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Thoughts:
August 3, 2003
Well my sister is now officially married. And I'm proud of her, I'm proud of them.
I'm happy. I'm happy for them.
August 1, 2003
The hiatus is never over.
March 7, 2003
Silent Conversation
You know what, what you did tonight was pretty low. I go to say good bye and you turn your back on me. That was something. You won't even look at me and I find that very sad. I must be completely ignorant or quite so lost to not be able to comprehend this level of hatred or contempt which is held inside you for me. But there's something else going on silently between us because I continue to write about you-to you, in this stoopid journal thingy and I'm quite sure that you still come here to read my mindless raves and to see what I've been up to. What this means? Absolutely nothing. Or at least this is what we silently say to each other.
March 2, 2003
Preoccupied
In loneliness I sit preoccupied
with the nonexistent
humming sounds coming from within.
Coldness coming from without.
Mistaking this life
as a life.
Mistaking your silence
as a voicing of opinion.
I shy away,
and
in loneliness I sit preoccupied...
Pondered @ 1:06 AM
March 1, 2003
Oh my god, was last night ever great! Except for the ralfing part. By the way Vero I told you you're car would be fine. I'm a professional! That Mc Donalds drive through guy didn't seem to like the fact that I was puking on the side of his window, but it was quite amusing for the rest of us. Lets see, what other high-lights of my night are there... Oh, there was the dancing in the cage (a tad shamefull)... there was the moment where Nick and I were picked up by like two 30ish year olds. Mind you though they were still quite hot.... and there was the insane amounts of alcohol I consumed (drinking before hand at Clau's house and then even more so at the club). But by far the best part was that I didn't spend more than 30$ the whole night!
And for tonight I still haven't figured out the 411. But most likely I'm going to end up at Phil's place to drink some more to celebrate Gui's bithday. God this has been a great weekend so far...
Pondered @ 6:21 PM
February 28, 2003
Ha, ha, ha... I'm quite amused at the moment. "Why don't you call her up and say lets be friends and try to forget what happened." This one phrase amuses me so much! So I'm like, "ya I'll call her, and then I'll tell her how sorry I am for being such an asshole on the phone with her. For trying to talk and understand things... and at the same time I'll also apologise for puting her on my ignore list or whatever you want to call it on MSN. You know, I wish I would have thought about doing this first..."
Perhaps I'm the only one in this entire world who finds this amusing, or maybe its just because I'm quite drunk at the moment, I don't know. But what I do know is that she and her friend make me laugh. Lets not invite him to the party, which was held last week,... lets not invite him to the pyjama party. The second one, ok, fine, I'm cool with that, its your thing, great... but the first...come on.. I broke up with you... not our friends... Like I said before..., I'm quite amused and quite drunk, so I think I'll leave it at this for if I continue I'm sure to get into trouble, what with all the chit & chatter wich goes on now days...
Buh-Bye Now.
Pondered @ 12:50 Am
20 minutes and 2 beers later I've come to another thought. Perhaps it is better this way. 'This' being our not speaking. Perhaps it is easier to accept it this way. Perhaps the fact that I still love you somewhere hidden inside me makes it easier for me to despize you. But this this matters not. I will continue to be a bastard in the minds of your friends and you will be a bitch in those on mine... and its good this way. We're content, at peace with our selves. With the fact of thinking that the other is to blame. (Do you still have my Diablo game saved on your computer? or has ir been erased out of existance like my messenger account?) But the fact remains that we are both to blame. It is true. But when the days all come to an end we wake up in the morning and everthing's fine.
Selah, I'm gone.
Pondered @ 1:19 AM
February 25, 2003
Yes, I am most likely going to jail in the near future. It seems as though the government does not look nicely upon frauding them of thier "hard-earned" tax dollars. Apparently ignorance is not bliss, or so says the man. So to all those who hold me close and dear in their hearts, start making cakes with cleaverly hidden hack-saws within. Much appreciated, *hugs*, Anthony.
Pondered @ 12:46 AM
February 24, 2003
I recently acquired an accountant for my financial troubles.
February 23, 2003
Consuming large amounts of beer and then writing a letter to someone is quite embarasing. Especially if you do go though with giving it to them. The sadest part is if your not sure they even recieved it because you were too scared to give it to them in person so you stuck it in the door. Not only did you stick it in the door, but you did it on one of the windyest nights ever risking almost certain loss of it. Mind you though if you did get it, I know I did say that it was ok to never bring it up if you didn't want to, but at least alittle feed back would be nice. Or at least an acknowledgement of "yes I did get it you sad, sad, bizzar little man".
February 21, 2003
I lost alot of respect today for people of which I once thought well about. So this is a nice little "fuck you" to you... you know who you are, and if your questioning your self about the posiablity of falling into this "fuck off" catigory you probably do belong there. Points for execution though, at least I'll give you that.
Pondered @ 10:08 PM
I could have almost cryed looking at you while you slept. Because this was a careing and longing that you'de never truely feel. And this was all that I had to offer.
"Someday you'll know... It's not with whom you share your dreams. It's with whom you're willing to make new ones"
Pondered @ 10:35 AM
February 19, 2003
Well it appears that I have yet another funeral to attend to. First my father, then my uncle and now its my dad's cousin who just passed away today. He had a heart attack walking from the garage to the house this morning. He was only 53. I have nothing more to say.
Pondered @ 6:20 PM
Oh my God i'm dead. Going to bed at 2 in the morning then waking up at like 7:30 to go skiing is not a good idea. I'm so exausted and I feel like crap. Mind you though it was all worth it, because it was great skiing at Tremblant. The only part which kinda sucked was the fact that it was snowing so much that the visibility wasn't so great. None the less it was fun. Anyways I'm gonna go and pass out, 'cause I'm deAD!
Pondered @ 5:05 PM
February 18, 2003
It was actually really nice to just go out with the guy's tonight. Just relax, have a beer, shoot some pool, shoot the shit... I missed it. I still love you guy's... in a totally non homosexual way... well execpt for you John. Anyways it was good.
Pondered @ 12:57 PM
February 16, 2003
Stealing Harvard in french really sucks ass by the way! Then again in english it wasn't much better, but still. Next time its movies in english. All in all it was a good weekend... ummm alcohol.
February 15, 2003
Clau... you really do amuse me. But just tell me already!
February 14, 2003
Happy Valentines Day...
Well my V Day was spent pretty trashed. It was a good little party. By the way, I want my camera back!
February 13, 2003
"Maybe i'm just blind
So hold me when i'm here
Love me when i'm wrong
Hold me when i'm scared
And love me when i'm gone
Everything i am
And everything you need
....
I'll never let you down
Even if i could
And give up everthing
If only for your goods
So hold me when i'm here
Love me when i'm wrong,
Hold me when i'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when i'm gone
Love me when i'm gone....
Maybe I'm just blind."
Pondered @ 12:33 PM
Women. Of all the things I've told you, you still refuse me. If its nothing and doesn't matter anymore, just tell me. How many times have I ended up telling you things I didn't want to. If anything, you owe it to me! If it really doesn't matter like you say, then just let it out. For God's sake your killing me here!!
Sela, Good Night.
Pondered @ 12:11 AM
February 11, 2003
I think that I should just become a fag, because you women are just way, way to freakin' complicated. You people can't just come out and say what you want to... it always a big little game of hide and seek.
and...and... I don't even know.
Pondered @ 1:31 PM
February 9, 2003
I came here intent on writing something. But...I don't know. Perhaps its just another beautiful thought... wasted, like so many other things in life. I guess maybe I really just should change my style.
Pondered @ 11:56 PM
Comming home at like 5:30 in the morning is definatly not a good idea. I'm tiered as fuck. I was ready to leave at 3:30! Its all your fault! At least I'm only working at 3, so I do have some time just to veg out... I really should do my homework, but i'm not gonna.
Pondered @ 1:42 PM
February 8, 2003
Clau...!
I hate thy.
I loath thy...
Pondered @ 4:20 PM
On a lighter note, I got my car washed finally. And it was free to boot! Thanks Marie-Claude. Its red my car, no longer grey. Yes, I now have a red shiney car.
Pondered @ 4:26 PM
February 7, 2003
Sick in the tits...
Sick in the tits...
Pondered @ 1:15 AM
February 4, 2003
"So, Anthony... what do you think of bringing this whole line to the internet?"
Whatt you mean like a start-up?
"Ya!, we'll have a whole list of products and services available everywhere."
Hey, look... muffins..., but that was a good idea though.
Muumm... melt in your mouth freshly baked muffins.
Pondered at 1:01 PM
January 31, 2003
Reality Check
Ever have one of those nights where you just want to take a base ball bat to something? Well tonight was one of those. As I walk into the cafe the first question I hear is, "Anthony, whats wrong?", I don't answer right away. Its ok though, for they already know the answer before I decide to speak. We talked, we laughed, and eventually we left.
I don't care at this point though, I really don't. If you want to be a "bitch" about this, so be it. I'm not the one getting all pissed off about you going out. I'm not the one getting all paranoid. And as for the paranoid part you have no right to start accusing me for things of which you have absolutly no idea about.
I give her time. I try talking to her. I try to understand. But now... forget it. You know that line, well it was definatly crossed. I'm tiered of this shit. And its going to take alot before I even want to talk to you. Oh... and as for your guilt trip... this isn't one of them. So get your head out of your... and get real.
Pondered @ 12:32 AM
January 18, 2003
"There's always been a My Bloody Valentine lyric that I've held close to me:
"Show me all your favorite things
Show you all mine too..."
And it's that. Which is the very antithesis of loneliness. Because loneliness... it's not being alone. No.
It's not having anyone to share with."
Pondered @ 10:42 PM
January 17, 2003
"Horses and high school girls are the same; no brain in their heads, but the one thing they do know is that everyone wants to give them a ride."
Pondered @ 4:15 PM
January 14, 2003
The daily jive: Well lets see. My day today consisted of doing absolutely nothing and then getting severly pissed at my peice of shit car. I went over to John's, watched movies and then went to class. Then on my to class my dam heater just decided to stop. So here I am stuck in traffic for like an hour with no heating when it's like fucking -25 outside. Then half way through this lovely adventure I had to open my window cause the windsheild was fogging up. So finnally, I find parking, go to class only to find out that it was canceled, Mother fucker! So then I go back to this peice of shit of a car and it takes me another hour of freezing my balls off to get back home (have i ever mentioned that I simply love traffic). The only highlight pretty much of my day was the video store. Claudia, you rock my socks! But you watch you're self, I will be back... but not for you, just your gloves! Yes...Yes, I know, I'm quite devious. Laughing into the night I go. Good night.
Pondered @ 11:59 PM
January 12, 2003
What in gods fuck was that all about. Jesus christ, you have something to say tell it to 'me' not on some message crap at 3 in ther morning. Shit, "I don't want to have the power to make you mad...". Then just leave things go. Its the harassment that pisses me off. But let me guess you've never realized that. And thats understandable... I mean it's not as if I've never said the more you bother me about something the more pissed off I'll get. Even if I wasn't pissed in the first place I will be! But hey, thats a news flash!
I'm freakin' furious just writing this out. I will go now, cause ya...
Pondered @ 9:51 PM
January 10, 2003
Rage
If I wasn’t mad before,
I am now.
The past comes back
And spits at me,
Reminds me of why
I made her the past.
She can still get to me,
Infuriate me beyond all rational thought.
I tell myself
It's only pride.
It's only dignity.
It's only the ability to hold my head high
When I walk into a room
Of old friends.
But I am lying to myself
Because I know that this rage
Is the power
She still has over me.
Pondered @ 9:01 PM
January 8, 2003
Recap of past weeks. Well, lets see where to start. So much has happened since our last meeting. Christmass was good and jolly. He died, my uncle that is. He did make it till Christmass day and he died only for days after. I guess we should be happy that he was able to be with his family for Christmass, but it still sucks. The day of the wake was exactily 2 months from when my dad passed away. Like I said before, it sucks. As for new years, it was pretty good, well, at least the parts of it that I remember. And now i'm already back at school and I'm kinda glad because I in a way missed it. It's a new year and it time to start clean, 2002 didn't end very well but I have a feeling that 2003 will be much better, or at least I don't see how it can get any worse.
Pondered @ 10:31 PM
December 24, 2002
T'was the night of the night before christmass,
And all through the house,
The only creatures who stired were the cat and the mouse.
With mom at the cottage and sister following fast.
I just parked my car to get high nice, quick and fast.
Half a 2-4 later J.F came over quite sased.
"Why did you smoke without me,
You stoopid dumb ass..."
I'm not sure where this is leading,
So i'll give up this quest.
I'll see you all later,
For I am some what a mess.
Pondered @ 2:16 AM
Pass to my other hand
Caress me, yes, right there,
On my wrist
Smooth, gentle, steel.
Dawns chorus stirs
Birds and trees.
Another deep night fades.
Locked in this grey room,
Slow drained blood pools
On honney grain wooden slats.
There is warmth
It flows down my hand
And peace.
Open eyes to a leisurely glance
At the now blury clock.
Pondered @ 12:32 AM
December 15, 2002
Cinderella 2? I just don't get it... The story was told in the original movie/cartoon, i mean how much more is there really? They get married and live happily ever after, the end.
"I think it's mainly about the mice," he said.
Understandably, I reply. As we then continue our imaginary light-saber battle...
Pondered @ 11:36 PM
December 13, 2002
They say the cancer has spread more.
They say its not even worth opperating.
They say he's not in too much pain.
They say he'll be luckey to make it to christmass day.
I've always thought and have been told that the year should end with a bang, these last couple of weeks have not been what i could have ever imagened.
Pondered @ 1:15 Am
December 7, 2002
the...
the snow is falling,
the air is cold,
the house is warm,
the heart is lost,
the table is set,
the setting for one,
the man eats alone
the loveseat is soft,
the love is hidden,
the fire is lit,
the hearth is bare,
the gun is hard,
the heart is stone,
the shot rings out,
the man lies prone,
the family cries,
the time passes by,
the mind runs free,
the people move on,
the life of the man,
the end of the line
the story is told,
the life is mine.
Pondered @ 2:32 AM
December 6, 2002
Death is the message, the gift
A sweet sting of the living
The beginning, The End
Pondered @ 1:38 AM
December 5, 2002
Remembering
Pillowcase soaked
Red glow of the alarm
Refracted into glistening drops
By eyeful’s of watery memories.
The digital light makes my room yours again
Your closet, each shirt, in detail
The once star marked ceiling,
Leaking whiffs of sex and late night movie voices
From countless 4 am evenings.
The sound of someone walking down the stairs,
The feeling of your arm reaching over me
To turn off the bedside lamp
I smell your day's skinkeep,
Feel the weight your body releases
Into the slow breaths of sleep.
All of this so vivid
It makes me dizzy.
And I retch
And retch
Trying to forget what it was like,
To feel happy,
Sleeping in your bed.
Wishing I could scrub cry vomit the memories bare
Bleach myself white, clean,
Empty.
Wishing…
Pondered @ 1:45 AM
December 3, 2002
Wow, she doesn’t own me anymore. I’m not a go-around bitch anymore!
I came to this realization today, and you know what it feels good.
I don’t know why, but it feels as if there has been an enormous weight lifted from my back.
And seeing this realization, perhaps if little things like this were done before things might have been different.
Cause it is these little things that make the differences.
Pondered @ 2:49 PM
December 2, 2002
Machine
I step into the bath and the water swallows me
Through purifying liquid I drown like a stone
Hitting the bottom with a pristine sound
The lights go out and I am alone
Alone in this underworld sea life – just me
I’m a pebble in the bottom of a well
Shining my holy life – I have a halo
I’m too pure for anyone, I’m too beautiful
Lungs fill with tasteless water – I can’t breathe
Eyes wide open I try to sleep, I try to leave
Lights – blue and green they flash in front of me
I scream but no sound I could hear – this must be fear?
This must be my dream, so tasteless and numb
Rough heart- an image of stone- my ego rises
I float with a smug little grin – But I know I didn’t win
Only ugliness in my horizon, every single image gone
I’ve got nothing to hide from – I’m a fucking - machine
Pondered @ 1:40 AM
December 1, 2002
I don't know how often you read this, but when you do I want you to listen to the song and hear the words Don't Cry by Gun's and Roses. It just, well I don't even know...It express so much that I can't even try to explain or say.
Pondered @ 3:22 AM
November 30, 2002
Something was on my mind tonight, it's been festering there for a while. I'll write about it, cause I need to get it out, right? Then I realize exactly how retarded it sounded. Trying to tear off some piece of emotion, for what? Comfort, clarity, pity? I realized today, truly, how many people don't want to know who you are, and are to scared to show who they are to any extent. Welcome to the society of liars.
Nothing I hate more than being asked in the morning how I am, cause I feel something click inside me that will respond with a pleasantry. Automated, click, whirl, sound, completed social intercourse. Need a cigarette? Was it good for you? Why the sudden violent melodrama? Just saw some young girl today walking on the road who just look so sad. I felt bad just looking at her, and thought "Thank God I'm not like that". Gave me pause for thought, about how many days all added up of my life I wasted just strangling myself, and feeling like an absolute nothing. How many times I thought, "Jesus I should do the world a favor and kill myself" right before I fell asleep. Bad memories, bad dreams, bad thoughts on the current situations. First question I was asked this morning, "How you doing Anthony" Good, good, was my only response. Click, whirl, response. A maelstrom of violent despair, but social pleasantries will prevail. So here I sit, trying to make some sense in a stooped quasi-diary/journal/thingy, for what? Make me realize that while everyone is changing, and realizing that they're not the person they used to be, I'm finding I haven't grown one damn bit. I'm still as stupid and scared as I was when I was sixteen, just more song quotes up my sleeve.
That's the general idea, or bits and pieces of it. So I look at what I've put down with disgust. What to change, what to keep, what to destroy, and how. What will convey what I am feeling in words that don’t make me sound like a melodramatic babbling fool? In the end, which we have reached, breath your sigh of relief, nothing. So I here I stand, the same place as before, with just a few more words before me. Good night!
Pondered @ 2:33 AM
November 23, 2002
It's 1:30 in the morning and for some reason I’m shit faced, by my self, can't sleep and I have to in to work at 9:15. So this is how the story goes... I get home from a tiring ass day at work and couldn't go to bed, so decided to watch a movie and now 6 and a half beers later i still can't sleep.
On an other note I'm seriously starting to feel the stress building up under my skin since my father passed away a bit more than 3 weeks ago. I have no time to do anything what with school and all, plus I've found my self cutting classes in order to take care of my dad's business at times not to mention I have no idea how to do half the stuff needed, and on top of that when I do have free time I need a fucking calendar to be able to divide it proportionately between hanging with friends, or helping them, and my girlfriend. It's really starting boil under here and I just really can't take anymore. You know I always thought I could have it better, life that is, but you never realize how good you got it(I don't want to sound like I’m preaching) until all of a sudden in one big earth shattering flash it's all gone and you realize just how small you really are and how lucky you really were. Well like I said I’m pretty fucked so I’m going to go and pass out. good night
Pondered @ 2:00 Am.
October 30, 2002
I've been in a dream like state for the past 2 days, and I'm just waiting to wake up, and he'll be there, and he'll have his head hung over my sholder as I'm fixing up my car, and he'll be laughing at me with the neighbor as I make inocent mistakes, and he'll poke his head under the hood once more to correct me, and he'll be laughing, and he'll be.
Pondered @ 7:51 PM
October 29, 2002
My father died today.
It's a beautiful day outside today.
I hope my family will get through this day.
April 18, 2002
My desire to cause harm to random people and small furry animals has subsided. Fortunately, I'm a lot-less-over tired today, but I'm still significantly lacking some serious chunks (hours? no, days? no? more like months) of sleep- and if you believe those Matress comercials then you know sleep is important. Or so they say.
One exam down two to go... and me go crazy.
Pondered @: 4:31 PM
November 25, 2001
Shitty weather, its been pissin' rain outside almost all day, but atleast its still warm out. And Calgary won. I'm happy. Thats all. Good night.
November 24, 2001
Man was the weather ever so a nice today. I was downtown all day and you would have been perfect just walking around in a t-shirt. Unfucking believable, I know, it's almost December and its like 15 degrees outside in Montreal, but hey i'm not gonna complain. It was packed all day at work due to the Grey Cup tomorrow and I made some crazy commission. I'v helped out like 5 Calgary players so far and yet not one the from Winnipeg team. Whatever don't want them to win anyways.
November 20, 2001
I got home from school about 15 minutes ago and it was beautiful sunshine filled day, but now as I peer out my window it looks like a mid January blizzard.
Pondered at: 12:47 PM
November 14, 2001
Wow, I've actually updated and added a picture section
to this page. I'm impressed with my self...
Pondered at 11:59 PM
October 1, 2001
I did it! I finally did it. I showed that Nazi solitaire game.
Pondered at: 5:52 PM
September 24, 2001
Every time we say goodbye
All I want to do is cry
Curl right up and let it go
Feel the sadness let it flow
Kick and scream it is not fair
I am here and you are there
September 13, 2001
I have a dilemma; the black pants from Mexx or the ones from Westcoast.hmmm...
Pondered at 10:06 PM
September 11, 2001
Today is a day to be remembered by people all around the world. And for those who were responsible for this atrocity, nothing can save your souls.
September 10, 2001
I had written about 3 pages to post here, but I don't think I'll post any of them, for they turned out to be way too personal.
Anyways I'm feeling much better now...
August 29, 2001
Trying to make sense of it all in a senseless sort of way.
August 24, 2001
The display appears to be almost hypnotic, what with all the colors and shapes. And yet the question still remains, what pen to purchase?
August 23, 2001
Back to school.
August 20, 2001
Click, click send… brought to you by the internet. A universe in which we all can hide within.
August 16, 2001
Yesterday was my birthday, Happy birthday Anthony.
August 15, 2001
Today is Anthony's birthday.
August 14, 2001
Tomorrow is a special day.
June 9, 2001
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that . It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
May 4, 2001
I want a Crack pipe...
Pondered at: 7:49 PM
May 1, 2001
Note to self: do not eat huge meal right before going to bed... can we say indigestion.
ugh, I feel sick.
Pondered at: 12:13 AM
April. 5, 2001
Me: "Go talk to him and see what you can do".
Him: "What the fuck am I supossed to say to him?"
Me: "I donno just make up some bullshit".
Him: "How's this... But...but Sir, why did I fail? I mean..I...I don't undersatnd, I didn't even open the book..."
Me: "True, True".
Pondered at: 10:52 PM
April.4, 2001
Of all the stupid hate/complain mail things I've ever gotten for this page I think my sister's tops the books! She was bitching about how I put a comma after the month instead of a period, and how theres a period after the date instead of a comma. I mean fuck, common! Some people seriously worry me and...and...and...fuck it, I give up.
April, 3. 2001
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Smoke sum cheeba tonight.
Pondered at: 12:11 AM
March, 31. 2001
I fuckin' hate HTML code! But on the plus side what I wanted to do did work.
Pondered at: 5:37 PM
March, 26. 2001
Why isn't life a whole lot easier? I mean we have to do shit within a certain amount of time. No second chances and no hopes. God dam this Solitaire game!
Pondered at: 11:59 PM
Can't sleep, can't eat, I'm just your cheap garden variety junkie. I hate this game!
I should be by all means asleep right now but there are to many things wondering and pondering in my mind right now to let me drift away.
Pondered at: 11:48 PM
March, 25. 2001
Well I finally caved and decided to give my car an inner-cleaning. Talk about shit I found in there; 3 hockey pucks, half a pack of Trident spearmint gum (still quite tasty mind you), $2.16, bit less than half a pack of smokes (quite very so stale), infraction receipt, Crystal Method CD, and a green lighter (empty). So yeah, whatever my car smells clean and fresh. For how long who knows...
Pondered at: 4:15 PM
I swear, you can't sleep in past 11:30 in this house anymore. Dam the Man!
Pondered at: 11:49 AM
Well it's like quarter to 3 in the morning and I'm pretty trashed. Guess I
probably shouldn't have driven home from Phil's place, but oh well. The boxing match was quite
disappointing what with Gaudi's coach throwing in the towel 'n' all. But nonetheless plenty fun and beer was had, so all in all, it was a good night.
Pondered at: 2:57 AM
March, 22. 2001
Tick tock, tick tock
Tick tock, tick tock
Goes the whiners in their socks
Learning to bad-mouth is their trade
Sooner or later they will fade.
Dedicated to all the fuckers and whiners out there!!
Oh and just to make sure, this is not directed to either Phil or Brian , so don’t bitch to me about this post.
Pondered at: 11:59 PM
“Who was that”, she said.
“Oh umm my girlfriend, why?” said I.
“She’s cute…”, was her reply with a certain sneer in her voice.
“Bitch…”, my silent response.
Pondered at: 11:32 PM
March, 12. 2001
I'ma do thing do things my way, its my way, my way or the high way, some day you'll see thing my way, cause you'll never know...
As I walk, I think about a new way to walk
As I think, I'm using up the time left to think
Pondered at: 10:20 PM
March, 8. 2001
I see a craft in our future......something with metal.....license plates, yes......and an enormous black man named "Leroy" - who calls us his "velvet bunny's"....
And the rest is just a blank.
Pondered at: 6:38 PM
March, 1. 2001
Sitting here alone at like quarter after 7 have'in a Molson X... ain't life grand. I figuer I'll get started now at home rather than later tonight when all us guys go out for Gui's birthday. That and i'm too cheep to pay the prices charged at bars/clubs.
Pondered at: 7:21 PM
Though I like to look down on the earth from above, how'd miss all the places and the people I love, although I may go out I'll be coming home soon, no I don't want to live on the moon
Big long line
Of white cocaine
Stretches out before me:
I'll ski-jump into
The next weekend weekend
So save some snow for me!
Pondered at: 6:50 PM
February, 11. 2001
Milly, Milly it ain't all bout tha money...
Pondered at: 8:39 PM
February, 10. 2001
By all logical means I should be dead, what with all the drugs i've ingested over the past week and a half. Or if not dead at least past out in some hospital getting my stomach pumped. God I feel so horrible...
I've been coughing up brown shit for like 3 days now and... dam this sucks.
Pondered at: 6:24 PM
January, 28. 2001
Well I just got in maybe 10 minutes ago from the automotive show, which is being held in The Olimpic Stadium this year. Luckely none if the roof caved in..., like it did two years ago. But anyways...
I was a tad disapointed in the Mazda display. For the sole reason that they did not have the RX-8 or even the RX-7, despite the fact that the model was discontinued in the early 90's. But still they could have had one... The new Diablo is fucking ugly. I mean God Dam! still i'de take one if given to me that is!
I've still got this massive head ake since i got home from school and I think i'm comming down with something cause my throte is killing me.
Anyways I'm gonna shoot down sum NyQuill and sleep till like 1 in the afternoon... then go to school for Cal at 4. Later...
Pondered at: 11:32 PM
January, 21. 2001
I just got in from a night out on the town, and had lots of fun. We went to Thursadys for supper and then we went to Stogies and pretty much just chill there for the rest of the night. And Mel, I know you read this thing so dammit IT WASN'T ME! Anyways I'm really happy with my self cause the only thing I smoked the whole night was a cuban. If only Sarah was there to see me... I'de have made her proud.
I'm sleepy as hell so I'm outa here. Later y'all...
Pondered at: 3:04 AM
January, 20. 2001
Well I just got a good solid hour and a half of sleep just now. I think I'm gonna go and play ice hockey out side, since its nice out today, with Jon and Gui.
Pondered at: 1:07 PM
Spent the night at Sarah's place, got up way too early... tiered as fuck.
So I'm sitting here eating a loaf of French bread and drink black coffey. Breakfast of champions!
Pondered at: 11:16 AM
January, 17. 2001
Mutherfucker, I go back to school this Friday... That involves thinking and stuff <:-( . Does this mean I'm gonna have to start sobering up... or at least a little bit if not completly? It seems as if this vaction time off has pass by so quickly.I have to take 10 courses this semester in order to graduate on time. I'm such a stupid mutherfucker, if only I hadn't pissed last semester away at the bar drinking and playing pool I probally would only have 7 classes. God dammed Dawson and the bar next to it! If only... well we all got regrets and this my fellow readers is one of my major ones.
Its quarter past one and I should be past out in the comforts of my bed, considering my track recorde for the week, but here I am forever lost in cyber space... I need a hobby, besides drinking my youth away.
Its sad how we are able to spend so much time and put so much energy into something and then all of a sudden its all lost. But perhaps in the schem of things its worth it. but what of the loss and the heart ache? Does it really make us stronger? Does it really make us better at heart in the futur for knowing what we can do to prevent it from happing all over once again? If only there was a right answer...
My world is slowly becoming one big blurr... pass the bottle.
Pondered at: 1:44 AM
January, 15. 2001
Two years...
So what are the bets up to now? Justin, Phil?
Pondered at: ...
January, 14. 2001
It is I who left so early.
It is I who did not take the risk of staying for fear of being yelled at.
It is I who caused the pain.
It is I who must pay my price.
It is I who must to try to forgive myself.
It is I...
Pondered at: 12:37 AM
December, 14. 2000
I once remember being told a story by my second uncle on my fathers side. He was telling me all sorts of things. Like which things represent what and so on…but this one thing just seemed to stick in my mind all these years. It was a whole long thing on butterflies ‘n’ such and how they represent death. He died a few days later due to an overdose. Poor crack addict he was….
Pondered at: 12:16 AM
December, 9. 2000
Somethings wrong with my life.
I feel fUcKeD...
Pondered at: 12:38 AM
December, 8. 2000
I come back from my supper break at work and the first think my boss says to me is "go buy some gum, you smell like beer, how are you gonna serve the customers". And he only says this to me, so i'm like what the fuck about Dav and Gen, then he's like ya but your the alcoholic here...
I love FootLocker; and FootLocker loves me...
Dam the man!
Pondered at: 11:59 PM
Finally today was the last day of classes. And now for 6 weeks of fuckin' around... then back for another semester. The Joys.
Pondered at: 11:35 PM
November, 28. 2000
Something is moving over me. I don't know exactly what it is at the very moment, but I do know that it's important. It's something breath-taking, it's something scary, it's something mind numbing, it's something passionate, it's something intense, it's something important, it's something all right.
Pondered at: 10:40 PM
November, 16. 2000
Very, very confused with life at the moment.
In Need of lots of drugs to settle things down...
Pondered at: 11:39 PM
November, 15. 2000
22 months...
Pondered at: 8:32 PM
November, 12. 2000
I think I'm gonna create a disclaimer for the page in order to keep people from harassing me.
Pondered at: 2:44 AM
November, 10. 2000
So close in body, but yet so far away in mind and soul...
Pondered at: 4:04 PM
November, 9. 2000
Got my Cal test back, I failed... big surprise.
Walked out of Collage half way through it.
9 hour school days suck!
My cock itches...
I should probably erase that… but I’m not going to.
Pondered at 6:50 PM
November, 7. 2000
This is where I belong...
Pondered at: 7:03 PM
November, 6. 2000
Staring at my strobe light, disco ball and lava lamp I've come to the conclusion
that the sixties were not a good time to be epileptic.
Pondered at: 8:46 PM
November, 5. 2000
Just waiting for the drugs to kick in...
Pondered at: 2:28 AM
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