* People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.

* "Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos -- you never know what's going to burn your ass."

* Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.

* Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

* I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

* My reality check bounced.

* I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

* Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

* A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

* So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!

* Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

* How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.

* Never ruin an apology with an excuse

* When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Maya Angelo

* If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. - Clint Eastwood

* I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day

* A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny earned will buy you absolutely nothing