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You Might Be a Redneck If...

1. Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

2. Your wife’s hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.

3. You refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year”.

4. You have ever taken a beer to a job interview.

5. You can burp and say your name at the same time.

6. Your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs.

7. Your family tree does not fork.

8. You’ve been on television more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like.

9. You’ve ever cut the grass and found a car.

10. Your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

11. You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.

12. Someone asks to see your id and you show them your belt buckle.

13. Every day someone comes to your door mistakenly thinking you are having a yard sale.

14. You’ve ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of the water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

15. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

16. You’ve ever financed a tattoo.

17. You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

18. You go to family reunions to meet women.

19. You smoked during your wedding.

20. You see a sign that says “Say no to crack” and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

21. You have a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren’t.

22. The most common phrase in your house is “Somebody go jiggle the handle!”

23. You’ve been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.

24. Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

25. Your dog passes gas and you claim it.

26. Your wife has ever said “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath”.

27. Your Grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold.

28. Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.

29. You own a waffle house credit card.

30. You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as dual airbags.

31. You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

32. You think the nutcracker is something you did off high dive.

33. You’ve ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.

34. You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn’t.

35. Somebody hollers hoe down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

36. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

37. The biggest city you’ve ever been to is WalMart

38. Your working television sits on top of your non-working television.

39. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

40. You’ve ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

41. You think a Quarter Horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

42. Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home.

43. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

44. You’ve ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

45. You’ve ever asked the preacher “How’s it hangin’?”

46. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

47. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 miles an hour.

48. Somebody tells you you have something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

49. You’ve ever stared at a can of Orange Juice because it said concentrate.

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