And so it came to pass that I was reading fanfiction the other day, and had my eyes nearly roll from my skull.

"The Latin-American boy."

NANI?!?!?

Alright. Let me explain what I'm ranting about here.

Trowa, as we know, is the only character without a distinct ethnic identity. We have Duo the nutcase American, Wufei the egotistical Chinese, Heero the anal Japanese, Quatre the I'm-richer-than-most-earthly-nations Arab, and Trowa the....

Trowa the unknown.

Yes, folks. That's official. Origin unknown. Ethnicity unknown. That's according to the people that created Gundam W.

So that lets us have some major fun deciding what he is, neh?

First and foremost, let's look at his name. Trowa. Trowa can be (and most likely is) a slaughtered rendition of 'Trois,' which is French/Latin for 'Three.' Why do I say that this is probably the case? Just listen to Hikaru-sama say "Return to forever!" "Ehtuhn to hoarevah!" Now try "Trois," pronounced "Trwaeh" (as in menage a trois... ooo la la....). "Tuhruaha." Say that fast. "Tuhrowa." Trowa.

So I'm reaching. But not really. It IS a viable point.

Now that last bit, in my mind, says "French." This opinion seems to be widely shared, too. But, according to some people, he may be Latin.

Latin.

So someone said Latin = Latin American.

HUH?!?!?

Lesson time. yes, it's to a jingle. Kudos if you figure out the song.

Yeah, when you're in Mexico and you don't know where to go, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! And when in Guatemala touring 'round with your mama, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! When touring El Salvador through mini-farms galore, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! And in that place called Honduras where the government's the poorest, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! Wee, we're off to Costa Rica to party with senoritas! What do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! Now through Panama, my friend. No we're not yet at the end! What do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! If you're stuck in Columbia and feelin' out of luck, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! And when ordering some chile in the nation called Chile what do you speak? Espanol! What do yyou speak? Espanol! When tromping through Peru to ask "What's there to do?" what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! When you're in Bolivia and your bowels are acting up, what do you speak? Espanol! What do you speak? Espanol! And finally Brazil! Has this song yet made you ill? What do you speak? PORTUGUESE!

Let me guess. You have either gotten my point, or are wondering why I just slaughtered my fingers typing that.

Espanol = SPANISH. Duh.

And guess what. Portuguese, whilst not exactly like Spanish, is really damned close.

'Tres,' pronounced 'Threis,' is 'Three' in espanol. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get "Trowa" out of "Threis."

So if we're going off of the Hee duo Wu thing, he ain't Latin-American. Latin, maybe. French, maybe. But NOT Latin American.

For further proof, let's look once more at his name. Trowa Barton. Frankly, unless it belongs to a tourist, Barton isn't going to be anyone's last name. "But nis name's not actually Trowa!" Fine, let's take his real name. Triton Bloom.

Let me finish sniggering before I reiterate.

Unless it belongs to a tourist, Bloom ain't gonna be found in any of Latin America.

We's Rodriquez y Salvator y Gomez y Gonzales y Sanchez, gente. NOT GAY-ASS BLOOM.

My apologies and pity to anyone named "Bloom" that I may have inadvertantly offended.

So he isn't Latin-American.

Plus, do we remember what his family's profession (that he still holds to this day, in addition to his stinting about with the Preventers) is? Circus performer.

How many circus performers are there in Latin America? Hell, how many circuses are there in Latin America?

We's farmers, Bob. Not acrobats.

So he's DEFINATELY NOT one to have originated on the Western hemisphere or on a colony who's culture was derived from such.

For those of you wondering where he could be from if he is, in fact, Latin, try Sicily. Italy. Vatican City. THAT'S truly Latin. They also have large shozes like Trowa/Triton, a trait that's not generally carried in Latin-American people. Same thing with the green eyes and height. Latin-American people are short as a rule, dude.

And Sicileans, Italians, etc. are more likely to be circus acrobats.

However, I still think he may be French.

Whatever.

Let's just call him "European" and be done with it.

~Andy Lomelli

P.S. -- For those of you screaming that I have insulted Latin Americans thoroughly, let me say this; I can do that all I want. I'm Mexican-American, and therefore insulting myself as I do such. So there. (VEG)


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