NOEL ON OASIS

So what is the real chemistry of Oasis?
"It's when we're onstage. There is no chemistry when we're writing, because I'm alone with myself. I take a lot of things from TV and from people I meet - certain one-liners where I think, I'll have that. The real chemistry is performing, and I suppose it happens in the studio as well. Like, when I'm trying to get Liam to sing summat in the correct manner, and he's just not gonna do it cos he's a stubborn little cunt. I'll be like, Fuck off, I'll sing it then. It's amazing how you get it in one take after that. I'll try and push the band to do stuff. Bonehead'll just play the same thing constantly, so I'll be like, It all fits, but surprise me, y'know? I just have a go, with Alan as well. He'll do a great drum track, but you go, C'mon, you can do better than that, can't ya?"

Surely you talk to people like Weller about your music, don't you?
"I don't see Paul all that much, actually, not as much as it's made out to be. Haven't seen him for months. I've talked to John Power a lot about music. Steve Cradock. Martin out of The Boo Radleys as well. For some bizarre reason. Don't ask me why that is, cos he's a scouser and he's in The Boo Radleys... I trust his instinct for music, he's got a good ear. Paul Weller just thinks everything's shit apart from him, which is cool as well. John Power's just as cosmic as the day is long. He's like, Sounds like a pyramid, la', knoworrimean? Y'know, Funnily enough, John, no I don't..."

Tell us about the new songs, then.
"We've been doing two of the faster ones live, Me & My Big Mouth and It's Getting Better, Man, but there's a couple of quite slowish ones, the same sort of mood as Wonderwall, rhythm-wise, but I definitely wanna use some form of sequencing, and mad keyboard noises, just to make them sound a bit more '90s. We've still got the rock songs, and the rock ballads. But we've got four or five where we wanna make them more into hip hop rhythm tracks with keyboard stuff - not just Hammond organ and make it sound like The Charlatans, but I'm starting to get me head round sampling and all of that now. "I've got 15 songs on a cassette. Like I say, I went to Mustique with Owen (Morris, producer of first two albums) with a digital 8-track and a keyboard to do the strings on. I played them on acoustic and Owen programmed the drums in. It's the first time I've ever done any demo's, bar Live Forever and Up In The Sky. But it sounds good. My Big Mouth sounds fuckin' excellent, like a cannon going off in your head. There's about four like that, quite Stooges-like. Then there's the stuff in the vein of Don't Look Back In Anger, and there's a couple of Wonderwall's on there. It's Getting Better, Man is like the big fuckin' party tune, quite camp as well - our Liam with his fuckin' hand on his hips, ha!"

Titles?
"What have we got? Don't Go Away, Stand By Me - that's pretty good. I was looking for a bit in the chorus. It goes, (sings) "Nobody knows the way it's gonna be", so 'me' rhymes with 'be', three syllables, thank you very much. I thought it was a good title for a song, anyway. All Around The World, The Fame, which are me being a sarcastic twat. The lyrics go, 'I'm a man of choice/In an old Rolls Royce/Sat here howling at the moon/Is my happening too deafening for you?' Quite like that. It's about people who say fame's changed us, and us saying, Well, it wouldn't fuckin' change you, would it? If you lived the life we fuckin' live...
"I tell you what I found funny the other day, me and our kid pissed ourselves laughing. We opened the press to find out that poor Johnny and poor Simon from Menswear have had nervous breakdowns because being Johnny and Simon from Menswear, (fake tears) the press had all become too much. We burst... Like, you wanna try being me and this cunt for an afternoon. You'd slit your own fuckin' throat, mate! No wonder we've got a 40-grand-a-week crack habit as it says in the News Of The Fuckin' World. You'd need one, as well. (pause) That is the funniest thing I've heard since the ex-drummer said White-y sagged. The pressure of being Menswear. Must be - nobody knowing who you, playing to two people down in Camden. Pressure. "Anyway, we go in and start recording in October, we're gonna do the single, have it out in January, and around then we'll start recording the album. The last one took about 15 days, so we're probably gonna take about three weeeks this time. No, we're planning to spend about three months on it, and hopefully it'll be out for June, with a single first. All depending whether we split up in the studio and the usual bollocks, walk-outs and bust-ups and trying to get Bonehead out of the boozer." Cork, American tour, gig in Hawaii, Japanese tour, gig in HK,one in NZ, then Aus tour, England in December, "where I do believe we're doing something really really special around Christmas time. I'm not saying any more, but we're doing a big gig somewhere in England around Christmas. You'll have to watch out for that one."

Three-month holiday: what does a man like Noel do?
"I was writing nights, but I finally got my first suntan. It's gone now, but when I got back to England everyone went. Look at the state of you, you look double weird, man. You're like brown, man. But what else? I had to buy an house. When I say 'had to', it wasn't that bad, you know. But I didn't do a lot. Just took the phone off the hook sort of thing."

Liam seems more relaxed onstage at the moment.
"He went through this stage where he couldn't understand why people were saying all these things about him, when he just stood there with his hands behind his back. It done his head in a bit. He felt like he should be doing more stuff, and he didn't know what to do. When he's up there, he's just Liam, you know? Now he's rose to the fucking occasion of being the big rock star. And he is, and he does it well. Fair play to him. It's a good job he's the singer and not me. I'd be a right cunt as a singer."

Is Patsy a steadying influence on him? Has she tamed the beast?
"No, that's bollocks. Patsy and Liam were up at nine o'clcok this morning, and he's got a gig tonight. It could be a monumental gig. It's going out to 300 million people tonight, and he was still up at nine o'clock this morning with her... So she's hardly a fucking steadying influence, is she? But yeah, I mean, they got engaged. I never thought I'd see the day. I was like, What for? He's going, (snotty kid, holding out ring finger) Cos I loov 'er! Top one! I'm like, I love her too, man, but y'know... He's like, You should get engaged as well, man, it's top! I'm like, Fuck off! I've got enough on my plate without having a fiancee to deal with."

Have parents met and everything?
"I don't know, because I try not ask him too much about his personal life. I really don't know. I've never met Patsy's parents. I would imagine they're fucking petrified of meeting Liam. She's met my Mam. My Mam's arsed, she'll talk to anyone. She likes her. She thinks everyone's great. (Breathless Paul Whitehouse character) Brilliant, brilliant! Aren't birds brilliant! But you know, they must be in love, so..."

What about you and Meg, then?
"Am I gonna be married with children? No, no... Meg's always going on about it, when she's on the gin and tonics and that. (Tired and emotional!) Why won't you marry me, you bastard! The way I see it, I'm already married to you, and it's not as if I'm going to fucking leave you or anything. If you wanna prance around in a fucking white dress, I'll buy you the dress. But I'm not going through a big rock 'n' roll wedding, and I don't feel like going to a registry office, because it's not me. I'm married to her anyway. I've lived with her for two years now, so she's me common-law wife, so... Why spend ten grand on a wedding, honey, when you can spend ten grand on a car? Or a guitar, even?"

Have you learnt to drive the Roller yet?
"Have I fuck! I refuse. Rock stars don't drive, mate. I wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't drive that car, it's too big. I haven't even sat behind the steering wheel yet. I've not even sat in the front. All I've ever sat is in the back on the left hand side. That's my seat. That's the only place to sit, like that (expansively smokes imaginary cigar) Take me to Harrods, please. But I must say I get quite embarrassed going out in it. I only ever do when we're going to the Brits and stuff like that, when we went to the Mission Impossible premier. Only right, innit, cos you might meet knobhead out of Blur there on his fucking pushbike. You know, Have you seen that, spotty?"

Hasn't that hatchet been buried yet?
"I'll tell you a funny story, right? You know what Brett Anderson was saying about him slagging him off around Europe, I found the same thing in America, right? Everywhere I went, he'd been three weeks before. This bloke was going on about being working class, and how Damon'd said I'd bought this disgustingly fucking large Rolls Royce, that I drive around London in it waving to all the poor people! I'm like, Number one, it's none of that twat's business, number two, somebody gave it to me. What are you gonna do, No, don't want it, stick it in your garage! Number three, how dare he... He was telling this geezer we're not working class, that it's an image! fair enough, but he is middle class, he wears fuckings rips in the fucking legs of his fucking jeans. I'm working class, but I don't. I'm not trying to project any sort of image. I'm just trying to better myself, mate. People've seen through him now, which I'm glad about. People know he's a cunt and he's a knobhead. He's had his day. Well, he has, hasn't he? "I like the way every time I pick up a newspaper, it's how Oasis still won't let go of this Blur/Oasis thing. How come every time I pick up a paper and we're in it, we're talking about us, and how great we are, and how massive we are around the world. With him, it's howmuch of a cunt I am. I went to Cannes film festival, right, and he was there. When I got back, I read a piece and he said, I went to Cannes and Noel Gallagher followed me around everywhere... (pause to summon vitriol) Like I've got fuck all better to do than get on a plane to Cannes to follow you around with your fucking ugly bird! You know what I mean! The thought of it! (gets up, paces around like hanger on) Can I come with ya? (finally sits back down) I'd rather sit back at home and discuss getting married with Meg."

What is there left for you to do? What's the dream?
"Nothing. I'd like to do a big free gig somewhere. I know it sounds corny, but a big gig for charity, just to give summat back to someone. It's like, we've made enough money out of this now. And not to get publicity. I mean, like, me need publicity? I don't think so. No, I think that'd be good. Do it on Salisbury Plain, somewhere really massive that could hold, like, you know, a couple of million people. So that'd be it really. It'd be nice to see Man City win something, of course."

Have you thought about putting money into the club? Alan McGee's talking about buying into Rangers...
"McGee's full of shit. He's still on this 18 Wheeler bit. Won't let it lie. And he won't drop the BMX Bandits, will he? Oh no. Alan McGee, right? It was my girlfriend's birthday, she's having this party and McGee turns up with a box. So she opens this box, and it's a load of fucking lace see-through underwear. Meg's going it's really nice, but I go, McGee, can I have a word, right? What are you doing buying my bird see-through underwear? What are you, a ginger-haired Scottsih person who owns my record company, buying my bird girlie underwear for? Where's your fucking head at? Did you actually go into a shop and buy this stuff, stand there...? "But a share in City? I don't think I fancy the thought of waking up one morning and there's a load of City thugs outside my house going, Gallagher out! I think it'd be more trouble than it's worth really. I'd like to do something. Y'know, we did two gigs at Maine Road which we paid them 100 grand for, and what do they do? Spent it on a player, and you don't get that much for 100 grand these days, do you?"

You write about what's around you. These days you're surrounded by bodyguards, other famous people and top-flight record execs. Is that what the third album will be all about?
"The lyrics on the next album, and the vibe of the music Ð it's a reaction to the boredom of having to drag around in convoys with police escorts. Definitely Maybe was me sat at home dreaming of being a young, free rock star living it large. Morning Glory was actually doing it. This one is wishing I was still fucking back at home doing what I was doing before it all kicked off. It's quite up. There's a lot of cynical lines in there, but funny as well. It's not moaning or anything, it's just saying, (earthy Lancastrian tone) In't that fucking daft?!"

And you dream of being back in Burnage...
"Well... So that was ludicrous. Having to throw Mick Hucknall out of the backstage area yesterday was quite ludicrous. We've got a tent for our family and friends, and he was in there. I'm like, Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's neither a member of my family nor a fucking friend to us, so can you get him out. He's pissing me off. Just looking at his head. "Then there was... Sat in Burt Bacharach's hotel room one afternoon singing This guy's in love with you, just me and him on piano Ð that was quite ludicrous as well, just for the fact that he's 67 and I'm 29. Could be my Grandad. I mean, what do you talk to him about. I was just coming on like, (looks blank for a few seconds) D'ya like The Clash? He's like, (Bacharach's foppy West Coast bur to a tee) Uh, I can't say I've ever heard of them. Then he idles over to the piano on the other side of the room and starts playing the intro to This Guy's In Love With You. Then he turn around to me and goes, Just join in, man. I'm sat there thinking, How the fuck did I manage to get here? Doing the show at the Royal Festival Hall was nerve-wracking because I'd never sang without being up there with an electric or acoustic guitar. I was sat on a stool with a microphone like fucking Val Doonican, with a 36-piece orchestra behind me being directed by Burt Bacharach. It was ace. Mad. "I can't remember half the stuff that's happened to me over the last two years. I just switch off half the time and just go with it. I don't go out in London now, either. I used to go out all the time, but it just became too much of a hassle. It pisses me off because I like going out. I used to love going to gigs, watching new bands. The first time I ever saw Kula Shaker... A year ago, I'd've been at their first gig in London. Yesterday was the second time I'd ever seen them and the first was when they supported the Presidents Of The USA at Brixton Academy, where I was taken by an entourage of security guards for my ownm safety type of thing... I came back from holiday and I was like, Who's that at Number Five in the charts, Kula Shaker, what the fuck's that all about? So I'm asking loads of people, and they're going, They're really good, man, been about for a while... I'm like, Why haven't I seen them, I'm supposed to be really up on music, me! Things like that piss me off."

NoWaySis: you've taken them under your wing, haven't you?
"They're here again today. I met them before when they played at the Forum. Really nice lads. They were nervous, thinking I was gonna start kicking off and all that. I was like, If you can make a living out of my music as well, then fair enough. It's better than being on the dole. After we came offstage at Loch Lomond, Jerry Ð the geezer who does me Ð was there, and I asked him what they thought of the new songs. I mean, he wasn't gonna say they were shit, was he, so it was alright... "I gave him a guitar at Loch Lomond. I was on one of my benevolent trips, (weepily) I fookin' love you, man! It's the gold Les Paul I used on Some Might Say. He was going, how do you get that guitar sound? So I wrote down all the pedals we use, but I go, You've got to get a guitar with these pick-ups, which I'd had specially made. He's like, Fuckin' 'ell, man, how am I gonna be anble to afford that, so I'm like, I know, I'll give you the guitar! I got him up onstage and gave it to him. "They're ace. They've got these stacks of bootleg videos, and they do just little things where only I'd really notice from little gigs, and I laugh me head off. They're gonna do the Newcastle Riverside where I got attacked onstage, and they're gonna one of their mates to jump on and twat Jerry. There's gonna be a mock fight, then they're gonna pull the gig and do one after four songs. How classic's that, man?