husband Frank wanted to help her niece to have a Millenium baby and they told her niece that she had to conceive the first week of March. Margaret and Frank babysat the kids at the niece's house while she and her husband conceived in the bedroom undisturbed. Things went well until one caller pointed out that a Millenium baby must be conceived in April not March. It seems Frank made his calculations while smoking weed, thus the miscalculation.

Margaret covered the Annual White House Easter Egg Roll this year ( surprisingly she attended on Sunday when the event was on Monday with the Clintons in Camp David on Sunday).Margaret brought her 6 yr old son, Jason with her and they met the president. Margaret made it clear that she was an invited guest and not one of those low-lifes who bought tickets to the event. She even reported people in line who were not invited guests like her. The callers were all irate with Margaret's uppity attitude. Margaret, of course, didn't see it that way. Being media, she says she is afforded opportunities to meet the rich and famous. As well she should!! She further flaunted the "media thing" in the face of Phil's listeners when she covered the Van Gogh exhibit in LA. She claims she was able to see "Starry Night"( although it is in NY according to one caller) and other paintings not on public display because she is media and the callers are commoners who could not appreciate all those paintings any way! She also drove listeners crazy as she mispronounced "Van Goth"!

Margaret is now trying to get her son Jason into the movies. She has changed his name from Gray to Delmonico because it has a better ring. She and Frank picked Delmonico because they love Delmonico steaks. Listeners were incredulous!

While doing an interview at the Fox Cafeteria, Margaret had a very embarrassing situation. She used the toilet facilities which were right there next to their table. When she left the bathroom, a terrible odor emitted from the room. Margaret was extrememly offended that a waitress ran into the bathroom with a tissue over her face and lit hundreds of matches to kill the odor.

To the fury of listeners, she kicked blind kids off a Magic Mountain roller coaster so she, as a full-fledged media person, could experience the new ride for an article she was writing. Her gift to her sister Joanna of a complete plastic surgery make over for her 40th birthday given publicly at her party was completely tactless, although Margaret could not see it that way. Margaret's thoughts on Mother's Day gifts were so outrageous that callers could not believe she was real! One example of her ideas was to take your mother to the docks and eat a bag lunch there. Her belief that plaid was certainly coming back in 1998 only confirmed to the listeners that she is, as always, out in left field. And who could forget Margaret reporting on Mark McGuire from the St. Louis Cardinals' locker room when he hit his record breaking home run. And will the Rose Parade from Pasadena ever be the same after her commentary on KFI?

Brad Rifkin

Brad Rifkin, a native New Yorker, has been a security consultant to the airlines on airline security issues. He lost his parents in a fire because he locked them in their house with locks and padlocks on the outside of the house. His parents collected oily rags as a hobby and a fire started from them. They would have called 911 but Brad had scratched off the 9 and 1 from the phone dialer since they had made many false 911 calls in the past.

Brad is also a "certified" senior driving instructor at the La Venta Driving Academy in Los Angeles. The Academy has put out a pamphlet on controlling Road Rage, suggesting many ways to vent your road rage and yet avoid destructive behavior. Brad suggests just backing out slowly and pushing in the offending car's quarter panel if someone parks behind you. Another suggestion is to follow closely behind any car that cuts you off flashing your high beams on and off. Then pass him waving at him with your hand in a bag, pretending you have a gun. Brad says it is not road rage because you do not have a gun!!

Brad is presently a security guy for a major movie studio. He told Phil that he had a dilemna because he had seen a major male movie star out with someone other than his wife. He is required to report him to the studios but is thinking maybe he could have the actor help him with his own script.

When Brad first came out to California from New York after being let off (or fired) from his job in NY, he called Phil asking his help at Christmas since he was temporarily homeless and living in his van with his 2 kids and wife in Orange County. At that time, many of Phil's listeners called in offering Brad jobs but it was clear that Brad only wanted an" influx of cash" and had no desire to work.

Darryl Weber

Darryl Weber, a security guard at KFI, occasionally substitutes for Phil as a guest host. His radio show is the "Funky Chicken Cacophony and Liquor Jamboree." Vivianne, his wife of 30 or 32 years is very obese (275 lbs) from eating fried chicken. Everything about Vivianne is about food, says Darryl. "My woman, she is a hog!! I love you, you greasy pig!" She even has a mini-refrigerator for a bedside stand and uses ham slices as 5 day deodrant pads. As Darryl says, "She can suck the fat and grease out of a chicken bone." She goes to the Colonel's and orders a 50 piece buffalo wings package with a quart of ranch dressing for a snack. Darryl is appalled that a crock of butter only lasts a day in his house. When he confronted his wife about that, she cut him off from any marital relations. She tried to turn him on recently by dancing on a table top but broke the table to smithereens. Darryl will constantly tell the listeners how much he loves his wife but then immediately follows that with how much he hates how fat she is. It bothers Darryl that his wife will eat chicken legs while he makes love to her. As Darryl says, "She is munching away like nothing is goin on!!"

He talks of how she takes a chicken and strips it of its skin but then only eats the skin. He is always slapping the chicken out of her hands. She brings a box lunch to services at Joyful Union Congregation Church and the entire congregation can hear her unwrapping wax paper off her greasy chicken parts. Sometimes she is so hungry she will eat the cardboard box also! He is especially bothered that when they both sing in the choir, she sprays greasy chicken residue on the back of his neck. She also will sop up greasy fried chicken gravy off other people's plates in restaurants.

One of Darryl's recent exposes on life in the Weber household highlighted his wife's very annoying habit of steak fat stealing. To show Vivianne good eating habits, Darryl cuts off the fatty parts of his steak. His wife immediately reaches across the table, snatching up the steak fat on her fork and "prancing her fat ass around the living room waving her steak fat overhead and finally devouring the fatty remnants ravenously." This drives Darryl mad!!

Darryl was very melancholy in early March because his beloved cousin, Cedric had died and was buried that day. His wife upset him very much because she demanded to be taken to a Kenny Rogers Roasters for brown rice. Darryl felt that was disrespectful on the day of Cedric's funeral and that she, as always, only considered her stomach. He had suspected his wife of fooling around with Cedric for a long time. It was even possible, he surmised, that his wife killed Cedric by rolling her big ass over on Cedric and smothering him. Once, while at Cedric's, he found a huge pan of leftover meatloaf grease with a tongue depressor in it. Only his wife eats meatloaf grease with a tongue depressor. When he confronted Vivianne about this, she threw Darryl into their rose bushes. Darryl said, "I had more holes in my butt than a lifer in prison!" Later, Darryl tried to make up with his wife by inviting her to San Francisco or Solvang. She demanded he take her to Claim Jumper instead. Darryl says that Vivianne left him because he confronted her about Cedric. To make up with her, he took her to Home Town Buffet's 2 for 1 sale. They then got back together but are now seeing a marriage counsellor. What really gets Darryl though is that Vivianne will call in three separate pizza orders while there and not even share with him or the doctor. And she even brings in coupons for the pizza.

Darryl is appalled that she takes Wesson oil and makes oilcicles. She twice has won bronze "Big Ass Awards" which now sit on Darryl's mantel. Darryl has written a book called How To Live with a Woman with a Big Ass which he now autographs at the Bellflower Joyful Union Congregation Church each Sunday after services. Not being an experienced broadcaster he steps on listeners and the great music he plays. As Darryl says "PTL, PTL". (Praise the Lord)

Harvey Wireman

Harvey Wireman, like Margaret, moved to LA from Miami at about the same time as Phil. He is a cynical, profane and crude 78 year old attorney who began smoking at age 6. He presently has a home in San Marino. He suffers from chronic gastrointestinal discomfort which was very obvious when he co-hosted the 1999 Rose Parade with Margaret and Bud Dickman. Phil uses Harvey to provide insights on a variety of topical issues including insights on the 20th century. Harvey has also been a mentor for Phil over the years both here and in Miami. Wireman's wife died in April 1994 while on a cruise thru the Panama Canal. Since they were three days from port, they had to put her in the cold storage with the cruise foods. Unfortunately, she was placed next to a giant salmon and every day as Harvey visited his dead wife, he saw that big salmon staring at him. Thus, he hates salmon even to this day.

He also lost his son (one of four kids, 3 boys and a girl) several years ago. His son was killed while campaigning for public office in Indiana. He fell off a ferris wheel at the Indiana State Fair while waving to the voters. As Harvey said,"It was so sad to see him bounce from basket to basket as he fell to earth." Wireman is also a WWII (the Phillipines and Sai Pan) and Korean war veteran and thus is very sensitive to people touching him as he is trained to take it to the next level! He is famous for his phrase, "Oh sweet Jesus!" He was finally banned for life ( although he has been unbanned since syndication) from "the stinking show" by Phil on January 7, 1999 because of Harvey's insensitivity through out the Jan 7 show and for finally shooting his dog, Johnny at the end of that show.

Harvey has also weighed in on the Serbian situation. Harvey said Serbs were squatty, didn't shower and did not pay their bills (since they send all their money to Serbia). His vast knowledge of Serbs comes from his experiences with five Serbian clients he has. Harvey further stated that since Croats, Albanians and Bosnians don't like Serbs just proves his point. One caller, irate as most are, paid Harvey the greatest of insults, that he gave lawyers a bad name!!

Harvey was so concerned about all the violence being committed by teenagers that he founded "Parents Against Violence In Media". The organization is fighting television shows which they believe encourage violence. They have identified Magnum, PI; Vegas, Simon & Simon and Baretta as shows that have too much violence. They also saw Three's Company as very terrible for kids as Jack Tripper was living with two other girls and beat them several times each show. Wireman would not listen to callers telling him these shows had been off the air for years and not watched by today's youth!

Harvey also advises Phil on syndication problems. He called to tell Phil that he was too "goddamned" profane on the show offending listeners in the South and in Salt Lake City and Portland.

Harvey weighed in on his opposition to Census takers coming door to door. It seems in 1990 he came home to find his wife Gladys in bed "getting lumber from a Census taker.

For the loyal listeners, Harvey is maybe best known for his involvement in the sad death of the late RC Collins.

Bobby Dooley

Bobby Dooley, 39, is the president of the Western Estates Homeowner's Association in West Hills. Bobby is also deeply involved in opposition to the Valley secession from LA. Bobby is prejudiced against people who are overweight. She and her husband Steve (43), (an attorney) ensured that no overweight children were allowed in the Homeowner's Annual Winter Pageant. The recent Colorado shooting incident bothered Bobby because all the parents helping with the Western Addition Spring Pageant ( which raises money for "the AIDS", according to Bobby) kept watching the TV rather than work on the pageant. She was most concerned about the number of 11 year old girls applying for dance positions who are way overweight. She didn't know what to do since the girls looked so disgusting in the costumes. Bobby wanted the girls to starve themselves for the next week to lose weight. Mothers from all over LA called in to say what an idiot Bobby was.

Bobby and Steve were very upset to find their son, Michael, might be going the way of the Littleton boys. They checked his room and found some disturbing items. These included a CD of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, candles, matches, a chemistry book, a bible furniture wax and a skateboard with a skull and bones insignia on it. In talking with law enforcement they learned that guns would be the next logical step for their son. They also walked in on him lighting his farts.

At Christmas, she showed what an anal retentive busybody she was as she railed against a neighbor who refused to comply with the rest of the neighbors by putting up color Christmas lights rather than the "classy white lights". She knew he had the white ones because she had snooped in his garage. She also knew he had received her letter about the homeowners' concerns because she had broken in to his house and saw it unopened on his desk. In typical Bobby Dooley fashion, she opened the letter so he might better see it.

Bobby, as President of the Western Estates PTA, has called in expressing her concern for the welfare of our kids today. She advocates monitoring your kid's friends, clothes and music; and even advocates walking in on your son when he is in the bathroom for more than a minute to ensure he is not misbehaving!! She has recently been disturbed that Brandon, her 13 yr old son has changed in the last year. He no longer wants to wear corduroys but rather jeans( or dungarees, as Bobby calls them) Brandon did not want a Woody Woodpecker character to come to his 13th birthday party and now refuses to allow his mother to bath him. She is also quite concerned that he likes to listen to Gangsta groups like Backstreet Boyz and N'Sync because their music is dark and suicidal. Despite her dislike of drugs, as a teacher she does advocate giving ritalin to unruly children in her classroom even without their parents' knowledge. She finds ritalin particularly helpful on Mondays when she shows up for class hung over!

Despite her belief in ritalin, Bobby is very opposed to drug and role models who have used. Thus her concern the other nite that Phil Jackson, the new coach of the Lakers, once used LSD. Bobby fears that Jackson will have a LSD flashback and maybe strangle Jack Nicholson or some 11 yr old boy in the stands.

Bobby also has shocked listeners with other techniques she uses in the classroom. To show kids that they are overweight, she brings a student up to the front of the class and has the class compare the student to a photo of Courtney Cox!! She stresses the importance of telling the child that although she is not beautiful now she may be if she loses weight. The LA phone grid lit up the switchboard.

Bobby was very concerned after the Monica Lewinsky interview that men across the US including her husband Steve were suffering performance anxiety. The fact that Bill Clinton could pleasure a girl like Monica easily half his age was causing these guys problems. Steve particularly had problems the morning after the Monica interviews.

In late March, when John and Ken of KFI quickly departed, being replaced by Karel and Andrew (a gay couple), both Bobby and Steve were very concerned. They felt these two new hosts would cause many to turn to the gay lifestyle!! Bobby has learned most of her information on gays from an anti-gay web site. Only Bobby and Steve would be so concerned about such a topic!!

Bobby and her husband own a second home in La Jolla and she called worried about whether or not her home would survive the El Nino effect because the house was situated on a cliff. This second home has been very important to her family because it is a great place for her and Steve to improve their love life which they went into great detail on. As one can imagine many callers expressed their disgust with them and their concerns. Bobby was adamant that the State of California should do something to shore up the cliff in their backyard.

Bobby weighed in on the issue of breast feeding in public the other day. She is totally opposed to breast feeding mothers exposing their "fat, milk-laden udders in public". It is no different than what George Michaels did in the public restroom, according to Bobby. It is just the exhibitionist tendencies of these women.

Bobby also is heading up the Woman of the Century contest to determine the woman who made the most impact in the 20th century. She and her Western Addition PTA committee pared the list down to 15 women including Princess Diana, Queen Elizabeth, Audrey Meadows, Helen Hunt, Linda Ellerby, Bess Myerson, Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey, Sally Jesse Raphael and some others. Callers and Phil questioned the absence of some women from the list. On Mother Teresa, Bobby stated that she neither empowered women nor was she terribly good looking. Plus she would not be able to fit in a four star hotel! Eleanor Roosevelt was left off the list because, according to Bobby, Eleanor "ate box lunches" i.e. she was a lesbian. Bobby said that Hillary Clinton was not included because she had no family values!

Bobbi is concerned about the low representation of women and blacks on the Who Wants to be a Millionaire Show with Regis Philben. She believes if they made the questions easier maybe more blacks and women would qualify.

Bobbi and Steve are committed to bringing truth to Christmas letters. One of their neighbors sent out a annual Christmas letter that just didn't tell the truth. She forgot to talk about the intervention that Bobbi held to help her with her anorexia. She also did not talk about her hubby being out of work and time in jail. So Bobbi was putting out a correction to this woman's letter to state the truth. Of course, many callers were totally appalled by Bobbi's typical meddling.

Bobbi feels strongly about hired help. She had to fire her Spanish maid recently because of the maid's failure to follow her instructions. It seems Bobbi had just returned from having her nails done professionally and had to use the toilet. Because her nails were wet, she asked the maid to wipe Bobbi. When the maid refused Bobbi had her fired.

Her husband Steve disturbs the callers (and Phil) by constantly muttering in the background. She is disturbing to callers as she constantly says "uh hmmm, uh hmmm " etc. throughout the call. Another great guest of Phil Hendrie!!

More Phil Hendrie Guests

Oh Sweet Jesus, Don't They Ever End?

Is The Caller There?

Phil's Guests Are As Vast As Phil's Mind

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