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SOUTH BEND -- A slightly overweight, very homely law student who got laid Friday night attributed her successful hook-up to the fact that "all the girls around here are ugly."

"I'm sure that I wouldn't get a second look if I was at UCLA," the ugly girl said. "But look at the competition. A few townies and some pasty white chicks who spend twenty hours a day in the stacks? C'mon. I'm practically Jessica Freaking Alba compared to that."

Preliminary reports from the scene indicate that that the ugly girl spent most of the night awkwardly dancing with some of her female friends to "Ring of Fire" and the extended dance mix of "Like a Virgin."

"Yeah, I noticed them pretty early," said an anonymous young man wearing a Cubs jersey. "A couple of them had to be at least 160 or 170 and they were wearing backless shirts. It was sick, man. I was going to take it easy and cash in my coupon for a Coors Light, but, after I saw that, I got a Long Island instead. Then they started looking good. Well, not good really, but good enough."

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