Title: Of Darkness And Light 5/5
Author: Alyxzia Kendle
Posting Date: 24 August 1998, 2:06am (on alt.tv.x-files.creative)
Classification: MSR, Mulder/Scully Angst
Overall STORY Rating: R (for Harsh Language, Mature Subject Matter
& some Sexual Content)
CHAPTER Rating: R (for Harsh Language, Mature Subject Matter & Sexual Content)
Archive: feel free to archive on any X-Files site provided that
author is credited in all instances, and no editing nor alteration of
the story shall occur without the author's permission. I would
appreciate it however if archivers could e-mail me and let me know in
which archives the story has been placed.
Summary: After some delicate negotiations Scully and Mulder spend the night in Margaret Scully's backyard, which leads to some complications in the morning.
Feedback: Encouraged. Please direct to: alyxzia@hotmail.com
Spoilers: This novella takes place after the Movie in the X-files
timeline, therefore anything that has occured in the X-Files universe
up until this point is fair game... (in other words they are too
numerous to list)
Disclaimer: The author recognizes that Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Walter Skinner and the Syndicate were created by Chris Carter and remain his copyrighted property, the property of 1013 Productions, and the property of Fox Television, a unit of 20th Century Fox, Inc. No infringement of any copyright is intended.
Dana Scully made a decision, it was only partially influenced by Mulder's speech. His actions alone had spoken volumes and the moment he had dropped to his knees below her on her mother's lawn she knew that something between them had been about to change irreversibly. She could have made the decision then but she had to be sure that by making it she wouldn't be throwing her world into any more turmoil than it already was. She knew now that it wouldn't. She was more certain about this than anything since her and Mulder had been teamed up over half a decade ago.
What he had shown her a few moments ago in her mother's backyard had been more than enough to cause her to realize that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, not only professionally but in every other way as well. He had finally dropped all his stalwart defences and allowed her to come inside. He had practically begged her to come inside. And this was one invitation Dana Scully couldn't resist.
She grabbed her bathrobe from the hook on the back of the door and slipped into it as easily as if it had been a second skin. She was still fastening the waist tie shut as she rushed down the stairs from the second story bedroom. Upon reaching the bottom of the staircase she decided not to bother putting on shoes and instead moved straight for the patio door. Quickly she pushed the curtain aside and slid the glass door open. She stepped back out into the brisk damp night air and glanced around the yard looking for her partner.
The scene that presented itself made her stop in horror. Mulder was still there however rather than kneeling he now was lying sprawled on his back on the grass holding his gun to his head. Scully thought that all her world would come crashing down in that instant. Mulder was completely still, he obviously had not heard her walk out onto the patio. Even from where Scully stood she could see that his index finger was curled around the trigger. She knew that if she moved too suddenly or even spoke aloud and scared him, he could all too easily flinch and involuntarily depress the trigger. Just the thought of witnessing Mulder's death sent a sickening shudder through her body. She was afraid that if she didn't make her move quickly he would, and if he made the move he seemed to be planning it would be his last.
Scully thought quickly, luckily she had always had a talent for working in high pressure situations. She slowly, softly began shuffling her feet on the patio stones. The sound wasn't particularly harsh or intrusive, just loud enough so that she could make her presence known. Her bare feet on the patio tiles was the only sound to break the silence until she felt it safe to take it one step further.
Scully spoke, her voice so low and controlled that it was hardly above a whisper. "Mulder?" She asked.
There was no response from the body on the lawn.
Scully knew from her years in the FBI that a desperate man with a gun was a dangerous thing. She also knew that this was especially true if the holder of the gun happened to be Mulder. Mulder was inherently irrational and tended to act on impulse rather than thought, and in general these things made him as much of a threat to himself as to others. This wasn't the first ledge that she had to talk him down from and she doubted that it would be the last.
She decided to try another approach, "Fox?"
It was only then that he replied. "I hate it when you call me that."
She let out a silent sigh of relief, at least he was talking. Communication was a definite step in the right direction.
"Alright Mulder I won't. What are you doing?"
She said this gently not wanting it to come out sounding accusing or angry. But she did need the fog to clear from his mind so that he could realize how senseless and unwarranted these suicidal intentions of his were. By asking the obvious question she hoped to bring him one tiny bit closer to sane reality. It was difficult though because throughout this entire process she knew that she would have to put her own confusion and frustration aside. She had to remain compassionate and open if she hoped to achieve her goal and save Mulder from himself.
"I'm holding a gun to my head." He answered in an emotionless monotone.
"I can see that." She acknowledged. "But why?"
He took a deep ragged breath. "Because you are leaving me but what you don't realize is that leaving isn't good enough. *They* will still continue to pursue you because they know that if they take you I will always come running. I would always come to your rescue whether you wanted me to or not, whether you forbade me to or not. If you want to be free allow me to set you truly free."
Scully shook her head in exasperation, sometimes Mulder's constant paranoia wore her patience impossibly thin. Instead of screaming at him as she felt quite inclined to do after that little speech, she softened her voice again and replied.
"That's nonsense Mulder. You have to stop treating me like Samantha , you have to stop treating me like a helpless little girl who needs your protection. I am an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation and I *can* take care of myself."
"No you can't," Mulder argued. By the tone of his voice Scully could see that the desperate haze was slowly giving way to more rational thoughts. "Because they are not just above the law they are outside it. Rules and restrictions that apply to us and every other citizen of the United States of America have no bearing or influence on them. They are so powerful and so far reaching that they can do anything to anyone at anytime. I know you are an accomplished agent but Scully they've taken you twice now and it would be horribly naive to think that they wouldn't be able to do it again. They don't want you though, they just see that if they can get rid of you then they have also rid themselves of me, and that's what they want. They want me to abandon this fight for the truth, because if I stop then they can continue on with their plans without conflict. If I stop, if I die then they win and you are free, truly free."
Scully could no longer hold back her own emotions. "Do you honestly believe that blowing your brains out in my mother's backyard is going to set me free? It might get the Syndicate off my back but it is never going to give me the sort of freedom that you propose it will. It's not going to set me any freer than you are now because I would live out the rest of my life feeling guilty. Day after day I would replay this scene in my head over and over again trying to figure out where I when wrong, what I said wrong, what made me unable to stop you. I would live out the rest of my life filled with the guilt of failing to save you. Sounds familiar doesn't it Mulder? You know all about guilt, is that what you want to leave me with, is that what you want your final gift to me to be?"
Mulder slowly lowered the gun from where it had been positioned at his temple. He placed it on the grass beside him.
"Sorry Scully, I guess I wasn't thinking." His voice was filled with shame and he refused to meet her eyes; He continued to stare upwards at the moon.
Realizing that the danger had now been siphoned out of the situation, Scully ventured closer to her partner. She walked off the patio and into the backyard, she could feel the damp blades of grass sliding between her toes. She stood above Mulder effectively blocking his view of the moon. Now he had nowhere to look but at her.
"I want you to stop apologizing Mulder, I've heard them all before just with different excuses." She didn't sound particularly angry just exasperated.
"I'm..." He stopped realizing that he was about to do it again.
"Mulder, don't talk." She told him as she sat down on the grass. "It's strange isn't it how we can face the most horrible killers, deal with society's worst deviances and corruption everyday but when it comes to dealing with one another we almost fall apart. Why is this?"
From beside her, she heard a sigh then her partner's voice, gentle but filled with exhaustion. "Because it's love. Impossible, impossible love."
For the first time Scully found herself taking the side of the believer. This was one extreme possibility worth believing in. "No it's not impossible. You coming here tonight proved that to me."
"And Skinner's all for it." Mulder laughed out loud.
"What?" A shocked look flashed across her face.
"As he sees it it should have happened ages ago."
"*What* should have happened ages ago?" Scully asked no longer even sure if they were discussing the same thing.
Mulder hesitated. He took a moment to sit up.
Scully grinned at the sight of grass sticking to his suit and the dishevelled mess of his hair. He reminded her of a derelict. She thought of what they must look like sitting next to one another, him in his wrinkled suit and her in her white terry cloth robe and bare feet. This image almost made her laugh out loud until she noticed how serious Mulder looked.
When he finally spoke, he answered her question with only one word, "This."
Before she could figure out exactly what that meant she was given the answer. Mulder had leaned towards her as if he was about to whisper some great secret but instead of speaking as she had expected him too he kept drawing closer. Then she knew what *it* was and the anticipation almost became too much. He seemed to be moving in slow motion then it happened. His lips were against hers. One hand held her back, the other drifted upwards into her hair to cup her head. It was divine, it was everything that she had ever dreamed that it would be. The kiss deepened as she opened her mouth and welcomed him into her. They kissed for many minutes. She felt as if she were drowning in his scent, in his taste, in his touch and then before those feelings and emotions became too overwhelming he slowly pulled away. She had to prop her arms on the ground behind her to keep from falling. She felt so faint, so dazed and yet so content.
When he had collected himself he spoke again, his words forming a plea. "Scully please stay. I am not asking you to do this out of obligation nor for the x-files. I am asking you to stay for me, for us. Stay for the *love*. Stay because I love you."
"Mulder I would have stayed." Then realizing how that sentence sounded, Scully rephrased it. " Mulder I *will* stay but not because you were pointing a gun at your head. "
"That was pretty stupid." He agreed.
"When I was sitting up there." She pointed at the roof, "and you were down here I realized something. I realized that the only place I ever wanted to be is with you. You had never let me in before, not emotionally, and then as I sat there you did. You let me inside and after I caught a glimpse of your soul I realized that I could never bear to be shut out again. It wasn't the gun Mulder, it was your words, your honesty."
"I don't know what to say Scully. You amaze me."
"Don't say anything, words only seem to get us in trouble." This time she leaned in and kissed him again. It was a kiss filled with four years of bottled desire. She almost couldn't believe that it was finally happening, that they were finally sharing and celebrating it together.
Mulder felt much the same. When she had disappeared back inside that bedroom window he thought that he would never see her again and yet here he was, here they were breaking every rule that had ever been made. But the rules weren't *really* being broken anymore not since Skinner had given them his sort-of blessing. Mulder thanked Skinner mentally at that moment, knowing that if they hadn't had that little talk earlier today he would still be alone and Scully would still be leaving. That was all different now, very different. He held her a little tighter then and carefully lowered her to the ground.
Scully knew what was about to happen, she allowed Mulder to lie her down on her back. She didn't stop him when he lowered his own form to join her. She simply slid her fingers up his back and into his brown dishevelled hair, drawing his lips once again to hers. Scully pushed away any thoughts of whether what she and her partner were doing here was right or wrong because she knew that if she still believed that she could stop this now she was terribly mistaken. It had already gone too far to go back to before, and she didn't want it too.
Mulder turned his attentions away from her swollen lips and kissed her face, her neck, the sharp line of her collarbone. As his mouth explored the tender textures of her skin his hands made their way down her torso pausing only when the reached the tie that was holding her robe closed. He pulled it gently and the robe fell open, he silently thanked Scully for choosing to use a bow rather than a knot.
Scully felt her robe fall away from her body, as a response she carefully unwound her fingers from their place in Mulder's hair and drew them to his shoulders where they pulled at his blazer.
He lifted himself up slightly allowing the blazer to be removed with little difficulty. After the blazer was discarded she went to work at the knot in his tie and then the buttons of his dress shirt. All the while they continued to kiss, much like teenagers at a drive in exploring their burgeoning sexuality.
His hands explored the soft curves of her female form, still full of wonder that she was not only allowing this to happen but helping to instigate it. 'Yes,' he thought to himself, 'She definitely is the most incredible woman in the world.' Then Mulder thought of something else. His hands stopped their explorations rather abruptly and he propped himself up on his left elbow. He looked at her, and a moment later she opened her eyes and stared back at him. Inside their blue depths seemed to lurk a thousand questions. He only had one.
"Here?" Mulder asked hesitantly.
"Anywhere." his newfound lover replied.
His lips met hers again for must have been the thousandth time that hour and together the two drifted into the hazy abyss of sexual union. They knew that this was something that would change both of them forever, but in that sweet divine moment neither of them cared.
As they made love Mulder thought of how the countless number porn movies he had watched did little to prepare him for this. There was a distinctive difference between fucking and making love and for the first time in his life Mulder thought that he knew that difference.
Together they drifted through a million foreign places and rode the waves to higher heights than either them had ever known and when the time finally came for the tide to break upon the shores, their fingers and spirits wound together in the most sacred of unions.
They visited that blessed ocean twice more that night before falling asleep in each others arms, as naked and natural as the earth that they laid upon.
Dana Scully awoke to the sound of the sliding door opening and her mother's voice.
"Dana? Dana are you out there?"
Scully quickly evaluated the situation at hand. She was lying in her mother's backyard with her partner's naked sleeping body wrapped around her own. This was only made worse by the fact that her mother was about to discover them like this.
Scully panicked. "Mom, stay in the house," She ordered.
"Dana, what's going on? What's wrong?" Margaret Scully heard the tension in her daughter's voice and reacted accordingly.
"Nothing mom, please just don't come out here." Dana pleaded.
For Mrs. Scully the concern for her daughter's well-being certainly outweighed her pleas to be left alone. The tone in Dana's voice was disturbing and Scully's mother was not prepared to simply ignore that. Without any further argument nor hesitation Mrs. Scully stepped through the sliding door into the warm sun that was shining onto the patio.
Scully saw her mom enter her line of sight. Their eyes met.
Nothing could have prepared Margaret Scully for what lay before her. Her daughter's naked body intertwined with Fox Mulder's amidst a pile of discarded clothing and a gun on her back lawn. Margaret shot her daughter a disapproving look and turned and disappeared back into the house.
Scully felt the blood rise to her cheeks as they flamed red with embarrassment. She hastily untangled herself from Mulder's limbs and struggled into her robe. Mulder was just beginning to wake, her sudden movements had jarred him from his sleep.
"'morning Beautiful." he mumbled, shooting her a wonderfully lopsided grin.
Scully ignored him and continued to battle with her bathrobe.
Sensing something was wrong Mulder fought the clutches of sleep and sat up to watch his partner. "What's going on Scully?" He asked, voice almost overflowing with concern.
"Mulder I think it's best if you left now." She replied.
"What?" Fear butterflied through his stomach and his voice was consumed with confusion.
"Mulder please," she pleaded. "Just go..."
She finally managed to get the robe on and fastened and started off towards the house.
"Scully, stop..." But it was too late she was already through the sliding door.
Mulder sat alone, naked, dazed, in the Scully family backyard. He felt the sun beating down on his naked skin. He surveyed the clothes strewn around him and slowly began to put them on. He took his time hoping that Scully would come back out into the yard but she didn't. After dressing he walked back towards his car, broken-hearted and confused he longed for an explanation but there was no one there to give him one. He started the engine and wondered what he was going to tell Skinner. He didn't know. He took one long look back at the house, and then drove away.
"Mom" Dana said entering the kitchen where her mother was making breakfast.
"What's going on Dana?" Her mother asked not even trying to hide the disapproval in her voice.
"I don't know mom."
"Well it sure looked like you knew perfectly well what it was out there." Her mother snapped.
"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it wasn't what it seemed. Because it was exactly what it seemed. I'm not entirely sure what it means or where this is going but it happened, it was destined to happen someday sometime somewhere, perhaps it shouldn't have happened in your backyard but it did. I am sorry it happened there but I don't regret doing it." There was an edge in Scully's voice, one which her mother wasn't used to hearing.
"But what about yesterday, what about the past week. You told me what he did, how he hurt you, and now all of a sudden you're telling me that that's all changed."
"Yes mom, I am."
"I don't know Dana, but if all those things you told me about Fox Mulder in the past four days are true then I have to say that I don't think that you should be getting involved with him. I do not approve of a man who treats you like that. Dana you said it yourself, he is no good for you."
Scully immediately regretted spilling all the details of the past two weeks, her mother had always loved Mulder as a son and now she was acting as if he was her worst enemy.
"Mom, I am not asking you to understand because I don't believe that anything that I can say will make you. However I am asking you to trust me, trust my judgment. I don't know if this is going to work, I can't say I am not going to get hurt but it feels right. I have to take this risk because if I don't I might regret the not knowing more than whatever consequences may lie ahead."
"Speaking of consequences, what of your job? What of the FBI? I highly doubt that they approve of these sorts of relationships between co-workers."
Scully wasn't used to having to stand up against her mother. Her mother had always been more willing to accept her lifestyle and decisions than her brothers but from the tone of this conversation Scully was beginning to think she'd changed camps.
"I don't know. We'll deal with that when it comes. Besides Mulder said something, something about Skinner, I am not sure what it means but it seems like he might be on our side as far as this is concerned."
"Are you sure he didn't say that just to get you into..." Margaret Scully was going to say bed but considering the circumstances it just didn't seem appropriate.
"Mom!" This time is was Scully's turn to snap.
There was a long pause before her mother spoke again.
"I'm sorry Dana, I guess I went too far. Listen I'm not entirely sure what's right and wrong anymore, nor do I claim to understand this job of yours. But obviously there must be something special between you and this man if you are willing to stand in my kitchen and raise your voice towards your own mother to protect his honour. I'm going to trust you Dana, and I am going to trust him too. He's never failed to bring you back to me. Just tell me one thing though, tell me why this is so important to you."
"It's important because I love him." Dana replied with the kind of certainty in her voice that can't be faked.
"Then Dana..." Her mother paused and stepped forward taking her daughter into her arms, "that's good enough for me."
They stood in the bright kitchen holding one another for a long time. It was Margaret Scully who broke the embrace.
"So why don't you bring him in and we can all sit down and have a nice family breakfast."
"I can't. I sent him away." Dana responded.
"Why?" Her mother asked.
"Because I thought that you and I needed to talk."
Margaret Scully nodded. "Well how about you and I sit down and have some breakfast?"
"In a few minutes Mom, I have to call someone."
Mrs. Scully nodded again. Dana could see that her mother knew exactly who she had to call.
Dana left the kitchen, and headed up stairs to her bedroom. She pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her black blazer and dialled Mulder's cell number.
It rang twice then he answered.
"Mulder."
"Hi Mulder, it's me."
There was a long uncomfortable silence. Finally she spoke again.
"Are you alright?"
"I don't know." Mulder replied sounding angry. "Why don't you tell me."
It was only then that Scully realized what this morning must have seemed like to him. She blushed in embarrassment. However that embarrassment soon gave way to a growing fear that she had ruined everything between them before it really started.
"Where are you Mulder?"
"Driving."
"You didn't go home?"
"Didn't feel like it."
He sounded so distant.
"Listen Mulder, this morning it wasn't you. While you were still asleep my mother came out looking for me and found us... well you know. I had to talk to her." Scully explained to her partner and lover.
"You could have told me that. You could have given me some sort of explanation instead of just ordering me to leave. How do you think that made me feel?"
"I imagine that it didn't feel very good at all. It probably felt a lot like I feel every time you go dashing of somewhere while we're on a case and you tell me to stay behind or do an autopsy or something. I imagine that it felt like that." Scully replied. Sure she had made a mistake, but in their time together he had made many. He had no right to toss her to the wolves for just making one.
There was another pause before he answered.
"It really upsets you that much when I do that?" he asked.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry. So are things o.k with your mother?" He asked, all the earlier anger had vanished from his words.
"As good as can be expected. She doesn't understand but she's willing to trust me, and trust us."
"She's a good woman." Mulder stated.
"That she is. So where did you say you were?" Scully asked.
"I didn't." He answered teasing this time.
Scully picked up his lead, "Well if you're not going to tell me how am I supposed to find you? After that command performance last night you couldn't possibly expect me to be happy without an encore."
Mulder grinned and pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder of the road. "I could always meet you somewhere. Maybe my place or yours, or a park, or the office."
At the thought of the office Scully cringed remembering Kelli and the images of Mulder and Kelli that she had once conjured. Scully shrugged those thoughts away, after all *everything* was different now.
"The office?" She phrased it as a question.
"Yeah." Mulder replied. "Your desk or mine? Or maybe the floor."
Scully grinned, "Anywhere." That was the last thing she said before hanging up the phone.
Mulder smiled as he pulled his car back onto the street. He wondered if he should drive to the office.
