Hi - I am a survivor childhood sexual abuse, prostitution and victimization by a sexual offender. My father was a child molester who victimized about half of the little girls in our neighbourhood. By the age of about 10 I thought it was my job to try to protect these girls by catching him in the act and removing them. When I finally told my mother at a friend's insistence she made excuses for him, said he was a sick person who couldn't help himself. She had a nervous breakdown after this and was given drugs by a psychiatrist. After this she started drinking and eventually died of cirhossis of the liver. I became very self destructive; used alcohol & drugs for years, had some bad overdoses and nearly died. I hated myself when I should have turned my anger toward the offender & his collaborators - I also blame the school system - a teacher called in some psychologist when I was 10 to do tests, he never asked what was going on in the home (the verdict was that I was emotionally disturbed but nothing more was done); and at 16 the family dr. put me on addictive drugs as I had a big problem with anxiety and insomnia. I was then sent to a child psychiatrist who gave me more drugs & told my parents to keep me in more and have stricter rules. No one asked me what was going on in the home. After I sobered up I realized they were the offenders/collaborators and I was blameless as a kid. Prostitution was my boyfriend's idea; he thought it would be an easy way for "us" to make money. I started when I was 21 or 22. Prostitution was a continuum of the sexual abuse I received as a child. I got out when I was 24 - I went to a good treatment centre for alcohol & drug addiction in another city 3000 miles away (got away from all my friends who drank and used drugs and my family also). Luckily my medical insurance paid for my treatment. I was 13 years sober before I dealt with the sexual abuse through counselling. I still have problems (developed as coping skills) from the sexual abuse. When I was I was 16 yrs. sober I was unfortunate enough to become involved with a sexual offender I knew in AA. I knew him for a year and a half as a friend and thought he was a nice guy. He used this time to test my boundaries and decide whether I could be a good victim. I was also vulnerable at this time as I had just been through a custody/access battle. Once I became involved with him I found out that he was sadistic. He started off by telling me things he had supposedly heard on the news e.g. about a professor who had abducted young girls and kept them chained in a cottage in the woods and abused them until they died. After awhile I realized that he was talking about his own desires. When he tried some of these things on me I realized that I had to get away from him. The only thing that turned him on was inflicting pain. I gathered up my courage to tell people what he was like. People I had known for as long as 10 or 12 yrs. would cut me off with things like "you know I think he is a nice guy" or "a relationship is something that should be worked out between two people". The police said they could lay charges but would never get a conviction. By this time he & some of his buddies were stalking & harassing me for trying to spread such "lies" and "gossip" about him. One time he was telling me about another guy we knew who is known to attack different women - I said, oh, that's the guy who attacked my friend - he asked me, well did she charge him - I said no, - so this way he found out that she would be a good victim too. Later he started stalking her. I feel bad about it - at the time he was acting outraged as if this other guy should be stopped; and at the same time he was finding out information about my friends. She said he sometimes just seems to appear out of nowhere, all of a sudden standing right beside her. Really creepy. A power trip for him I am sure. I went to a sexual assault survivors' group at a woman's organization and they helped me. They put up posters (with his picture) saying that he was a sexual offender who was violent with women & to stay away from him. These women did not even know me & yet they believed me. After he was exposed he moved (true to type). His friends continued to harass me & I do not go alot of places I used to go because of this. I felt like much of this was a repeat of my childhood sexual abuse; if people believed what I was saying, most blamed me for the abuse. The stalking & harassment went on for a couple of years. People who thought I was involved in the postering accused me of "revenge" or being "vindictive" - my answer was whoever did it was trying to protect other women. A woman I know was involved with him for awhile (she lived in the same apt. building he did) and then suddenly left town. He was also on probation then for threatening a woman at work with a pair of scissors (he worked with drug addicted prostitutes). He is a good con artist and convinced people he was the victim in this case also. Of course the problem was that he just moved somewhere else to start all over again. Because he presents as a "nice guy" and is good looking most people are not willing to believe he could be a sexual offender. Also because he targets women he knows, he spent a year and a half getting to know me first. Any guy who did these things to a stranger would receive consequences. Now I spend most of my time involved in studies and women's groups trying help change things so other kids (I have two girls myself) will have a better chance.
My Favorite Links
Surviving Despite....
Coalition Against Trafficking In Women
Teens Against Sexual Abuse
Angelfire - Easiest Free Home Pages
