San Diego Politics Online
A Bug's Rights
By J. P. Orphanos
6 January 1999
I was getting ready to cut my lawn when all of a sudden a group of people congregated in front of my home. As I wrapped up trimming the bushes, they started to write something on cardboard sheets and began yelling. I ignored them as the sound of my gasoline power mower drowned out their chants of "Murderer, Criminal and Home Wrecker".
Later to infuriate the crowd further, I whipped out a can of bug spray and doused a troublesome anthill on the side slope. Those assembled went nuts and just in time the police arrived to cart off the unruly wackos. Then I woke up.
It's not that I hate bugs, even though my wife does, and it's not this reoccurring dream that has raised my flag of concern. My fear is that the next big environmental crisis on the horizon will pit mankind against bugkind and the effects could be extremely disastrous to our wellbeing and lifestyles. You see they are already here, the bug huggers are swarming.
Remember what happened to our society after we were introduced to cartoons and movies showing animals with human characteristics? Sure, we all laughed at Huckleberry Hound, Bugs Bunny and Mr. Peabody. But now, we have come to realize what these animal rights pioneers were trying to do. First, they wanted to make us believe that animals think like us and second, that all of these poor creatures needed to be protected from the evil, cruel and heartless Elmer Fudds of the world.
Witness before you, the radical shift from Bunny Hugger to Buggy Hugger. You laugh and say it could never happen. Well it already has! Some of the most extreme environmental wackos have been preaching for years that there are too many humans populating the earth. Their conspiracy to de-humanize the planet is well documented and their plans are now being spread into society by the ever-illuminating Hollywood movie making, do-gooders.
What self-respecting parent or grandparent hasn't taken their little ones to see "A Bug's Life" or "Antz" at the cinema? Usually, followed up with a stop at McDonald's for a "Bug's Life meal deal" or over to the toystore for a battery operated, remote control ladybug that sings and dances popular folk songs from the 1960's.
I became totally convinced of this conspiracy, when I discovered on the Web that the U.S Department of Fish and Game currently lists over 867 bugs with some sort of protected status. Bugs across America listed state by state as either protected, endangered, threatened, on "Watch Lists" or in some possible future need of protection.
I am talking bugs here, not verifiable cute cuddly furballs like Bambi and Thumper. There is no doubt that the conspiracy to protect bugs will make the animal right's movement appear juvenile and totally undisciplined. The hardcore wackos who want to depopulate "Mother Earth" and restore it to a pristine "Garden of Eden" utopia, are on the march like soldier ants.
The old, dead, tired environmental themes of saving an old growth forest or rebuilding a damaged vernal pool have become relics of the past. These passe ventures serve now only as recruitment exercises and training grounds. The real war is yet to be waged. While we idly sit by, the children are being indoctrinated and the parents inoculated.
Since the days when hunter-gatherers first congregated in a preferred environment and thus sparked the agricultural revolution, pest and insect control has meant the difference between a community thriving or barely surviving. In many places around the world, people know about the ravages of bugs on their food supply. We who live in the neo-third wave, techno information age have forgotten where our food supply comes from (please pass the Soylent Green).
We have become disconnected from the family farm and do not know how to grow food, tend flocks and process grain or even what plants will kill us if we eat them. We rely on big agricultural conglomerates to grow and package our "Wheaties" and frozen, low-fat, microwaveable TV dinners.
The United States is dangerously approaching a nexus where pest control and food manufacturing could be impeded. One fact remains certain, if the bugs are allowed to eat more, there will be less food for humans to eat.
We must prepare ourselves for the upcoming battle. Throw away your children's Ant Farm and singing remote controlled ladybug. This spring get a few 5-gallon containers, some soil and vegetable seeds from the local supply store. Then show the kids how a little, tiny seed can grow and become yummy tomatoes, zucchinis and carrots. Explain to them why we need to keep bugs away from our plants and be sure to throw in words they understand like icky, slimy and ugly.
Maybe, my recurring dream has something to do with watching the ants attack Chuck Heston in the film "Naked Jungle" twelve times in a row. I don't know, but one thing is for sure. I want fruits and vegetables that are inexpensive, look good and taste great. I don't like bugs in my food or in my garden. I hate to sound militant, but when the bug police come knocking at my front door, they will have to pry my cold dead hands off my can of bug spray, before I give it up.
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