Why waste time trying to pin down the entity that is GUTTERMOUTH in any fucking way? Instead, I've just settled on presenting you with the content of an interview conducted by and © AMBUSH MUZIK. So, without further adieu.....

Here ya' go, turkeyneck

What are you guys doing when you're not touring?

Some of us still work, I work, Stever works; he's got a job at a tattoo parlor. I work sometimes.. Derek's a daddy..

Mr. Mom! [laughs]

Why'd you guys leave Dr. Strange and go to Nitro?

Time to move on.

Yeah, it was time to move on. Better distribution, we were looking to get our records into more stores cuz, you know, you're in a band it's nice to see your records in stores, and we weren't really seeing that with Dr. Strange. We've been friends with Brian who's doing this label forever.. Jamie's really good friends with him, sometimes they go on little trips together [laughs].

A.F.I. was here a couple months ago, and a guy from the Fireside Bowl was passing out CD's and [Guttermouth's] Teri Yakimoto came up and they're like "Oh, can we step on this first before you pass it out?" And then they started making fun of you guys for like five minutes... What's that about?

Oooh! That's hot!

We finally got under their skin.. we drove them crazy! We toured with them extensively for two months... Oh they're dead... those little fuckers from San Fransisco...

What'd they say?

They were just having their little inside jokes like "Remember when.. blah blah," then they all start crackin' up, "Yeah they suck!"

OOH! Fuck those little... They're like the biggest pseudo-straight-edge little group of homos.. I mean, no holding back. Fuck them. Especially Dave the butt-screwing, boy-kissing.. We were all smoking hash one night, well not all of us [laughs]. A couple of 'em were trying to smoke.. We were in Europe, you know, and when in Amsterdam, that's what you do. They got all upset and pissy and whiny sayin' "That's half ours too.." they just cried about everything, they wouldn't even go look at hookers with us... Actually I like their music. But, did you know, they claim they're from the East Bay, and they're actually from a really upper-crust white neighborhood called Eukaia. That's where all the rich kids are.

They kinda look it.

Yeah, they are. They're all a bunch of rich kids who act poor.

One of their dads is a doctor..

It's a big sham. They go buy those punk costumes, those Dr. Martin boots that everyone wears and all that, the leather jackets and whatnot. They even dye their hair.

Oh yeah cuz they're punk.

Dave paints his nails! [laughs]

What are some bands that you guys know that are small now, but you think are gonna be really huge?

A.F.I. [laughs] I'm a big fan of Assorted Jellybeans... No you know what? Don't slag A.F.I. That's not right. Did they slag us in your interview?

No we didn't do an interview with them, this was up on stage at the Fireside.

Oh! Print it. By all means.

I gotta get Dave's number, dude..

You know what? Let's unleash Dill on him. [laughs] Oh yeah! You gotta go interview our merchandise guy, you gotta do it. You gotta go ask, his name's Kevin, just go ask Kevin about A.F.I. Just go, "Dude, what's up with A.F.I." and give him your tape.

[says Dill: 1) the singer exposes himself to little boys and kisses boys, 2) there's only one good guy in the band and he just quit, 3) they cry, and 4) they don't eat meat.]

What do you think about these punk bands being played on alternative radio?

Good for them. I don't care. I got better things to worry about than other bands. Fuck em. No, I mean not "Fuck em.." [laughs] We're the kinda band, I think, that we worry about what we're doing not what everybody else is doing. We don't wanna become part of the gossip world of punk rock.

We gotta run around and say "We're not doing what they are." [laughs]

How many times have you been arrested?

Um.... it's usually for stupid junk. Six.

What was the worst one?

That riot, that so-called riot. That was very scary.

You feel like a rock star for being in Rolling Stone after that?

Actually that's a great picture!

It was on the news here?

Yeah it was on FOX News.

Oh yeah, Chris Black, Chris Blatchford...

It was so minor in comparison to how the news hyped it.

A lot of that footage, also, was after we had cleared the area. We were off stage..

We had basically left the building.. our stuff was out.

I was hiding in the back seat of Scott's car and all of a sudden "There he is!" I'm like "AAH!" That was so scary.

How'd you guys get hooked up with Ambush?

I met Chuck when we played at BLT's in Atlanta like two years ago. And he talked to me and he's calling it "Threads and Tunes.."

Tunes and Threads.

Yeah, Tunes and Threads and then he changed it to Ambush recently.

Tunes and Retreads... [laughs] Jeez Mark, you haven't told us anything about this!

Well what do you wanna know?

What have you sold him?

I haven't sold him anything. Yet. But I will. So anyway I met him at BLT's. He was there with, I think his son.. he just came up and said hi and we started bullshitting.

So what are you doing with him now?

Oh, yeah I have this little mail order catalog that I do, and he said he wanted to buy stuff for his store.

Do you guys have any words of wisdom for kids out there starting bands?

Shoot yourself and die.

That's not very nice.

We don't need any more bands.

Actually there are too many bands. They should all sell their instruments. There's so many.. I remember when we first started out it was so hard to get a record out. It was very, very difficult. Now you can start a band, play for three weeks, and your buddy's label down the street will put it out whether it's good or not, you know. I think that kinda sucks. It's oversaturated with what I would call, like, shitty bands.

Not enough original stuff, everybody wants to be Green Day and Offspring.

Yeah, well, fuck, who doesn't? [laughs]

When are you guys coming out with new stuff?

July 15, on Nitro.. It's called Musical Monkey.

How long is it?

28 minutes. We got a drum solo in it. [laughs] We got some death metal on there...

If you had to cover any 80's pop song what would it be?

Thriller! We'd remake the video too.

Little Red Corvette.

Somebody's Watching Me..

Was that Michael Jackson?

[singing in unison in high pitched girlie voices] "Feel like.. somebody's watching me.."

What's the craziest thing that happened on your last tour?

We got in a fight in Berkeley.

Oh yeah! A family beat us up.

A family. Of people. Like Dominicans or Cubans...

What'd you do?

Scott Ran them off the road.

Well I had to get on the freeway! [laughs] I had my blinker on.

He did. They failed to yield.

They tried to speed up but I went. And uh, they pulled in front of us and rammed our van, basically, in the middle of the freeway.

Then they started stoning our van with rocks.

Yeah, throwing rocks and bolts and stuff at our windows, pounding on the windows.

I've never been so terrified of a 45 year old woman in my life!

And a 13 year old kid.

Did they have an infant?

Yeah.. well not an infant she was like 8.

Very young cuz they stopped in front of us in the first place, and they got out and were throwing shit and screaming and beating on the windows. And we said "Get the fuck off the freeway! Just get off the freeway, you stupid morons!" cuz we were blocking two lanes of traffic and it was only a four lane road, and so they got in their car..

No just the dad got in the car... just the dad...

(shut up and let me tell the story this way it's more interesting...)

Oh yeah so the little kid started the car...

And the infant was there, not even strapped in the baby seat.

I was just trying to pull over!

Yeah, Scott was just trying to pull around them so we could get off the freeway and.. I swear to God, this is true..

Mark, come on.. [laughs]

We're telling Mark's version!

We were trying to pull over just so we could exchange insurance information, and they guy just hits the gas, goes over two lanes, cuts right in front of us and we just caved the whole side of their car. That really did happen.

And then the riot police showed up and we got saved...

Yeah they broke the little turn signal light on our van, and we just ruined their car. It was great.

How many women have you collectively impregnated to you knowledge?

Me? Umm.. just one [his wife]..

He was gonna say two.. [laughs]

Two times...

I got one..

33 for Mark.

I guess it's only two.

Oh, that's dissapointing.

We're homocore dude, that's why.

How many have you?

I'm straight edge actually.

Are you really? Where's your X's? You gotta get rid of that straight edge thing man, it's such a cop out. Why can't you just say, you know "I'm a sober guy, I don't drink or party," instead of calling yourself straight edge.

Well I don't hang around with any.. do I look like a straight edger?

Well you're wearing a Guttermouth shirt so, that kindof messes that thing up... [laughs]

© Ambush Muzik

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