How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
With a white elephant gun.
How do kill a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Why do elephants wear blue sneakers?
Because the red ones are in the laundry.
Why do elephants wear green sneakers?
So they can hide in the grass.
Why do elephants hide in the grass?
To trip ants as they walk by.
Why do elephants climb trees?
To try out their new sneakers.
Why did the elephant float down the river upside down?
He didn't want to get his sneakers wet.
Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stomping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stomping out burning ducks.
Why can't an elephant ride a bike?
It doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
What's the difference between a plum and an elephant?
What did one elephant say to the other?
Nothing, elephants can't talk.
How do you stop a herd of charging elephants?
Take away their credit cards. GET IT? HA HA HA!
Why do elephants lie with their feet up?
To trip low-flying canaries.
What's the similarity between a plum and an elephant?
They're both purple, except for the elephant.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
Look, here come the elephants coming over the hill.
Why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
It didn't want to be recognized.
Why did the grape wear sunglasses?
It wanted to be an elephant.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, she thought they were grapes.
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
Why can't elephants hitchhike?
They don't have thumbs.
How do you know when there's an elephant in your bathtub?
You can smell the peanuts on its breath.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
Why shouldn't you go in the forest between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the cherry trees.
Why are pygmies so short?
They were in the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
What do you find between an elephant's toes?
Slow running natives.
Why do elephants have long toenails?
To pick their trunks.
How does an elephant get in a tree?
It hides in an acorn and waits for a squirrel to carry it up.
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits for the wind to carry it down.
Why did the elephant climb the tree?
To get in its nest.
How do elephants get in trees?
They parachute from airplanes.
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
The hippo pushed it out.
Why do elephants wear glasses?
To make sure they don't step on other elephants.
How do you get an elephant out of a box of Jell-O?
Follow the directions on the back.
Why did the elephant lie on its back with its feet up in the water?
So you wouldn't think it was a bar of ivory soap.
What's gray and white and red all over?
An embarrassed elephant.
What's red and white on the outside and gray on the inside?
An inside-out elephant.
Why do elephants wear sneakers when they jump from tree to tree?
They don't want to wake the neighbors.
How many elephants can fit into a VW bug?
4-- 2 in the front, 2 in the back
How do you know if there's an elephant in your house?
There's a footprint in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your house?
There are 2 footprints in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your house?
There are 3 footprints in the Jell-O.
How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your house?
There's a VW bug parked in the garage.
Why does an elephant have a trunk?
To hide itself when it sees a mouse.
Why do elephants have teeth?
To chew their toenails.
Why do elephants have toenails?
To have something to chew.
What's the difference between a boy elephant and a girl elephant?
One sings bass, the other sings soprano.
Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?
So you can tell them apart from boy elephants.
How do elephants dive into swimming pools?
Why are elephants gray?
So you wouldn't think they were bluebirds.
Why are elephants trumpeters?
Because it's too hard to learn the piano.
How does an elephant commit suicide?
It sticks its trunk up its butt and farts.
HEY LOOK!! I MADE THESE UP MYSELF!! I'M SO FUNNY!!!
Why don't elephants live in Hollywood?
Because they can't stand the paparazzi.
Why don't elephants go to school?
They want to keep the reputation of never forgetting.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because Speedos are too revealing.
Why do elephants invest in banks?
Because playing the stock market is too risky.
Why don't elephants wear suits?
So you wouldn't think they were involved with the Mafia.
One of my FANS contributed this one:
Why are elephants trumpeters?
Because it's too hard to learn the french horn.
Yeah. So don't blame me for that one...
Don't think they're funny? Don't understand 'em? WELL TOO BAD! HA HA HA! oh, yeah, ELEPHANTS RULE!