The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the perferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has adopted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v"

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similiar changs vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer

Ze drem vil finali kum tru