Here are some spadonkle quates and scenes from Cannibal: The Musical
"But, that's not the way it happened!"-Packer
"Leian has long blond hair, beuatiful almond eyes, little pointy ears, a long bushy tail, and she fast! Like this! Spew!"-Packer
"That's Lucky Larry. He was struck by lightning last night."-Swan
"Were not afraid of anything, we have Jesus on our side."-Bell
"Homfree, don't be a horses ass! Oh, sorry Packer."-Noon
"Guys!!! I can't fell my balls!!!"-Noon
"Anymore big rivers between here and Brekinridge 'O no just the Colorado.' The biggest FUCKING river I ever saw in my life thank you very much!"-Homfree
"Your just a regular Christopher Columbus arn't you Packer?"-Miller
"Ha! Ha! Gotch ya!"-Swan
"Hey, hey now! Do you need to go to timeout?"-Swan
"What are you guys doing?"-Packer
"I am not going to let one god damn fucking person stop me from becoming a priest!"-Bell
Polly:(whispering) You tell me secrets and I'll tell you secrets.
Polly:(whispering) What happened on your trip to Briekinridge?
Packer:(whispering) I can't talk about that.
Homfree's Dad: Son, didn't you say you wanted to leave Utah?
Homfree: No I didn't.
Homfree's Dad: Yes you did. I distinkly remembr you saying you wanted to get out of Utah and go east.
Homfree: No I didn't!
Homfree's Dad: Son, don't argue with me. You can go out now and stalk a claim. Then Me and your brother will come out in the spring. (Homfree was about to protest) Son, don't argue with me. He's in!
Homfree's Brother: Ha ha!
Packer: O, hello. Can you tell us how far it is to Polvo?
Bell: We need to get some supplies for our big trip to the Rocky Mountains.
Man: You'll never come back! It has a curse on it!
Man: No! The Rocky Mountains. I gota warn ya your doomed! Doomed! DOOMED! Turn back while you still can! Your doomed, your all doomed!
Bell, Packer: Thank you!
Bell: If you don't want to go then don't go, but if you keep acting like this I would have to put you in timeout.
Miller: In WAHT?
Bell: In timeout. If you can't get along with the others you have to sit 20 feet away for an hour.
Swan: That's a good idea. It gives you a chance to cool down when things get steamed up.
Miller: You got to be kiding me!
Miller: You son of a bitch Homfree.
Swan: Mmmmm, this stuff is great, can u pass some of that yellow stuff.
Packer: Do you think it is true that she is a trappers horse?
Bell: Oh, a horse is a horse.
Homfree: Of coarse!
Packer: Of coarse, but what I don't want a trapper horse.
Swan: That doesn't matter. Your good to that horse, trappers never are.
Bell: That's right.
Miller: You guys make me sick. What is this a feel good convention?
Bell: We have a long journey ahead of us. And your hurting peoples fellings. You should find a more constructive way to express your anger.
Miller: Ok. Well, fuck you! How's that for constructive?
Bell: That's great. Now go to timeout mister.
Swan: We warned you!
Miller: God, you guys are weird.
Bell: Uh-uh. 20 feet away. Turn around, you know the rules.
Noon: I just can't wait to get to Briekenridge and see all those pretty woman.
Swan: That's all you ever care about isn't it?
Noon: Well, I have been minning with my dad for ages, and all we ever see are guys. They only time I really see woman are in Salt Lake City, and the woman there are so...
Noon: I just want to get in there and find out how it feels, to, you know!
Bell: Well young man if there is as much gold they say there is, you would have no problem finding, that!
Packer: What? What?
Memory: Your doomed, your all doomed!
Homfree: He says-
Chief: Who are you assholes?
Homfree: O he speaks english.
Bell: We are from Utah.
Bell: (pulls out book of Mormans) UUUUtaaaah.
Chief: O! Utah!
Bell: Can you tell us what tribe this is.
Chief: We are, Indians!
Bell: Yes I know that, but-
Chief: You don't believe we are Indians?
Bell: We do, but-
Chief: We have teapeas.
Bell: Yeah I see that, but-
Chief: Look at all the teapeas, we have. Because, we are....Indians!
Packer: Well, they do have teapeas.
Chief: Where is your destination?
Bell: It is a small town east of here.
Chief: I know, I know. There is lots of gold. Yeshnaw?
Swan: Yeah that's place!
Chief: I am sorry, there are terrible storm in the mountains. But you can stay here with other assholes, for storm to calm down.
Packer: What other assholes?
Chief: Ten days ago a group of assholes, like yourself, came. I told them to wait here for storm to calm down.
Miller: Where are they?
Chief: George will take you there, but don't take to long because dinner in one hour.
Bell: Thank you, chief.
Noon: Ahhh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Like your feather. Yep, yep. Yeah!
Packer: I told you because I thought you cared. I didn't know you where the prosicuters atturney's girl!
Polly: I'm not his girl! Why, are you jealouse?
Packer: Why the hell would I be jealouse? I am going to die tomarow!