We Want You To Leave - By NSYNC Correspondent: BamJam Gyrl

BSB (singing):

Everybody, we rock our bodies

Everybody, we rock our bodies right

Backshot boys are tight!

JUSTIN: Hey, yo! Whaddya homies doin'? Dis 'ere ain't yo' song. Word up!

BSB: No?

'N SYNC: NO!!!

KEVIN: Well, thanks again, Howie!

HOWIE: Me? What did I do? *wink, wink, drool*

NICK: *checking out his nails* You're the gay, ugly, stupid one so obviously this has to be your fault.

HOWIE: But, what about you, Nicki? *wink*

NICK: I'm the pretty one, of course. All the teenybopper girls bow down and worship me like God. Their world consists of one supreme being - which would be me.

HOWIE: Oh.*wink, wink*

BRAIN: Shut up, Nicki, you f@#%ing faggot! They don't worship you, they worship me and my big bass jaw. *caresses his jaw* See...

HOWIE: Oh. *wink, wink, drooooooooooool*

NICK: *indignant* Ha! At least you'd like to think so, bitch!

A.J.: So what's up with this whole song deal? We recorded it first. Didn't we?

*All of BSB shake their heads in agreement*

JUSTIN: So what? Weez already done stole it from you, baddat! Besides, yo' in da wrong video, fool!

LANCE: Oh, my goodness! Justin's absolutely right.

JC: Yea, there must have been some kind of scheduling problem between Lou and Transcon. I'll have to call and clear this up right now. Distract yourselves.

CHRIS: *jumping up and down* Hey, hey! Look at me! I'm the hyper, slightly balding, entirely too old to be here, funny one!

ALL: ............. *crickets chirping*

CHRIS: Just look at my hair! It's like a cool, crazy jungle!

*silence*

CHRIS: Well, it is.

JOEY: Anybody got a Twinkie? I'm hungry.

Kevin: Yea, and from what I hear you're always hungry.

JUSTIN: Hey, yo! Don't be dissing mah homey like dat, baddat! That ain't coo', mmmmk?

KEVIN: *looks to the rest of BSB* What did he just say to me?

*BSB shrug*

LANCE: Justin's absolutely right. Why don't we all do our nails and braid each other's hair while we wait for JC?

HOWIE: Oh, goody! That sounds like fun to me! Don't you think so, Nicki?

*LANCE notices NICK pull out a bottle of frost pink nail polish*

LANCE: *squeals in delight and goes to NICK* Oooooooooh, where on earth did you find such a lovely shade?

NICK: Wal-Mart. It was on sale.

HOWIE: Oooooh. *wink, wink, drool*

KEVIN: Oh, jeez! Great! We're surrounded by a bunch of flaming pansies!

LANCE: *pats KEVIN on the shoulder* It's all right, dear. You can't help your masculinity feeling insecure.

KEVIN: Get off me, Homo!

LANCE: Sapien!

KEVIN: Homo!

LANCE: Sapien! I'm a HomoSAPIEN, so get it right. We all are. *giggles*

BRIAN: What a f@#%ing queer, man.

HOWIE: That'll work too. *wink*

KEVIN: AHHHHH!

*KEVIN storms over towards LANCE, HOWIE, and NICK. They all scream like girls and faint*

CHRIS: Now look what you did. Lancey's gonna be puffy for weeks now. His make-up just won't look the same.

JUSTIN: Did you say Puffy, yo? Y'no cause I've got mad love for da Puff Daddy, y'all! Dat's right! Him an' his boyz ist tight! Word up!

A.J.: Justin, just shut up! Nobody can understand a word you say anyway, ya wannabe!

JUSTIN: Wannabe? I ain't no wannabe. Yo wassup widdat, y'all?

*LANCE recovers and stands up*

LANCE: That's right. So why don't you leave poor Justin alone, you big bully? *smacks KEVIN lightly on the shoulder*

KEVIN: Grrrrrr!

LANCE: AHHHHHHH!!! *screams like a girl and runs around to hide behind NICK as KEVIN stalks after him*

*JC enters the room*

JC: A'ight, so here it is... *sigh* Kevin, would you put Lancey down, man? Please.

*KEVIN drops LANCE from the wall he held him up against. LANCE continues to scream and runs behind JC for protection*

LANCE: Man-handler! Brute! Cretin!

JC: A'ight, everyone now listen up. Looks like we've definitely got a scheduling problem. Lou accidentally scheduled both bands for the same time so we've gotta make up our minds and see who gets to stay.

JUSTIN: Whaaaa????

CHRIS: *rolls eyes* That means one of us has got to leave, dumbass.

HOWIE: All right. *turns to leave with his head hanging down* A.J.: Not you, idiot! Although you are the gay, ugly one and we'd like nothing better than for you to leave the band for good, surprisingly you still manage to get some fans, which means we still need you to complete this video.

HOWIE: What does that mean, Nicki? *wink, wink, drool*

BRIAN: It means, all queers must f%#@ing stay!

LANCE: Oh, goody! I'll go get my Cindy Lauper CD! You'll see, we'll have such a good time! *singing lightly* Girls just want to have fun. Oh, girls just want to have fun!

*JC grabs hold of LANCE'S arm and yanks him to the side. LANCE screams and whimpers*

JC: No, that means that we stay, since we were here first, and THEY leave.

LANCE, NICK, HOWIE: Ohhhhhh! *all giggle like girls*

NICK: *to HOWIE and LANCE* Did you notice how his muscles bulge out when he's mad?

LANCE: He looks like a big, hunky Zeus!

*NICK, HOWIE, and LANCE giggle again and turn to leave, but get blocked by KEVIN. They scream*

HOWIE: Nicki, hold me, I'm scared. *wink, drool*

KEVIN: Grrrrrr!

*NICK drops HOWIE and runs behind him*

NICK: Hold yourself! I just gave myself a manicure!

HOWIE: *blinks* But I do that every night, Nicki. *wink, drool*

BRIAN: Hey, girls?!

LANCE, NICK, HOWIE: Yes?!

KEVIN: NONE OF US ARE LEAVING, YOU FOOLS! They're the one's that are leaving! This here is OUR studio! And OUR song! Right?!?!

BSB: RIGHT!!!

JUSTIN: Wanna make a bet? Baddat!

JOEY: Does ANYBODY have a Twinkie around here?!

ALL: SHUT-UP!!!!

*music to "I Want You Back" and "Everybody [Backstreet's Back]" starts to play at the same time. Both groups take their places*

'N Sync (Justin singing): You know that you're not wanted You know that you're not needed Don't matter if you go now 'Cause we want you to leave

BSB (singing): Oh my God, we're back again We're here to mess up everything you sing We're gonna bring the flavor, gonna show you how I've gotta question for ya Better answer now Are we original?

'N Sync: NOOO!!! BSB (singing): Are we the only ones?

'N Sync: HELL YEA!!!

BSB (singing): Are we sexy at all?

'N Sync: *breaks down laughing hysterically*

BSB (singing): You know we're all we really need We can rock our own bodies. Everybody, we rock our bodies Everybody, we rock our bodies right Backshot boys are tight!

'N Sync (singing): You know that you're not wanted You know that you're not needed Don't matter if you go now 'Cause we want you to leave

JUSTIN (singing): Don't need to say you're sorry Don't need to state the things that we did wrong It wasn't up to us to copy this song We'd like it if you'd go now We'd like it if your fans would just leave you The more teenage girls we have...

JOEY: ...the more we can do! *lecherous smile*

LANCE: Woohoo!!! *twirls finger above his head like a lasso*

BSB (singing): Everybody, we rock our bodies Everybody, we rock our bodies right Backstreet boys are tight!

'N Sync (singing): You know that you're not wanted You know that you're not needed Don't matter if you go now 'Cause we want you to leave

KEVIN: Oh, why don't you just shut up, you wannabes?!

A.J. Yea, we can make fun of you being like us because nobody has commented yet on how much we sound like New Kids On The Block.

JUSTIN: Oh, a'ight! Den peep dis, yo!

JUSTIN (singing solo): You're the ones nobody wants You're the ones nobody needs So don't tell us what to do

'N Sync *joining in*: You're the ones nobody wants You're the ones nobody needs So don't tell us what to do

KEVIN: Is that right?

JUSTIN: Boo-yaa!

JC: Yea!

BRIAN: We'll just see about that mothaf@%#ers!

LANCE: Oh, my! Let's not get touchy here, people!

JUSTIN: Hey, now! Don't you be talking about my mamma!

LANCE: Somebody could break a nail! Better yet, somebody could break ME!

I'm delicately boned, you know.

BRIAN: I f@%#ed your mamma last night!

LANCE: Oh, my! How crude! *Lance faints*

JUSTIN: Oh yea, fool? Well, say waddup to mah fists!

*JUSTIN jumps BRIAN and they start to tussle. JUSTIN starts a tickle attack and BRIAN gives in, laughing*

BSB (singing): So everybody, everywhere Better be afraid, better have some fear Gonna tell the world, make the girls scream

NICK, LANCE, HOWIE: AHHHHHH!!! *screaming like girls*

KEVIN: Shut-up!

BSB (singing): As long as there are teenyboppers we'll be coming back again

JC: I don't THINK so!

BSB (singing): Everybody, we rock our bodies Everybody, we rock our bodies right Backshot boys are tight!

'N Sync (singing): You know that you're not wanted You know that you're not needed Don't matter if you go now 'Cause we want you to leave

BSB: Oh, yea?

N Sync: Yea!

BSB: OH, YEA?!

'N Sync: YEA!!!

BSB and 'N SYNC: OHHHH, YEAAAA?!?!?!

LOU PEARLMAN: YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*all the guys stumble around to see LOU as the music stops abruptly*

KEVIN: LOU!

JC: They started it, Lou!

JUSTIN: Yea! They was talkin' bout our mammas!

*LOU grabs JUSTIN by the ear and starts herding them all out the door*

LOU: *to JUSTIN* Yo mamma's gonna find out about this soon enough, foo'!

JUSTIN: Oh, no! *whimpers* No! Lou, please don't tell mah mamma about all dis! She'll whoop mah ass, yo! She'll take away mah Benz, and mah beeper... Hell, she'll take away mah Essence magazines!

LOU: That's what I'm counting on! As for the rest of you... GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

*all the guys scream like girls and run out of the studio. JOEY runs back up to LOU*

JOEY: Hey, Lou. Got a Twinkie?

LOU: No, ya foo'!!!

AJ: You'd think he would.

*LANCE runs up and grabs JOEY*

LANCE: That's, alright, Mr. Pearlman. Oh, my goodness, Joseph, run for your life! AHHHHHH!!!! *LANCE screams like a girl and yanks JOEY out of the studio followed by LOU still holding JUSTIN, crying like a baby, by the ear*

JUSTIN: Please, don't tell my mamma, Lou!

LOU: Quiet, you wannabe foo'! I just knew there'd be a problem with all y'all in this studio that's why I came down. Now we'll ALL leave!

*screams and thanks go up from all the anti-fans everywhere around the world*

LOU: Ahh, shut-up!

*LOU shuts the door as the applause increases*

-THE END-

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