September 17, 1998

About 1:30 today I fell into some sort of deep depression. After some soul searching I am still unable to find why it is. Perhaps to be happy is a choice, but I look around and what do I have to be happy about. Ture I have many material things. I am also blessed with a strong mind and the ability to think things through. Perhaps there is a lot to be happy about but I have grown so use to those things that they no longer inspire me.

Upon returning home today I downed 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, then went upstairs. I haven't said a word to anyone in about an hour now. So I think "what should I do to help boost my self-esteem?" then I remember a book I read, so i dig it out and page through it. The book is titled The Greatest Salesman in the World, and it is by Og Mandino. There is one part in the book which I had forgotten until recently, and I quote here:
And how will I master my emotions so that every day is a happy day, and a productive one? I will learn this secret of the ages: Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts. Each day when I awaken, I will follow this plan of battle before I am captured by the forces of sadness, self-pity and failure--

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garmens.
If I feel uncertain I will Raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of the wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will remember past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be master of my emotions

Henceforth I will know that only those with inferior ability can always be at their best, and I am not inferior.

Upon reading these words I feel better. And perhaps the road ahead is not paved with gold, but I am set to face it.

The Buda
9/17/98