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*** 8/17/01 - 8/21/01 Movie Shoot -- The Rules of Attraction
*** 6/28/01 - 7/2/01 Whoser Con 4 got improv? Toronto, Canada
*** 3/24/01 Punchline Comedy Club -- Greg Proops
*** 1/5/01 Book Signing -- Orson Scott Card
*** 8/5/00 Show Taping -- Whose Line is it Anyway?
*** 7/30/00 Show Taping -- Whose Line is it Anyway?
*** 7/28/00 Show Taping -- Whose Line is it Anyway?
*** 6/21/00 - 6/23/00 Movie Shoot -- Slackers
*** 5/26/00 Show Taping -- The Wayne Brady Show
*** 4/27/00 Book Signing -- Michael Palin
*** 4/18/00 Concert -- Ani Difranco
*** 11/18/99 Theater -- Amadeus
*** 9/4/99 Book Signing -- Orson Scott Card
*** 4/20/99 Book Signing -- Ray Bradbury

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The Wayne Brady Show. *deep sigh** Wayne Brady, for those ignoramuses or just too-busy-to-care ppl out there, is the black guy on Whose Line is It Anyway. I'd been hearing that he was getting his own ABC variety show for quite a while, but finally there was a date for filming and tickets availabe from Audiences Unlimited!! Yah!!! So tickets were procurred [they are free, thank goodness] and plans were made. As it turned out, only 5 people ended up attended where 12 were provided for. Oh well, to you who could not come I say 'neener neener!!' though I am sorry you could not come.

But soft, who *did* go? My mom, my sister, Delma, Laura, and myself. We left right after school, though we did have to take a detour across town to drop off the drama teacher, the key of which was broken off in her car door. Then we embarked upon the long and treacherous drive to deepest, darkest Hollywood. We didn't even really get lost, either. We parked on Lillian Way which is where the website said the audience entrance is. We walked down toward that entrance and found some people standing around. This was the line for the show. We ended up being numbers 8-12 -- !!! Wow! And we were even there two hours early! We did learn a few lessons -- like go to the bathroom before hand [though they do give you the opportunity to before the show] and EAT BEFORE. While we waited, Laura, Delma and self played Three-Headed Broadway Star and 90-second alphabet. We also saw the most ghetto van in the world and Wayne Knight turned his car around there, John Travolta drove by, Laura saw Kevin Spacey with a hooked nose driving on the freeway, and one of the Audiences Unlimited guys was Gary Sinise's exact lookalike [only about 2 feet shorter I've no doubt].

Finally we were herded into the studio after being severelly warned that we would go through a metal detector and that any camaras would be confiscated [Laura had to run mine back to the car, bless her, but all those threats amounted to nought]. We walked in and went into the most GHETTO bleachers I've yet seen. We were seated in the VERY FRONT ROW, on the extreme right side [if you're facing the stages, if you're facing the bleachers we were on the left], Laura was on the aisle and Delma had to sit behind us. These seats were perfect for some things and sucked ass for others. For instance, the woman next to Delma and behind me had the most HIDEOUS laugh in the world. I swear to god, the woman was going to die or something even if Laura wasn't ready to kill her. Next, is the ordeal of the guy who was meant to keep the audience in a good mood between takes. He had Greg Proops hair and could do some neat juggling tricks, but his constant whispering into the microphone and blatant IGNORING of our whole side of the audience wore out my nerves. He spent 99.5% of the show on the extreme other end of the stadium [there were well over 300 people there!!] and gave all the prizes out there, all those people were the ones filmed for the show and for bits of the show, and so that's where Wayne went anytime he wandered into the audience. That bugged.

ANYWAY!!! The first scene finally started and it was Wayne as 'new Latin pop sensation Tito Cabesa [I think]' and he comes out with a mini-fro wig and tight clothes, a mustache, and two dancer girls [one of which was Wayne's lovely wife, Mandie!] and sings this song about grabbing his ass. 'Grab it, come on and grab it... why don't you grab my bum?' and the wonders of his bum and then one part, he stops, heads into the audience with an irritated look saying 'I have been singing this whole time and you will not look at my ass!' and starts wiggleing it for this one row, then goes back and finishes up the song. There were three or four takes of this for one reason or another, and at the end, while the executives were discussing how it had gone, Wayne was joking around the audience about how funny it was that the execs were discussing his ass and how Dan Patterson [who was there, talking to the audience and stuff -- very cool!] loves the song because in England they don't have asses. When we broke off as a colony, we took all the ass with us [interjected funnies like 'The Boston Ass Party' were uttered]. There was a bit filmed with Tito and the audience where we all stood up and clapped along yelling 'Grab it!'. It was fun. *grin* Then they were done with that scene.

By the way, I want to mention that before they began filming anything, my mom was talking to these people from Temecula and this fellow walking around got them a script, so my mom figured he must be nice so she mentioned that I have a site for Wayne and had brought him a birthday card and stuff. So the guy said he'd see what he could do, and pointed me out to the really pissy guy in charge of the soundstage [the countdown guy!]. 'Oh hooray!' thought I. I had brought Wayne a birthday card just like the one I made for Michael Palin cuz Wayne's birthday is June 2nd [he said so himself so anyone who wants to dispute it can kiss this] and I brought him one of the pony bead bracelets I'd made, plus a picture I printed of him and Greg at the TV Guide Awards to ask him to sign.

Moving on, I cannot promise I am reciting this is the correct order, but I am trying. I think next they showed us the first 'package' as Dan said, of pre-recorded clips. There were 'Commercials that didn't make it', Historical Spit-Take #1, and some funny things like Wise Men stealing myrrh, a Sparticus bit, and I think that was all. The next scene filmed was filmed on the other side of the studio on a mall backdrop. Wayne, Joel [the big guy], and the Andy Kaufman lookalike guy were dressed as teenage girls, and three of the other guys, led by the cute guy come on and cute guy says 'Follow me boys, those girls just gave us the signal!' and so they go up and banter a bit and stuff. My favorite bit is when cute guy says 'I'm Luke and this is my *posse*. This is David and this is also David'... that was a funny sketch and they only did it twice.

I believe they then took an interlude and following whatever that was about, they filmed the opening and closing, where Wayne comes out and all that, and we all yell and scream and then he introduces Tito -- we filmed that a few times, and finally the end where he says goodbye. Then they began to set up for a spoof on Kids Say the Darndest Things, with Wayne playing Bill Cosby [so funny!]. He had to have a cigar too, lit and all, and he was horsing with it saying 'I have to look like I actually smoke these things' and pretending to stick it in his eye and such... So they had for this scene Jonathon [curly-hair] playing a kid who describes his parents going at it, then Jamie [the girl] playing a little girl whose 'mommy told [her] that thousands of people die horrible, painful deaths from smoking cigarettes and cigars' and second hand smoke while Wayne blows some in her face. Then cute guy was a kid in overalls who kept rolling his eyes like when Wayne asks 'What's your name?' he says 'Like it isn't right there on your card and right there on the moniter!' and when Wayne tells him to say something cute he says 'All right, I saw my parents having sex too'. Finally the last one was Joel [the big guy] dressed as Alfalfa. Wayne says 'Now little boy please say something cute and amusing' so the big guy says 'I have a bunny' and Wayne says 'And what do you call your bunny?' the guys says 'Timmy, but the voice in my head has another name' when Wayne asks, the guy gets the most evil look on his face and croaks 'BEALZABUB' [sp?] and it was VERY funny!!! They did that one three times, the second time Wayne got to Jonathon and must have blanked cuz he asked 'Do you like Calipso music?' and busted up. Then they did it a third time perfect... the cigar issue was funny too -- for one take Wayne had to get it relit and the guy lighting it was coughing and Wayne said 'See?' *hee* and for that same take I think, when he introduced himself 'Hi, I'm Bill Cosby. For years I've entertained America by saying cute and amusing things, but now I just have kids say them so I can sit back and puff on my cigar [puff] Puff. Sick.' *hee* It was comedy.

I don't know if it was then or what that they showed another package... but they did at some one or two other points in the process of the evening I think. There was a terrific scene with Wayne and Andy Kaufman guy as aliens, and more historical spit-takes and commercials that didn't make it. There was also a boy band spoof singing about puberty with cute guy as 'Baby Alex' and big guy, Jonathon guy, and Wayne as I think it was Crystal..? They were really good!!

The next scene I believe was the military one which was the decided favorite of the audience in general. It was really good! They put up this huge American flag backdrop, Wayne and four others came out in army get-up. The other four lined up and it was one of those drill-sargent sketches with Wayne as the sargent. The first guy was Jonathon [curly-hair] and he barked like a seal, the second was Joel, the third I believe might have been cute guy, and the fourth was Jamie. It was a very funny, but very long scene -- the best part was when Wayne fed saltines to Jonathon [the seal guy] who sprayed them out while barking 'Sir, No Sir' and spit probably all of them on the stage or on Wayne. They did this one in one take and I think if it makes it to the show, it will be cut down quite a bit.

The next scene was with just the Andy Kaufman guy, as Andy Kaufman playing Jim Carrey and talking out of his ass. Anyone who has seen Man on the Moon or is an Andy Kaufman fan I think would just totally dig this one! However, no one in the audience really seemed to like it too much [meaning he didn't get as much applause as Wayne would have had he been doing it], but I loved it!! The guy was soooo funny and so cute!! He had played Ceasar in the Sparticus sketch and was just terrific, I thought.

I think it was then that they filmed some scenes of just the audience clapping and cheering and laughing. Dan Patterson was telling us one-liners. Just seeing him after hearing his name read off at the end of Whose Line so often was cool, though I understand he gives the exact same prep talk to every single audience. How tedious must that be for him? *sigh* If I had that kind of job, methinks I might vary a bit. But I do not presume to understand anyone else and their motivations. In any case they didn't even really film our end of the studio. *sigh*

Finally they were preparing for the second to last sketch [the 'Kids Say the Darndest Things' through 'Andy Kaufman' had all been filmed on the central stage] on the stage RIGHT in front of US!! Yah!! Well, while we waited, the crowd-pleaser guy was doing some shit in back, so Laura and I were watching the scene get set, and the cute guy and Jonathon were sitting at one of the tables [it was a swank restaurant scene] so Laura and I decided to wave to them if they looked up. AND THEY DID!! So we're waving at them all silly and so they responded in like form and then did just what we were doing - nudging the other and giggle-talking, when I look over to see the stage guys from earlier coming toward me, pointing at me... followed by WAYNE!!!! So I reached down as fast as possible to grab the birthday card and remove all papers from it while he comes up and says 'Hi', shakes my hand and asks my name. So I gave him the card and bracelet [which he put on!] and he was so touched -- he said that it was the first birthday card he'd gotten this year and I'd even beat his wife, but not to tell her or she'd hit him. Then he walked around the railing and gave me a big hug!! The whole audience said 'Awwwwww...!!' and that naturally drew Mike, the crowd-guy who rushed over, asked my name and what was up... Then he said 'What's your name?' I told him, so he had the whole crowd give 'A big round of applause for Darcy!'!!! Wayne meanwhile had shaken and squeezed my hand and my mom said something about my website and he perked up and asked, so I told him it was written on the back of the card, then the picture I'd brought fell out of the card, so Wayne grabbed it and giggled about his 'orange hair'. And I asked if he would sign it, so he asked for a pen and all at the same time, my mom, Mike, and Laura each thrust one at him and he jumped back jokingly, taking Mike's pen as it was closest, and began writing on the back of the card. Mike meantime asked about his birthday, Wayne said 'I don't know what *day* it is, but it's the 2nd', so Mike determined it was in exactly a week [getting to be a habit, Darcy!!! *wink*]!! Then they lamented that we couldn't sing Happy Birthday as it's copyrighted & blah blah blah... Oh, someone nearby asked Wayne if he'd still be on Whose Line and he repeated it sarcastically saying that he'd be on Whose Line til it was dead and gone. I believe the metaphor was actually 'I'll ride that horse til it's dead'... something like that... *grinnnn***

Then the pissy stage guy started yelling 'Come on Wayne! We're filming!' [eh, who can blame him, he's probably union.] so Wayne finished the message on my picture ["DARCY, Thanks so much for watching my and supporting my show! You're so sweet, thank you x 10 Love, Wayne'], ran toward the set, immediately ran back to the middle aisle, taking the bracelet off on the way, to pass it and the card to his mom [or so my sister says, in any case, we saw his mom there!!] and then ran on to do the scene. It was him meeting Jamie at the restaurant cuz she wanted to talk about how she feels about their relationship and that he's ignoring her while he starts making noises and stuff: not paying attention in general... it was good. They only did one take.

Meantime, I was just in seventh heaven, on cloud nine, elated!!! WOOOO!!!!!! Laura kept nudging me... YEEYEYEYEYEYYE~!!!!! I don't remember all that went down then, except that they got ready to film the very last thing -- a song. So Wayne comes out and the big black guy and the other big guy -- all in tuxedos and the big guy with a beard made to look like Pavarotti. The guy counts down to a voiceover 'The Public Broadcasting System presents the 3 Dopeass Tenors' and the music starts and the three guys start rocking to the music as it gets a little more upbeat and they sing 'Three Dopeass Tenors are we, getting busy on the MIC, much better than Puff Daddy' blah and then Wayne takes it 'Blah blah Italian really flies... I like big butts and I cannot lie!' then the big guy sings 'We got the funk' [funk funk] 'Junk in the trunk' [trunk trunk] 'Tenors make your jump' [jump jump -- and they really did!!] then waving the hands and 'Sing ho ho ho ho' etc. and BG: 'I'll sing it some more!' and then the big black guy sings 'I'm from the West Side of Italy' Wayne:'Do you mean Compton?' BBG: 'No, Sicily' Wayne: 'Sicily?' Both: 'West Side, he!' then it starts into 'I'm the Pavoratti I'm the real Pavoratti all you other Pavoratti's...' like that Slim Shady song and 'Will the real Pavoratti please stand up, please stand up' and it was soooo funny! and then Wayne: 'We be phat' BG:'You taling to me' Wayne 'No, P H A T' BBG: 'Just chill, G'... and they end with all three going 'WORD!' and then they had two stage hands throwing flowers on stage... it was soooo funny, but they had to film it like 5 times cuz they kept screwing up or something -- one time Wayne screwed up and was saying 'I'm sooo sorry... I WROTE the damn thing!' and then one time all three of them knew they'd screwed up so they started just funk-dancing around the stage and getting jiggy with it... *heeeeee*** then they finally got it and we were done! They had people blocking the walkway down to the soundstage and were only letting the special guests through... Wayne was *surrounded* so I was eternally grateful that the stage people had let me see him when they had!! yah!!! then we scidaddled out of there, got something to eat [well, us non-anorexic folk... those of us who don't go six hours without eating and then just have lemonade or a small fries. freaks.]

So that's my beautiful story. I love Wayne Brady forever now... I discovered on the way back that my shirt smelled of his cologne... he smelled GOOD too... now the smell is gone. boo!!! But maybe he'll see my site and like it!! woo!!! And I'm sure Whose Line will afford a more personal feel cuz I don't think the studio is quite so large and it's not like it's the pilot episode!!

So, ultimately, this was the greatest thing in the whole world!! I was the only one of the 300 fans who got an autograph [that I know of] who got an autograph and a hug... in front of all of them, plus a big round of applause!! WOOOO!!! And he was right there and he knows who I am and he might even wear that bracelet and he appreciated the card and I'm just the happiest person ON EARTH. *griN*