freakphone


it all started in english class.... A First Offering: script is from a lazy day in english when laura and i were passing notes and decided to do 'questions only' and then got bored, so laura set a scene by asking me for actor names, a place, etc. and fitting into the mad-libs of her mind I suppose. we giggled so hard i almost exploded. *grin* A Second: song composed by Laura and Daryn in the last few moments of lunchtime on a Thursday. this was resulting from memils commenting on delma's "potty-mouth" so laura and i were cussing up a blue streak and decided to make a song of it. she really formed the first bit and i did the second bit, but we got all the major curse-type words in there. sing a few times and get it stuck in your head. a third is another questions only -- our second attempt and while it falls short of the first, it's good in it's own rite. in any case, see if you can appreciate this kind of thing too...


Newsies's Crossing

by The Satan Siblings (Daryn Draven and Laura P. Stiles)
'Questions Only' style.

    Christian Bale [Laura] and Steve Buscemi [Daryn] are arguing over the price of books in a Seattle Starbucks.

Steve Buscemi: Why the fuck do these shitty books cost so fucking much?

Christian Bale: Would you bloody pipe it down?

SB: Why the fuck should I, motherfucker?

CB: How the shit did we end up in Seattle?

SB: How the fuck should I know, you limey wimp?

CB: Do you want to take this outside?

SB: Oh, you fucking think you're a fucking man cuz you can fuck two fucking prostitutes at once?

CB: Who the fuck do you think you are?

SB: Why don't you fucking eat a fucking crumpet?

CB: Why don't you go fuck a skank in the snow - fargo boy?

SB: Don't you have anything fucking else to do, psycho boy?

CB: Why don't I shove a fucking crumpet up your scrawny little fucking ass?

SB: Don't you know that my sadistic little ball-smacking dwarf is gunna fucking WASTE your fucking little newsies ass?

CB: Don't *you* know that my kick ass Nazi friend is gonna kick your fucking space-boy ass into the fucking atmosphere?

SB: Why don't you fucking love me, man?

CB: Why don't you come over here and we can fuck 6 women at once?

SB: Where is all this anger coming from [fuck]?

CB: Don't you know it's from the fucking coffee?

SB: Don't you fucking know that I fucking want you to fucking want me?

CB: Would you fuck me to the tune of '80s music?

SB: Are you aware that it's fucking hip to be fucking square?

CB: Are you fucking serious?

SB: Was her name 'Serious'?

CB: Whose name?

SB: Nevermind that, what about the fucking books?

CB: Fuck the books, wanna fuck some prostitutes?

SB: What the fuck is it with you and the fucking, fucking prostitutes?

CB: Are you jealous that I have a fuck ass apartment to fuck prostitutes?


The Cussing Song

by The Satan Siblings (Daryn Draven and Laura P. Stiles)
Sung to the tune of 'Head, shoulders, knees and toes'

Bitch
Bastard
Shit and Damn
Shit and Damn

Bitch
Bastard
Shit and Damn
Shit and Damn

Ass and hell and fuck and crap

Bitch
Bastard
Shit and Damn
Shit and Damn


Max's World

by The Satan Siblings (Daryn Draven and Laura P. Stiles)
'Questions Only' style.

    Mike Myers [Laura] and Jason Schwartzman[Daryn] arebitch slapping in a Pepsi factory in Cheyenne, Wyoming over the ownership of a purple bracelet.

Mike Myers: Isn't that MY bracelet?

Jason Schwartzman: Didn't I tell you that Dirk's mom gave it to me - along with a hand job you fuck?

MM: Who the fuck is Dirk?

JS: Didn't you fucking see Rushmore?

MM: Why the fuck should I, isn't it obvious that I am fuckin' funnier than that shit hole excuse for a lame ass film?

JS: I fucking saved fucking Latin -- what did you ever do?

MM: Didn't you ever see Saturday nIhgt Live - you ball-licking fuck nut?

JS: Weren't you that pathetic Wayne motherfucker?

MM: Jesus, weren't you that lame ass puss sucking Rushmore dip shit that had that fuck ass red hat that looked like a baboon ass on a bad day?

JS: My fucking ogd you fuck wad and stuff, what the shit of zombie hell has crawled up your punking middle aged ass and died a fucking gruesome death?

MM: Why don't you take a fucking Pepsi can and shove it up your ass you ball busting fuck shit?

JS: How the fucking shit do we fucking always end up cussing up a fucking blue-streak?

MM: Does it bother you, Jason? You sweet young talented youth?

JS: What the fuck is stopping me from shoving a Pepsi bottle up your ass, you double-questioning prick?

MM:Oh Jesus, God, will you? Will you shove a glistening can up my tight sexy (fucking) ass?

JS: Will you stop fucking scaring me, man?

MM: Why should I? Can't I just rip your clothes off and stare, you fucking stallion?

JS: What the fuck? Why do you always ask TWO questions?

MM: Don't you think that our lustful, sweaty, sexual, fuck-filled converstaion is worth two questions?

JS: What is: you've completely lost me.

MM: Isn't it completely clear that I'm gay?

JS: So that's why you want the bracelet?

MM: Why the fuck do you want the bracelet then?

JS: Don't you know it was FRAN DORN's fucking bracelet then, you sexy... er.. you bitch!?!?

MM: Shit, how the hell do I come back to a coment regarding the most profound woman in poetry?

JS: But what does it all mean?

MM: How the fuck should I know - wanna get fuckin' plastered and fuck 20 women and men in fucking one fucking day?

JS: Did you forget that you are fucking MIKE fucking MYERS and not Christian fucking Bale this time?

MM: What the fuck - youa re Jason Schwartzman? Did he even cuss once in Rushmore?

JS: Did you ever fucking WATCH Rushmore you clam chowder shit?

MM: What fucking redeeming value could secrete out of that puss producing fuck ass film??

JS: Well, don't you fucking think that it fucking secretes a plethora more than any of your pansy-shit armadillo-blowing sludge muck crack whore monkey man film thingees?

MM: Well, don't you think, you schmuck blowing, cock sucking, ball licking, scrotum eater, that you are the fuck? What the fuck is up with that?

JS: You really wanna fucking know, little weed whacker?

MM: You really wanna fucking tell me piss drinker?

JS: Is this piss? Ewwww...

MM: Where?

JS: Are you blind as a fucking slime sucking pissant of a starnosed mole?

MM: Are you dumb-crusted as that Pepsi-drinking midget whacking off in the corner?

JS: Are you gunna let me fucking have the fucking purple fuck ass bracelet?

MM: Are you gunna fuckin' answer that fucking question fuck ass?

JS: Do you fuck ass want fucking me to fucking answer the gee-golly happy sunny question you fucking hamster lover?

MM: Do you know any other words other than fuck - you shit fuck?

JS: Will you please excuse me, Mr. Fucking Dorn if I can't project prolific prose such as thou, your fucking highness

MM: So does that mean I'm the fucking bad ass king of America and I get the shitty purple bracelet?

JS: Don't you fucking think this is a little fucking silly?

MM: Is it just me, or are all the midget factory workers fucking staring?

JS: What the shit does it matter, you fucking hunk of throbbing manhood?

MM: Wanna fuck - you fuck?!?

JS: Should we fucking end this scene now, draw the curtain and go at it like fucking animals cuz it's NOT about the sex *wink*wink*?

MM: Sounds like a plan, eh?


This page last updated January 15th, 2002

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